Xp: stag and doe

Re: Xp: stag and doe

• Ember2012 member

  

  December 2012

  I commented on your post on the other board. Unfortunately I have no advice on what to do at a stag and doe but I do have a word of advice from lurking on the non-regional boards. Just realize that since Canada and the US are huge countries there is a lot of regional differences. Stuff like a stag and do that in my experience (and clearly yours since you are having one) that are normal are considered very rude in other places which is why you were getting such negative responses from the other posters.
  
  In fact there may be many people here who also think it is rude but at least its not unheard of. And this is coming from someone who has chosen to have a long engagement and has no idea whether or not she is doing one since I am not at that point in my planning.

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• souptin member

  

  December 2012

  Agreed it is regional.
  
  I grew up in Grey/bruce county where everyone has a stag and doe. Now living in Toronto no one has them. We chose not to have one, primarily because we financially didnt need to have one to support our wedding.
  You saying you are not having one for fundraising purposes defeats the purpose of them entirely.
  everyone I have been to has had they key underlining theme of raising money.admission price,  Poker tables, raffles for booze, toonie toss, 50/50 the list goes on and on.
  
  If you just want to have a party for the people that can't make it to the wedding do that. But make sure you are footing the bill for it. Otherwise you ARE hosting a fundraising party for your wedding.
  
  Personally I am on team tacky with this idea.
  I think  if you are planning to do this and invite people that  are not invited to the wedding I would be insulted, because you are basically saying that I am not good enough to be invited to your wedding but I am good enough to hit up for cash.
  

  

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• naomikb member

  

  December 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_cop-stag-and-doe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:613Discussion:23d45118-6ccb-4b5f-9b67-a72e6aa9e404Post:d7a45a4a-cd3d-4515-ab3b-b74ce6697c43">Re: Xp: stag and doe</a>:
  [QUOTE]Agreed it is regional. I grew up in Grey/bruce county where everyone has a stag and doe. Now living in Toronto no one has them. We chose not to have one, primarily because we financially didnt need to have one to support our wedding. <strong>You saying you are not having one for fundraising purposes defeats the purpose of them entirely. </strong>everyone I have been to has had they key underlining theme of raising money.admission price,  Poker tables, raffles for booze, toonie toss, 50/50 the list goes on and on. If you just want to have a party for the people that can't make it to the wedding do that. But make sure you are footing the bill for it. Otherwise you ARE hosting a fundraising party for your wedding. Personally I am on team tacky with this idea. I think  if you are planning to do this and invite people that  are not invited to the wedding I would be insulted, because you are basically saying that I am not good enough to be invited to your wedding but I am good enough to hit up for cash.
  Posted by souptin[/QUOTE]
  This.  If you're not planning to fundraise then don't have one.  The sole purpose of a stag & doe is to raise money to pay for your wedding (which is tacky IMHO). 
  
  Have an engagement party (you can't host your own, someone else must plan it and throw it in your honour) or just wait for your wedding reception to party with your friends.
  
  The reality is that although you are super pumped about your own wedding the guests often get party-weary with e-parties, stag & doe, showers, rehearsal dinner, the wedding itself.  It is a lot of weekends and time and money (travel, time off, gifts) to ask from your friends and family.  Personally I'd stick to just focusing on having an amazing and fun wedding reception.

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• Jewel224 member

  

  December 2012

  Out of curiosity, why would a stag and doe suit you more than an engagement party?  Or are you talking more about a jack and jill which is essentially a co-ed bridal shower?

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• SlothGoals member

  

  December 2012

  If you want to get together with people who aren't going to be invited to the wedding then just throw a regular party for your friends. It's rude to ask people to come and spend money to pay for your wedding and then not even invite them to the event they're essentially funding.

  
  

  It's also rude to invite people to pre-wedding parties (which a stang and doe is) who aren't invited to the actual wedding.

   

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• Kye042

  

  December 2012

  Hi there - 

  
  

  Don't listen to anyones negative opinions - it all depends on your circle of friends if you have one or not. Since my fiance and I were basically expected to have a stag and doe - I will give you some of the ideas we did:

  
  

  1. Have prizes + grand prizes - Anything over $300 value is a grand prize. Great things for grand prizes are tv's, bbq's, xboxs or booze, those tickets can be $5-10 each, where as the smaller prize tickets can be 3 for $5. Just guidelines.

  
  

  2. We also did 50/50 draws, where we put a deck of cards on a bulletin board - whoever finds the joker wins half the pot. Which typically will be invested back into the night.

  
  

  3. We also did the toonie toss this is a big money maker, so don't let it last all night. Make it its own big event, and tell people it will last for 10 minutes starting midpoint in the night - like 1130pm or midnight. You can also do 2 toonie tosses throughout the night depending on the size of your crowd.

  
  

  4. We had a dart game - you buy 3 darts for $5 the highest score at the end of the night won a prize (ie. a dinner giftcard worth $50)

  
  

  5. We had a golf and hockey game - where as the number of points you accumulate are recorded. The highest score wins.

  
  

  6. We also had a ring toss game, where the highest points won.

  
  

  Sell as many tickets before hand as possible, and get the word out about your event. Get your event on facebook, and even put it in your local newspaper.

  
  

  Good luck !

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• Beads921 member

  

  January 2013

  Sole purpose of a stag & doe = Making money (and getting plastered). It's really not a good way to socialize with your broader circle before the wedding, you'll be too busy trying to coordinate other things all night. Especially if you're planning it (where I'm from, the wedding party plans them). If you want to socialize, plan a party, sans tickets, toonie tosses, and a cash bar.

  
  

  I'm also wondering - if you've only ever been to one, I assume they're not really a big thing in your group of friends/where you're from? If that's the case, this may not be the best idea. You need a big turn out to make/avoid losing money and to make the night fun. If this isn't a normal thing in your crowd, people may not come.

  
  

  Anyway, all that said, stag and does are huge in my area (though we're probably not having one since we don't really agree with them), so I do have some ideas for you if you still insist on doing this:

  - Dress up photo booth - charge for the photos

  - Raffle for big and small prizes (try to get them donated by local businesses and friends)

  - Toonie toss for a Texas Mickey of a liqor of your choosing (whiskey is a common one)

  - Bride and groom walk around collecting money to pie the other one in the face, whoever collects the most pies the other one

  - Gold fish/worm insurance - buy insurance when you come in otherwise your name goes in a draw to eat a worm or goldfish (sometimes real, sometimes not)

  - Sell tickets for $10 in advance, $15 at the door or something like that (basically, make it cost more at the door so people buy in advance, but don't expect everyone who buys tickets to come)

  - Cash bar - stick to the basics

  - Offer a late lunch of finger foods 

  - Dance competition

  
  
  Life is good today.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2013

  Just have a party with fun games if you want, but don't ask for money.  I went to one once in college for a couple who didn't even invite me to their wedding.  Never again. (I live in TO).

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