Declined RSVP just made me cry..

[Deleted User] · July 2012

My dad lives in Michigan and he wont be coming to my wedding ( i wasnt expecting him thought) but when he told me that he wasnt gonna make it i was fine...

So my boss who I have worked for almost 2 years just told me that she wont be able to attend ( I would kill a brick over my boss - right - wrong i stick up for her) The wedding is 15 mins away from where we all work and Obviously she's know about this since day 1 - So why cant she attend? AND WHY THE HECK AM I AT MY DESK WIPING TEARS FROM MY FACE.....

HURRY 8/18/2012 - I'M SICK OF PEOPLE

Ballet513 · July 2012

Well why can't she attend? Sometimes theres a good reason whether they knew about the date ahead of time or not. I had to miss a very close friends wedding in September bc someone in my family was getting married the same day 3 hours away, it happens. She understood.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I didnt asked - i just said "ok" and tried to hold it together until I got back to my office....

I guess people are interesting they smile at you all day - but i guess in the end people dont care... which pisses me off

orangemell2012 · July 2012

I had a few of those moments, I have no extended family coming. None of my Aunts or Uncles were willing to drive 5 hours. I was pretty upset and realized that the people who will be there are all that matter!

lb1212 · July 2012

I think you should mention it to your boss that you really wanted her there. Keep it low-key - "I'm super bummed that you won't be there!" and hopefully she'll reply with her reason. It also could be that she felt you invited her out of obligation, not because you really wanted her there.

Lena2317 · July 2012

Not that I dont agree with you regarding people in general sucking during this process. ( i still havent figured out if our pastor is marrying us or if im going to have to get married the day before with the jp.. yep 22 days out and no clue thanks to lack of them responding in any sense of a timely fashion).. Before you jump on that road to people hate.. ASK HER!! Especially if you have a great relationship with her so much that you are in tears she is not coming. You honestly dont know why she declined and it could be a very legit reason (perhaps she needs to make sure your work is covered while your gone...) There is a bright side!!!! Boss cant see all the crazy things that go on in the family (if like mine) and One less plate to pay for = more money to spend on honeymoon

At this point for me.. any no is welcome

Cheers girl. We are gonna be married in less than a month!! No time for tears!!! But plenty of time for hugs... Big one for you:)

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I'm not going to ask her - no one has to cover my work - i'm a corporate trainer and there is NO classes during the 2 weeks i'll be gone - thats why i picked that saturday... and at this point i'm kinda pissy because there is nothing on her calendar to reflect a good reason on why she wont be there... the whole training department - which she is the manager of - will be there and 3 VP's who were invited...

I'm just tired of fake ass people - throught this whole process... i increased my guest count due to 2 different cousins "reminding me " to invite people and both of the cousin havent got a darn plane ticket and now have backed out of coming --- but the other people that i invited baised upon there "reminding me" our coming = +15 people.. I'm just tired PERIOD

libby2483 · July 2012

I'm sorry that she can't make it and I understand how you are disappointed. I was surprised when a coworker of mine who always talked about how excited she was for the wedding RSVPed no, but when I talked to her she had a good reason and I understood. I don't really think it is fair to be angry or call her fake ass, though. Although there is nothing on her calendar that you know of, she might have a personal or family reason that is a very legitimate excuse. I would really talk to her about things so you can understand better.

dawnp917 · July 2012

Maybe your boss feels uncomfortable socializing with her staff outside of work? Maybe she has a family obligation? Maybe she just doesn't like weddings? There are a million reasons why she may not be coming. Don't take it personally. An invitation is not a mandate that the person attend - some guests will attend others won't.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I guess my feelings are hurt - no one in the office cares for her - and i'm always defending her... so its kinda like a slap in the face -- BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE BETTER BE SOME KIND OF GIFT/CARD! ( AND I'M NOT JOKIING)

Kris012 · July 2012

Friends of ours who have known about the wedding since I sent out the STD in January just told me they aren't coming because they don't DO weddings. I burst into tears. WTF, and why couldn't you tell me about this sooner?!?

ChristineNB · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_declined-rsvp-just-made-me-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:0a8cd919-edc5-4a7f-9617-d1d6c63784bdPost:6ca7d6c1-6f8f-4fd7-852b-b87fe60ed604">Re:Declined RSVP just made me cry..</a>:
[QUOTE]Friends of ours who have known about the wedding since I sent out the STD in January just told me they aren't coming because they don't DO weddings. I burst into tears. WTF, and why couldn't you tell me about this sooner?!?
Posted by Kris012[/QUOTE]
WTF that doesn't make any sense? I have heard of people that don't "do" funerals, but I can't imagine someone's reasoning behind not attending weddings.

dawnp917 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_declined-rsvp-just-made-me-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:0a8cd919-edc5-4a7f-9617-d1d6c63784bdPost:3ff70e6e-136f-42c7-931c-ddae8cfc257d">Re: Declined RSVP just made me cry..</a>:
[QUOTE] BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE BETTER BE SOME KIND OF GIFT/CARD! ( AND I'M NOT JOKIING)
Posted by aishaameena[/QUOTE]

Maybe this is why she declined. Would you feel better if she came to your wedding but didn't bring a gift. Whether a person comes or not gifts are NOT required.

FlintstonePearl · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_declined-rsvp-just-made-me-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:0a8cd919-edc5-4a7f-9617-d1d6c63784bdPost:3ff70e6e-136f-42c7-931c-ddae8cfc257d">Re: Declined RSVP just made me cry..</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess my feelings are hurt - no one in the office cares for her - and i'm always defending her... so its kinda like a slap in the face -- <strong>BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE BETTER BE SOME KIND OF GIFT/CARD! ( AND I'M NOT JOKIING)</strong>
Posted by aishaameena[/QUOTE]

I was feeling sorry for you before I read this. Nobody owes you their attendance or a gift. Stop crying and get over yourself.

libby2483 · July 2012

In Response to Re:Declined RSVP just made me cry..:I guess my feelings are hurt no one in the office cares for her and i'm always defending her... so its kinda like a slap in the face BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE BETTER BE SOME KIND OF GIFT/CARD! nbsp; AND I'M NOT JOKIINGnbsp; Posted by aishaameena This makes you sound really selfish and entitled. No one is ever required to get you a card or gift whether they attend or not.

kthowell · July 2012

@ Libby h*ll if they dont.... I wish people stop acting llike they dont look forward to a gift for their wedding. I know I better have some (call me what you want)

libby2483 · July 2012

I am definitely looking forward to gifts, and I know that most guests will get me one. But if some don't for any reason, I certainly won't be angry about it. And etiquette wise, most people do give gifts, but no one is obligated to.

kthowell · July 2012

I never said anyone was obligated but a lot of people act like its horrible to want gifts. Of course if people cant bring you a gift its no big deal but i have seen a lof of people is like my guest presence is good enough! yea right .......not

dawnp917 · July 2012

It's not horrible to want gifts. It's horrible to expect or demand them. I'm one of those people that says my guests presence is enough for me. The majority of our guests are flying across the country & spending the weekend in a hotel. Just them being at the wedding is actually quite enough for me & my FI. I'm not having a wedding to get presents or money there is actually very little that FI and I need. Spending the day with our family and closest friends is all I want.

tlal1026 · July 2012

I've told the people I don't want gifts. All I want is them to be at my wedding. It's not about the gifts, Pretty sad to expect gifts, not only from the people who are attending your wedding but also from the ones who are not attending.

bmetz34 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_declined-rsvp-just-made-me-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:0a8cd919-edc5-4a7f-9617-d1d6c63784bdPost:222788ac-8262-4329-92ac-0001e7458dca">Re: Declined RSVP just made me cry..</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not horrible to want gifts. It's horrible to expect or demand them.
Posted by dawnp917[/QUOTE]

This, exactly. Of course it's nice to get gifts, but it's completely rude and crass to say someone better get you something. That would be enough of a reason for me not to go to someone's wedding.

kthowell · July 2012

Yea okay sure! Never been to a wedding that a couple said oh your presence is good enough . Different strokes for different folks.

kthowell · July 2012

Im not demanding a thing but it would be nice to get gifts. But I think if it's not for you it's not for you. I Dnt think she rude for wanting what she wants ... You ladies act like she told her boss she better have gift. Geesh

dawnp917 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_declined-rsvp-just-made-me-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:0a8cd919-edc5-4a7f-9617-d1d6c63784bdPost:82dac5a9-db19-48a5-990f-4a0eabd852ab">Re:Declined RSVP just made me cry..</a>:
[QUOTE]Im not demanding a thing but it would be nice to get gifts. But I think if it's not for you it's not for you. I Dnt think she rude for wanting what she wants ... You ladies act like she told her boss she better have gift. Geesh
Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]

I was responding to the fact that she said she absolutely expects a card or gift in her previous post. This also isn't the first time she has made comments about expecting gifts or sending reminders to guests that even if they don't attend they can still send a gift.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

LMAO - you ladies are too funny...

1. YES I DO EXPECT GIFTS/CARDS/WELL WISHES.... COME ON YOUR LYING TO YOURSELF IF YOU DONT.....

2. I'M QUITE SURE THAT MY BOSS WILL SEND A GIFT BEFORE THE WEDDING (SHE HAS CLASS)..... WE'VE ALREADY RECIEVED GIFTS AND CARDS WITH CASH FROM 3 OUT OF 5 PEOPLE WHO WILL NOT BE ATTENDING....

3. I DID NOT TELL MY BOSS THAT I WANT A GIFT....( I DO HAVE CLASS)

AND LETS BE REAL WE ALL CREATED A WEDDING REGISRTY FOR WHAT? TO GET GIFTS.. AND AFTER ALL OF OUT HARD WORK TO MAKE ALL OF OUR WEDDINGS A SUCCESS YOU KNOW THAT YOU WOULD BE PISSED TO SEE A EMPTY GIFT TABLE OR EMPTY CARD BOX...

******************************************************************************************************************

SO BACK TO MY POST: My boss did tell me that she has to go to chicago to finish her mom's affairs who passed last month.... and thats the 1st weekend that the laywer is free.

bmetz34 · July 2012

if someone wasn't able to attend the wedding and give a gift, I'd still rather have them attend and not give a gift. Of course gifts are nice and we all enjoy getting them, but we're having a small wedding and only having our closest family and friends attend. Any of the "no" RSVPs made us sad and I would definitely rather have someone come and not give a gift, then not come at all. But I guess we've just come to a place in our lives where we value what a person can bring to a wedding by being there rather than what they can bring in an envelope. I also definitely don't expect gifts from people that aren't coming

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I guess i'm just different I'm originally from Michigan but I was raised by traditional etiquette(classes/dances/modeling) - you know how some families have a "family bible" - we have a 1958 original Emily Post - and one thing that don't change is proper Etiquette and now that I live in the South I see that all those lessons paid off and people do follow proper etiquette rules in my circle... SO I'm expecting gifts/cards even from people who are not able to attend...

http://www.emilypost.com/guests
Great guest etiquette starts as soon as you receive an invitation. Here are our top tips:

1. RSVP. Immediately.

RSVP is French for “please respond” (répondez s’il vous plaît). Your most important obligation as a guest is to respond to the invitation immediately, especially if you are unable to attend. At the very least, it allows your host and hostess enough time to give an accurate count to the caterer. There is usually a card to return with your reply. If not, you may write a formal reply or a note indicating your intention.

2. Respect your invitation.

Do not ask your host or hostess if you can bring a date or your children. The invitation will be addressed to the people invited. If you may bring a guest, your invitation will read “Mr. John Phelps and guest.” If your children are invited, they will either receive their own personal invitations or their names will be listed under yours on the envelope. This is not the time to question your host’s decision, to argue or to beg for an exception. And, please, do not add their names to a reply card or show up with them anyway!

3. Send a gift.

If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding—please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

4. Be on your BEST behavior.

Be on time, wear appropriate clothing and be respectful during the marriage ceremony. Pay your respects to the hosts, the wedding party and other guests at the reception.

And remember—

“The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.”

— E. Post

bmetz34 · July 2012

Welllll it's 2012, not 1958... I was raised with morals, being polite, and respectful, even if it wasn't "by the book" literally. I also send gifts when I don't attend an event, I just don't demand/expect gifts from others. Times are different now than they were then, especially since economic times have been tough lately. People are living on one income when they were used to two, etc. Plus your poor boss is dealing with the loss of a parent, the travel involved, and the costs and time and effort. I can think of a few less important reasons someone might not get or remember to get a gift for someone's wedding who they're not attending.

kthowell · July 2012

You ladies are def reading to much into this..... We all want gifts whether you admit it or not! You should never go to any event without bring something or just don't go. Now if your not attending I dnt think you should or be expected to send a gift that just me. I wouldn't be pissed if I didn't get a gift but saying I'm not looking forward to them would be a lie. No I don't think you should go around telling people you better bring a gift or be pissed if they don't!

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Thanks kthowell... Yes These ladies are reading way too much into this- but they are always reading way too much into stuff.... It just racks me up....

and they all know that they want a gift or card - thats why you go to Macy's, BBB, JcPenny,Target and Walmart ( where ever) and you scan for things because you hope ( and hope is a expectaion) that someone will get it for you.... and if you didnt do that then you DONT want gifts but if you did = YOU DO WANT gifts so stop lying to yourself....

LMAO all day -

PS. There was a box from MACY's shipped to my house yesterday from my Boss...

Declined RSVP just made me cry..

Re: Declined RSVP just made me cry..

1. RSVP. Immediately.

2. Respect your invitation.

3. Send a gift.

4. Be on your BEST behavior.

“The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.”

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