Has anyone had any experience registering for a honeymoon? My fiancé and I have used all of our wedding budget on our actual wedding day, and we do not have much left for a honeymoon. We want to do something simple and small (someplace we can drive to). We live in WI and are thinking about going to Mackinac Island in MI. Has anyone registered online for a safe honeymoon registry before? Any and all advice we really help!
Thanks.
Re: Where to register for a honeymoon
Now you're going to ask why a HM registry is rude, and probably try to tell me why it's not, because that's pretty much always how these things go on The Knot, so instead of getting into that debate again, I'm going to link you to two threads that nicely sum up why honeymoon registries are considered inappropriate.
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hm-registry-rude
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon
Also, here's how to drop the hint that you'd like cash as a wedding present without offending your guests.
Guest: Hey cislerglass, where are you registered?
You: Oh, we decided not to register, we're saving up for our honeymoon. OR Well, we have a small registry at X Store, but really, we're focused on saving up for our honeymoon.
(Your parents and relatives may also spread the word about this if they are asked. Also, if you have no store registry or a very small one, it's best to skip a shower.)
DO NOT EXPLICITLY ASK YOUR GUESTS FOR CASH.
What if you don't get what you expect? It would be pretty unfortunate to have to cancel last minute because you did not get enough gifts.
Mackinac Island is very fun - I hope you get a chance to go! DH and I went there this summer. We drove from WI to Picture Rocks National Lakeshore to Taquamenon Falls to Mackinac Island to Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore to back home. Great camping road trip!
[QUOTE]Don't do it. It's rude to hit guests up for cash to pay for your post-wedding sex-fest. If you can't afford your honeymoon, wait a while to take it, as (you'll see) many posters on these boards have done. Now you're going to ask why a HM registry is rude, and probably try to tell me why it's not, because that's pretty much always how these things go on The Knot, so instead of getting into that debate again, I'm going to link you to two threads that nicely sum up why honeymoon registries are considered inappropriate. <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hm-registry-rude">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hm-registry-rude</a> <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon</a> Also, here's how to drop the hint that you'd like cash as a wedding present without offending your guests. Guest: Hey cislerglass, where are you registered? You: Oh, we decided not to register, we're saving up for our honeymoon. OR Well, we have a small registry at X Store, but really, we're focused on saving up for our honeymoon. (Your parents and relatives may also spread the word about this if they are asked. Also, if you have no store registry or a very small one, it's best to skip a shower.) DO NOT EXPLICITLY ASK YOUR GUESTS FOR CASH.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Agree with this response.
<div>I'm tired of writing the same response to the same posts about HM registries.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div></div>
I think this is a to each their own situation. I don't think it's rude, but have met people that prefer a traditional registry. I do agree that you shouldn't count on your honeymoon registry to pay for your honeymoon. I would wait to see what you receive, then book a killer last minute travel deal.
[QUOTE]If you are going to register for a honeymoon, check out honeyfund.com. Some cruise lines also offer honeymoon registries as well. Honeyfund deposits the money to a paypal account which you can transfer to your bank account. Guests have the option of paying via check, credit or cash. I have seen a few weddings where the couple has decided to do this and it was very well received. I think it depends on your family and friends that are attending your wedding as to whether or not they will be offended. <strong>I know for a fact that my soon to be in-laws loved the idea of helping pay for adventures on the honeymoon</strong> because one of fi's cousins used a honeyfund registry. I think this is a to each their own situation. I don't think it's rude, but have met people that prefer a traditional registry. I do agree that you shouldn't count on your honeymoon registry to pay for your honeymoon. I would wait to see what you receive, then book a killer last minute travel deal.
Posted by manderswv[/QUOTE]
Except they didn't "help to pay for adventures." They gave money to some fee-grubbing website that cut you a lump-sum check. So the website (and by extension, you) completely lied to them about how their money was being used. And that's why people hate honeymoon registries. If your in-laws wanted to cut you a check, they would've done so in the first place. They wanted to buy you a gift <em>instead of</em> giving you cash, and you tricked them into cutting you a check anyway through the honeymoon registry. This is why so many of us find honeymoon registries to be rude.
Honeyfund has worked out great for us for extra activities and excursions we'll add on to our honeymoon but I agree that you shouldn't expect to fund the entire honeymoon this way, as you may not get enough and you'd have to do it last minute.
My sister postponed her honeymoon until 10 months after the wedding so they could save up for it. Maybe just have a special night or 2 out and then wait until you can save up for "the big one" :-)
Brides, if you are looking for help and aren't getting it here, because the very outspoken don't agree with your idea, please PM me and I will help you if I can.
Good luck planning your special day ladies.
[QUOTE] <strong> I think this is a to each their own situation. I don't think it's rude, but have met people that prefer a traditional registry.</strong> I do agree that you shouldn't count on your honeymoon registry to pay for your honeymoon. I would wait to see what you receive, then book a killer last minute travel deal.
Posted by manderswv[/QUOTE]
I agree with this. I am not setting up a honeymoon registry or a money registry; we are doing a traditional one at Macy's. However, I am attending a wedding in March where they set up a honeymoon registry. I didn't feel offended and I'm happy to help them with what they really want. Talking to other guests, they all felt the same way. So I think it does depend on individual situations. Everyone's different and just because one person finds it rude doesn't mean others do. No guest at my friend's wedding found it offensive.
I realize that was the intention here as well, but I have a difference of opinion about this subject. It might be in poor taste for some weddings to have a HM registry, and it is in poor taste to ask guests for cash, but I have seen a HM registry successfully done at a wedding this summer. The guests loved the idea of buying the bride and groom an excursion on their honeymoon. They wanted to give their loved ones something that they would use and actually NEED. The couple had lived on their own for a number of years before getting married and did not need many traditional gifts. In that case, contributing to the honeymoon and helping the bride and groom create life long memories is much more meaningful than a gift that will be returned or put in a cabinet and used only for special occassions. The couple never explicitly asked their guests for money (like the dollar dance), but asked for snorkeling, or a massage. How is that different than asking for a blender?
[QUOTE] I would rather ensure that my wedding is as <strong>etiquettly-correct</strong> as possible. No wedding is perfect, but if you KNOW that something is <strong>against etiquette</strong>, why do it?
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
Just curious--what source does everyone use for their etiquette rules? Is it Emily Post? Or other sources? Word of mouth?
you still need to book and pay for the HM in advance and, since you wont know how much is given to HM fund you have to book a vacay you can afford. which it doesnt seem like you can at this point.
imo-the right idea for you is to plan a first anniversary trip instead since you can't afford a HM.
[QUOTE]I won't tell you how to post, but I<strong> also don't think that we need to be abrasive and so forceful with our opinions.</strong> <strong> I would like to see more support and less lecture in all posts -- not just yours.
</strong>Posted by manderswv[/QUOTE]
So, to be clear here, you <em>are</em> telling us how to post.
Look, if you read my response as abrasive, I apologize, but this question seriously gets asked on these boards at least 5 times a day, and in my past experience responding to these questions, trying to sugarcoat "no, please don't do this, it's rude to your guests" has no effect whatsoever, so yes, I'm blunt when explaining why I (and many others, and etiquette) think these registries are a bad idea, because I'm hoping it will get the OP to at least think about it instead of just blindly assuming it's okay. You apparently don't care about what other people think and have decided it's okay - fine. Enjoy your honeymoon registry (or your cousin's, or whatever). But telling me "some people like it" isn't going to change my opinion.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where to register for a honeymoon : So, to be clear here, you are telling us how to post. Look, if you read my response as abrasive, I apologize, but this question seriously gets asked on these boards at least 5 times a day, and in my past experience responding to these questions, trying to sugarcoat "no, please don't do this, it's rude to your guests" has no effect whatsoever, so yes, I'm blunt when explaining why I (and many others, and etiquette) think these registries are a bad idea, because I'm hoping it will get the OP to at least think about it instead of just blindly assuming it's okay. <strong>You apparently don't care about what other people think and have decided it's okay - fine. Enjoy your honeymoon registry (or your cousin's, or whatever). </strong> But telling me "some people like it" isn't going to change my opinion.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
Let's not get personal here.
You are 100% entitled to your own opinion. I would like to see some fact in addition to opinion. Where are you getting your information that HM registries are poor etiquette.
In my circle of family and friends, HM registries are considered rude, tacky, and inappropriate. Everyone I know in real life considers them the equivalent of printing "cash only please - we need help funding our post-wedding sexfest!" in the wedding invitation and thinks they are against etiquette.
[QUOTE]Also, there are many people who can't afford to pay for their own vacations. It seems crass to ask them to pay for yours.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
No one guest is going to be paying for the entire honeymoon, so really it's not like anyone is sending you on a vacation instead of taking their own. I'm not saying this because I have an opinion about honeymoon registries one way or the other. I just think that if this is really the mentality of some guests and they would prefer to spend $50 on some household item rather than giving the exact same amount as a gift to help with the honeymoon just because they cannot afford to go on their own trip, I'm not sure those are actually people that care about and love the bride and groom. It all seems very selfish and bitter to me. I'm not sure if I'm interpreting this comment the way you meant it and I am not at all suggesting that you feel this way, but I have seen posts with statements similar to this before and the idea just really bothers me that a guest could feel this way. I can understand a guest being offended by someone asking for cash for other reasons, just not this one. It almost sounds like a jealousy-based reason.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where to register for a honeymoon : No one guest is going to be paying for the entire honeymoon, so really it's not like anyone is sending you on a vacation instead of taking their own. I'm not saying this because I have an opinion about honeymoon registries one way or the other. I just think that if this is really the mentality of some guests and they would prefer to spend $50 on some household item rather than giving the exact same amount as a gift to help with the honeymoon just because they cannot afford to go on their own trip, I'm not sure those are actually people that care about and love the bride and groom. It all seems very selfish and bitter to me. I'm not sure if I'm interpreting this comment the way you meant it and I am not at all suggesting that you feel this way, but I have seen posts with statements similar to this before and the idea just really bothers me that a guest could feel this way. I can understand a guest being offended by someone asking for cash for other reasons, just not this one. <strong>It almost sounds like a jealousy-based reason.</strong>
Posted by MandiNoel[/QUOTE]
<div>It's not though, it's an issue of wanting to buy someone something they <em>need</em> versus buying them something that's a luxury that they just <em>want</em>. If I'm buying you a toaster, it's because I believe it's something you need to set up your home and your new life together, and I am happy that it will be part of your life for years to come. A sensual couples massage on the beach in St. Lucia is not something you <em>need</em> to start your life as a married couple. It's not doing anything to create the new home you will share together. So, even putting aside the fact that I'm really not buying you a massage anyway because the registry company is just sending you a check in the mail, it's still something that not everyone is going to be comfortable with. It's not jealousy, it's a person making a judgment about the type of gift they are comfortable giving to a newly-married couple. </div><div>
</div><div>It's like Great Aunt Sally who always bought you books for Christmas because you "already have enough toys." If someone's choosing to spend their money on you, they should be free to do so as they see fit, not bullied into upgrading your completely unnecessary vacation through your "registry."</div>
I wasn't commenting on the pros or cons of honeymoon registries. Just on that one particular reason among many that people don't like them. All the other reasons seem valid to me. Just not that one.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where to register for a honeymoon : <strong>It's not though, it's an issue of wanting to buy someone something they need versus buying them something that's a luxury that they just want .</strong> If I'm buying you a toaster, it's because I believe it's something you need to set up your home and your new life together, and I am happy that it will be part of your life for years to come. A sensual couples massage on the beach in St. Lucia is not something you need to start your life as a married couple. It's not doing anything to create the new home you will share together. So, even putting aside the fact that I'm really not buying you a massage anyway because the registry company is just sending you a check in the mail, it's still something that not everyone is going to be comfortable with. It's not jealousy, it's a person making a judgment about the type of gift they are comfortable giving to a newly-married couple. It's like Great Aunt Sally who always bought you books for Christmas because you "already have enough toys." If someone's choosing to spend their money on you, they should be free to do so as they see fit, not bullied into upgrading your completely unnecessary vacation through your "registry."
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I completely agree with you on the fact that honeymoon registries are not a good idea, however I'm not completely sure I understand your logic. Almost every registry I see has a $500 KitchenAid mixer on it. To me, THAT is a luxury item. No one NEEDS a KitchenAid mixer. Should items like that be left off registries as well? Just curious. We'll be creating our registry in a few months and we technically don't NEED anything - we'll just be upgrading some of the items we have. I don't want to offend anyone by including items that may be deemed inappropriate or rude.
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where to register for a honeymoon : I completely agree with you on the fact that honeymoon registries are not a good idea, however I'm not completely sure I understand your logic. Almost every registry I see has a $500 KitchenAid mixer on it. To me, THAT is a luxury item. No one NEEDS a KitchenAid mixer. Should items like that be left off registries as well? Just curious. We'll be creating our registry in a few months and we technically don't NEED anything - we'll just be upgrading some of the items we have. I don't want to offend anyone by including items that may be deemed inappropriate or rude.
Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]
I think for me, the difference is that with a traditional registry, the person who thinks you don't need the $500 KitchenAid mixer can decide to buy you some other less expensive item off of your registry that fits beter with their own personal conception of what a couple just started out "needs" - when a couple does a HM registry, the guests' only gift options are "cash disguised as fancy luxury experiences," actual cash, or taking a stab in the dark about what the couple might like/use and buying something off-registry.
However, if you are comfortable doing that, then by all means.......
While it is helpful to explain that your opinion is that it is bad etiquette...let's not be RUDE to those who feel differently, they have a right to express their own opinion. It is your wedding and you can do as you feel. You know who is attending and how they will receive it. I would just say do lots of research and maybe google to find the best option for you, whether it is HM registry or not. I don't see a HM registry as being rude, some may see it as asking for money, but I see it as being the same as registering for a bunch of items you don't need at a store just to please someone. I like the idea of a HM registry along with a "traditional" registry for items you may need. No matter which way you register, it is asking someone for something, whether they feel need it or not, it's still asking for it, whereas many people just return the items and use the money for whatever they want. I don't need a gravy boat, but I wouldn't mind going snorkeling. But I do not feel that HM registeries are for people who can't afford a HM, that is setting yourself up for failure. I had a friend just last May who did a HM registery and it was well received by everyone. Along with 2 other friends as well. But like I said, if you are going to do a HM registry, just read the fine print and look through registeries through maybe your cruise line like someone else suggested, but also have a "traditional" registry for those who like to go to the store and physically get a gift.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where to register for a honeymoon : I think for me, the difference is that with a traditional registry, the person who thinks you don't need the $500 KitchenAid mixer can decide to buy you some other less expensive item off of your registry that fits beter with their own personal conception of what a couple just started out "needs" - when a couple does a HM registry, the guests' only gift options are "cash disguised as fancy luxury experiences," actual cash, or taking a stab in the dark about what the couple might like/use and buying something off-registry.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
<div>In my experience, family and friends have not been nearly as judgemental as you have been. They buy things for the bride and groom that they both need and want. Registering for donations to a honeymoon is no different to me than registering for a vase for one's home. Either way, people should be happy for the couple and give them gifts that they feel are appropriate. If a person is registered for something that you feel is not valuble, don't buy it. A honeymoon is a special part of a wedding. No one should be made to feel ashamed of asking guests to give a gift toward their honeymoon rather than their home. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where to register for a honeymoon : In my experience, family and friends have not been nearly as judgemental as you have been. They buy things for the bride and groom that they both need and want. Registering for donations to a honeymoon is no different to me than registering for a vase for one's home. Either way, people should be happy for the couple and give them gifts that they feel are appropriate. If a person is registered for something that you feel is not valuble, don't buy it. A honeymoon is a special part of a wedding. No one should be made to feel ashamed of asking guests to give a gift toward their honeymoon rather than their home.
Posted by jenpit23[/QUOTE]
Agreed!
[QUOTE]I don't feel comfortable asking my FI's 85 year old grandmother to help fund my 5 day sex-a-thon. So I, therefore, will not be participating in a honeymoon registry. However, if you are comfortable doing that, then by all means.......
Posted by janice0487[/QUOTE]
This made me laugh out loud, thank you! I'm going to register for a honeymoon, and in fact, now that you've given me the idea, I'm not even going to call it a honeymoon. I'm going to refer to it as a registry for my 5 day sex-a-thon/orgy. After all, no other generations have ever had honeymoons, so I'm sure they will be completely appalled by the idea that we are even going on a honeymoon nevermind registering for it. I mean, it's not like people register for spa days or horseback riding or dinner at a nice restaurant when they register for a honeymoon...those registries are just for toys and oils, right?