So, this is my second wedding. The first time I was married, I was 22 and got married for all the wrong reasons. We had a child, moved all around the country b/c he's military, got divorced, and now we are here. Well, he and I are the parents of this beautiful little girl. When we first got divorced, I don't think I could have hated another human being more than I hated him. I'm sure some of you can relate to that when going through a divorce.
Well, within six months, his girlfriend had moved in the house we had shared with him, and then they were married. So, I guess I was more than a little pissed, you could say and I wasn't always the best ex-wife, to say the least.
Well, a couple years later I was with someone else and we were both happy in our lives. This man that I was with and had planned to marry passed away. It's funny how even catastrophe and grief can teach you so many things and bring you places emotionally you never thought you'd be. One of the people who was there for me the most was my ex-husband's wife. She talked to me, grieved with me, and listened to me. She was such a good friend and helped me to be a better parent in that time of grief.
After that, we have gotten closer and closer and I consider her one of my best friends. When her husband, my daughter's father, was deployed to Afghanistan, she would come stay with me. She and I talk to each other about everything. When I met the man who I am now engaged to, she was the one who convinced me to give him a chance and not let my past cause me to run away.
Well, the point of my post is this: she is a bridesmaid in my wedding and some people just don't know how to take that. I am so sick of the comments and the weird looks. I get it that it's not usual, but you know, maybe it's not so awful or weird. These people also parent my child. When my child is not with me, she is with them. Isn't it in the best interest of my daughter to have a great relationship with her "other" family. You know, I don't even consider it her "other" family. We are all one big family.
Most recently, my own mother gave me grief for having my exhusband at my wedding. Look, she's gotta get over that. Just because we weren't right for each other doesn't mean he is an awful person. He is my best friend's husband. If she is going to be in my wedding, then of course her husband will be with her. It's not like he is going to be wearing a big sign saying "I was the first husband." The only people who will know him at the wedding are my immediate family and my fiance's parents. Furthermore, their daughter is one of my flower girls. That's my daughter's sister, so I am so happy to include her.
My fiance's mother also just can't wrap her head around it and insists that she and I can't possibly really be friends and that we must both have ulterior motives.
It's getting to be more than a little ridiculous.
My daughter told her grandmother the other day "You know, Nana, I am so glad that we are a big family with so much love and we all get along, I just wish other people would understand us." I wish that too.
ETA: clarity and paragraph breaks.