Military Wedding & Gifts?

RosePetal2014

So my fiance & I are both cadets at West Point and will be getting married here at the end of May. I'm from MN and he's from CT. We don't know where we will be posted after BOLC yet, but we probably won't be living together until between 7-12 months after we get married. His parents are separated and don't really have room to store any gifts even though they live close. My parents have the room at the house, but are flying back to MN and aren't able to bring things back. Nor does it make much sense to store wedding gifts at their house in MN for up to a year when we don't know where we will be living or how we will be able to get the gifts from their house to ours.
In this situation, does it warrant just registering for gift cards or asking for cash instead of gifts? Any other options or advice?

manateehugger

RosePetal2014 said:

So my fiance & I are both cadets at West Point and will be getting married here at the end of May. I'm from MN and he's from CT. We don't know where we will be posted after BOLC yet, but we probably won't be living together until between 7-12 months after we get married. His parents are separated and don't really have room to store any gifts even though they live close. My parents have the room at the house, but are flying back to MN and aren't able to bring things back. Nor does it make much sense to store wedding gifts at their house in MN for up to a year when we don't know where we will be living or how we will be able to get the gifts from their house to ours.
In this situation, does it warrant just registering for gift cards or asking for cash instead of gifts? Any other options or advice?

Honestly, if I were you guys, I just wouldn't register. Especially because housing for BOLC can be a mess depending on what you branched and you'll have no clue what you'll need. Do you have BOLC dates yet?

Anyway, to the bolded don't ask for cash - ever - in any form (that includes honeymoon registries or registering for gift cards!). Don't register and if anyone asks where you're registered or what you'd like, just say what you basically said here. "We're trying not to build up too much stuff since  be moving around so much. For now we are just  hoping to save up so we can furnish a place once we actually figure out where we are headed. Thank you for thinking of us." 

Hopefully since most will know you're brand new butter bars, your guests will figure out that cash might be the best gift for you two. Everyone can use cash - no one needs to be told cash or gift cards make a good gift (which is what registering for gift cards is doing). It's very tacky to ask for cash in any form. 

ETA: Also, because sorry, I can't not say it, even though I'm sure you've heard it before: be thinking about what you'll do if co-location doesn't work out. 

RosePetal2014

@PDKH, Thank you!! That helps up out so much!
We just put in preferences for branching a few weeks ago and won't find out for another month. Posting and BOLC dates are picked end of January. We shouldn't have an issue with co-location (hopefully chemical & signal LTs- every post is a possibility), but we are keeping the option of switching posts with others at BOLC open.

Neither of our families are military, so its a good chance they won't think about how much we'll be moving when thinking about gifts. Would it be too tacky to post "We're trying not to build up too much stuff since  be moving around so much. For now we are just  hoping to save up so we can furnish a place once we actually figure out where we are headed. Thank you for thinking of us."  on our website?

LondonLisa

RosePetal2014 said:

@PDKH, Thank you!! That helps up out so much!
We just put in preferences for branching a few weeks ago and won't find out for another month. Posting and BOLC dates are picked end of January. We shouldn't have an issue with co-location (hopefully chemical & signal LTs- every post is a possibility), but we are keeping the option of switching posts with others at BOLC open.

Neither of our families are military, so its a good chance they won't think about how much we'll be moving when thinking about gifts. Would it be too tacky to post "We're trying not to build up too much stuff since  be moving around so much. For now we are just  hoping to save up so we can furnish a place once we actually figure out where we are headed. Thank you for thinking of us."  on our website?

I agree with @PDKH 's wording. However, it is a word-of-mouth type thing to say, not something that should go on a website. Tell your bridal party, your mother and the MOG and word will get around! I wouldn't post it on the website. 

photokitty

RosePetal2014 said:

Neither of our families are military, so its a good chance they won't think about how much we'll be moving when thinking about gifts. Would it be too tacky to post "We're trying not to build up too much stuff since  be moving around so much. For now we are just  hoping to save up so we can furnish a place once we actually figure out where we are headed. Thank you for thinking of us."  on our website?

Sorry, but yes this would be tacky.

Here's what we did - We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always useful and preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) Some people will want to get you a physical gift - in this case a small registry can be helpful...but we just "took our chances" on what these kind folks would pick out for us. When people ask where you are registered or what to give you, you can tell them we are saving for xyz (trip, retirement, big screen tv, a pony,etc) or that you are not sure where you will be stationed and are saving up for when you have a place of your own and need to furnish it with housewares.

For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. If you want money or don't have room for stuff - don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) GL!

kmmssg

I'm a 4 time MOB and a retired vet.  Congrats on your upcoming careers!  What corps are you hoping to branch in?

One of our DD's was living in UT when she got married back here in MI.  Most everyone realized without saying much that getting gifts back would be a concern.  DD also did know that she and her new DH needed to be gracious about any boxed gifts and get them home.  They did a full registry and most people shipped their items.

My suggestion would be to enlist the help of the mom's and any friendly busy body aunts you might have.  The UT DD wanted a child free wedding so I made sure to get the word out in the year prior to the wedding so there were no surprises  Get your mom's, g'mas, aunts, sisters, etc to let people know, when asked, that money would be greatly appreciated since you still have BOLC to get through and then move to your first duty station.  Sometimes it is good to have those chatty mom's and aunties!

If you register at BB&B you could use your parent's address as the shipping address and (if possible) put a message on there requesting people to ship their gifts since you won't be at a permanent duty station for quite some time.

I hope something in there helps.  Good luck!

Jen4948

I wouldn't register at all.

Don't put this message on a website-have your friends and family spread this by word of mouth.

Best of luck to you and your FI!  Also, thanks for serving our country.

RosePetal2014

Thanks for all the great advice everyone! It is definitely appreciated and will be strongly considered. Thanks again!!