Bridesmaid help

Patriot0107

Hello ladies, (sorry if this is kinda long..just need someone to talk to)

I have a question here....how and when did you ask your bridesmaids to be your bridesmaids? I never said anything to anyone cause I had an original set of people in my mind and I don't feel two of them are going to work out because of tooo much going on in their lives and I was worried about them being dependable.  So I have four girls lined up. One is a friend of mine but we don't really see each other too much.  She lives about an hour away and her an her hubby have 2 kids so it's hard for us to get together between her schedule and mine so we aren't as close as we used to be.  Another girl I was going to ask is best friends with this girl and she and I used to be best friends in grade school.  We've know each other for years but don't really hang out but figured it would be good since her and the bridesmaid I just mentioned are pretty close and maybe we can all rebond.  The other two girls are my future sister in laws.  One of them lives somewhat close and the other lives out of state.  We get along and the one out of state has been really helpful with wedding info since her and my FI's brother just got married almost 2 years ago.  I guess what is boils down too is I don't really have many close friends and FI has plenty of family and neighbors to ask for groomsmen and I'm trying to find people to pair them up with.  Will these girls think I'm strange for asking them to be in the wedding?  I'm so scared to ask and they look at me like...ummm right.  Personally I'd be more than happy to have these girls in my wedding and I just don't want to ask and have them look at me like "ok, why are you asking me?"   And when I do ask them, how do I go about it...can I call them and ask, wait to the next time I see them, is there an ediquette for this?   Is there a time limit (getting married in Oct 12)?  Sorry this was so long and this is kind of a dumb thing but just looking for some advice...I don't know how to go about this stuff.  Thanks for any help/opinions you can send!

cgyvhu

Your bridal party really doesn't need a lot of warning - they just have to know they can attend your wedding, can afford a dress, and could possibly help plan a shower/bachelorette (not required).  Asking too early could lead to people dropping out because of unforseen life events happening later, and how close you are with the girls could change in a year and a half.  Based on your ticker, I'd wait at least 6 and probably 9 months before asking.

You don't have to match your FI's groomsmen.  Trying to "fill in" your side with people you aren't close to will probably just cause you headaches in the end.  Have whoever is closest to you - and that's it. 

Some people send cards to ask, some people ask in person... I plan to do the latter. 

jlbaxter33

I think you have lots of time. I asked my girls pretty far in advance, but it was never a question. They are my best friends, and I wouldn't want anyone else in there. A girl that I am close to but didn't want as a BM, I asked to do a reading so she would be involved.

I asked my girls with a card I gave them in person.

I think the one girl that you haven't been friends with in a while might think it is a little strange, but if you are still friends with the one girl who lives an hour away then I would ask her, and then you can ask her about her friend and if it'd be weird.

I would wait until at least a year out before you ask anyone. Things can change.

dalecnar

I waited a couple months before officially asking my bridal party but it's because I couldn't wait!! 

I had actually made each of them a page in a scrapbook that I made for my engagment.  I let them flip thru it and find their page.  I thought it worked really well and was personalized.

lac5063

I asked my BP already (a month after getting engaged and a year and a half til my wedding). My justification is that 2 of my girls will be in PA school, so I want them to be able to plan in advance financially and with their hectic schedules. The other girls are my sisters, cousin, and FSIL, so I don't think they will be bailing any time soon! 

I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think you should ask someone to be in your BP in hopes you will "rebond". There is always the chance that things could blow up in your face. As much as people have said "it isn't about you. it isn't just your day. all they have to do is show up with a dress. etc." I am of the thinking that these people are important parts of your life and they should WANT to do more than just show up with a dress. I only asked people who I knew would want to share in this special time in my life... beacuse, yes, I believe this IS about me and my FI and our marriage. We have asked these people to celebrate with us beacuse they are important to us, but I'll be damned if someone says that our wedding day isn't about US. All of the people in our BP are people that would do anything for us (and we would do anything for them), so if I asked my girls to wear bags over their heads, they would (I'm not this psycho... just saying). On the same token, when I was in their weddings, I bought the dresses, shoes, and did what they wanted me to do because it was THEIR special time.

So I guess what I am trying to say is: ask people who you know would be there for you through it all ... even your bridezilla moments (every woman has them, if you think you haven't you're a liar). If you think that this girl with whom you've grown apart would be more of a BM and less of a headache, go for it! The more the merrier! Maybe you could even ask you one friend's child to be a ring bearer/ flower girl. 

Patriot0107

thanks so much to everyone for the imput  It really, really means a lot!  Lac, I don't think you're being rude at all.  I keep tryin to say it's our day but for a much as my Fi wants to be involved or cares about anything..it's turning into my day.  Like I said...as pathetic as it sounds..I don't have many close friends and the one girl I feel weird asking...we were best friends at one time when I was younger.  I was looking at it more like I have one friend from when I was younger and one friend from when I'm older.  I'm just going to ask them this weekend and see how it goes.  My friend who lives an hour away has two kids and I would like them to be in the wedding as well    I don't really need much from my bridesmaids.  I'm planning a pre wedding party (shower) which will just be a simple get together and the bachlorette party will be bridesmaids and their boyfriends/husbands.  Just want a weekend to do what I want so it should be pretty simple for them.  I understand people have lives and families to tend to.  I feel I'm already having bridzilla moments with the FI and that's the last thing I wanted.  I'm rushing to get things done and worried about how we are going to pay for it all when things have been tight finacially, hence me starting a second job.  He thinks everything is going to be fine and I'm just so worred cause I'm the one looking into everything and seeing how much even simple things can add up!  But thank you again everyone...made me feel a little better about things!