Who Should I Invite to the Rehearsal Dinner??

LydiaJoy12

I've seen where some people invite out-of-town guests to their rehearsal dinner...However, the majority of my family (60-75 people) are out-of-town.  This would bring the guest list number to about 100-115 people for the rehearsal dinner.  I'd rather keep it close and intimate, only people that need to be there. Is it rude NOT to invite out-of-town guests??

nmsa

The only people you have to invite to a rehearsal dinner are the people at the rehearsal (and their significant others). It can be nice when a couple can afford to host all of their out of town guests and see them in a more casual setting (if that's what they want, which it sounds like you don't anyway), but it's not required.

itzMS

Nope not rude.

Wedding party + dates and immediate family is fine. Some also invite their priest or officiant.

annathy03

Not at all.  The only people that have to be invited to the RD are those that have to attend the rehearsal and their dates, which is usually just immediate family and the wedding party.

southernbelle0915

anyone involved in the rehearsal (WP, officiant, readers, etc.), their SOs/dates and your immediate family.

100 people is nuts for an RD!! If you don't have a rehearsal, you don't have to host anything at all. Just something to think about...

melbelleup

LydiaJoy12 said:

I've seen where some people invite out-of-town guests to their rehearsal dinner...However, the majority of my family (60-75 people) are out-of-town.  This would bring the guest list number to about 100-115 people for the rehearsal dinner.  I'd rather keep it close and intimate, only people that need to be there. Is it rude NOT to invite out-of-town guests??

You definitely do not have to invite OOT guests. Who you need to invite are: Parents, BMs, GMs and their SOs. Including siblings are nice as well as grandparents. That's it

dramamonkey

So this was a CONSTANT argument between my mother and I (one of many). I said Wedding Party and immediate family only, she said OOT guests MUST be included. Thankfully, since our rehearsal is actually on Friday for a Sunday wedding, it became a non-issue (plus FILs are paying for it, so she didn't get a say).

Well, mom still insisted that we MUST host something for OOT guests on Saturday night (but was unwilling to pay for it, and we didn't have the money in the general wedding budget). To compromise, and with FILs blessing (they gave us x amount, said "do whatever you want with it") we are hosting an informal "happy hour" at a restaurant across the street from the hotel where most oot guests are staying on Saturday night. Appetizers and drinks and a chance to visit with oot family and friends 

LydiaJoy12

Oh good! I feel much better with my decision. I was worried that it would get out of hand and my IL's would end up paying for pretty much another wedding. Thank you!

LydiaJoy12

 

dramamonkey said:

Well, mom still insisted that we MUST host something for OOT guests on Saturday night (but was unwilling to pay for it, and we didn't have the money in the general wedding budget). To compromise, and with FILs blessing (they gave us x amount, said "do whatever you want with it") we are hosting an informal "happy hour" at a restaurant across the street from the hotel where most oot guests are staying on Saturday night. Appetizers and drinks and a chance to visit with oot family and friends 

I like this idea! I was feeling slightly bad that so much of my family was traveling a very long distance to come and I wasn't going to spend much time with them. Thank you!

phira

I come from a family where everyone invited to the wedding is invited to the rehearsal dinner. The reason why my family prefers this is because they like to give out of town guests something to do, and because we sometimes do toasts/speeches by people who won't be doing them at the wedding.

My partner comes from a family where the only people invited to the rehearsal dinner are people involved in the rehearsal (so, wedding party, parents) and immediate family, plus significant others. You should have SEEN the look of terror on my poor guy's face when I accidentally assumed that his parents would be paying for ALL of my gigantic family to have dinner the night before the wedding.

And honestly, my partner's family has it "right." Often, rehearsal dinners are just ways to treat people for making the time to do the rehearsal. You've got a bunch of people all in one place--let's get dinner! Since sometimes, the rehearsal takes place more than just the night before the wedding, it's often not a good way to welcome out of town guests. We'll VERY likely have to have our rehearsal several days before the wedding; our rehearsal dinner will not be the night before.

Jen4948

When my brother was married, my parents hosted an elaborate rehearsal dinner for the wedding party, SOs, my grandmother, and out-of-town guests.  (I think the officiant was also invited but declined).

Then they got really pissed when they were not invited to my cousin (the groom)'s rehearsal dinner, hosted by my aunt and uncle, who limited it to the wedding party and SOs but hosted a separate "hospitality suite" for out-of-town guests, which included my parents and me.  My parents declined to participate in that.  I felt like telling them that my aunt and uncle weren't required to invite out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner and weren't being rude to them, and in fact my parents were the ones acting rude and entitled, but I kept my mouth shut that time.

I'm actually worried that they might get pissed off if my BF's mother chooses to throw a rehearsal dinner and not invite everyone they want (a lot of my side's guests will be from out-of-town, including my parents).  I don't know how we'd swing it other than not having a rehearsal dinner, although I think having nothing at all would piss my parents off even more.  Probably, they'd recruit local relatives to host something.  I shudder at what they're likely to do.

casey8784

In my family, all OOT guests are traditionally invited to the rehearsal dinners for weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs. We don't get to see them much outside these events, so we always like to have that extra time to catch up. 

My FI wanted to only have wedding party and immediate family (we also differed on the meaning of that: he considered it *only* his siblings and his parents; I consider it also including grandparents, aunts/uncles, and first cousins) at our RD, but in the end his parents and my parents made the final decision and are planning on inviting all OOT guests. I'm not quite sure how I feel about having so many people, but our parents are paying for it, and it will be a good time to talk with everyone in a more casual setting!

CLI242009

southernbelle0915 said:

anyone involved in the rehearsal (WP, officiant, readers, etc.), their SOs/dates and your immediate family.

100 people is nuts for an RD!! If you don't have a rehearsal, you don't have to host anything at all. Just something to think about...

If you think 100 is bad for RD then your mouth would of dropped open for my brother's. $10.00 a head, almost 2k when the bill was totaled. 

So I'm very happy to know that my mom was in the right for getting a bit upset when she realized my parents didn't have enough. They were embarrassed because they couldn't pay for it all. =( 

PrettyGirlLost

I think hosting OOT guests at the RD comes from a more simple, cheaper time, lol.

If most of your guests are OOT then you essentially end up having 2 receptions!