Why are some women on here mean?

StarlaandMelvin14 · March 2013

I am not new to the Knot ,but I am new to some of the message boards.I made a couple of posts thinking that I would get some good advice .But later recanted because I knew what I had to do .Instead of congratulating me on my happiness ,I have been insulted.Don't get me wrong some women on here are not like that .Just the few that have commented.i continue to post on here because I know that there are some nice women on here.Can someone enlighten me on why its like that. .I didn't expect the harsh comments . i don't really write on these message boards at all. Yesterday was my first time and was floored by the comments. The first comment was nice and it went downhill from there . I wouldn't be engaged to someone who i couldn't open up to at all. I was hurt by my ex and didn't think I would find love again . So when me and him got together and was talking about marriage , then engaged I didn't want to scare him off. That's why I asked for advice on how to ask him to set a date.

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

Oh, yay, I am so glad that you ran from NEY over here to complain about us! That's so sweet.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-in-love-not-engaged-yet

And then, the next day:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-in-love-not-engaged-yet-1

And then LATER today:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_we-set-a-date-1

We're so mean.

HobokensFury · March 2013

This is not going to go well for you.

QueerFemme · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:a5ee41ff-fa65-4e4e-8bf9-ec9ca8e87fa9">Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not new to the Knot ,but I am new to some of the message boards. I don't understand some of these women on here .Instead of congratualating me on my happiness ,I have been insulted.Don't get me wrong some women on here are not like that .Just the few that have commented.i continue to post on here because I know that there are nice women on here.Can someone enlighten me on why its like that.
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

Cuz, we are all unhappy old married hags!!

No, not really. No one on here is mean. But, lots of us are brutally honest. You aren't going to get rainbows and sunshine blown up your butt when you have a bad idea, or you are doing something that breaches common courtesy or etiquette, or you are talking bad about your wedding party.

The regulars here are going to tell you that your idea is bad, and why. People here ARE happy for you. We love hearing about wedding plannings and will be happy to look at your photos and oooohhh and ahhhhh over your DIY stuff and wedding gown. But, when you post something that is going to go horribly wrong, you are going to hear about it. And trust, people who will be brutally honest with you here, will save you from your friends and family talking about you beind your back.

Most of the time, no one gets "mean" until a poster starts acting like a complete idiot, in my experience.

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:c642955f-c0f2-4d8d-8dc2-3ab131dd2c48">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Why are some women on here mean? : Cuz, we are all unhappy old married hags!! No, not really. No one on here is mean. But, lots of us are brutally honest. You aren't going to get rainbows and sunshine blown up your butt when you have a bad idea, or you are doing something that breaches common courtesy or etiquette, or you are talking bad about your wedding party. The regulars here are going to tell you that your idea is bad, and why. People here ARE happy for you. We love hearing about wedding plannings and will be happy to look at your photos and oooohhh and ahhhhh over your DIY stuff and wedding gown. But, when you post something that is going to go horribly wrong, you are going to hear about it. And trust, people who will be brutally honest with you here, will save you from your friends and family talking about you beind your back. Most of the time, no one gets "mean" until a poster starts acting like a complete idiot, in my experience.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>If you had taken approximately 2 minutes to read the 'New Here? Read This!' thread in NEY, then it wouldn't have been a problem. But mainly, your writing is atrocious, your punctuation and grammar is terrible, and if you are ALREADY ENGAGED (just without the ring, right?) then WTF are you on the NEY board? No love. No love.

</div>

StarlaandMelvin14 · March 2013

I see what you mean .I am not complaining.I am just a little confused.i didn't say anything to offend anyone .All I needed was advice on how to ask my honey to set a date .We set a date last night. I am just ranting and its not going the way I thought it would go.

QueerFemme · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:9440a363-66de-4534-98d3-42885deb9c38">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]I see what you mean .I am not complaining.I am just a little confused.i didn't say anything to offend anyone .All I needed was advice on how to ask my honey to set a date .We set a date last night. I am just ranting and its not going the way I thought it would go.
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

See, the thing is. You should never have to ask for advice on how to approach someone that you are planning to marry. That alone would raise red flags for me, and had I read your original post before now, I would have told you to run for the hills, or get some therapy.

You should easily be able to approach someone that you are planning to spend your life with and say "So, we have talked about marriage. I think it's time we start talking about setting our wedding date. what do you think?" without fear of "pushing him". the fact that you came to an internet forum asking for help with that would signal to me that you two have major communication issues.

But, that's just me.

mcda04 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:9440a363-66de-4534-98d3-42885deb9c38">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]I see what you mean .I am not complaining.I am just a little confused.i didn't say anything to offend anyone .All I needed was advice on how to ask my honey to set a date .We set a date last night. I am just ranting and its not going the way I thought it would go.
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

Starla, Welcome to TK and Congratulations on your engagement.

Please remember that people can only respond based on the information YOU provide. In your OP on NEY; you said you weren't engaged yet. The date is set AFTER you're engaged; what people were trying to tell you was that you DON'T ask your bf when he's proposing and you were getting ahead of yourself.

beachwed10 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:3c0f461a-b8dc-4a85-b304-eeae7ef6ff99">Re:Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Cmgilpin has it covered, so I'm going to take my cheap ring and my cranky haggly old butt to the gym now. Y'all play nice. Or, you know, not.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

HAHAHAHA. I vote for not.

StarlaandMelvin14 · March 2013

Undersstandable yes.I am very softspoken and he knows this .Its not that i couldn't talk to him about it . I heard horror stories of women being too persistant and I didint want that to be me.I have opened to him about more serious topics than this.See what you said cmplglipn was what I was looking for .Nohting more

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:39e8f973-2190-49c7-aeab-4750e2741628">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Undersstandable yes.I am very softspoken and he knows this .Its not that i couldn't talk to him about it . I heard horror stories of women being too persistant and I didint want that to be me.I have opened to him about more serious topics than this.See what you said cmplglipn was what I was looking for .Nohting more
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

<div>Had you had some forethought and read the sticky at the top of NEY before you posted so bizarrely, none of this would have happened! But congrats, I guess. </div><div>
</div><div>Edit: In my hurry to look important, I butchered my sentence. It's fixed.</div>

Salsera29 · March 2013

OP, the way you write is going to give people an impression about you. I'm not saying that we don't all have a typo every now and then, but the fact that you can't figure out how to put a SPACE AFTER A PERIOD makes you look ignorant. When you write like a 3rd grader, people are not going to take you seriously.

Let me break it down for you: last word of the sentence, period, space, new sentence with a capital letter.

And I'm not even an English teacher.

QueerFemme · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:39e8f973-2190-49c7-aeab-4750e2741628">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Undersstandable yes.I am very softspoken and he knows this .Its not that i couldn't talk to him about it . I heard horror stories of women being too persistant and I didint want that to be me.I have opened to him about more serious topics than this.See what you said cmplglipn was what I was looking for .Nohting more
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

Softspoken is speaking in a lower toned voice. Being afraid of speaking to your future husband because you are in fear of being a nag, is another issue all together. I hope that you work on your communication skills.

StarlaandMelvin14 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:28c3ebfb-ed8b-492a-964f-af721cc940f4">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are some women on here mean? : Starla, Welcome to TK and Congratulations on your engagement. Please remember that people can only respond based on the information YOU provide. In your OP on NEY; you said you weren't engaged yet. The date is set AFTER you're engaged; what people were trying to tell you was that you DON'T ask your bf when he's proposing and you were getting ahead of yourself.
Posted by mcda04[/QUOTE]

That was a mistake on my part .I realized it after the fact.We are enagaged I just don't have my ring yet oops.lol .Didn't know how to delete that post and post it under the correct thing ,but I do stand corrected.Trust me I do know how it works and that's why I wanted to fix it .It didn't make me look good at all.

Viczaesar · March 2013

For god's sake, OP, get some therapy. A short thread with a few remarks that you didn't like, and then THREE threads bitching about it and proclaiming how happy and mature you are? Somebody doth protest too much.

mcda04 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:00e6c6c5-2b9d-4f00-ae6b-ef0b6d162b6f">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are some women on here mean? : That was a mistake on my part .I realized it after the fact.We are enagaged I just dont have my ring yet oops.lol .<strong>Ididnt know how to delete that post and post it under the correct thing</strong> ,but I do stand corrected.Trust me I do know how it works and thats why I wanted to fix it .It didnt make me look good at all.
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

One more note; DD (Dirty Deletes) are extremely rude. Don't delete your OP when people have taken the time to comment on it and give you advice. What you can do is note "ETA" (edit to add) and then provide additional info if needed.

AddieCake · March 2013

Starla, I agree with Vic. You look kind of like a crazy pants with the followup threads. When your post wasn't going well, you should have paused and lurked a little before posting again. People aren't mean here, just honest, and sometimes the truth is hurtful. You dust yourself off and move forward.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

Eh, congrats on getting your TK cherry popped. Come back and learn some really good stuff when you're over your sense of injury. Losing my entitled head-blindness was the best thing that ever happened to me and my wedding.

Aint just yo day cuz other ppl exist n stuff.

StarlaandMelvin14 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:6bbccefc-93ba-4934-aa8e-d9bdb24ebbcc">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, the way you write is going to give people an impression about you. I'm not saying that we don't all have a typo every now and then, but the fact that you can't figure out how to put a SPACE AFTER A PERIOD makes you look ignorant. When you write like a 3rd grader, people are not going to take you seriously. Let me break it down for you: last word of the sentence, period, space, new sentence with a capital letter. And I'm not even an English teacher.
Posted by Salsera29[/QUOTE]

Ok so I made a couple of typing errors. i was typing fast and was very irritated at the time. i type better than that . A couple of mistakes does not hender the overall message .

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:708495bc-8671-4178-9a0d-040eef76bd6c">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are some women on here mean? : Ok so I made a couple of typing errors. i was typing fast and was very irritated at the time. i type better than that . A couple of mistakes does not <strong>hinder</strong> the overall message .
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

<div>ftfy</div>

Salsera29 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:708495bc-8671-4178-9a0d-040eef76bd6c">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are some women on here mean? : Ok so I made a couple of typing errors. i was typing fast and was very irritated at the time. i type better than that . A couple of mistakes does not hender the overall message .
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

<div>The only reason I commented on this is because it wasn't a couple mistakes, it was literally every sentence in all 3 of your posts. </div><div>
</div><div>And yes, when you are communicating on a message board, terrible punctuation does hinder your overall message. I know I've been snarky, but honestly, if you slow down a little and type correctly, you will get a better response from people. If you are angry and typing fast, just go back and edit the mistakes before you post. </div>

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:aeb50cf6-b9c1-4656-86bd-3946509b01d9">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are some women on here mean? : ftfy
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>I love you, internet stranger.</div>

Viczaesar · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:708495bc-8671-4178-9a0d-040eef76bd6c">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are some women on here mean? : Ok so I made a couple of typing errors. i was typing fast and was very irritated at the time. i type better than that . A couple of mistakes does not hender the overall message .
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]
Oh the irony.

Sierra524 · March 2013

Is it Friday yet?

Thats all I can say.

peekaboo2011 · March 2013

I would just like to reiterate my sentiment from OP's SECOND post on NEY.

Someone pass the damned vodka.

AJuliaNJ · March 2013

Here we go again...You didn't agree with me so now I'm going to lash out at everyone...Yawn...

HobokensFury · March 2013

Hi all you NEYers! You should stick around CC. I promise we don't bite...MUCH

PreDempsey · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:47075cc2-f7ca-4330-be08-e962448c60cf">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it Friday yet? Thats all I can say.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>It's almost like a little something just to get us through to Friday.</div>

StarlaandMelvin14 · March 2013

Ok . i am not going to lash out on anyone .I am being misunderstood. Trust me my intentions are good. But some people have taken me the wrong way. I don't like confusion . Nor do i like someone insulting my intelligence. I am only saying that some of the comments made were uncalled for . I just want a pleasant experience on here that's it.

beardownbchs · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_why-are-some-women-on-here-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:4eca5490-05aa-4533-b2ad-e0d5053aadb0Post:1e6ed678-c569-401e-b892-b45322629836">Re: Why are some women on here mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok . i am not going to lash out on anyone .I am being misunderstood. Trust me my intentions are good. But some people have taken me the wrong way. I don't like confusion . Nor do i like someone insulting my intelligence. I am only saying that some of the comments made were uncalled for . <strong> I just want a pleasant experience on here that's it.</strong>
Posted by StarlaandMelvin14[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Whining and moaning about how mean everyone is is definitely not the way to do it. Grow up. </div>

audrewuh · March 2013

Seriously Starla, just give it up already.

ETA: more appropriate gif.

Why are some women on here mean?

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