kids or no kids?

erguster · March 2010

Hey all- I'm looking for some input on how you handled having kids or no kids at your wedding/reception. Because of attendance numbers, we'd like to limit the kids we have attending to first cousins...but I'm a little concerned about how to handle this with family members. A few of our cousins have kids, and some of our first cousins are the same age. I don't want anyone to feel left out by seeing that other kids are there, when their kids are not. In a perfect world, everyone would be able to be there, but we have to draw the line somewhere,,, please help!! TIA!

ssminy79 · March 2010

Yes, this is a touchy subject and I am anticipating a few upset cousins with our decision to have children 14 and over. However, if they question my decision, I am just going to let them know that because of the timing of the wedding and reception-it is all at night, that I don't think their young children would enjoy themselves, thus resulting in the parents not being able to stay for very long. Hopefully they can respect that, and if they don't, then they are going to miss one hell of a party.

I think it really is a all or nothing type of deal. If it is just a few kids, maybe 10, perhaps it won't be a problem? Of course you always have to figure kids into the cost of everything. That was another reason why we are choosing not to have children-it gets expensive!!

HTH!!

hkiesling · March 2010

Etiquette-wise, I think you need to let all kids attend or no kids at all (with a possible exception for young siblings, own kids, or FGs/RBs). How would you feel if you were told you couldn't bring your FI to a dinner, only to show up and find out half of the other people brought their dates?

That said, we had kids at our wedding (maybe 20), and I think they had the best time at the wedding. They were out dancing all night long, posing in the photo wall, and playing with each other. I saw a lot of kids still there at 10:00 PM, so I can't really say that their parents felt they had to leave early. Since then, one cousin, 9, has said that it was the best day of his life and another cousin, 7, sent me his Flat Stanely project from school because he wanted to tell his classmates about the time he came out to St. Paul. Pretty much reaffirmed to me that it was a good decision to have them here.

Qston · March 2010

We have limited ours to only out of town kids (plus our nieces and nephew), so that people from out of town still want to make the trip, and not leave their kids with a stranger baby sitter. I figure anyone in town can find their own babysitter for the night.

We eliminated about 30 people by doing this, and I know kids enjoy weddings, but I don't want 40 kids on my dance floor all night long!

LolaBelle515 · March 2010

This is tough. We limited our kids invites to our first cousins and our first cousin's children...which for us is 4 kids under the age of 14, and elimiates about a dozen of friends and extended family member's kids. It's hard because every family is different, since it sounds like for you there are a lot more than that.

I started very early on telling people in group settings (parties and such) that we aren't having kids at the wedding...so that our friends with babies would know that well in advance.

For family, I think if you can explain the exact "rule" you're going by, that will help. Like you said, you're limiting it to first cousins. That way, you can explain it to people in advance why you're doing what you're doing. It isn't "we like our other cousin more than you, so she gets to bring her kid"...

So far, it has helped that with people with children, we pre-filled out their RSVP card with the names of the parents (and did not include the kids names)...so that they know their child is not part of the list.

Some brides also provide child care for their guests who have children. This is a way of making sure the families with kids can still have a good time, and makes it clear that the kids are expected at the wedding, and keeps the evening cheaper for the families because they don't have to hire a babysitter.

Good luck!

hkiesling · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:9ec2f86f-3d63-487b-b864-191d1062efb4Post:6455dd43-42f5-43ca-84ea-8020f27f8245">Re: kids or no kids?</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't want 40 kids on my dance floor all night long!
Posted by Qston[/QUOTE]

I never understood this. I get that it costs to feed kids, especially those that you may not know all that well, but it doesn't cost anything to have them on the dance floor. Are you planning on have non-kid-appropriate music/dancing?

Some of my very best memories as a kid were going to weddings. That's one of the ways you get to know a lot of your extended family. To each her own, though.

ssminy79 · March 2010

I don't want 40 kids on my dance floor all night long!
Posted by Qston

I totally get this statement. Some people really want dance, and with kids running around it might cause othwised enthused dancers to leave the floor-especially if it is a small dance floor.

With our reception, it is going to be all about the music and we have some serious dancers coming to our reception.

I totally get the enjoyment factor for the kids, but if a bride isn't into it, that is completely her decision!

erguster · March 2010

thanks everyone! I guess the reason why this is hard for me is because it's not all the kids I'm worried about. One of my cousins has 3 kids who are particularly unruly, and at family gatherings they don't see it as their responsibility to calm the kids down when they get too out of control. I think we decided to limit our festivities to first cousins and out of town kids only, as that would only end up being 5 kids instead of like 30. thanks for the help!

cswaldon · March 2010

Rather than having a hard age cutoff for our reception, we decided to cut it off based on relation. So, we're decided NOT to invite cousins (only aunts, uncles, and grandparents). It's actually made it really easy for us, but of course some are really offended.

We told our parents to tell their siblings that the cousins will not be invited and I think our parents kind of emphasized the fact that we're paying for the vast majority the wedding ourselves, I'm still in school, and FI JUST found a job.

Of course you'd want to include everyone you care about, and yes, some people will get offended, but if you're going to draw a line, find a place that feels as comfortable for you as possible and just brace yourself for the possible fallout.

elizabethandandrew · March 2010

I'm with cswaldon on this one- You have to decide what works for you. We are also paying for the majority of our wedding. If we had a limitless budget I would love to include everyone but unfortunatley that isn't the case.

We can't exclude children entirely because FI 6 year old son is of course going to be there and is a groomsman. I know he would be bored to death if there weren't any other kids and there are cousins that we are very close to and are going to include. There are also some that we have never met or aren't close with who we aren't inviting. We know that there may be some fallout but would much rather have more time to spend our day with those we are close with rather than those we don't know.

kids or no kids?

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