Way lopsided bridal party dilemma

paradiseflower7

So I have a bit of an issue.  Here's the problem…

When I became engaged I was so excited that I made (unwise) impulsive decisions about my bridesmaids.  I had no clue at the time about etiquette or what was involved in planning a wedding.  I have a bunch of girlfriends who I love (8 to be exact).  When I called each of them to tell them of the engagement I was so excited that I figured I'd let them know right then that I would love it if they were bridesmaids. 

We are getting married in 7.5 months.  My fiancé really has no close male friends (other than this 2 brothers, 1 who is in prison until "possibly" right before the wedding).  My fiancé really doesn't want anyone on his side who is not close with him, and I don't have any brothers.  That leaves us currently with 8 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen.  That's not just lopsided, that's an eyesore's difference.  I thought originally that we would have at least 4 groomsmen, making it so that every guy could walk with 2 ladies.  But his male friends have basically disappeared since news of the engagement.

We've been together 7 years and his friends are mostly my girlfriends.  I've talked to a couple close relatives about this, and I keep hearing differing opinions on what I should do.  What's worse is since we've been engaged the past 13 months I've barely heard from any of them.  

Some family thinks I should speak to them in person honestly about the situation, and just let them know the deal.  But, I'm terrified of really hurting someone's feelings.  Other family says there is no going back once the selections have been made, and it's too late now.  Then what would we do about the groom's side? 

I want all of them to be a part of the experience with me, but I no longer want that many girls standing at the alter with me, especially because it is supposed to be an intimate wedding.  I really botched this one up, and now it's really stressing me out.  What do I do??

Belichick

Asking your friends to step down from being bridesmaids is awful and likely friendship ending.  Especially when they have done nothing wrong- uneven sides is not a reason to hurt your closest friends.

From a logistics standpoint you can have them walk alone or paired with each other.  Allowing them to choose their own dresses would likely make them happy and look better visually than having all 8 in the same dress.

doeydo

Even sides don't matter, even if there is a big difference.  Asking a BM to no longer be a BM is a friendship ending move.  Also, the groom can have people on his side who are females as groomsmaids or groomsladies. 

OliveOilsMom

paradiseflower7 said:

So I have a bit of an issue.  Here's the problem…

When I became engaged I was so excited that I made (unwise) impulsive decisions about my bridesmaids.  I had no clue at the time about etiquette or what was involved in planning a wedding.  I have a bunch of girlfriends who I love (8 to be exact).  When I called each of them to tell them of the engagement I was so excited that I figured I'd let them know right then that I would love it if they were bridesmaids. 

We are getting married in 7.5 months.  My fiancé really has no close male friends (other than this 2 brothers, 1 who is in prison until "possibly" right before the wedding).  My fiancé really doesn't want anyone on his side who is not close with him, and I don't have any brothers.  That leaves us currently with 8 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen.  That's not just lopsided, that's an eyesore's difference.  I thought originally that we would have at least 4 groomsmen, making it so that every guy could walk with 2 ladies.  But his male friends have basically disappeared since news of the engagement.

We've been together 7 years and his friends are mostly my girlfriends.  I've talked to a couple close relatives about this, and I keep hearing differing opinions on what I should do.  What's worse is since we've been engaged the past 13 months I've barely heard from any of them.  

Some family thinks I should speak to them in person honestly about the situation, and just let them know the deal.  But, I'm terrified of really hurting someone's feelings.  Other family says there is no going back once the selections have been made, and it's too late now.  Then what would we do about the groom's side? 

I want all of them to be a part of the experience with me, but I no longer want that many girls standing at the alter with me, especially because it is supposed to be an intimate wedding.  I really botched this one up, and now it's really stressing me out.  What do I do??

Don't ask the "extra" girls to step down.  You can have the BM & MOH walk out together, then the next BM and a GM, then the rest of the girls can process out in pairs.  You don't need to introduce the entire WP at the reception either.  Your photographer should be knowledgeable enough to know how to pose everyone.  This is nothing to stress over.

saric83

Don't ask them to step down! 

For the ceremony, I would suggest having your FI and his brother walk in together, and then each of your girls can walk down separately before you.  And then don't have them actually stand up there.  Have them sit in the front row and at the times when you're doing rings and you need someone to grab your bouquet, just have the MOH and BM stand up. And for walking back down, you walk with your groom, MOH and BM walk together and have the rest of the girls can walk separately back down. 

For the reception, don't do a WP intro (completely not needed!) and for the table seating, just seat everyone normally with their dates, and you and your groom can have a sweetheart table or sit at one of the regular tables. 

Maggie0829

An uneven wedding party, no matter how big of a difference, is not a dilemma.  It is not even something to be worried about or waste one second stressing over.  Period.

tammym1001

I am having 4 BM's and my FI is only have 1 GM. FI and his GM will already be up front. All of the girls will walk in by themselves. On the way out, FI and I will walk together. GM and MOH will walk out together. Other 3 BM's will walk out by themselves. I don't think it's an issue to have such uneven sides. Your photographer will be able to position everyone in pictures so that it looks nice.

southernbelle0915

You would ask these girls to "step down" because you jumped the gun and you want symmetrical sides? Don't do it - it'll seriously damage your relationships with these women. 

Uneven sides is not a problem. You could just have you and your FH standing up and have the WP seated - I've seen that before. Whatever you do, don't ruin any friendships over this by kicking anyone out. It's simply not worth it.

SlothGoals

paradiseflower7 said:

So I have a bit of an issue.  Here's the problem…

When I became engaged I was so excited that I made (unwise) impulsive decisions about my bridesmaids.  I had no clue at the time about etiquette or what was involved in planning a wedding.  I have a bunch of girlfriends who I love (8 to be exact).  When I called each of them to tell them of the engagement I was so excited that I figured I'd let them know right then that I would love it if they were bridesmaids. 

We are getting married in 7.5 months.  My fiancé really has no close male friends (other than this 2 brothers, 1 who is in prison until "possibly" right before the wedding).  My fiancé really doesn't want anyone on his side who is not close with him, and I don't have any brothers.  That leaves us currently with 8 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen.  That's not just lopsided, that's an eyesore's difference.  I thought originally that we would have at least 4 groomsmen, making it so that every guy could walk with 2 ladies.  But his male friends have basically disappeared since news of the engagement.

We've been together 7 years and his friends are mostly my girlfriends.  I've talked to a couple close relatives about this, and I keep hearing differing opinions on what I should do.  What's worse is since we've been engaged the past 13 months I've barely heard from any of them.  

Some family thinks I should speak to them in person honestly about the situation, and just let them know the deal.  But, I'm terrified of really hurting someone's feelings.  Other family says there is no going back once the selections have been made, and it's too late now.  Then what would we do about the groom's side? 

I want all of them to be a part of the experience with me, but I no longer want that many girls standing at the alter with me, especially because it is supposed to be an intimate wedding.  I really botched this one up, and now it's really stressing me out.  What do I do??

Let me share a personal experience:

I too was one of those poor girls who was asked in a flurry of excitement to be a bridesmaid. Then several months later after not hearing anything from the bride, she finally messages me and says, "Kristbot, I'm really sorry but in the excitement of getting engaged I asked too many girls to be bridesmaids. I would still love to have you at the wedding as a guest but you can't be in the bridal party anymore. I know you understand."

Umm excuse me? She knows I'll understand? Fuck that, bitch. You're an asshole.

I still went to the wedding but my friendship with her has never been the same. We are no longer close and rarely interact at all.

If you're prepared for that to happen with whomever you choose to kick out (and yes, it is kicking out, there is no way to sugar coat it) then go right ahead. But you'll always be that bitch of a bride who basically told her friend "You're important to me but not important enough to have uneven sides."

lc07

I think you are over-thinking the even sides thing. It's very common for bridal party sides to be uneven. 

I can't imagine how it would be an eyesore either? The PPs have made great suggestions about processional/recessional and how there's no need for them to be introduced into the reception coupled up. Plenty of couples only announce the bride and groom into the reception, anyway.

I suggest focusing on having your 8 closest friends with you on your wedding day. Enjoy their company. Trust your professional photographer to pose the group well. You should look back on your photos and smile at the wonderful people in your life in them. The pose with the bride and groom in the center and all of the bridesmaids on one side and the groomsmen on the other is an outdated pose anyway. Nowadays the bridal party is posed much more casually and mixing up sides for the bridal party pictures is common.

Let this go. Enjoy your friends company and enjoy your wedding day!

huskypuppy14

Why not have some of your girlfriends stand on his side if your worried about it looking uneven?  You said your FI is friends with them, and I would think that no matter what "side" either attendant is on they are supporting both of you.  Just an idea.

Jen4948

Why not just skip "sides" and have all 10 attendants stand up for you both?

vmj23

definitely don't ask anyone to step down! what's done is done, you were excited and wanted them as part of your day, so keep it that way.  who cares if the sides are even? People aren't going to judge on if the sides are even, but your will hurt feelings and ruin friendships if you tell them never mind, your not a bridesmaid anymore

CommitmentCat

paradiseflower7 said:

So I have a bit of an issue.  Here's the problem…

When I became engaged I was so excited that I made (unwise) impulsive decisions about my bridesmaids.  I had no clue at the time about etiquette or what was involved in planning a wedding.  I have a bunch of girlfriends who I love (8 to be exact).  When I called each of them to tell them of the engagement I was so excited that I figured I'd let them know right then that I would love it if they were bridesmaids. 

We are getting married in 7.5 months.  My fiancé really has no close male friends (other than this 2 brothers, 1 who is in prison until "possibly" right before the wedding).  My fiancé really doesn't want anyone on his side who is not close with him, and I don't have any brothers.  That leaves us currently with 8 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen.  That's not just lopsided, that's an eyesore's difference.  I thought originally that we would have at least 4 groomsmen, making it so that every guy could walk with 2 ladies.  But his male friends have basically disappeared since news of the engagement.

We've been together 7 years and his friends are mostly my girlfriends.  I've talked to a couple close relatives about this, and I keep hearing differing opinions on what I should do.  What's worse is since we've been engaged the past 13 months I've barely heard from any of them.  

Some family thinks I should speak to them in person honestly about the situation, and just let them know the deal.  But, I'm terrified of really hurting someone's feelings.  Other family says there is no going back once the selections have been made, and it's too late now.  Then what would we do about the groom's side? 

I want all of them to be a part of the experience with me, but I no longer want that many girls standing at the alter with me, especially because it is supposed to be an intimate wedding.  I really botched this one up, and now it's really stressing me out.  What do I do??

You love these 8 girls enough to ask to be your bridesmaid but now you want to single a handful out and make some feel less important than others by asking them to step down. I'm not being insensitive to your situation but the harsh reality is that is exactly how it looks and is.

I have an uneven bridal party, not to your extreme. I stressed for ages over it because it was worrying my FI and other people. Honestly, I don't care anymore. Why? Because it doesn't matter. When we get married the people we love the most will be standing up there with us. You can make it work. The PPs have given some fantastic ideas about how they can walk or stand to make it look less one-sided.

Good luck. I hope you work it out. Don't stress to much.

maryemoo

Agree with laurynm84. If you're that worried about it being uneven, ask some of the girls if they would like to stand with your FI.

cowgirl8238

There is nothing wrong with uneven sides!  My FI has 6 GMs and I have 4 BMs.  We have already decided that the last two GM will walk in alone, no worries, no problems!!! If you care about your friends (which you do because you asked them to stand up with you) then I wouldn't kick any of them out of the party.

Most of the PP's have already given great advice about anything you could possible be worried about.  Also there is no reason your FI can't have women on his side (just like you can have men on your side).  Take a deep breath and move on, this is a non-issue.