"Flower Mom" ?

mcgeeker

My dear friend has a precious little boy, whom I love so much, and I would like him to be the ring bearer. He will only be 20 months old, so I was thinking about him walking down the aisle with his mom. Can she be the "flower mom" ?

We don't have anyone that is the normal age for a flower girl, so I thought this could tackle 2 issues of him being able to get down the aisle OK and her being involved in the wedding. Had some BM drama and this friend is not a BM but I really want her to be involved. And no, I don't want her to hand out programs.

Please let me know what you think

Maggie0829

I wouldn't give her the title of "Flower Mom".  That sounds a bit ridiculous.  If you would like to ask her if her son will be the ring bearer that is fine.  Also let her know that you think it may be best (which it is) if she would carry her son down the aisle.  She does not need a title.  If you would like to honor her you can get her a nice corsage.  But no silly title is necessary.

ei34

What's your friend's opinion on this?  Does she have to throw flower petals down the aisle, or would she just be holding her son's hand?  I'd never agree to the first as an adult...but maybe your friend will?  I'd see what she is comfortable with.

Twenty months is a touch young to be a ring bearer.  Weddings don't have to have flower girls and ring bearers.  That aside, I'd check to see what my friend was comfortable with.  Happy planning!

mcgeeker

My friend is "totally fine with anything!" as she has said enthusiastically a bunch of times. Which puts the ball in my court and I'm having a hard time deciding what is an OK, polite, respectful thing to do. Our current thought was for her to walk down the aisle with him, holding hands. She would not be throwing petals or anything like that, but maybe she would have a big flower in her hair, or a corsage as suggested. She is a friend that I would love to have as a BM but I don't want to have more than my fiance, so... trying to find an appropriate solution. I think I would have to put some sort of title on the program?

SP29

I agree with Maggie- no title. Have her walk her son down the aisle, give her a corsage. In the program you could put something simple like Ring Bearer: Johnny Smith accompanied by Jane Smith. I think people will "get" that she's his mom. 

You don't have to have even sides with FI for the WP, but that's another topic. And it makes sense that his mom would escort him down the aisle at his age. 

Jen4948

If this child can't get down the aisle on his own and is too young to understand what's happening, I wouldn't have him in the wedding party.  Certainly I'd take photos with him, but that's as far as I would go.

southernbelle0915

I would not want to be a "flower mom". No way. I agree with @Jen4948 - if this kid can't walk himself down the aisle, what's the point? Cute factor? Why not just sit them in the first couple of rows. It's an honor and will solve this issue.

ktjanesmom

Has anyone seen the commercial with the grandmothers tossing flower petals down the aisle?  THey look ridiculous, not cute at all!  Please dont do this to your friend no matter what you call it.  People will privately make fun of her/it . I would.

ktjanesmom

P.S.  Its perfectly ok to have more bridesmaids than groomsmen.

mcgeeker

I most certainly will not have her throwing pedals, it was just an idea of what to call the woman walking with the ring bearer. I like the idea of simply writing "accompanied by" on the program -- good idea!

And I want to include him because he is a precious little thing, and the first baby of my gfs, and it just feels right. I think as long as his mom walks with him there shouldn't be any problems. He doesn't have to "get it" -- his role is to just look cute! It's not like any 5 year olds "get it" anyways.

Thanks for the input, everyone!

Jen4948

mcgeeker said:

I most certainly will not have her throwing pedals, it was just an idea of what to call the woman walking with the ring bearer. I like the idea of simply writing "accompanied by" on the program -- good idea!

And I want to include him because he is a precious little thing, and the first baby of my gfs, and it just feels right. I think as long as his mom walks with him there shouldn't be any problems. He doesn't have to "get it" -- his role is to just look cute! It's not like any 5 year olds "get it" anyways.

Thanks for the input, everyone!

I'd find another way to "include" him than by making someone walk him down the aisle. 

Even 5 year olds "get it."

Rebl90

ktjanesmom said:

P.S.  Its perfectly ok to have more bridesmaids than groomsmen.

This. If that is your only reason to not ask her to be a BM then you are running the risk of damaging a friendship.  I am having 5 BMs and my FI is having 7 GM, definitely not even numbers.

AddieCake

I never understand this. If the child is not able to get himself down the aisle, what's the point? He just becomes a cute kid someone is carrying down the aisle, just as if she were carrying him while walking to her seat like any other guest. 

cowgirl8238

I might be going against the grain a bit, but I see nothing wrong with having the mom escort the cute little guy down the aisle as a ring bearer.  As PP's have suggested you can honor your friend with a nice corsage and then just list your ring bearer accompanied by "mom's name". 

I would also like to point out that you can have uneven sides in your WP, so I wouldn't exclude your friend for the sake of having even sides.  It would be one thing if she prefers to sit with her son and not be involved but the only way you will know that is if you sit down and talk to her about your plans.  Which would also mean including her in the WP if she would want to stand up with you! 

Edited to Add.

Dottie05

My niece is 21-22 months (I hate counting ages like that!) and if I was getting married tomorrow she would be perfectly capable of walking herself down the aisle. Can the mom wait at the end of the aisle for him to walk to her?

Jen4948

Dottie05 said:

My niece is 21-22 months (I hate counting ages like that!) and if I was getting married tomorrow she would be perfectly capable of walking herself down the aisle. Can the mom wait at the end of the aisle for him to walk to her?

She might be holding up the ceremony too long if she does that.  Lots of times the ceremony venue is available only for a finite period of time and the ceremony has to end on time-there isn't time to wait for a barely walking toddler to walk down what is for them a long aisle surrounded by unknown people in an unfamiliar place and context.

Maggie0829

My niece is 21-22 months (I hate counting ages like that!) and if I was getting married tomorrow she would be perfectly capable of walking herself down the aisle. Can the mom wait at the end of the aisle for him to walk to her?

Maybe. But being comfortable around a few people is one thing but having 100+ pair of eyes looking at you and a photographer taking your picture is a whole different thing. No one ever knows how young children will act. They could be angels and walk down the aisle perfectly. Or they could be little devils and have a tantrum right their in the middle of the aisle. And this is true for any aged child not just a super young one. Even older children can behave badly without warning. Which is why it would be best that if OP wants this young kid in her wedding that the Mom of that kid just carry the child down the aisle.