Tacky?

[Deleted User] · June 2012

I am having a semi-casual wedding at a park where we will be having lawn games and a buffet style dinner. The invite is a post card with ceremony information on the front and blank on the back. I was thinking about printing a sticker with this on it:

Reception

Immediately following the ceremony, the celebration continues at The Grafton Dells with drinks, dinner, games, and dancing.

Accommodations

A limited block of rooms has been reserved under the name of “______/__________ Wedding” at:

The Hotel Name

address, WI 55555
(555) 555-5555

Things to know

Dress for the ceremony and dinner will be formal, but guests can change into comfortable clothing for the reception.

Parking for the ceremony and reception is at T_______________.

We will provide a shuttle from the reception to The Hampton Inn starting at 10:00 pm.

Beer, soda, milk, coffee and lemonade will be provided. All other drinks are available at a cash bar.

Is this too tacky?

J&K10910 · June 2012

I don't really get WHY you'd do that. You're going to need RSVP cards, no? So why not make a separate card with the info there on it too?

And even if you don't need RSVP cards (which you'll probably regret), where will you put the address and stamp to send it then? You'll need an envelope anyway. You might as well print a new card. OR have it printed on the backs of the existing card. I wouldn't use a sticker.

MangoSong · June 2012

If you are not doing RSVP cards, include the e-mail or phone number to RSVP to and by what date you would like RSVPs by.

I would take out the cash bar.

I would take out most of everything else and put it on the website and direct them to check the website for more information.

J&K10910 · June 2012

Oh yeah, I missed the cash bar thing, definitely don't mention that.

And you can't require formal dress for a buffet reception at a park. Sorry Charlie. Formal means sit down dinner, open bar, etc.

ajmom2two · June 2012

I think it seems a little odd, especially since you are having a formal ceremony. Also, I don't think its appropriate to tell the guests to dress formally or tell them to have something to change into for the reception. I am honestly not trying to be mean at all...I just think a formal ceremony and a super casual reception kind of don't work well together. Maybe it just seems odd to me to need to change in between and to get a postcard for a formal wedding, with a sticker on the back? Also, I think it looks odd to list all the individual drinks available like that. If you have read any posts on this site you should know how most feel about cash bars. I am not going to lie, I have never been to a wedding that didn't have a partial cash bar, but after hearing how rude many feel it is we are NOT having one. I did not want to risk offending anyone, even if it is common where I live. Some of the information might be more appropriate on your wedding website if you have one.

MangoSong · June 2012

I agree, if it's casual, which is seems it is, you can't really ask people to dress formally.

Formal implies sit down dinner. Don't get me wrong, I think the postcard idea is cute for a casual wedding, but that's exactly it, it's casual.

gailpete · June 2012

I'm confused. You're are having a semi-casual wedding, but the card says ceremony and dinner are formal and guests can change for the reception. Dinner is part of the reception (so how can it be formal and casual), and are you expecting guests to bring a change of clothes to the reception to change into?

Not touching the cash bar issue.

J&K10910 · June 2012

Also? Your invitations are supposed to clue people into the formality.

if you had a post card with a sticker on the back, I would possibly be tempted to show up in jeans.

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

I agree with the points others have made. Don't mention cash bar, don't tell people what to wear, and don't expect guests to change in between. What a PITA that would be as a guest.

MyUserName1 · June 2012

No way am I wearing formal attire to a park wedding and then CHANGING to play bocci ball after dinner.

scstar17 · June 2012

I've been to a wedding in The Dells. This sounds about right.

J&K10910 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9da399cd-5e36-42b8-a691-3ac781055e3bPost:fc03c826-1d40-4491-ad45-167e4e6bedb2">Re: Tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to a wedding in The Dells. This sounds about right.
Posted by scstar17[/QUOTE]

Errrr, the Grafton Dells is not Wisconsin Dells.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

I appreciate many of your comments.

We are doing a cash bar for mixed drinks. There is a RSVP card. I am not expecting people to dress in dresses and suits, just no jeann shorts. We are having a sit down buffet style dinner. I know it is not ideal for many people, but it is my wedding, and what I want.

Does anyone have a constructive way to let my guests know that they can change if they choose to, they should bring cash for mixed drinks, and parking is at the park with a shuttle back to the hotel?

J&K10910 · June 2012

"Sit down dinner" in the way I used it means served. Not just that people aren't standing.

Your wedding itself is fine. Your reception is fine. I don't give a fuuuuck about your cash bar. But you can't have a wedding and reception in a park with lawn games and a sticker on your invitations and tell people "formal dress" because you don't want them wearing jean shorts.

Make your invitations indicative of the level of formality with which you wish people to dress, the parking info can go on a card or printed on the back of the invite, and if you REALLY feel the need to spread the word about the cash bar, go with word of mouth.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

I am not changing the location of my wedding, what we are offering for dinner, or what we are doing with a cash bar.

I am looking for ideas on how to inform people of what to expect. If you have an idea I would love to hear it.

MangoSong · June 2012

You asked if it was tacky, and people said it was tacky to have a cash bar.

However, you seem really set on it. If you want to do it, that's up to you, however I STILL would not put cash bar on your invitation/postcard. That is definitely tacky to put that information ON the invitation.

For about half the information on your postcard, I would simply direct the guests to the wedding website and take it off the postcard.

Maybe say something like "work casaul"

J&K10910 · June 2012

No one is telling you to change the location of your wedding or change your dinner.

gailpete · June 2012

When you tell your guests it is formal, you are telling them that the men should be in tuxedos, women in formal gowns, among many other things. Unfortunately, there is no polite way to say "no jean shorts". You just have to hope your guests know what proper attire is. If anyone shows up in jean shorts, it reflects on them and not you.

The only information listed above you can politely supply in your invitation is the information about the shuttle. However, it shouldn't be on a sticker on the back of another card, it should be a separate card in the invitation. Many people won't look at the back of the card and will miss the information, even if it is printed on the back.

MyUserName1 · June 2012

Formal =/= don't wear jean shorts.

If I saw "formal" on an invitation and wore a gown, and H wore a three piece suit (because that is formalwear) and showed up and turns out it's not a formal wedding, i'd be piiiiiiiiiiiiissed.

Information like "you can change!" belongs on a wedding website, not an invitation.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

Ok. Maybe I need to clarify.

I sent out save the dates as post cards.
I am sending out one envelope with a post card invited and a post card response card. The front of the invited has information for our outdoor ceremony. The back side is blank. I was thinking about adding a map, or the information provided above. I didn't print it because I am looking for feedback on wording. I am unsure of how people are telling their guests to bring money for a partial cash bar. Also, we will be having some lawn games for people to play. I want people to know that if they want to change, they can. Also, we are having a buffet style dinner from Saz's. It is not a formal sit down dinner. We will still be doing speeches and other traditional "events". We are having our DJ set up outside on a patio as well. I thought it would be nice for people to be aware of how outdoor our wedding will be.

I am not expecting people to wear fancy clothes, but I do not want them coming in typical park clothingg either.

I am looking for advice on how to word/inform guests of what I am planning.

J&K10910 · June 2012

Am I invisible?

I gave you advice. MUNI suggested (a bit tongue in cheek, but a good suggestion nonetheless) a wedding website for your guests.

That's the best advice you'll get because those are the only things you can do without being rude. So if you're looking for something else, you won't find it here.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

I will take out the word "formal".

[Deleted User] · June 2012

Thank you! I will look into some websites.

MangoSong · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9da399cd-5e36-42b8-a691-3ac781055e3bPost:c8bf9247-34f5-4b10-9f82-82c213e477c1">Re: Tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you! I will look into some websites.
Posted by eadimoff9432[/QUOTE]

There are a lot of free wedding websites:
<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.weddingwire.com/">http://www.weddingwire.com/</a>
<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.weddingchannel.com/">http://www.weddingchannel.com/</a>
<a href="http://www.mywedding.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.mywedding.com/</a>
to name a few.

DramaGeek · June 2012

Reception

Dinner, drinks, dancing and games will be held at The Grafton Dells immediately following the ceremony.

Accommodations

A limited block of rooms has been reserved under the name of “______/__________ Wedding” at:

The Hotel Name

address, WI 55555
(555) 555-5555

Things to know

Parking for the ceremony and reception is at T_______________.

A shuttle will be provided from the reception to The Hampton Inn starting at 10:00 pm.

Beer, soda, milk, coffee and lemonade will be available.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

Yes, I've got it. I'm looking into a website.

aurianna · June 2012

The reason you're having trouble figuring out a way to tell your guests they'll need money for the cash bar is that in a perfect world, guests should never need to bring money to a wedding. It's hard to find a good way to phrase it, because there isn't one.

Also, I don't think I'd need anything to tell me I have permission to change clothes. If I knew where the ceremony was and where the reception was, and that there would be games, if I decided myself that that merited a costume change, I would bring my change of clothes in a big purse and change myself regardless if the invite or website told me it was an option. So I don't think you need to worry about that too much.

On the website make the things that you ARE hosting/offering clear (rather than the thngs that you aren't, like mixed drinks). If people see that you're hosting wine & beer on the website, but would really prefer mixed drinks, they'll probably bring money anyway just in case it's offered for purchase. I know I would.

On the website, rather than telling peopel they can change, make it very clear what each location is like and what events will occur at each. If it's clear, people can probably decide on their own if they'll want to change or not.

LeiselEB · June 2012

eadimoff, not sure if you'll come back to read this, but...

I think the absolute best way to convey to your guests that this is not a super formal wedding, but that it's not a jeans and t shirt kind of thing either, is to change the style of your invitations. A postcard, no matter what the wording says, will imply casual. And since the wording that others pointed out was not appropriate for the invitation and will be moved to a website, the style is really all your guests have to go by until (or if) they view the website.

I'd suggest doing a simple card with an envelope. Use a nice font, but when you give your venue name try to hint at the outdoor location without mentioning the food, games, etc. "The Lawn at...." or "The Gardens at..." are good ways to do that.

Head over to the Invites and Paper board when you get your final wording, we can proof it all for you and give pointers

mica178 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tacky-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9da399cd-5e36-42b8-a691-3ac781055e3bPost:ef692a76-da2f-4179-8a5b-5802a8e7e701">Re: Tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I invisible? I gave you advice. MUNI suggested (a bit tongue in cheek, but a good suggestion nonetheless) a wedding website for your guests. That's the best advice you'll get because those are the only things you can do without being rude. So if you're looking for something else, you won't find it here.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think the OP wants unsolicited advice, and I doubt she cares that she's being rude.</div><div>
</div><div>It is "her day," after all.</div>

m tulli · June 2012

I would leave off dress and maybe get word of mouth out that people can change into casual clothing if they want. I know cash bars are frowned upon but if your having one I think a small note on the bottom of the invite is needed so your guest come with money.

hoffse · June 2012

I agree with Leisel that a postcard screams informal, no matter what you write on it. While I wouldn't wear jeans to a wedding in the first place, I also wouldn't show up in my Sunday best if you know what I mean, and definitely not office clothes.

Tacky?

Re: Tacky?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards