Vent about open bars

HappyTummy613 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:ca28379f-d37f-4c84-aeb1-12d2dce05ba8">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent about open bars : Well said!! With no need to immaturely name call or belittle this person and her opinion. I couldn't agree more!!
Posted by Kek123[/QUOTE]

Yeah, well, you apparently freak out when the MOH for your vow renewal can't wear the same shoes as the other bridesmaids, so I don't know how much stock I put in your opinion.

Kek123 · February 2010

That would be great to know, if I was directing my comment to you, HappyTummy. Sorry if I gave you the impression that your personal opinion of me (someone you don't know, have never met, lol) matters. Lol... too funny.

HappyTummy613 · February 2010

I guess the opinions of the people on the Wedding Party board mattered enough for you to delete your post on the subject.

SarahPLiz · February 2010

That's OK, Happy Tummy, she was quoted on both posts, so hopefully someone else will be open to hearing advice from us.

2bMrsEAB · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_vent-open-bars?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bacaa063-9200-4f2a-bd51-824589d44040Post:587e23ad-36f6-4180-b97c-80a73c95e88b">Re: Vent about open bars</a>:
[QUOTE]and you are correct, I would not have spent $14k for just the liquor bill. The big difference is I would not have picked a venue where there was a $14k bar bill.. Even if it meant we had to have a wedding at the local fire hall a full sit-down meal with an full top-shelf open bar was a non-negotiable. Both of our families care more about the food and bar than a pretty venue. Well like I said, here in Mass you dont get much of a choice. Either you can come to my wedding and enjoy top food, a big ballroom, with entertainment, parking, etc. Or we can go to the VFW and eat chicken fingers, but you get your booze for free. Also, MANY venues here do not let you do just a beer and wine open bar. Its basically all or nothing. There are very few venues that do not have that large of a food minimum. <strong>AND they tax you 22% on the charges for "service fee's" AND 6.25% sales tax. So take your budget, and add 28.25% tax on it, then tell me what you can afford. Im spending close to 50K on my wedding</strong>, at a medium priced place (if i wanted to go into Boston and have it at a hotel, plates start at $125 a head for chicken), with a cocktail hour of unlimited passed apps, 3 hours open bar, champagne toast, 4 course meal, cake, and wine at the tables for dinner. If my guests have a problem with that, then they can F off. Id love to be one of those brides who had a consumption bar that didnt even hit 4K, but where I live, thats an impossibility. Even at the VFW. Its easy to throw stones when you live in a place where things are much cheaper and not taxed as high. <strong>You can have your "fire hall sit down dinner". Ill take my classy yacht club.</strong> Im glad your friends and family care more about the food and bar than your actual wedding experience. Mine on the other hand care more about me having a beautiful wedding. I didnt realize my WEDDING budget should only focus on how liquored up my "guests" can get. I mean really, at that rate, instead of a reception, I should just host a pub crawl.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

No you are flaunting your money AT ALL. 50K is a lot of money, even in Boston. Let me guess you are spending several thousands on your dress and shoes? right. Get a cheaper dress, get your guests some wine and beer for the evening and be done with it. Stop being a cheapskate who is so self centered. have been to weddings at nice places in Boston and nice places here in DC (which is more expensive than MA) and I know the brides have spent less than you, and we have still had booze. You are a spoiled brat and just need to realize it.

Snocones · February 2010

I'm having an late morning/early afternoon wedding and reception. We'll be having unlimited coffee, water and sodas. We'll be paying for our signature drink (margarita). Everything else, the guests will be on their own.

I thought about all the weddings I've been to, and I don't ever remember an open bar. The only time I remember a slightly open bar was my best friends wedding. It was open until they reached a certain $$$ amount, after that everyone paid for their own. With the size of her wedding, that open bar lasted about... oh maybe 30 minutes? Did I whine about it? NOOOO. My water cup was kept full so I was happy.

imeltice · February 2010

I just want to say I am on your side....I have never been to a wedding where all alcohol was free. I agree it's a regional thing, but in the midwest, free beer only is the norm, at least in the smaller cities and towns. We are only having free beer, and I know for a fact no one will be talking about how cheap we are. We are also only having dinner for our family and everyone else is only invited to the party...another bad topic on here, but again how it is done around here, especially when you are on a budget.

aprovencher21 · February 2010

Cash bars are just rude and tacky. Why don't you charge your guests per piece of food they consume?? Or how about the toliet paper they use in the bathrooms?? Geez.....if you are having a party you need to be a decent hostess!! I've been to plenty of weddings and never has their been a cash bar. I've attended numerous after parties (parties after the receptions) and the guests didn't pick up the tab for that either!! My parents would be beyond embarassed if I even thought about having a cash bar (and yes they are paying for the majority of my wedding because they want too.....and yes I completely pay my own bills). I would cut down on food options, my dress budget, budget for shoes, flowers, etc. before treating my guests like that.

On a side note....I like the idea of the small backyard gathering with BYOB. That isn't what I'm talking about since the couple is going above and beyond with their budgets to throw a great party. If you are flaunting spending 50K then you certainly can squeeze in an open bar to not be a self centered cheapskate.

Lenore2010 · February 2010

The part that keeps on amazing me with this thread is indeed the 50K... I mean FIFTY grand and not wanting to do an open bar?

If we could spend 50K, I think we might be doing an "open cruise", as in putting 20 of our closest friends and relatives on said cruise for a week and having one giant party for five days in addition to the wedding. Ok, that would cost more than 50K but you get my meaning.

I do not begrudge the affluent types their lavish weddings, but if you are spending that kind of money you can definitely buy your guests drinks!

Blueyed228 · February 2010

Lenore: I dont even want to reply on this post anymore because it has gotten ridiculously out of control with assumptions and things being taken out of context, but just to clarify. I never said I wasnt going to do an open bar, or couldnt afford one. I said I have not decided on anything because I dont have to yet. Will I most likely be doing an open bar? Yes.

The whole point of my post was that some people do not have it in their budget to do an open bar, or even beer and wine, and I dont think that should prevent them from having a wedding. As long as they do as much as they can for their guests, they shouldnt feel bad for doing the most that they can.

Lenore2010 · February 2010

Agreed on that Blueyed. I think there is no shame in not having alcohol at all. People put to much emphisis on alcohol anyway. My only arguement is that if you are going to have it, pay for it.

crystalm_d9er · February 2010

I hate that my first post here has to be on this topic, but I'm interested in seeing on what everyone's opinion is on my situation.

My fiance is in the Canadian military, and I've enlisted (partly) to follow him to his new posting in BC. For us to be posted together, we have to be married.
We were planning to get married in a year or so, but would've had to do it in BC and almost none of our family or friends would be able to make it. Not to mention at that point we may have ended up on separate coasts and I don't know about you ladies, but I don't want an entire nation between my husband and I.
We decided to do it here in Ontario before we leave, at the request of our family and friends. Our date is March 27th 2010, and I just started planning in the last two weeks. Because he will receive his posting date in April, we have to get married a year ahead of schedule on a limited budget with family and friends or face a quick JOP to make it legal for the forces and not be able to share it with the people we want there.
I am working with literally $1500 [if I'm lucky].
We're having our wedding at the chapel on base, and our reception at the mess hall. We've managed to get away with as much as possible for free. We are allowed to bring our own food, but not alcohol. We're paying for as much as we can, but there's no way we can afford open bar. There's no point in doing beer/wine only as a) it's not in the budget and b) most people we know don't drink beer or wine.
Because it's at the mess, drinks are fairly cheap. A premium glass of wine is $3.75, and a fancy beer is $4.
I should also mention that as far as I know, we can't have them close the bar because it'd be open anyway, so dry reception isn't happening. We could probably swing putting money on the bar to cover pop and juice, but the way the military attendees drink, alcohol just won't happen.
I've asked friends and family, and none of them are concerned with having to buy drinks. They understand we're limited on time and money, and would rather be there with us to celebrate and buy their own booze than not be able to make it to BC next year.

All the weddings I've been to have had a cash bar, and until I started reading TheKnot I wasn't even aware that it was such a horrible thing to do in some people's eyes.

If you were me, what would you do?

For the record, that $1500 budget has to include everything. Marriage license, wedding bands, attire, flowers, invites, food + cupcakes, the works. And if I can get it under $1000 even better, because that extra $500 would really be pushing it.

MOBinFL2008 · February 2010

Obesity is a huge problem in this country. I think you should cut off the food half way through dinner....just collect everyone's plate; it would be doing the a favor. If they want to finish eating, they have to pay for it themselves. That way you'd have enough money to host the open bar for the entire evening.

emilywareru · March 2010

I don't see any problems with an open bar, I think many brides overdo their big day and end up with big debt. Yes there are those that were responsible and put money aside for this but most couples don't start saving until they become engaged. While reading these replies many of them sound old-fashioned. I don't know anyone who would be offended about going to a wedding with an open bar. Obviously you pay for the food and everything but nothing requires you to pay for alcohol.

My mom works for a county club and my MOH is the "etiquette queen" and both see nothing wrong with this. In modern times it is good form to provide water, soda, and champagne toast. You do not have to have an open bar to retain your classiness. I have also talked to friends and family and everyone agrees that yes, while it is nice to have an open bar it is also nice not to be in debt. I also would rather have a cash bar then not having available alcohol and people sneaking it in. I guess everyone has the right to their own opinions but at least I won't be in debt

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