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WDYT? Miss Manners is wrong!

baconsmombaconsmom member
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in Wedding Woes
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Dear Miss Manners,
Is it vulgar to have one's anatomy show through two layers of clothing? A friend of mine was rebuked by a congregant after a mass in which she participated, because the outline of her nipples could be seen through her clothing which was totally appropriate, but the building was chilly.I told my friend it was rude of the congregant to say anything. My friend was mortified and purchased new padded bras. My own nipples are permanent "outties," and I don't have the option of padded bras in my size. I am not going to buy those adhesive nipple covers, and I am not going to stuff my bra with anything. I'm a 54-year-old grandma, neither a cougar or a vixen, just at peace with my body, but am I being a scoff-manners?Gentle Reader,
Of course you are. What your friend did inadvertently and has now moved to correct is something you now plan to do deliberately. Whether this convention is unfair or sexist is not the point; you know that violating it offends people.That you apparently have not considered the ordinary precaution of wearing non-revealing clothing suggests to Miss Manners that you rather relish the idea of confronting the rude congregant who takes it upon himself to inspect bosoms and lodge accusations. That should certainly be an etiquette standoff.-----------------------------------"Non-revealing clothing" doesn't prevent highbeams, yo. I think MM is completely off, and that the person who mentioned the nips to the lady in church is the rude one. What says WW?  
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Re: WDYT? Miss Manners is wrong!

  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Hmmm.  Hard to say.  I find it weird that she had no clue her nipples were saying HELLO!!! to everyone.  I certainly know when mine are.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't. I can't feel them anymore. 23 years of rubbing up against everything, knocking into sht, having a kid, all makes them just useless blobs at the end of the even more useless blobs that are my boobs.

    Also, I wear tanks under almost everything to hide the lace on my bras. So I wear a bra, a tank, and then a shirt - and yes, they show through all that. I'm pretty sure 3 layers is not "revealing". 
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    edited December 2011

    If the person wouldn't normally show nips, and a friend pointed it out then it's not rude at all.  I'd want to know if mine were showing. 

    If it was just someone being snotty when they should have been paying attention to services then they were wrong to point it out.

    I do agree that non-revealing does not equal no nip.  Revealing to me means skin is revealed. 

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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    I think that if visible nipples are offensive, then people should turn up the damn thermostat.
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  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    The lady who mentioned it is rude, not the lady who didn't go to extremes to hide her body and all of its God given parts. 

    Is it also rude to let your fat rolls show?  What about a wedgie? 
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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I have my "headlights on" about 80% of the time (100% when I was pregnant) and sometimes you just can't hide them.   Most of my bras do an OK job, but none can hide them completely.   It's to the point where I just can't be bothered to pay attention to whether or not their "on" because there is nothing I can do about it.
    So yes, I think MM is wrong.
    And the person who pointed it out is a big old pervert!!!!  
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm with you, BMom.  It's not like it was a nip slip.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    Zsa, you know it's rude to roll. Duh. We're supposed to hide in our houses until we're socially acceptable. 

    Kuus, haven't you ever nipped for no reason? Mine have a mind of their own. It's cold? Meh. It's Tuesday? Sure, we're at attention!  Chicken's on sale? Oooh, baby! 

    I have to make sure they point the same way in my bra, just in case. The only thing worse than nips are nips that don't face front. Wonky nips. 
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  • dharmabunnydharmabunny member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Making discreet mention is fine.  A rebuking?  No.  WTF else is she supposed to do with them, file them off like 1950's mannequins?

    Sometimes, turkey thermometer nips won't just sit back, I guess rebuker never has such issues.  Whether padded bra, nip covers, several tops, sometimes to frequently it makes no difference at all.  Maybe wearing a parka or breast binding with an ACE bandage would work, but bleh!
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Oh, gah, I hate when they're cockeyed. 

    Well, it WAS church....I would like a visual to better assess the situation, but hey.  I'd expect a friend to tell me, it isn't that far removed from food in your teeth to me.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I don't know; no one has ever been rude enough to point it out to me. 

    I do agree that Miss Manners is wrong, perhaps, but there might be something in there that going against unjust societal norms is rude because it makes other people uncomfortable.  I'm sure that the North was terribly rude for questioning the practice of slavery, for example.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    But this wasn't a friend, O. It was a stranger, telling her she looked porny or something. 

    And even if it were a friend, being discreet, what are you supposed to do about it? You can't make them go away. Are you supposed to run to the bathroom and stuff your bra or something? Would that even work? 
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  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Ah yes, my girls are fans of pointing in opposite directions.  Or looking cross-eyed.

    imagewww.graphicsfactory.com/clip-art/image_files/tn_image/6/1357526-tn_Cartoon-Eyes-With-Glasses.jpg" alt="" />
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  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    That's ridiculous. Mine have a life of their own as well, so I wear lined bras to avoid them making an appearance.

    I remember the summer after college going to get Italian Ices with a bunch of friends one night. My friend Kristen had worn a sheer bra, along with a double layered semi-sheer tank top. As I was enjoying my ice, I pointed out to her that I could see her nipples through her shirt. Classic.
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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Wow, Kuus.   Only you could find a way to relate hard nipples to slavery.   ;)

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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    I do my best  :)
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Oh, and Kuus, someone on the thread about this on Etiquette Hell is trying to claim that bras cause breast cancer, and we should burn them all, based on this article:

    I know you wanted your head to explode today. You're welcome!
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    edited December 2011
    Hee. You guys are a trip.
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  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No one wants to see grandma's nipples. 
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    What the... HOW would you not notice that your bra doesn't fit if it's SO tight that your lymph flow isn't functioning properly?
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  • dharmabunnydharmabunny member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wdyt-miss-manners-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:0ec72be4-9dcd-4629-b95a-0f27d3ec2278Post:8d385624-6883-4a2f-a5ff-aa7f0ea6c1ee">Re: WDYT? Miss Manners is wrong!</a>:
    [QUOTE]What the... HOW would you not notice that your bra doesn't fit if it's SO tight that your lymph flow isn't functioning properly?
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    Someone left out the memo that the bra is a support undergarment, not an anaconda. 
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