Wedding issues and mother issues all in one

Kyraza

Okay, from the get go when i told my parents im getting married they were happy. they were even happy for me when i told them i was thinking about a baby in a couple years ( right now i don't have the patience). My problems lay with the cash problems im having. I barely make 12K a year. I'm stuck in a commercial bakery in a store local to western NY. I'm not about to leave my job in this economy either so I'm pretty much stuck on this. my fiance is in the same boat at the same place (literally the same store).

We were thinking a little wedding because we are admitted introverts and don't like big crowds. I'm fairly social in small crowds and can manage to have a good time. Well... its a different story when my mom tries to invite 100+ people. that's a lot of people! especially because of the cost and what not. My mom agreed to pay for the band, and his mom agreed to pay for the potty... more or less that leaves the other aspects of the wedding really up to us. i was really depending on a school refund and my income taxes to set me up for something like this. i mean if i have to pay out i want this thing to be what i want, not what they want.

Long story short, if things keep going the way they are, it will break us before the wedding even happens. If we have to dish out the cash we want it the way we can enjoy it. we were thinking to do what his brother did and just take us and our most important somewhere beautiful and then come back some time during the week and hold a little dinner. it sounds a lot more fun and more reasonable for our budget that way but still its our parents.... we need help

HisGirlFriday13

Kyraza said:

Okay, from the get go when i told my parents im getting married they were happy. they were even happy for me when i told them i was thinking about a baby in a couple years ( right now i don't have the patience). My problems lay with the cash problems im having. I barely make 12K a year. I'm stuck in a commercial bakery in a store local to western NY. I'm not about to leave my job in this economy either so I'm pretty much stuck on this. my fiance is in the same boat at the same place (literally the same store).

We were thinking a little wedding because we are admitted introverts and don't like big crowds. I'm fairly social in small crowds and can manage to have a good time. Well... its a different story when my mom tries to invite 100+ people. that's a lot of people! especially because of the cost and what not. My mom agreed to pay for the band, and his mom agreed to pay for the potty... more or less that leaves the other aspects of the wedding really up to us. i was really depending on a school refund and my income taxes to set me up for something like this. i mean if i have to pay out i want this thing to be what i want, not what they want.

Long story short, if things keep going the way they are, it will break us before the wedding even happens. If we have to dish out the cash we want it the way we can enjoy it. we were thinking to do what his brother did and just take us and our most important somewhere beautiful and then come back some time during the week and hold a little dinner. it sounds a lot more fun and more reasonable for our budget that way but still its our parents.... we need help

1. How old are you? No offence, but you sound very young.

2. If you're old enough to get married, you and your FI are old enough to tell your parents, "This is the kind of wedding we want to have and plan to have and will be having," and then stick to that plan.

3. Host what you can afford, always. If that's a JOP wedding and a cake-and-punch reception after, then do that. If that's a DW with your parents, then do that. 

4. If you and your FI make a combined annual income of roughly $24K, how on EARTH do you plan to pay for living expenses for the two of you LET ALONE a wedding and a baby?

PirateBarbie

Kyraza said:

Okay, from the get go when i told my parents im getting married they were happy. they were even happy for me when i told them i was thinking about a baby in a couple years ( right now i don't have the patience). My problems lay with the cash problems im having. I barely make 12K a year. I'm stuck in a commercial bakery in a store local to western NY. I'm not about to leave my job in this economy either so I'm pretty much stuck on this. my fiance is in the same boat at the same place (literally the same store).

We were thinking a little wedding because we are admitted introverts and don't like big crowds. I'm fairly social in small crowds and can manage to have a good time. Well... its a different story when my mom tries to invite 100+ people. that's a lot of people! especially because of the cost and what not. My mom agreed to pay for the band, and his mom agreed to pay for the potty... more or less that leaves the other aspects of the wedding really up to us. i was really depending on a school refund and my income taxes to set me up for something like this. i mean if i have to pay out i want this thing to be what i want, not what they want.

Long story short, if things keep going the way they are, it will break us before the wedding even happens. If we have to dish out the cash we want it the way we can enjoy it. we were thinking to do what his brother did and just take us and our most important somewhere beautiful and then come back some time during the week and hold a little dinner. it sounds a lot more fun and more reasonable for our budget that way but still its our parents.... we need help

potty...what? did you mean party?

I think you need to sit down with your FI and figure out a budget - both for your life and for your wedding. 

If you make $24K/year (-taxes, -rent/mortgage, -utility bills, -insurance, -necessities, etc.) what are you left with after all of your necessary expenses? Make sure you take part of the "left over" and start contributing to an emergency fund, I'd also recommend contributing *something* to a retirement account. once you've done this, figure out what is left and how much you are able/willing to save towards a wedding. 

If you are accepting money from family, you need to be willing to accept the strings. Otherwise, start saying "no." if you're having a very small event, do you really *need* a band? maybe you could arrange for DJ Ipod, and ask your mom if she was willing to allot the band money to food/drinks/location instead. You could host something like a pasta dinner, salad bar, and cake (especially if you/family caters) for a few dollars/pp. You may also be able to get something simple catered by a restaurant (BBQ, sandwiches, etc.) for $10 or less per person

you could also do a small courthouse/church ceremony, and take your guests out for dinner.

There's a Budget Brides board that could offer a lot of tips for stretching your money. You may want to start there. 

Wzz

so a 12k a year job is good enough that you don't even want to look for a new job? i am sorry, but if money is an issue, you need to figure out a way to try to earn more if you can. not by hooking, though. a 12k bakery job is not going to allow you to suport yourself, especially if you eventually want a baby. maybe you are financially prepared to be a stay at home wife/mom, i have no idea. but i really feel you need to learn how to support yourself (even if you plan to get married and have a second income) before you get into a relaitonship where you're relying on someone else's financial support.

also, 12k doesn't sound like full time. can you get a second part time job to earn more money? if you're in school, can you wait until you finish to start working more hours?

 

i know i ignored the whole part of the potty (hehe) and whatever, but you guys don't sound like you make enough to live on and i think that needs to be addressed before planning a wedding.

 

tawillers

Wzz said:

so a 12k a year job is good enough that you don't even want to look for a new job? i am sorry, but if money is an issue, you need to figure out a way to try to earn more if you can. not by hooking, though. a 12k bakery job is not going to allow you to suport yourself, especially if you eventually want a baby. maybe you are financially prepared to be a stay at home wife/mom, i have no idea. but i really feel you need to learn how to support yourself (even if you plan to get married and have a second income) before you get into a relaitonship where you're relying on someone else's financial support.

also, 12k doesn't sound like full time. can you get a second part time job to earn more money? if you're in school, can you wait until you finish to start working more hours?

 

i know i ignored the whole part of the potty (hehe) and whatever, but you guys don't sound like you make enough to live on and i think that needs to be addressed before planning a wedding.

 

I'm with @wzz.  You said you aren't leaving your job in this economy - you do realize that people who look for other jobs aren't leaving their current jobs before another one is secured, right?  No one is saying quit your current job and THEN find a new one.

Wzz

and i am not a "just make more money if you need more money" kind of person. i know this is not the right answer for someone's money issues. but if you only make 12k at a bakery, a wedding party shouldn't be at the top of your priorities. if it is, then yes you need to find a way to make more money. i cannot imagine that 12k is enough for anyone to thrive on unless you're making your own keifer and sleeping on a mattress under your kid's crib. and if you arem you aren't planning to spend money on a band to play music at a wedding.

ReturnOfKuus

If they're barely paying for anything, and what they're paying for isn't the cost of feeding people, then why are you letting the parents invite anyone?  Just tell everyone that you're not paying for a hundred damn people, and that's that.

PMeg819

You barely make 12K a year and you are trying to figure out how to pay for a wedding? Girl, you need a priority adjustment. I'm going to assume with that sort of salary you have no emergency fund in the event you lose your job or can't work. I'm going to assume you don't have health care or other insurance (like life insurance or car insurance beyond the state mandated minimums). I'm going to also assume you have nothing for retirement. You want to start a life with someone, you have to think about the next 50 years not just the wedding day. Look at what you want in 10 years- kids, a house, whatever. Can you get there doing what you are doing now? Probably not. Paying for a wedding is not what you should be doing. Sorry to go all Suze Orman on you but there are a lot of red flags in your post.

Wzz

do you work in the bakery becuse the wedding cake discount is THAT awesome and you don't want to lose that prk right before the wedding?

Kyraza

That being said im 22. yes i am young but as of right now honestly im thinking of just going off and doing what his brother did and just have family and a couple friends at this wedding, the people that wont attempt to eat me out of house and home. and im relying on my income taxes and a school refund check to up the funds on this wedding. honest we planned a wedding in the park and possibly the reception too. its easier on us if we just do that because there's no travel time and everything is right there. and the baby thing is a couple years off where this wedding is supposed to happen in August of 2014. and no Tops isnt a place that gives employee discounts (sorta crappy) but i do like what i do and if i could find another job doing that that pays more believe me i would jump on it before you could say "go get it girlfran". i honest to god wish i could just get up and find another job but realize i am a full time student that works 32 hrs a week trying to pull in enough money to attempt a wedding. I will be the first of my 4 siblings to be married and I'm the only one besides my younger sister that has waited to have kids. my older sister and my older brother both have kids and i don't want to mess my world up by having a kid i cant take care of. that is the last thing i need. my family is vast and sort of scary so its hard to tell them no and of all the people in the world i can think of for some help its my parents and his parents. his parents are rediculously helpful and we just have to ask and 9 times out of 10 they will help us out. my side of the family has a couple unique connections though. i have caterers in my family and they are always giving family discounts and im thinking of making the cake myself as i am a baker. i just gotta get the storage spot down for it if the park does happen. if not then i will still make it but in smaller scale and bring it with us where ever we decide to go.to be married. and for the love of god 12k may not be much cash but you people have to realize i have been engaged for 5 years now, i have been on my own since i was 19, going to college for 3 years and still making it on my own with no help from my family. i don't ask for anything from them, never have until it came to the wedding and my family got all weird on me and.... omg they went nuts with the guest list. i dont want a big wedding. i would be happy with 30 people including the judge and the band members.( the band members are old family friends) 12k living on my own, been engaged for 5 years, i dont need a lot of cash to do this. i need about 6k total for this thing to happen and thats including the honeymoon! honest to god i need help telling my mom that i dont want 100 people i dont know or really care for being at my special day to either make me nervous or piss me off. I dont need help telling me that 6k is a really small budget for a wedding. i know it is. i have everything food wise set, i have the place we picked out set, i even have the judge on hand and at my disposal for when i need him ( he was also my sister tutor for when she was sick in the hospital) he has been there every step of the way with my family. i can see this thing happening next fall and there aren't 100 people i dont know,dislike or people i dont care to see there. I see the leafs changing colors with that beautiful waterfall behind me and my little sister in a nice red tea length dress just being there for me and helping me out like she always does. i'm not in it for the gifts, all i want is to be married to the guy i fell in love with in high school. hes tollerated my bull shit jealousy, my bad attitude and my sometimes obnoxious italian, native american family and he still asks me every day if im sure i want to do this and every time i say of couse i do he still gets that little puppy dog look and gives me a kiss and says he does too. i have given him a ton of chances and asked him over a hundred times if hes ready for it and hes always said yes.

PirateBarbie

Kyraza said:

That being said im 22. yes i am young but as of right now honestly im thinking of just going off and doing what his brother did and just have family and a couple friends at this wedding, the people that wont attempt to eat me out of house and home. and im relying on my income taxes and a school refund check to up the funds on this wedding. honest we planned a wedding in the park and possibly the reception too. its easier on us if we just do that because there's no travel time and everything is right there. and the baby thing is a couple years off where this wedding is supposed to happen in August of 2014. and no Tops isnt a place that gives employee discounts (sorta crappy) but i do like what i do and if i could find another job doing that that pays more believe me i would jump on it before you could say "go get it girlfran". i honest to god wish i could just get up and find another job but realize i am a full time student that works 32 hrs a week trying to pull in enough money to attempt a wedding. I will be the first of my 4 siblings to be married and I'm the only one besides my younger sister that has waited to have kids. my older sister and my older brother both have kids and i don't want to mess my world up by having a kid i cant take care of. that is the last thing i need. my family is vast and sort of scary so its hard to tell them no and of all the people in the world i can think of for some help its my parents and his parents. his parents are rediculously helpful and we just have to ask and 9 times out of 10 they will help us out. my side of the family has a couple unique connections though. i have caterers in my family and they are always giving family discounts and im thinking of making the cake myself as i am a baker. i just gotta get the storage spot down for it if the park does happen. if not then i will still make it but in smaller scale and bring it with us where ever we decide to go.to be married. and for the love of god 12k may not be much cash but you people have to realize i have been engaged for 5 years now, i have been on my own since i was 19, going to college for 3 years and still making it on my own with no help from my family. i don't ask for anything from them, never have until it came to the wedding and my family got all weird on me and.... omg they went nuts with the guest list. i dont want a big wedding. i would be happy with 30 people including the judge and the band members.( the band members are old family friends) 12k living on my own, been engaged for 5 years, i dont need a lot of cash to do this. i need about 6k total for this thing to happen and thats including the honeymoon! honest to god i need help telling my mom that i dont want 100 people i dont know or really care for being at my special day to either make me nervous or piss me off. I dont need help telling me that 6k is a really small budget for a wedding. i know it is. i have everything food wise set, i have the place we picked out set, i even have the judge on hand and at my disposal for when i need him ( he was also my sister tutor for when she was sick in the hospital) he has been there every step of the way with my family. i can see this thing happening next fall and there aren't 100 people i dont know,dislike or people i dont care to see there. I see the leafs changing colors with that beautiful waterfall behind me and my little sister in a nice red tea length dress just being there for me and helping me out like she always does. i'm not in it for the gifts, all i want is to be married to the guy i fell in love with in high school. hes tollerated my bull shit jealousy, my bad attitude and my sometimes obnoxious italian, native american family and he still asks me every day if im sure i want to do this and every time i say of couse i do he still gets that little puppy dog look and gives me a kiss and says he does too. i have given him a ton of chances and asked him over a hundred times if hes ready for it and hes always said yes.

- at least you have enough sense not to get KU with a kid you can't support

- you never mentioned how your FI is financially contributing towards this wedding or financially supporting the two of you as a couple. where does he stand on all of this, and what is he doing about it?

... so you're asking us how you can make an extra $6k in the next year to have the wedding/honeymoon you want? note: not all of this is legal, and I am in no way suggesting that you do this stuff:

• sell your body (to science and/or become a hooker)
• start stripping
• porn
• sell drugs
• start working a second job - 2nd or 3rd shift is going to pay more
• sell your eggs/have FI sell sperm
• sell plasma
• give up non-essentials (cell phone, cable, internet, etc.)