I should start of by saying the my FI's parents have GRACIOUSLY offered to help pay for the wedding. I talked to my parents and they offered up a minimal, but generous amount for the wedding (it was really all they could afford) and after talking to my FI he said his parents would pay for part of the wedding as well. I was SOOO excited because I thought they would probably match what my parents gave and then we could come up with the rest if we needed more.
Well his parents said that they just want us to have the wedding we want and they are willing to pay whatever is needed above what my parents are giving. I had asked my FI to get an idea of how much they would like to spend so I can create a budget and see where I want to spend and where I want to save, etc. but they woudln't give an answer. They just kept saying that they don't know what weddings cost these days and they are glad to give us money for something if it's what we want. I was a bit apprehensive about this since I grew up budgeting money and staying within my set limits (I can be a bit of a spender if I don't) and he assured me it will be fine.
So 4 months of planning have gone on and we have secured/put deposits down on a lot of stuff and I am finally trying to get my linens decided on. This is where my fear has come true. I had it set that I wanted swagged tables (I posted something awhile back) I was getting different quotes from people and it was looking to cost quite a bit so I looked into buying but it wasn't much cheaper (other than I could try to sell them after). I finally talked to someone and we were going to use a mix of poly and satin or lamour to create a great look for a more reasonable price. So I talked to my FI about it and he kinda freaks out and says that everything is so much more lavish than he ever thought and all he cares about is getting married (which I agree that's the most important thing). But he is saying everything from the venue, which he helped pick and his mom suggested, to all the little extra costs (we are having a candy table, which I will DIY, photo booth, which I got discounted and a cigar bar, which is something he really wants).
I can see where he is coming from but after picking the photographer he said he didn't want to be involved in anything else except menu and cake selection. So I told him I would just run stuff by him before signing contracts. Well he never mentioned anything this whole time until now. So he told me talk to his mom last night and she said she thinks the room is pretty enough without going crazy with linens so we should just use what they provide (black floor length poly) and rent chair covers and sashes. She then suggested that I use white chair covers or get white table cloths which I HATE. White isn't one of my colors!!! My wedding is pink and black and she said that will look too dark and thinks I should use white table cloths and people do it all the time even if it isn't one of their colors. Which I don't care about - I don't want white. I wanted Pink and Black tables.
This is really what I didn't want to happen, I wanted to have a budget so i can control where the money is spent and not be told what I can and can't have. I don't mean to sound rude or unappreciative - which I know it must be sounding like - but I just wish they had said something before I spent almost a month looking at linen options and getting quotes and liking the designs that I saw.
I know linens aren't that important but I am not doing lavish centerpieces - I'm actually not doing any florals at all, just candles and really wanted a shimmery material on the tables to highlight the candles throughout the room. I am just so frustrated and hate having to deal with his parents about money. If it was my mom I would be more comfortable telling her why I want the better linens and how I can get those still with maybe saving money somewhere else.
My FI refuses to get involved because hedoesn't know about it and doesn't care. He doesn't understand why I am frustrated but the bottom line is that this is exactly why I wanted to get a budget form them in the beginning. Because now that we have spent money on stuff and had a certain look and feel to everything I don't want to compromise it with going cheap on other areas, it just won't look consistent.
Am I completely wrong to be frustrated? Part of me feels like I am wrong but the other part feels like this is what I tried to avoid from the get go and had they given me some idea of what they want to spend I wouldn't be in this situation - whether I would be going with standard (which isn't really the issue) or the ones I have come to love.
Here is a picture she kept referencing from the reception site. It's pretty, don't get me wrong, but it's not what I want and she said she thinks it's too dark but those centerpieces lighten it up, by centerpieces aren't ANYTHING like that.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=34223273&l=6ff1dbbf52&id=27703470
Sorry it's so long I jsut had to vent about hte situation. I know some peopel will probably criticize me for reacting this way, but it stillf rustrates me