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Second Weddings

To Register or Not?

Not only is this the second marriage for both us but we are both planning to retire in the next 3-5 years.  We are having a destination wedding and I really don't expect people who are attending to give gifts in addition to paying for their travel and hotel rooms. We have a very complete household and don't need very much.  My future sister-in-law has been very adamant that we need to register for gifts.  I mentioned it to a couple of other friends and they think we should register with at least one store.  What do you think?  Does anyone have ideas on registration alternatives?

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Re: To Register or Not?

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We did not register. When people ask where you are registered or what to give you, you can tell them we are saving for xyz (trip, retirement, big screen tv, a pony,etc) or if you don't want gifts you can say we have everything we need, we just want you to come and have a good time. I also did not have any showers.

    In case your curious~ we received about 75% monetary gifts, 20% gift cards and 5% randomly chosen boxed gifts.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I think a small registry is nice - many people (myself included) strongly prefer to give a boxed gift and would like to give you something you will actually like.  Other people will pick up on the small registry as an indicator that you do not want or need household items and will then give you checks/cash/giftcards. 
    Corgi19
  • Register!! You can always update the items that get worn out, or get things you need for activities that you like.  My sister and BIL registered for items that they wanted to update, and for hunting and fishing gear.  We registered for items we needed, and a few items that would have been fun had we gotten them but not missed if we hadn't.  It was a small registry and for those who wanted to give a gift they had ideas about what we wanted or needed. 

    To keep from getting  closet full of white elephant gifts register. 
  • Register!  We had a small registry at Crate & Barrel (25-30 items), it was great.  We got a few things, and then ended up ordering a few other things ourselves afterward.  Choose some simple things that are also personal-picture frames, vases, candlesticks, etc.  Some people will appreciate you having a few things to choose from, gift wise.  


    image
    Meddied since 6/15/13!
  • My FI wants to register at Crate and Barrel but I was resistant.  Looks like I am outvoted.  Thanks everyone.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Yes, definitely register.  I just heard from someone in another part of my life, trying to get ideas fro a couple that are getting married in a few weeks.  She had no idea what they needed, or even wanted, and they didn't register.  So, there you have it from both sides. :-)
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • Get a honeymoon registry to pay for your wedding!!

    Just kidding!!!!!!

    kjdittmar
  • This is my second wedding and I am also planning a destination.  I am with you, I think its asking too much and I am not going to register for anything or have a wedding shower.  It seems greedy to ask for gifts especially if they previously gave you gifts. Good luck!
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm not registering. My FI and I have a very complete household. We don't need anything. In fact, we have too much between the two of us. I'm not having a shower. I've told my family to please not give me anything. They already all gave me more than enough when I got married the first time. 

  • We are going to register for a few things just so people have the option...new bedding, a luggage set, probably towels.  That's about it.

  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    We're both in our 40's and have a complete household but we registered anyway.  Not a lot of things, just a few basics. We needed a new set of every day drinking glasses.  Also needed a new coffee maker, some misc baking/kitchen stuff.  And upgraded towels and sheets are always nice.   I know several people were grateful to not have to make a gift decision in a vacuum.
  • My fiance and I are both getting married for the second time as well. We decided to go with simpleregistry.com. It is a bit tacky and there is a small fee, but it does allow you to "add" items from any store. You can also add general categories. For example, we want to re-paint our house, so I added "paint" to ours. We are only inviting 30 people to our wedding so we don't really expect a lot (I even wrote on our registry that having them in our lives was more important than gifts), which is fine because that is not at all a priority at this point in our lives. But it gives people an option if they really, really want to feel like they've gotten something useful.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mmgreear said:
    My fiance and I are both getting married for the second time as well. We decided to go with simpleregistry.com. It is a bit tacky and there is a small fee, but it does allow you to "add" items from any store. You can also add general categories. For example, we want to re-paint our house, so I added "paint" to ours. We are only inviting 30 people to our wedding so we don't really expect a lot (I even wrote on our registry that having them in our lives was more important than gifts), which is fine because that is not at all a priority at this point in our lives. But it gives people an option if they really, really want to feel like they've gotten something useful.
    Sorry, but it is more than a bit tacky, it is rude.

    We did not resister. Our gift breakdown was 75% cash or check. 20% gift cards. 5% random physical gifts. We did not ask for cash in any way shape or form. When people asked we actually told them if they wanted to get us a gift they could choose whatever they wanted but no gift was necessary. You could however tell them, we are saving up to remodel the house - and then they can give you cash without paying fees and feeling cheated.

    People know cash is an appreciated gift, you don't need to tell them. :) GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Everyone has a different perspective. The people I know are either going to not get a gift because we don't need them, or they will decide to spend x amount of money. It is up to them how they want to spend it. Most people will probably give cash, so how is x amount of cash given in a card any different than the same amount of money given to help me paint my house? I suppose there are people out there who would abuse the system, but my family will know that I used their gift when they come to my house and see the new colors! I think for established people, it is a good option.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mmgreear said:
    Everyone has a different perspective. The people I know are either going to not get a gift because we don't need them, or they will decide to spend x amount of money. It is up to them how they want to spend it. Most people will probably give cash, so how is x amount of cash given in a card any different than the same amount of money given to help me paint my house? I suppose there are people out there who would abuse the system, but my family will know that I used their gift when they come to my house and see the new colors! I think for established people, it is a good option.
    Here is how - you don't pay fees when you put cash in a card! Most people do not know the cash registry will take a cut. They think when they give you $100 to paint your house you get the $100 when in fact you will get $90 (approx) of it. It is deceiving your guests.
    Different perspective do not make things right. This is an etiquette faux pas. You can choose to make it, but you risk offending your guests. There are multiple threads on the etiquette and registering boards that talk about this. Some people might not get you a gift as a result. The only way to do this politely is when people ask you about a gift, you can tell them we are saving us for home improvements. Then in the TY note thank them for helping you paint the living room.

    I said it before and I'll say it again bc maybe you didn't see it - People know cash is an appropriate & appreciated gift - they don't need you to tell them!! :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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