Invites for College Students

kgd7357

My rule of thumb for sending invitations to adult children of relatives is that if they live in the same house, they will be included by name on the same invitation as their parents. If they live independently, they will receive their own invitation. I know many people think that every person over 18 should get their own invitation, but I'm just not sending four $8 invitations to one house.

My question is about college students. With a late June wedding date, invites will go out right at the end of the spring semester. For the college students, some may stay at school, some may come home to their parent's house, and some may do summer programs elsewhere, and not to mention it's very common to move into a new dorm/apt each year of college. I really don't want these invites to get lost or stuck in a college dorm mailbox all summer, just to be opened in August, 2 months after the wedding. Should I just include the college students on their parents' invites?

itzMS

Your rationale is wrong, therefore the solution is easy. You send them their own invitation. Facebook message or call them to find out their college address, or let them know the invitation will arrive to their parents' address. If they are in a relationship, it is proper etiquette to invite their BF/GF as well.

No one over the age of 18 should ever be on their parents' invitation.

manateehugger

Anyone who is 18 or older needs their own invitation - even if he or she still lives at home or lives in a dorm 9 months out of the year. 

We're getting married in late June; to avoid lost/forgotten invitations, I think we are planning to just mail invitations to the college kids' parents house (1 for the parents, 1 for the kid).

You chose to have $8 invitations - you could have gone cheaper. Don't let your own spending choices lead you to be rude to your guests. 

kgd7357

Sorry for the confusion. My family doesn't do it that way. In fact it's normal to be included on your parent's invite until your married. It's actually a little annoying for me (haven't lived with my parent's in 9 years), so I'm always trying to get info from my parents for family weddings. Most of my family would just think it's so weird that their 18 and 19 year olds got their own invites, but their 16 and 17 year old didn't, if they all lived together. These invites would seriously end up in the trash instantly, and really that seems like such a waste (which is where my $8 comment came form). All significant other are welcome as long as their name is included in the RSVP (no mystery plus ones the day of). <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

I'm breaking away from my family's norm based on logistical issues with not living with your parents. However, college students are an odd exception in that they are so transient.  I am not personally in touch with most of these people, so I'll be working with most current info from their parents. Knowing myself in college, whatever my parents would have given to someone for an address would likely have been outdated. I just don't want them to get lost in the mix. Is it weird to ask their parents for their emails to get their personal preference?

 

banana468

This isn't a theory that is debatable. It's rude to not treat grown adults appropriately.

This means that those of voting age get their own invitations sent to the address they are using at the time the invitations are mailed.

If it's too expensive for you to do the right thing you should have purchased less expensive invitations.

photokitty

You mail should be sent to their permanent or mailing address. When I lived in the dorm I kept my mailing address as my parents. You should ask them what their mailing address is and send it there. That could be where they live on campus, their parents address or a PO Box.

itzMS

99% of college students have Facebook. Just send them a message. NBD. Or, get their cell number from your Aunt and call. Again, NBD.

You should be inviting their SOs by name, so this would be a good way to get that information, too.

doeydo

kgd7357 said:

My rule of thumb for sending invitations to adult children of relatives is that if they live in the same house, they will be included by name on the same invitation as their parents.  Well your "rule of thumb" is wrong.  Anyone over 18 gets their own invitation in a separate envelope etc., even if they live with their parents.  If they live independently, they will receive their own invitation. I know many people think that every person over 18 should get their own invitation, but I'm just not sending four $8 invitations to one house.  Well that's your fault for picking $8 invitations.  These guests aren't children and shouldn't be treated as such.

My question is about college students. With a late June wedding date, invites will go out right at the end of the spring semester. For the college students, some may stay at school, some may come home to their parent's house, and some may do summer programs elsewhere, and not to mention it's very common to move into a new dorm/apt each year of college. I really don't want these invites to get lost or stuck in a college dorm mailbox all summer, just to be opened in August, 2 months after the wedding. Should I just include the college students on their parents' invites?  Call, e-mail, or facebook message them to find out where you should send their invite.  Do not put their name on their parents' invites.

kgd7357

@banana468

My family just doesn't send multiple invites to one house. This would be so weird. Maybe because we are first generation European where it's common to live with your parents' until marriage. I haven't even purchased invites yet, I just picked a random number. But it just pains me to picture the few 18 and 19 year old boys that would get these double invites, and be like "mom, take care of it". Into the trash it goes and mom writes back for the whole family on one card. I haven't even been upgraded to own invite status, and I'm 26 and moved out when I was 17! I'm sorry if you think my family is wrong. That is fine, but it isn't the question.

Logistically, if you don't live at home, it can be difficult to get info if a invite was sent to your parents. College students are harder, since I'm not personally in touch with any of them. Is it weird to ask parents for their kids email addresses? I'm not fb friends with these people. What about e-invites for very transient people. The end of school year timing is what makes it more complicated.

manateehugger

kgd7357 said:

@banana468

My family just doesn't send multiple invites to one house. This would be so weird. Maybe because we are first generation European where it's common to live with your parents' until marriage. I haven't even purchased invites yet, I just picked a random number. But it just pains me to picture the few 18 and 19 year old boys that would get these double invites, and be like "mom, take care of it". Into the trash it goes and mom writes back for the whole family on one card. I haven't even been upgraded to own invite status, and I'm 26 and moved out when I was 17! I'm sorry if you think my family is wrong. That is fine, but it isn't the question.

Logistically, if you don't live at home, it can be difficult to get info if a invite was sent to your parents. College students are harder, since I'm not personally in touch with any of them. Is it weird to ask parents for their kids email addresses? I'm not fb friends with these people. What about e-invites for very transient people. The end of school year timing is what makes it more complicated.

Oh come on - my family is from India (you want to talk about people living at home into adulthood, I guarantee we've got you beat). But we are getting married here, so yes, we will be following proper etiquette here. We will be treating adults like adults with their own invitations. If nothing else, they'll think it's cool you treated them with respect.

Just ask their parents what their dorm/college address is - I guarantee you they know. Like I said, I'm getting married around the same time as you, so we are just sending a separate invite to their permanent home/address. Or we will call and ask their parents where their child will be for the summer. 

You're making this harder than it has to be. Just order reasonably priced invitations and mail them to every adult. 

Are you going to include the SO's of these college kids on their parents' invitation too? Because that's awkward and silly. 

southernbelle0915

kgd7357 said:

My rule of thumb for sending invitations to adult children of relatives is that if they live in the same house, they will be included by name on the same invitation as their parents. If they live independently, they will receive their own invitation. I know many people think that every person over 18 should get their own invitation, but I'm just not sending four $8 invitations to one house.

My question is about college students. With a late June wedding date, invites will go out right at the end of the spring semester. For the college students, some may stay at school, some may come home to their parent's house, and some may do summer programs elsewhere, and not to mention it's very common to move into a new dorm/apt each year of college. I really don't want these invites to get lost or stuck in a college dorm mailbox all summer, just to be opened in August, 2 months after the wedding. Should I just include the college students on their parents' invites?

Adults over 18 get their own invitation. Period. Your "rule of thumb" = bad etiquette. Just because your family does this regularly doesn't make it ok. Also, just because you chose $8 invitations doesn't make it ok either. If you chose invitations that you can't afford to properly address/send, that's no one's problem but your own.

The solution to your "problem" is easy: FB message or email these people and ask where they want their invitations mailed. Mail them there. Simple.

kgd7357

I have no idea whether or not my college age cousins have SOs. I really don't talk to any of them. I barely talk to their parents except at family functions. If any of them has a bf/gf they (or their parents more likely in this case) can let me know, and we are happy to include them. Only the wedding party will get a blanket plus one. 

I also don't care if my rule of thumb is bad. I know, my family and I suck. This is what I'm doing. My question is about either what is the best way to go about getting the wedding info to college students over the summer if you don't have their contact info or if I should just send the info to their parents. That is all.

southernbelle0915

kgd7357 said:

I have no idea whether or not my college age cousins have SOs. I really don't talk to any of them. I barely talk to their parents except at family functions. If any of them has a bf/gf they (or their parents more likely in this case) can let me know, and we are happy to include them. Only the wedding party will get a blanket plus one. As the host, is your responsibility to ensure you don't exclude SOs. When it gets closer to sending invites, you need to proactively ask people if they have an SO. If you don't, it's on you - not them. 

I also don't care if my rule of thumb is bad. Mmmmk... I know, my family and I suck. This is what I'm doing. My question is about either what is the best way to go about getting the wedding info to college students over the summer if you don't have their contact info or if I should just send the info to their parents. That is all. And you got good answers - reach out to them and ask where they want their stuff sent. You just don't like it because it creates more work for you and you chose $8 invitations so proper etiquette is expensive. Sorry, Charlie. 

manateehugger

It's YOUR job to make sure you invite SO's. Otherwise, your guest will likely feel like they are being the rude one if they try to include their SO, when in reality it is YOU being rude in not including them in the first place. 

"Hi random cousin. Hope you're well. I just had a couple questions for you.

1. What's the best address to get something to you in April? 

2. Are you dating anyone in particular? I just want to make sure we don't exclude boyfriends and girlfriends for the invites."

That simple. Look, don't even bother inviting this family if you don't know them well and don't want to demonstrate proper etiquette for them. 

Jen4948

kgd7357 said:

Sorry for the confusion. My family doesn't do it that way. In fact it's normal to be included on your parent's invite until your married. It's actually a little annoying for me (haven't lived with my parent's in 9 years), so I'm always trying to get info from my parents for family weddings. Most of my family would just think it's so weird that their 18 and 19 year olds got their own invites, but their 16 and 17 year old didn't, if they all lived together. These invites would seriously end up in the trash instantly, and really that seems like such a waste (which is where my $8 comment came form). All significant other are welcome as long as their name is included in the RSVP (no mystery plus ones the day of).

 

I'm breaking away from my family's norm based on logistical issues with not living with your parents. However, college students are an odd exception in that they are so transient.  I am not personally in touch with most of these people, so I'll be working with most current info from their parents. Knowing myself in college, whatever my parents would have given to someone for an address would likely have been outdated. I just don't want them to get lost in the mix. Is it weird to ask their parents for their emails to get their personal preference?

 

That your family doesn't do it that way doesn't make it polite for grown adults not to get their own invitations-even if it costs more.  Adults are adults and are entitled to receive invitations in their own right and make their own decisions about accepting them.

A former best friend of mine sent my parents her wedding invitation, but didn't send one to me even though I was not living with my parents.  I did not attend her wedding, because I wasn't invited-even though her mother called my mother to ask for my address, and I called her back and left it with her brother, who took the message.  Despite that, I did not receive an invitation, so I considered myself not invited to the wedding.  My address and phone number were listed, by the way, so she could have looked it up in the phone book (pre-Internet days).

kgd7357

If you live with your parents you are party of the household, and each household will get one invite. I will be asking the head of household about SOs. And yes, they will be included on the invites. If you live with your parents and they do not know your bf/gf, I'm sure they would not be pleased to be meeting that person at a wedding. My finace is included on the same invite that goes to my parents, my 28 year old brother, and me. My brother lives my parents, I do not. That is the way it goes in my family. I am sending invites to those that moved out b/c I got really bad info from my parents about the start time for a Friday night event since I didn't have the invite details.

This is NOT the etiquette board. I would expect to get blasted there, since I know that my family does not send invites in accordance with general etiquette. I made a mistake providing too much info, as it is not really relavent to the question.

The question is pertaining to best way to get wedding info to college age cousins that you are NOT in touch with. Let's pretend everyone over 18 is getting their own invite as etiquette dictates. I am not using fb to stalk cousins I barely speak to. That is so weird. Is it okay to just ask parents for email addresses, offer an electronic invite for transient people, or just send it to their parent's house?

banana468

Do you really think that people are only going to advise you of proper etiquette on one forum?

How about you do what you were advised to do since that's the right thing to do?

annathy03

kgd7357 said:

If you live with your parents you are party of the household, and each household will get one invite. I will be asking the head of household about SOs. And yes, they will be included on the invites. If you live with your parents and they do not know your bf/gf, I'm sure they would not be pleased to be meeting that person at a wedding. My finace is included on the same invite that goes to my parents, my 28 year old brother, and me. My brother lives my parents, I do not. That is the way it goes in my family. I am sending invites to those that moved out b/c I got really bad info from my parents about the start time for a Friday night event since I didn't have the invite details.

This is NOT the etiquette board. I would expect to get blasted there, since I know that my family does not send invites in accordance with general etiquette. I made a mistake providing too much info, as it is not really relavent to the question.

The question is pertaining to best way to get wedding info to college age cousins that you are NOT in touch with. Let's pretend everyone over 18 is getting their own invite as etiquette dictates. I am not using fb to stalk cousins I barely speak to. That is so weird. Is it okay to just ask parents for email addresses, offer an electronic invite for transient people, or just send it to their parent's house?

If you aren't close enough with them to call or email them asking for their address, why are you inviting them at all?  The bolded makes it seem like you don't give a rats ass about inviting them in the first place.

kgd7357

Am I seriously the only person that invites people that I don't keep up with? My parents gave me a list. They are paying for the people on their list. I said yes, mom. Is everyone bff with everyone in their family? College students are just even harder to track down. It's not like they are listed in a phone book. My FI tried fb with some of his college cousins and got no answers. I think I'm going to try to start a new thread, since this is going nowhere.

banana468

Will you listen to the advice given on a new thread even if it's the same?

melbelleup

kgd7357 said:

Am I seriously the only person that invites people that I don't keep up with? My parents gave me a list. They are paying for the people on their list. I said yes, mom. Is everyone bff with everyone in their family? College students are just even harder to track down. It's not like they are listed in a phone book. My FI tried fb with some of his college cousins and got no answers. I think I'm going to try to start a new thread, since this is going nowhere.

....I'm going to ignore the part about starting a new thread... but.. here's my input: Even the one's I don't keep tabs on, someone knows what's up. All of my family friends are either on my facebook (mainly their kids) or I/my parents see on a daily basis. College kids do have bfs and gfs their parents don't know about/haven't met. It's the way of life. My parents didn't meet two of my college boyfriends. It wasn't beneficial for them to meet in the first place since I only dated them 2-4 months max. They did meet the guy I dated for 3 years only because we had summer relationship as well. That being said, talk to their parents, get their numbers and just call them. Ask where they would like the invite sent and if they are dating anyone and what his/her name is. Simple and easy. No stalking required.

ETA: If you don't know if they're dating someone yet you want them just to write it in on the card.. how are you going to know how much cake to roughly plan for? or food to plan for? or space for that matter.... I just don't see how that works.

kgd7357

Having a SO in college that your parents don't know about is way different than living in your parents house and your parents not knowing about your SO. I think people read things incorrectly on here a lot.

My family is super unpredictable so we budget for about 30 extra guests at all events. I know. odd. No cake. We are doing ice cream sandwiches. And the place only needs to count a week out. That being said, we will try to get as many SOs names before invites as possible, not matter how they get the invite.

The other thread is a modified question. It's more broad, and has nothing to do with 18 and up invites.

annathy03

kgd7357 said:

Am I seriously the only person that invites people that I don't keep up with? My parents gave me a list. They are paying for the people on their list. I said yes, mom. Is everyone bff with everyone in their family? College students are just even harder to track down. It's not like they are listed in a phone book. My FI tried fb with some of his college cousins and got no answers. I think I'm going to try to start a new thread, since this is going nowhere.

But you asked earlier if you can ask their parents for their email.  Of course, and once you have their email, you don't use it to send an e-vite, you use it to ask them what address they'd like their invitation sent to and if they are dating anyone you should list on the invitation.