Are FSILs automatically bridesmaids?

CvilleClaire · May 2011

I'm sure this is somewhere on TK, but to be frank, I don't feel like stepping into the general boards, where responses are sometimes less-than-friendly.

FI has two sisters. One is my age, divorced, with a son. That son will be in FI's party (junior groomsman or something like that). The other is in her mid-40s, married, with two children. Those children will be a flower girl and a ring bearer.

Am I obligated to ask the sisters to be bridesmaids? I'm friendly with them and like them a lot, but don't consider them my girlfriends. I'm definitely more comfortable with the one who is my age.

Sarah0335 · May 2011

I don't think you are obligated to ask them at all. I think you are better off doing all or nothing though. if you only asked the one that is your age, the other one may be hurt that she didn't get asked.

mary9449 · May 2011

You're not obligated at all. However, I agree with Sarah, all or nothing is better. Someone's feelings will get hurt if just one is in it.

midgetthemighty · May 2011

You are under no obligation to ask them to be part of the WP. In some families, they think it is very important though, so you're going to want to find out how they feel about it. That being said, if it's something that is expected, you still don't have to do it. I would just want to find out so I knew how to better approach the situation.

If it's something that's considered the "norm" in their family, then I would delicately explain to them that although you love them you only want x, y, and z as bridesmaids.

If it's not considered the "norm" you won't even need to worry about it.

Don't let anyone pressure you into making them a part of the WP.

AnnaKay12 · May 2011

I definitely don't think you should feel obligated to ask them. If you felt close to them, then that would be a different thing.

My FI has five sisters. I'm friendly with each of them as well, but I don't consider them to be my girlfriends either. If I asked them to be bridesmaids, I'd have 11 BMs... yikes! If I were close to them, I wouldn't hesitate to ask them though.

niecie_jeff · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_fsils-automatically-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f68e147c-5d47-4e4a-900a-54eb2a1c55f7Post:fba9a7a2-1832-477e-86ce-b7fdc256b689">Re: Are FSILs automatically bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are under no obligation to ask them to be part of the WP. In some families, they think it is very important though, so you're going to want to find out how they feel about it. That being said, if it's something that is expected, you still don't have to do it. I would just want to find out so I knew how to better approach the situation. If it's something that's considered the "norm" in their family, then I would delicately explain to them that although you love them you only want x, y, and z as bridesmaids. If it's not considered the "norm" you won't even need to worry about it. Don't let anyone pressure you into making them a part of the WP.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

This. You do not have to have them in the wedding.

DodgersBride · May 2011

You don't have to have anyone a bridesmaids if you truly don't want to. Leave it up to your FI if he wants his sisters in the WP and if so does he want them on his side or yours. I would probably let FI handle this since it is his family.

Also you might want to take into consideration the cost of having them and their children in the wedding party.

sweetcanadian1979 · May 2011

You are not obligated but i would ask your fi what he expects or how he feels. If he doesn't care one way or another then do what you feel is right but i think with only 2 it is an all or nothing situation. If you are getting married in a church you can always have them as readers if you want to include them some way.

WEEZIE918 · May 2011

I agree that you don't have to have them in your WP, but I also believe that you should talk to your FI about it. If it's important to him, then you may want to consider it. I know if I had a brother or two and it was important for me that they be a part of my WP, I would like to think FI would be more than willing to have them as groomsmen, even if it meant having a BP a little bigger than you would prefer. If FI had more than two sisters, then I don't think you would have to have all of them (why I'm ok with 2 and not 3 is beyond me).

I also agree that it should be both or neither.

Talk to your FI and see how he feels..they are his sisters.

skybrie · May 2011

I am in your exact situation - I am not close with my FI's 3 sisters - but in his family it is expected that they be in your bridal party - so I felt pushed into having them.

Personally I didnt care as I only have 3 bridesmaids and he already has 6 groosman (all family) so it worked out. But I would say it depends on the family. his take 2 week vacations every year together (22 adults) and we see all of them monthly for family events

sprtychick10 · May 2011

Agreeing with what everyone else said, no, they don't have to be in the wedding party.

IF you did want them to do something, you could have them do a reading, hand out programs, etc.

diamondx423 · May 2011

Nope, FIs sister isn't in the wedding but his brother is. FIs choice, but I for sure didn't beg to have her in it.

CvilleClaire · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_fsils-automatically-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f68e147c-5d47-4e4a-900a-54eb2a1c55f7Post:432a6748-77e6-4260-a036-9ea7ce4f0b37">Re: Are FSILs automatically bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE] Also you might want to take into consideration the cost of having them and their children in the wedding party.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]
We talked about this one...it's really adds up! Gifts and bouquets alone are pretty expensive!

julbgordo · May 2011

I have a SIL and a FSIL and won't be asking either of them to be in my BP. I don't think either except me to ask them and I know it won't hurt their feelings if I don't. It's definitely not in any bridal "rule book" (I'm sure some ladies around these boards believe one actually exists). Ask whoever you truly want to stand with you on that day.

You could always have them do a reading or a toast at the RD or reception to include them more without having them in the BP. Or, I think someone else brought this up, FI could have them stand with him on his side as well. As long as you guys aren't super traditional, there's no problem with that.

TeamMoriarty · May 2011

i think that you already have included them by asking their children to be a part of your WP. this is how i included 2 of my GFs- i didn't want a huge BP and i have 3 sisters already, but i wanted them to be a part of it. they were equally as honored by having their daughters as FG.

like PPs, you are not obligated to ask them to be BMs. If it is important to FI to inlcude them, there are other ways. But i agree that it should be both or none.

GL!

nvelez28 · May 2011

My question is do you feel obligated? If you do, who or what is making you fee that way?

You're not obligated to have any WP at all, of course. Good luck, as these can be sensitive issues.

Doll3306 · May 2011

I agree with everyone on the board. Dont feel like you have to. Talk to your FI and see if it bothers him that they arent in the WP. If he doesnt mind, then you have him on your side and it can help smooth things out with his sisters. I have my FSIL in my WP but she's one of my bf's and is the reason that I ever even met/started to date my FI so it made sense. If you dont have that close of a connection with the FSILS then I wouldnt worry about it. Good Luck

leah2489 · May 2011

I agree with everyone that they definately are not automatically bridesmaids. However, I disagree on the all or nothing aspect. My FI has two sisters, and one of them will be in our wedding party and the other will not. The one that is in the BP I am extremely close to (she lives with us) and consider a friend, and the other I see only occasionaly so I don't feel as comfortable with her. I do feel kind of bad not asking the other sister, but I don't want to ask her just because I "should". Plus if I ask her, then we have to find another groomsman as well, which is more money than we can afford

I think you should do whatever you feel you want to do, this is your day!

michellep1 · May 2011

I am in the same boat as you, OP. I'm sure I'll be posting about it soon since I have a lot of choosing bridesmaids issues, but that's besides the point.

I do believe that with two FSILs it is an all-or-nothing situation. If only one is chosen then it is likely that the other will feel left out, even if she doesn't express these feelings right away. Like I said, I'm in the same position as you, and if I do choose my FSILs the reason will most likely be that they will always be family and you never know how close you may become with them. I also think it could be a good way to become closer to them and give you memories to talk about for years to come.

That being said, I agree with PPs that you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into asking them. Like I gave my strongest reason for asking his sisters, my strongest reason for not asking them is that I'm definitely much closer with everyone else I plan to ask than the two of them, and they definitely don't meet the "would you call them in the middle of the night with a problem?" criteria (just something I see said a lot when debating this issue, not saying you have to follow this).

I hope this helps in some way; definitely let us know what you decide!

DrPB2b13 · May 2011

Not that I'm adding a whole lot, but I agree with everyone. Unless you are particularly close to them, I wouldn't bother, and you are certainly under no obligation. Heck, I'm not even asking my sister, let alone my FSILs. We just aren't very close, and I have no desire to have her stand next to me.

MMRoberts11 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_fsils-automatically-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f68e147c-5d47-4e4a-900a-54eb2a1c55f7Post:30ba7a6c-89c9-4cc1-8848-c5a9bd1d7a3a">Re: Are FSILs automatically bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]Not that I'm adding a whole lot, but I agree with everyone. Unless you are particularly close to them, I wouldn't bother, and you are certainly under no obligation.
Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]

This. Talk to your FI and see what his family expects and if it is expected that siblings are involved I'd have them do a reading or another important task.

doeie04 · May 2011

Disclaimer: I didn't read all of the responses due to being short on time.

I don't think you are obligated to have them in your bridal party. I am not having Chad's SIL in our wedding. I can't stand her and I don't care if she is upset. (She is a very rude and snotty person, we clash.)

I do think that if you have one, you should have the other. Unless the one being left out would't mind. Just to keep the peace.

Are FSILs automatically bridesmaids?

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