Just Engaged and Proposals

Not sure what to do... need help!

I just recently got engaged and we went and looked at this gorgeous venue that I absolutely love, and I've always wanted to get married there. Today we sat down with my dad (who is paying for the wedding) and our guest lists and he gave us three options:
1) Have this wedding with about 150 people at my favorite venue that I absolutely love, but is a little on the expensive side
2) Have a smaller wedding at a cheaper place and my dad will pay for us to go on a honeymoon where ever we want
3) Have a really small wedding and my dad will give us a down payment on a house!

I'm really torn! I'm afraid if we don't have a big party with all our friends and family at the awesome venue, that we might regret it later, but it would also be nice to have an awesome honeymoon or a down payment.

Not sure what to do!! Need some advice! Is it worth it to have a big party with everyone at your dream place?

Such a hard decision!

Re: Not sure what to do... need help!

  • As someone who has been married a month, I would strongly suggest option 3, especially if you are at the point in your life where you are looking to buy a house and settle down in one place. Our wedding was wonderful, but I would honestly exchange all of it for home ownership!

    Also, we had what most would consider a very small wedding (~30 people) because this is what we both wanted, and it was wonderful. I am a huge fan of tiny weddings, because you have a wider selection of possible venues (not stuck with your typical large "wedding venues"/halls, so you can consider museums, galleries, outdoor gardens, backyards, B&Bs) and you can talk your guests a lot more. So, to me option 3 is win-win :)
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Option 3.I loved my wedding, but it was only a few hours of my life. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • My first wedding had 20 people there and the whole thing cost $1000 dollars including the dress! Because of that we spent $3000 on a honeymoon and it was fantastic!!! I would trade all of that for a down payment on a house!!!

    Only you and your FI can decide what is important to you. My FI now wants a big wedding so that is what we're doing. It's important to him. It's a wry personal decision!
  • Thanks for all your advice! I just wanted to see what people had to say about not having a wedding with all our friends and family, if anyone regretted not doing it or doing it. We have decided to just go ahead with our wedding, were inviting about 140 but I seriously doubt every single person will show up. I think our wedding is not just for us, but also for our families. I'm an only child, so I know my mom wants to do the whole wedding thing, I also think my dad is more excited about it than my mom! :) Most of FI's extended family do not live near us, and some of my extended family don't live here, so I think it will be the only time we will be able to get everyone together to celebrate with us. I think we will make a lot of memories that will last us a lifetime, which is more important than money for a house. FI will be done with school next summer, so once he gets a regular job we will have twice the income and no more expenses, so I think we will be able to save up for a house soon enough. And we can always put the honeymoon off a little bit if we haven't saved up enough before the wedding. I was thinking of maybe just taking a small trip to somewhere close for a couple days after the wedding and saving the big trip for later when we can afford it. I am really excited for this wedding and to see everyone there. I think we made a good decision, as much as I would love a down payment for a house, I would love to see his family and my family and everyone having a good time :)


    Thanks for your advice :)

  • I love the idea of option 3. Accepting a gift of a downpayment on your home where you will build wonderful memories for a lifetime to come is smart and romantic. 
    Maybe you can take engagement pictures at the venue of your dreams. If they serve meals there, dine there as a couple or take your parents and celebrate. 
  • Well I have a bit of a different perspective on this. We're not big into home ownership. Of course we'd like a house, but it's not really a priority for us. We rent a really nice place right now and I'm wary of the commitment and expense of home ownership. My parents gave us a really nice, no-strings-attached gift when we got engaged. We could have used it to buy a house, to go on a dream vacation, to have our wedding, whatever we wanted. 

    We decided to have a wedding with our close family and friends. It was totally worth it. Our families are scattered all over the U.S. I had cousins at our wedding that I haven't seen in 15 years. It was probably the last time my grandmother will have so many of her children and grandchildren in one place. It was marvelous to see our two families and our friends come together as a community to support us. I wouldn't trade that for a house.

    BUT, I don't see this as either/or. What if you had a smallish wedding but you did it really cheaply (50 people in a public park and sandwich platters for example), and put the rest of the money toward a down payment? Would your dad go for that?
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Personally I'd pick 2 or 3. 

  • Or option 4 your dad pays the deposit on the house and you and Fi pay for the wedding you want.

  • We decided on the big wedding, and us saving for a down payment later. We don't necessarily need a house right away, we could potentially be moving away for FI's job, and we decided it would be nice to have everyone there for the big day.
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