age

littlebearbride32106 · March 2010

I just wanted to say that I am pretty sick and tired of hearing people tell me I am too young and immature to get married. Half of the "older, more mature" people who have replied to my posts on other boards on this site have been very outwardly rude and basically telling me to not get married because they didn't marry the boyfriend they had at 21. Well, good for you people but I am and my fiance and I are not getting married until after I turn 22 and finish undergraduate school. I am mature, extremely financially independant, and capable of making my own decisions. Anyone who suggests otherwise, I realize it is out of concern and I do appreciate it, but I am not going to cancel my engagement because you, judging me solely on my age, disagree. Has anyone else basically feel like they have run head on into a brick wall with people opposing their engagment/wedding instead of being happy and celebrating with them?

LauraT25 · March 2010

I would say that as far as the online community goes, there's no need to mention your age one way or another - even if it's well-intentioned, making a point of how mature you are usually comes off wrong. If you don't make your age an issue, most people will never know how old you are and it won't come up unless you talk like a 13 year-old.

IRL, I know it can be frustrating. Just remember that everyone has their own experience and most people mean well, so just try to smile and ignore it. If you know you're making the right decision, you don't need to listen to them and you shouldn't let it get to you, even though that's tough sometimes.

vanessa7889 · March 2010

I'm 20 and will be 21 when I get married, and people tell me all the time that I am too young to get getting married. I just have to keep ignoring them and it makes me want to prove them wrong. At the end of the day I know I'm doing whats best for me and what feels right and thats all that matters. Don't let other peoples opinions discourage you, there just opinions.

your not alone!

krissydawn16 · March 2010

I'm 22 (turned that in Feb) and I haven't gotten much of that. I'm the second of my friends to get married and FI is the second of his friends to get married. Aren't there studies that say getting married young is a good thing?! I'm pretty sure I've heard that before.

jagore08 · March 2010

I did marry the man I was dating when I was 21, though we didn't marry until I was 27. We started dating when we were 16. We grew together both in maturity and emotionally over the years. I'm glad we didn't get married when we were 21 but to each their own.

nefariousmango · March 2010

As PP said, it's hard to know how to deal with this IRL, but online it's easy enough to just never say how old you are and therefore avoid the drama.

I never had a problem with this until I shaved my head last year for St Baldrick's Day, and suddenly everyone thought I was 18 (I'm 24). Now I'm super sympathetic to how much it sucks to be told you're too young to make important decisions!

Also, my grandparents got married when they were 19, my aunt and uncle were 19 and 10, respectively, and both have been married />50 years, so don't let people convince you that you're too young and it won't last!

nefariousmango · March 2010

(sorry, my uncle was 20, not 10, lol)

MelanieK2011 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:5f0e3d1c-f087-43f3-9292-cf30ac30803aPost:99f75bcf-cd6c-4f4b-a82b-a997537e77ab">Re: age</a>:
[QUOTE]Aren't there studies that say getting married young is a good thing?! I'm pretty sure I've heard that before.
Posted by krissydawn16[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually...no. Studies have shown that divorce rates go down with increasing age...so someone who marries at age 30 is less likely to get divorced than someone who marries at age 20. Increasing levels of education are also correlated with a lesser divorce rate.</div><div>
</div><div>There's a really good discussion about all of this in <em>Committed</em> by Elizabeth Gilbert (she also wrote <em>Eat Pray Love</em>). I highly recommend it!</div><div>
</div><div>Finally, I'm not judging anyone - I think that people should always do what's right for them. I just wanted to clear up this misconception.</div><div>
</div><div>Hope this helps! :)</div>

splashmadison · March 2010

I understand what you´re feeling. I´m also under 24 and marrying in two months, but my fiance is 26. Many people give me funny looks and ask why I don´t feel the need to date around some more, but you really just have to ignore those people. If you give them any credit they´ll break you down even if you are sure that you are doing the right thing. A lot of people who married at older ages can´t understand this particular `problem so I´m with you in understanding. As for ranting about it on the boards...well it´s true you don´t have to share your age and that sometimes freaking out about people´s advice/opinions can just make you seem less mature.

Just take a breath anytime anyone says something about how young you are and keep going. In the big view of things it's meaningless...and I'm sure most people on the boards are simply just trying to pass on advice that they think is helpful. I know my cousin did that the other day and my mother almost uninvited her to the wedding for being so rude (not about age, about something else). So remember, it's sometimes just misguided advice and you can't do anything about it so try to relax and let it just go right past you.

After all, what matters is that you and your fiance know this is the right thing. Good luck with this! I know it took me a couple months of our engagement to fully get over everyone harping on me about age, so if I could do it you can too!

mixtapehearts · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:5f0e3d1c-f087-43f3-9292-cf30ac30803aPost:95a444f8-8484-4b56-adc9-56a21221750a">Re: age</a>:
[QUOTE]When you have to go around justifying how mature and capable you are...it makes others realize how young you are. You want to be treated as old and wise and mature...simply act like it.
Posted by nyrek[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Well put.

boatkicker · March 2010

I got kicked out of a dress shop once for being too young. A women who worked there came up and told me not to buy a dress or even get married, because no marriage that happens before the couple is 30 will ever survive. She told me it was a waste of money and that I should probably just "end it with the boy now and go home to my mommy."

The manager was off at lunch at the time and this woman was the only one in the store. I should have gone back a little later and let the manager know what was going on, but I was too ashamed. My pride was hurt. I couldnt bring myself to go back in. Besides, I was moving in a few days.

That was almost a year ago now.

splashmadison · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:5f0e3d1c-f087-43f3-9292-cf30ac30803aPost:2f609dae-a842-4e5f-b455-657448c0e0aa">Re: age</a>:
[QUOTE]I got kicked out of a dress shop once for being too young. A women who worked there came up and told me not to buy a dress or even get married, because no marriage that happens before the couple is 30 will ever survive. She told me it was a waste of money and that I should probably just "end it with the boy now and go home to my mommy."
Posted by boatkicker[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wow! I can't believe anyone would say that to you! Especially someone in a dress shop...you'd think they would want your business. </div><div>
</div><div>Besides, there are plenty of marriages that survive when they got married before 30. My good family friends were married when they were 18, right out of high school, and are still together 26 years later. And this was Seattle, not the south (because someone mentioned before that it seems people marry younger in the south). Also my parents. My dad was 21 and my mom 30 when they got married. People discouraged them (especially his parents) but they are still happy together after 25 years.</div><div>
</div><div>I just hate when people do things like that and say things like that based on age.

</div>

lisarose7 · March 2010

People will always find a reason to tell you you're too old or too young to do something. Ignore them. Even if you're making a mistake, it's your mistake to make (I'm not saying you are, of course, that was a big IF). I'm over 30 and people are always on my case about why didn't I marry my FI sooner, or why haven't I had kids yet. I was engaged to a different guy when I was 19 and back then it was, why did I want to settle down so young. Your decisions will never make everyone else happy, so just worry about doing what's right for you.

wcvsb3b5 · March 2010

I don't have this problem IRL, as far as people that are actually important to me go. People that don't know me may say things but I don't really care about that. As far as on these boards I have seen some posts about young people but most often they are directed towards girls that are still whining like babies that mommy and daddy aren't paying for the wedding and they aren't independent so I don't take it to heart. I don't even tell anyone how old I am on here because I don't think it's important..

cee.rae · March 2010

Girl let me tell you! If I had a dollar for everytime someone said, "HOW old are you??" after I told them I was engaged, I'd be rich. It upsets me that people can't see how happy I am to be engaged, they just judge me on my age. And we're having a long engagement too, which is even more annoying when they say I'm too young to get married. I totally understand how you feel, because I feel just as frusterated. Just hold on to your confidence in your relationship with your fiance, and just know that you'll be able to show everyone who doubts you that you are READY! It feels lovely to be engaged, doesn't it?!

Katshia · March 2010

I'm 20 and my fiance 21, have not had too many problems with age. We have already been living together for a year and a half, which has helped imensually with our relationship and how close we are, as well as people viewing us as adults now that were in the real world. It pretty much depends how you act as far as your family and friends point of view. Only negative think I have had happen is David's Bridal completely ignored me with an apointment, the girl just told us to look around and ask before we tryed on anything when they were at the foot of every 'older' bride. I spoke with the manager and got the resolved thank you! (I did buy my gown there, only because it was the perfect gown for me.) It sucks, but you have to deal. Just act mature about it. Also, if your paying for the wedding yourself people respect you alot more. Yay for me I guess?

Lenore2010 · March 2010

I am from the other end of the age spectrum-44 and I think there is no magic time to get married.

I have a friend from kindergarten who met her husband at 14, married at 22 and now they have been married for over 20 years. I have also seen many couples who did everything "right", dated at least a few years, lived together (a lot of people now say you should live together first, but that is a personal and religious thing), did premarital counseling, were financially secure and done with their educations, you name it who ended up divorced in a short time.

Younger people are statistically more likely to divorce. SO much changes for most people between say, 20 and 30 that sometimes it is difficult to do that changing with a partner and still have a viable marriage. However, and it is a big "however", one of my favorite sayings is that people are not statistics. You and yours might be like that little old couple from a wedding I read about: the 20 something bride's grandparents had married when they were both 19, and on her wedding day they were both turning 79 and celebrating 60 years of marriage is addition to their granddaughter's wedding.

Best wishes on a long and happy life together!

sophistryliz · March 2010

I'm 22 as well. My fiance is 26, which is a bit older, but we have not received any form of negativity whatsoever. Maybe there is a different underlying issue for people? Congratulations nevertheless!

felicia220 · March 2010

I always get "How Old are you?!" But that is because I look a lot younger then I am. Most people like I am 18-20yrs old, I'm actually 26, so that can get kind of funny. I understand your reaction to defend yourself on this board, I thought that was what it was like when I first started posting, but then I realized that the only one who has to be happy with my decision is me.

I am going to make a very general statement here: Just because you are older DOES NOT make you wiser. In a lot of case people mature and are able to see things differently. But I know tons of people who are much older then me and they act like they are 14.

So you need to take what people say here with a grain of salt and just move on with your wedding planning.

littlebearbride32106 · March 2010

Thanks for all the support guys!! It really helps!!

Congrats to all of you on your engagements and good luck on any upcoming weddings and with planning!!!

RichSteph21210 · March 2010

I am 20 and will be 21 when we get married and my FI will be 26. I have been told a few times that I am too young and such, but as long as you have your stuff together and you believe in the decisions you are making than everyone else can take a hike, whether they are "wiser" or not. I have been fighting for my relationship to be accepted since the day we first started dating. Obviously with the age difference people weren't happy that a 22 year old was dating a 17 year old, but, I have long since learned that you have to do what is right by you and if that is getting married in a year then so be it. Don't let people come down on you because of your age it is how you respond and how you take their expected reactions that makes you the better person. People will take their own life experiences and try to inject them into yours and it doesn't work that way. Everyone is different. EX. My mom and dad started dating when my mom was 17 and my dad was 20 and at 18 my mom got pregnant. SO when they found out I was in a similar situation, age wise, my mom immediately thought I would get pregnant as well. However, learning from my mom's situation, I was absinate for the first 2 years of our relationship until I felt I was ready for the responsibility of making that decision. Sorry for the long message but I completely think you should just let it slide. take it with a grain of salt, and be you. And part of being you, is making your own decisions and not caring what others think or say. Good Luck fellow young-in!!!

Jenni.Adams · March 2010

I'm 21 and FI is 20 we've been together nearly 5 years and I've known him for 9 both of us dated around quite a bit in school and each of us has been in serious relationships before so we know what we want and what we don't want. I haven't posted a lot on these boards, I've mostly been lurking but I've noticed unless you go around defending your age and how mature you are most people don't even notice, I look a lot younger then I am, I look about 17 is what I'm told and nobody has ever questioned me when I say I'm engaged. Part of that has to do with the fact that I live in Utah where if your not married by the time your 23 or 24 your considered wierd and an outcast but it also has to do with the fact that even though FI and I have had arguments before neither one of us did the typical break up and 5 days later your back together type of thing. I even made sure we dated other people for 3 or 4 months before becoming 'boyfriend and girlfriend" just so we didn't feel like we were rushing into anything and knew we actually really liked each other before we got to that stage instead of just being in 'teenage love' or the 'OMG i can't live without you for one second' type of thing. We also have been living on our own and paying for college by ourselves so we have a pretty good grasp on what it takes to budget and stick to it as well as dealing with living with people other then family, so I really haven't gotten a lot of crap for being young because people know both of us and honeslty don't see a problem with us getting married.

I have, however, had friends who have gotten married within the last year and people gave them all kinds of hell for it because they have had immature relationships in the past doing the we're going to break up every week thing or arguing over lame things like if he wanted to go hang out with his buddies over the weekend instead of you.

I'm by no means judging to each their own but maybe if you're getting a lot of crap for being so young you should look at your relationship a bit closer or even your past relationships from an outsiders point of view and see if you portray this air of maturity in them that you feel the need to profuse to random internet strangers about.

Again to each their own and best wishes in your engagement as well as marriag. BTW I think the people who are saying well I wouldn't have married the person I was dating at 21 blah blah blah mean well but I also think its a bunch of bull because yes you grow and change so much in your twenties your finding yourself and getting to know what you really want out of life but you also grow and change continously through-out your life and your wants and needs change at every age not just in your twenties.

As long as you guys have a plan for a budget, how you want to live, how you want to raise your kids or if your going to even have kids, what will you do if certain situations arise like a lost job or death of a car, do you have funds saved up for such events do you agree on things like family values and religious values etc if you've thought about and talked about these kind of things then your probably ready to get married, if you haven't you may want to figure some of them out before you go with the till death do us part

Again not judging and congrats

ceilidhsaunders · March 2010

I'm 20 and will be getting married when I am 21. My boyfriend is quite a bit older than me, but when it really comes down to it, age is just a number.

disturbedkitty · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:5f0e3d1c-f087-43f3-9292-cf30ac30803aPost:d83b663a-4f82-4d28-abfa-7b566433e67b">Re: age</a>:
[QUOTE] 30 years ago if you weren't married by 20 you were a freak.
Posted by mollysophia[/QUOTE]

<div>lol! So true! I think even 20 years ago it was strange to get married in your 30s and 40s. </div><div>
</div><div>Just because someone is older does NOT mean they are wiser or more mature! Take, for example, my FI's 40-something-year-old aunt. When she found out about the engagement (she disapproves of getting married young), she refused to talk to me or even make eye contact. When I asked her a question or tried to make small talk, she would look at my future sister-in-law (Amanda) and say "did you say something, Amanda?". Oh yeah, now THAT'S mature. The woman is in her late 30's, early 40's, (today's "perfect age" for getting married) and she is basically playing the "did someone hear the wind?" game. </div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and has anyone else noticed that all of the models pictured in wedding dresses are in their 20's? And yet I have heard more than one story of brides being chased out of shops because of their young age!</div><div>
</div><div>When it comes down to it, it sucks. It really does. You may not be considered "the right age" for a bride these days, but you are young and you have your <em>whole life</em> to spend with your new hubby. Just relax and stop fighting the older women on the Knot boards. There's <em>always</em> going to be some ol' dingbat thinking you're too young or too immature to be a bride, especially if you stomp your feet and scream " I am <em>not</em> too young!!!" (because that just proves their point). So just lift your chin up and smile (and take comfort in the fact that you probably don't get all wrinkly when you do). You are a beautiful, young bride! :)</div>

sgervais88 · March 2010

Wow. I am a young bride as well and haven't really had to deal with any negative comments. Except from my aunt. When she found out we were having a long engagement (2 1/2 years) she replied "That's the best news I've heard all day. But if you want to make my week, you can just forget about this whole engagement thing completely."

Not likely.

You just have to ignore those who are negative. If you are mature enough and responsible to make the decision (read: financially stable, etc) then who cares about what others think? This is your decision.

CrimsonDusk · March 2010

I too am 21 and will be 22 just before the wedding. Honestly I think if you have your degree and are capable of handling a job and finances then you should not worry what others say about getting married young. I know my mom wants me to wait but I kinda think that's partly because I am the youngest and last to move out of the house and partly because she wants to make sure that we will be more than financially stable. Honestly I think some people do get married too young but considering you have finished school, well the next two things in life are to get a job and get married!

CourtneyBC · April 2010

I'm actually surprised to hear that. The closest I've had to beig told to wait were from people who knew me when I was little and they just say "You can't get married! You're still 14, right?" or "You can't get married! I just held you in your mom's hospital room yesterday!" Which is annoying but not remotely rude... And I'm definitely younger than you. (I'm 20, I'm getting married in May, and my birthday's not til October.)

debbies44 · April 2010

I was told twice in a 3 day span that I was too young to get married! One person thought I looked younger than I was, but the other guy was so rude! He said "you should wait until you are at least 25" after I had already told him I would be 23 when I get married. Ugh, how rude! I didn't ask you for your opinion, so I told him "Thanks, but it actually works really well for us"

I have had a couple of friends say they could personally never get married at this age, but always say that my FI and I are the perfect couple and it would be weird if we didn't get married now because we practically are! I don't find that offensive...most of them say it's a personal choice and I totally agree! I have always known I wanted to be married by the time I finished college...having a family in a HUGE part of my life dreams. I think it's ok if you don't want to get married at a younger age, but keep your thoughts to yourself!

zeb_sas · April 2010

I have been dating my husband since I was 13 and married at 19. People shouldn't judge by age, when most adults are immature anyway.

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