Catholic Mass - Non Catholic FIL's

JillP34 · December 2010

I am Catholic and my Future Hubby is in RCIA and we will be having a full Mass for the Ceremony. His family however do not practice any religion really. For our mass, my sisters will be doing readings and my niece and nephew will be the flower girl and ring bearer. Is there any way I can get his family involved as well? I was thinking his mom and dad could present the gifts, but is this allowed if they aren't Catholic? I want to involve them, but don't want to offend the Church either.

Also, how do you do communion? My whole side of the church will be receiving communion, but I don't want his side to get confused and take communion when they shouldn't!!

Any advice is appreciated!!!!

Riss91 · December 2010

Hey there! Welcome!

I would ask your priest what his thoughts are. He might have some ideas for you and ultimately you'd have to check with him anyway, so it's not a bad place to start! he may let you have someone read an appropriate poem or reading(non-religious) in addition to the readings in the ceremony.

I think some priests do allow non-Catholics to bring up the gifts, though I personally would not do it (to me the gifts should be presented by those who believe what Catholics believe them to be).

Calypso1977 · December 2010

hello!

ditto Riss. the only thing ill add is that non-catholics are welcome to go up for a blessing in lieu of commuion. your priest will most likely announce this if he knows there are numerous non-catholics in attendance. some print it in their programs, but i personally feel that no lay person should be telling a congregation who can and cannot receive - that is the priests responsibility to determine since he is responsible for administering commuion.

mica178 · December 2010

Ditto Riss and Calypso.

Is your FI having siblings in his wedding party? That's a good way to involve them without asking them to do something that is not consistent with their beliefs.

JillP34 · December 2010

Hey girls!! Thanks for the advice!

My priest doesn't like to meet with the bride and groom more than a few months in advance of the ceremony, so I'll have to wait to speak to him about it.

Our challange is that we're not having a bridal party, so I'm struggling with trying to keep his family involved. Maybe I can include them somehow at the reception as opposed to the ceremony.

Calypso1977 · December 2010

well, in theory, his parents are already involved by simply being the mother and father of the groom. those are already positions of honor.

my SIL was not involved in our wedding - there was simply no role for her or her husband (we didnt have a WP other than one on each side, and we had a latin mass so there are no readers (priest does it) or gift bearing (gifts are already on the altar) . i did however buy them each a corsage/bout to "distinguish" them that day. i think they appreicated it, and it was very short money that i think went a long way.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-mass-non-catholic-fils?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c3d9e3ba-7e03-4ed3-82f6-011a3ffb77f8Post:1cc9f46d-96c7-4f63-87c5-a80a90bba95c">Catholic Mass - Non Catholic FIL's</a>:
[QUOTE]I am Catholic and my Future Hubby is in RCIA and we will be having a full Mass for the Ceremony. His family however do not practice any religion really. For our mass, my sisters will be doing readings and my niece and nephew will be the flower girl and ring bearer. Is there any way I can get his family involved as well? I was thinking his mom and dad could present the gifts, but is this allowed if they aren't Catholic? I want to involve them, but don't want to offend the Church either. Also, how do you do communion? My whole side of the church will be receiving communion, but I don't want his side to get confused and take communion when they shouldn't!! Any advice is appreciated!!!!
Posted by JillP34[/QUOTE]

I personally would think your FH parents would just want to be parents of the groom and enjoy the day, but that is just my opinion.

At our church, the gift bearers were required to be Catholic. Our priest explained it to us that the gift bearers must believe in transubstantiation. However, our readers did not need to be Catholic, although both of them were.

As far as the Communion is concerned, I definitely agree with the other ladies who already responded. You could also not have a bride and a groom side so that the pews won't look so empty at communion time. And/or you could just have the non Catholics go up for a blessing with arms crossed against their chest.

Blueyed228 · December 2010

Are you doing a unity candle and/or a memorial candle?

You could have the moms light the unity candle, and someone else from his side light the memorial candle.

Can I just add from a non-catholic POV. I had a Catholic wedding, but it was important for me not to do anything that would make my side of the family uncomfortable. If I was a guest at a wedding where I did not share the same beliefs, I would not want that fact pointed out. I would feel very weird having to go up for a blessing and crossing my arms. I had to do that as MOH in my friends wedding and it was awkward.

I also wouldnt worry about giving them a "role". People dont really care about that stuff.

Calypso1977 · December 2010

I had to do that as MOH in my friends wedding and it was awkward.

no one should have made you go for a blessing. i would never have forced that onto any non-catholic at my wedding, nor did i force communion on the catholics (and we had several who were in attendance who chose not to receive).

Blueyed228 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-mass-non-catholic-fils?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:c3d9e3ba-7e03-4ed3-82f6-011a3ffb77f8Post:9815b365-65a5-4fec-9f36-a4951f1e4362">Re: Catholic Mass - Non Catholic FIL's</a>:
[QUOTE] I had to do that as MOH in my friends wedding and it was awkward. no one should have made you go for a blessing. i would never have forced that onto any non-catholic at my wedding, nor did i force communion on the catholics (and we had several who were in attendance who chose not to receive).
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

It wasnt really a choice I had. I was up on the altar with her. The priest gave B&G communion, then the best man, and then turned to me.

At the rehearsal I asked him not to, and he said all I had to do was cross my arms. It was embarrassing.

Calypso1977 · December 2010

wow. at weddings ive seen/been in, if the WP member doesnt receive, they usually just dont stick out their hand or tongue to receive and the priest moves along. i'm not sure why if you specifically told him you werent catholic, and not to give you communion, that he couldnt remember that.

2Bwed2011 · December 2010

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Definitely wait and talk to your priest. Our priest didn't give us any rules about having to have only Catholics involved in the mass (readings, presentation of gifts) so we are involving his sisters by having them do readings (no one on his side practices any religion). My family does, however, practice so I'm having my brother and sister-in-law do the presentation of the gifts. While our priest did not tell us we had to have someone Catholic do this, I felt that it should be so that is why we chose them. We are not really having a wedding party either so these were great ways to involve our siblings without hurting their feelings by not asking them to be bridesmaid or groomsman. But I think each church is different and different priests will have different requirments for you so you will need to get direction from you priest for sure.

JD81009 · December 2010

I've got the same issue w/ FIL. We're not asking his parents to do anything other than show up (and play nicely!). Unfortunately he also doesn't have any other family that is coming, otherwise we would've given them roles as ushers or greeters (hand out programs). I agree w/ the other folks about offering the gifts though. That role is to stand in for the entire community in offering our lives, work, and struggles as the offering to be added to Christ's sacrifice which is about to take place on the altar. Definitely not something to assign to a non-Catholic who would not understand/ appreciate this honor.

** And as for communion, given how few folks will even come from his side, I'm considering having our guests sit on both sides of the isle, instead of on the Groom vs Bride side. We have non-Catholic guests on both sides, so I'm hoping that balance may help folks feel more comfy.

Pirata13 · December 2010

One of H's brothers is Catholic, so his wife did a reading for ours, and my mom and MIL brought up the gifts, even though MIL is not Catholic. We had a small wedding party, so his brothers and best friend were in it, so my brother & cousin I am close to were ushers. But I agree with PPs, most people aren't worried about having something to do. You could ask your priest about the gifts, as you can see from the responses, some priests require those bringing up the gifts to be Catholic, some don't. But we tried to keep all those involved in the ceremony (besides bridal party) family members, it was nice.

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