Just Engaged and Proposals

Help! Crazy bridesmaids!

I need some help ladies (and possible gents),

I recently became engaged on August 5th 2013. Already in my mind I had 5 bridesmaids picked out - my two sisters, my childhood best friend, my high school best friend, and the best friend I spend most of my time with in recent years.

My wedding is not for another 2 years, so there is no rush for plans (although I may be half done already - including hiring my photographer!) I decided it would be nice to round the girls up, and have a little chat over tea. I'm not going to bother them for another year, so I just wanted to give them a little sense of my wedding style. First thing I noticed, my sisters are angels. Lauren, the friend that I spend most of my time with now, is very in tune with what I want. One of my sisters, Tess, is only 16, so drinking for a bacherolette downtown is out of the question for me. Kara and Casey, my long time best friends are already giving me problems with demands. I should them a plain, long dress I liked. Green, because that's the theme colour. Told them they could have it in any shade of green they think they look good in.. and they are giving me grief about the sweetheart neckline. They also want to make sure they can do their own make-up, and that their hair can be left down, because up "makes their shoulders look big".

What do I do? Obviously I don't care about their hair, but they are making demands to picking their own dress. Do I leave it until next year, or do I nip it in the bud now?

Re: Help! Crazy bridesmaids!

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Just adding to what @kitty8403 said, anyone you've asked already is in your bridal party and can't be removed unless they do something violently criminal or seduce your FI.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Your wedding is 2 years away and you're worrying about your bachelorette party and wedding day hair and makeup?


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    HisGirlFriday13Maggie0829TeddiD34AprilH81
  • I just wanted to make sure there is no conflict. I guess I'm just a little excited ladies.
  • Ok well, firstly I think you have definitely asked your bridal party too early. But, you were excited and caught up in the moment and there's not much you can do about it now cause you will be stuck with them. I agree with Kitty8403 in what to tell them.

    For future dress related issues when it does get closer to the time, what I have done with my MOH is I started a pin board of dresses I like for her, and she is pinning dresses she likes. We each then just give a like to the ones we both like and comment with a dislike to the ones we don't. I want her to match the style of my day, but at the same time, I want her to love what she is wearing and also feel confident with her own body shape. This has worked quite well for us as we have found that there are a few that we both mutually love!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Cease all wedding talk immediately.  I understand that you are excited but your wedding is over 2 years away.  Stop talking dresses and bach parties and anything else until you are much closer.

    Oh and on another note.  They should be allowed to wear their hair however they want and to do their own makeup.  Do not control this aspect because then you are getting into the zilla category if you do.

    KeptInStitchesCommitmentCatCLoGreenEyes
  • Ok well, firstly I think you have definitely asked your bridal party too early. But, you were excited and caught up in the moment and there's not much you can do about it now cause you will be stuck with them. I agree with Kitty8403 in what to tell them.

    For future dress related issues when it does get closer to the time, what I have done with my MOH is I started a pin board of dresses I like for her, and she is pinning dresses she likes. We each then just give a like to the ones we both like and comment with a dislike to the ones we don't. I want her to match the style of my day, but at the same time, I want her to love what she is wearing and also feel confident with her own body shape. This has worked quite well for us as we have found that there are a few that we both mutually love!

    We set up the Weddington Way showroom--they can pull examples of styles and designers they like, as can I, and we can all see/comment on everything and the prices are easy to compare. It'll give us a headstart for shopping later.
  • It may have been early to ask.. but it's my sisters and my best friends of 10-20 years. Its kind of a given.

    As I said, I wouldn't tell them how to do their hair and make-up.. that's not my choice.

    My question was advice for choosing a dress that everyone likes. I appreciate the advice about pinning to boards. That was helpful.
  • You don't. Just leave it be for now. They won't even be shopping for dresses for another 18 months! Styles will change tremendously by then, and you have no idea what might change in their lives that's might not only their size/style/comfort level (I.e. pregnancy) or their price point.

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    [Deleted User]
  • Yeah, leave the dresses totally alone for now. I was engaged almost two years out, and I didn't start looking at dresses until at least the year mark. I don't think I started showing them to my ladies until maybe 9-10 months. Browsing by yourself is fine, but you wont be able to commit to anything until you know their budgets anyway (which you shouldn't be bothering them for for at least another year or so). 

    As for picking a dress every single girl likes - it's pretty much impossible. You either pick one dress everyone can live with (or at least can keep their mouths shut about) or you let them pick their own. I thought I'd pick one dress and then decided it was easier to pick a designer, fabric, and color and let them have at it. I know they all like their dresses. 
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    [Deleted User]
  • I just wanted to say congrats! I got engaged 2 days before you and I am also 2 years out...and you are away ahead of me! Any advice you can throw this way is greatly appreciated, I am a clueless bride... 

    I have my BM's in mind, they know who they are, but I won't "invite" them until next year or give them titles. It's never possible to please everybody, it's YOUR day they should oblige. Getting to my point though...leave it be for now and revisit a year out from your wedding date :) 
    [Deleted User]
  • It's great to plan slow, eh? I started with a checklist, and made a binder where I staple all of my receipts. I separated it into a few sections, and check things off as I go. I already paid my $500 deposit for my photographer (he was all booked for next year!), went to Michael's craft store (Don't know if your in the States or not, but I'm in Nova Scotia and we have one) and got 50% off all of my inivtations - check out Brides invitations by the editior's of Bride's magazine! You can buy them black and use a template given in the package to print them at home! $80 for all of my stationary done and complete. Make sure that if you do buy invitations you buy extra just in case you end up inviting more people than anticipated.. especially where were two years away!

    For our favors, we bought 200 flower pots (smaller ones), are going to fill each of them up with soil (just buy a bag) and have seeds in a little burlap sack for our guests to plant when they take them home. We started them already because my mother is painting our wedding date on it and its going to take her a while.

    We also started collecting wine bottles and making wine bottle vases by peeling the label off and tying burlap and lace around it. Were using it for our centre pieces. We need about 150 of them so we started that early too!

    I find that starting early is going to save us tons of money in the long run!

    Congrats to you as well! If you ever need helpful tips, I'm your gal :)
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