I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!

darcelgalloway · April 2010

I don't understand why everyone that finds out your getting married thinks they are invited... those neighbors you barely talke to, the co workers that you don't know that well.. the teachers at your kids school... aughgghghgh...

trinalo · April 2010

I'm having a similar issue with my FMIL. She keeps on trying to add people to the guest list and we're way over the amount of people we budgeted for already. Sadly, as much as I try to explain to FI why we can't invite more people, he just doesn't seem to understand that "we can't afford more people" means we can't afford more people.

darcelgalloway · April 2010

i think we are going to send an informal invitation to come eat cake drink and party to the B list people from 8-12... our ceremony is at 5pm, the reception will start at 6 by 8 dinner will be over..... is that tacky?? would people be offended by not being invited the everything??

trinalo · April 2010

Yes, they would be offended.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

I have heard of people sending (usually after the wedding) what is called just an announcement. Personally, I wouldn't do it bc to me to says, oh sorry, you weren't invited to the wedding & reception, but we still want a gift from you.

It is hard finalizing the guest list, FI was like that at first, and then his Mom started cutting people and I was so thankful for it. Once he saw how expensive things were going to be for all that he wanted (esp the open bar) we started chopping people and the open bar. Sometimes it just takes guys a little longer to understand how expensive things really are, esp. if you are like my FI and I were he is the spender, I am the saver/frugal type person. GL!

caitm730 · April 2010

I have been experiencing the same thing. We've had lots of people say "I better be invited!" and I don't really know what to say. And they've said it just like that too... so rude.

And my FMIL wants to invite everyone she ever met. She wanted to invite 8 extra people because one couple won't know anyone else... give me a break! And she wants to invite EVERYONE because she doesn't want to appear rude. She said "Well, what if I see Mrs. Smith at the grocery store the day after the wedding? What am I going to say?" Umm... if she asks, you whip out the purse-sized photo album and show her! And at a neighborhood graduation open-house last summer (before we were even engaged!), she was talking to all the neighbors about the wedding that would be coming up, implying that they would all be there. Sooooo annoying!

darcelgalloway · April 2010

hmmm... i don't know what to do...

526SadieSadie · April 2010

I hate the phrase "I better be invited!!" The important people in our lives don't have to say it, because they know they're going to be invited, it's always the long-lost friend/college roommate/fourteenth cousin twice removed that says it and we should be allowed to punch them

[Deleted User] · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-invite-everybody?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5efd4b9-0017-4c9c-96f2-85dc83b12a33Post:3cd0a172-a0a0-4249-8edf-4d165dc076ce">Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]i think we are going to send an informal invitation to come eat cake drink and party to the B list people from 8-12... our ceremony is at 5pm, the reception will start at 6 by 8 dinner will be over..... is that tacky?? would people be offended by not being invited the everything??
Posted by darcelgalloway[/QUOTE]

Yes. That's very tacky. Extremely tacky.

caitm730 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-invite-everybody?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5efd4b9-0017-4c9c-96f2-85dc83b12a33Post:ff45c80d-9d01-4c4c-acc9-c14073257274">Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have heard of people sending (usually after the wedding) what is called just an announcement. Personally, I wouldn't do it bc to me to says, oh sorry, you weren't invited to the wedding & reception, but we still want a gift from you.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

I don't think that sending an announcement after the wedding is like asking for a gift. I think that it's a good idea to send them to those more distant relatives that might not even know that you got married!

Jodipi314 · April 2010

I had a similar problem with my FI, we had a couple of friends we were inviting that wouldn't know anyone else, so he wanted to invite everyone from that group just so the really close ones wouldn't feel "weird". That would have been an extra 20 people!

For the "I better be invited!" people, just say "I hate to be RUDE, but we're only inviting family to the wedding due to space/budget constraints. So sweet of you to ask for an invite though!"

trinalo · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-invite-everybody?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5efd4b9-0017-4c9c-96f2-85dc83b12a33Post:ca22d5b8-09cf-4813-892a-c37c0b0d9751">Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!! : I don't think that sending an announcement after the wedding is like asking for a gift. I think that it's a good idea to send them to those more distant relatives that might not even know that you got married!
Posted by DancinPrinzess[/QUOTE]

I partly agree. I like the <em>idea</em> of sending wedding announcements- I do have great- aunts and uncles who I wish I could have invited, but our budget won't allow it. I don't know if they're even aware that I'm getting married, although I like to assume my grandma has told them by now.

That being said, even if you don't mean to be gift grabby, it could very easily be construed that way. IMO, it's best to let them get the information in other ways. I'm sure that after the wedding, my grandma will be thrilled to show off pictures to her sisters. Good enough for me.

CTGirl30 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-invite-everybody?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5efd4b9-0017-4c9c-96f2-85dc83b12a33Post:3cd0a172-a0a0-4249-8edf-4d165dc076ce">Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]i think we are going to send an informal invitation to come eat cake drink and party to the B list people from 8-12... our ceremony is at 5pm, the reception will start at 6 by 8 dinner will be over..... is that tacky?? would people be offended by not being invited the everything??
Posted by darcelgalloway[/QUOTE]

Horrible idea. Invite the number of people you can afford and accomodate and make sure everyone is able to have the same food & drink. You don't only invite people to part of the reception - "show up to my dance party and bring me a gift but don't expect to eat."

This staggering of guests is called a tiered reception and it is really NOT well recieved. It's rude.

darcelgalloway · April 2010

I don't care about the gifts... i don't even EXPECT anything from anybody. I thought it might be a nice way to include everyone. If I know i'm not that close to a person but they still thought enough of me to include me i would not feel like they were being rude or just wanted a gift but i'm not petty like that.. so i guess its a bad idea...

trix1223 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-invite-everybody?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5efd4b9-0017-4c9c-96f2-85dc83b12a33Post:3cd0a172-a0a0-4249-8edf-4d165dc076ce">Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]i think we are going to send an informal invitation to come eat cake drink and party to the B list people from 8-12... our ceremony is at 5pm, the reception will start at 6 by 8 dinner will be over..... is that tacky?? would people be offended by not being invited the everything??
Posted by darcelgalloway[/QUOTE]

Awful idea, sorry. How do you think the second string guests feel when someone who's on the first string starts talking about the meal that they just enjoyed.

You may NOT be intending it to look like a gift grab, but I can promise you that it will. It says "You're not close enough to see us get married, or eat dinner with us, but come later instead." OF COURSE they'd feel obligated to bring a gift, and that's where your idea becomes rude and very self-indulgent.

Sorry

debdebdol · April 2010

Tell me about it. I am so afraid that people will bring extra guests for the wedding. I've tried subtly explaining that we want to keep our guest list at 100 max. I think most got the hint. Why does everyone want to attend? Are we that special?

mica178 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-invite-everybody?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5efd4b9-0017-4c9c-96f2-85dc83b12a33Post:ff45c80d-9d01-4c4c-acc9-c14073257274">Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have heard of people sending (usually after the wedding) what is called just an announcement. Personally, I wouldn't do it bc to me to says, oh sorry, you weren't invited to the wedding & reception, but we still want a gift from you.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

I believe the etiquette of wedding announcements is they are sent out without the expectation of a gift. People who receive invitations are expected to send gifts, but it is not customary to send gifts if you just receive an announcement.

AlmostSt.Laurent · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-invite-everybody?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5efd4b9-0017-4c9c-96f2-85dc83b12a33Post:52988e67-8de4-44f4-aa0f-9f88602b9a71">Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate the phrase "I better be invited!!" The important people in our lives don't have to say it, because they know they're going to be invited, it's always the long-lost friend/college roommate/fourteenth cousin twice removed that says it and we should be allowed to punch them :)
Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QdUOTE]

I absolutely loved this. Honestly, I laughed so hard as soon as I read it.

btartaroind · April 2010

regarding the 1/2 reception invite post- I think some people may be offended in that situation, because they will show up to a reception that is half way through and will kind of be confused at what to do. they wont have seats, or a table to put their purse down so it may just be awkward. I think a better idea may be (depending on how long your reception is) informally tell people "since our reception is super limited, we will have an after party at such and such bar or the outside pool bar at the hotel, so feel free to come hang out!" That way you aren't paying for anything, people can feel included, but not feel obligated to bring a gift. it is also clear that they are not invited to the reception. I am doing something similar, only the day after. the hotel we booked for our room block is on the beach, so after brunch we are planning on having a super informal beachparty and anyone can come. this way my bridesmaid's sister or my old friend from college can still come and feel included. it will also give our out of state relatives more time with us...and it will cost me nothing!

MISSCOURTNEY20 · April 2010

I am having some of the same issues hence I have stopped putting wedding stuff on FB. One of my cousins, that I have not seen is YEARS, keeps hinting that she wants an invitation. SHE IS NOT GETTING ONE!!! No one that I ONLY keep in contact with over FB is geting one!! Serioulsy!!! I think you should just let your "jumping on the list" people think what they want to think and when the wedding is over, they will get the picture.

vencela · April 2010

Ugh. My aunt recently assumed that a very distant cousin (whom my mom says I met once... could have fooled me!) from across the country was invited. She spoke with said cousin, and was excited that they could do their fantasy football drafts together in person, because she would be here for our labor day weekend wedding. When my mom explained that that side of the family was not on the list, my aunt said, "Well, I'll just email [me] and tell her to send the invite."

WHAT?

So that you can have a live fantasy football draft? WHO ARE YOU?

khewesmccoy · April 2010

Depends how much you like these people..

Had a girl in my class that I don't even SPEAK to, *AT ALLL* say "ohh, can I come to your wedding?" I straight up told her NO... But.. I'm not friendly with her AT ALL! lol
hth, but doubt it will!

Krysti21 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cant-invite-everybody?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e5efd4b9-0017-4c9c-96f2-85dc83b12a33Post:3cd0a172-a0a0-4249-8edf-4d165dc076ce">Re: I CAN'T INVITE EVERYBODY!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]i think we are going to send an informal invitation to come eat cake drink and party to the B list people from 8-12... our ceremony is at 5pm, the reception will start at 6 by 8 dinner will be over..... is that tacky?? would people be offended by not being invited the everything??
Posted by darcelgalloway[/QUOTE]

Tiered receptions are extremely tacky, and people will definitely be offended. Don't do it.

doc1026 · April 2010

I have gotten that a ton as well. "I better get an invite" how rude???? I just have tried my hardest to not talk about the wedding in social situations where there are a mix of people that we are inviting and not inviting. I also have said to many people its just family and close friends. If they have ever had to pay for a wedding then they would understand!! Just stay firm. Your true/close friends will be there and people who get offended by not being invited obviously weren't that close to you to begin with!

SheDiva4 · April 2010

[QUOTE]I am having some of the same issues hence I have stopped putting wedding stuff on FB. One of my cousins, that I have not seen is YEARS, keeps hinting that she wants an invitation. SHE IS NOT GETTING ONE!!! No one that I ONLY keep in contact with over FB is getting one!! Seriously!!! Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

Too funny, I haven't even updated my status to say engaged just for the same reason. Don't want FB friends stalking me for an invite!

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