Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.

Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.

• Kate0558

  

  May 2012

  i can't take a break... i was supposed to do this months ago... JUNE is booking up like lightning. I did take a break and i screwed myself.  AND as much as i'd like to elope... I always wanted a "real" wedding with my family and friends there... That i know i'll regret.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  May 2012

  You need to have a conversation with your FI.  If he isn't helping you, that's a real problem.  This is his responsibility just as much as it is yours.  He shouldn't be sitting back giving opinions while you are stressed to the point that you are about to have a mental breakdown.  

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• JordynLeighx3

  

  May 2012

  What I would do in this situation is have a last resort wedding date. Call the venues and ask if they have date a available and if not try date b. regardless it's a date and it will be special no matter what because it's the day you were married on! Look a little more into destinational, no matter what though wherever your wedding is, it could be in someone's back yard and it's still going to be the best day ever because you're marrying the man of your dreams right?

  

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• cwaggoner07 member

  

  May 2012

  Everyone planning their wedding has to sacrifice some things. For us, we wanted a long engagement, but it didn't really make much sense, so now we're just having a 7 month engagement (also the fact that I'm a CPA and my February-April is nonexistant free time).
  We just didn't want to wait until summer of 2013 due to career stuff and a possible cross-country move in our future.
  You need to figure out which is REALLY important and prioritize.
  Also, get your FI on board with the decision making and he may make it easier if he is a little more decisive. Anything I am indecisive about I just let FI choose, because it lets him be more involved and I don't stress.

  It was a fairytale.

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• zitiqueen member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:110bb4d8-780e-4843-9f7f-f8dc78d8a587">Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]Well I basically had a nervous breakdown this morning. Wedding stress was going through my  head in the shower... and i basically ended up crying, i was late to work, and then I called FI freaking out that i'm not marrying him. (he knows i dont mean that... although i did also tell him we are eloping so i'd be surprised if he's not booking the tickets for vegas right now. lol) Heres my MANY problems... I am planning this wedding all on my own (i'm doing all the research and i have to figure every place out and everything... he's just giving his thoughts on what I find) all my friends and family live out of state. ... We've been engaged for 3 months and I have nothing done. We've had to change locations and budget and still cant find a venue... and now our date is booked everywhere. <strong>And i'm attached to my date. its perfect- we had it down to a science.</strong> We are trying to find a place within an hour and a half cus i'm not sure my pastor will drive otherwise. And i'll be extremely upset if he can't do it. I refuse to be married by a stranger otherwise id do a destination wedding. (my family has to fly anyway and they are the main ppl i care about being there) I finally realized this place that i brushed aside a few months ago because it wasn't perfect and i thought it would be way too expensive.... well perfect doesn't bother me anymore and i realized its actually owned by the city so its UNDER my original budget... but OFCOURSE now its booked up for april, may and june of 2013. awesome. Now that leaves me spending an extra 2k dollars on a place i'm not happy with. I just can't bring myself to do that just because i'm a moron. I'm not rich, we are paying for this wedding all on our own and all i have is what i can save up in the next year. I've always been a frugal girl... i only buy it if its on sale or i have a coupon. Plus I'm EXTREMELY indecisive. Everyone talks about getting that "this is it" feeling when they picked their venue and their dress. I don't think im going to, i never have... not our house, not my car, nothing. Actually the one car i thought was perfect - ended up being the biggest mistake of my life. To say i don't trust a single decision i make in my life would be an understatement.  The idea of booking somehting and then regretting it later scares the crap out of me. I don't deal with regret very well. And i just know its gonna happen unless i absolutely LOVE it..AND i get my date... . and i can barely find one i like let alone i love. I have to give something up and i just don't know what.... whether it be giving up on our pastor marrying us and doing a destination wedding about 5 hours away from us...  giving up our theme all together.... giving up our date.... or giving up all my money that i don't have to give up... or give up on a "wedding" altogether and just eloping. I've lost all hope. I always thought people getting stressed about planning a wedding were rediculous... Now i'm beyond stressed- i'm just downright depressed and don't want to do it at all. But i'll regret that too. AH
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]
  
  What's more important, some trivial date or your sanity? Seriously, it's a date on a calendar. You are attaching way too much importance to a number.
  
  I have to ask, how old are you?

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• Kate0558

  

  May 2012

  We don't have internet at home... and i've already scoured the internet... he doesn't know what else to do and neither do i. i need a girl to plan with cus men just don't think the same. He's not like refusing... theres just only so much that he can do.

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• Kate0558

  

  May 2012

  "hire" thats funny. if i could afford to hire a planner... i'd book the expensive place.

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• lls31 member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:110bb4d8-780e-4843-9f7f-f8dc78d8a587">Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]Well I basically had a nervous breakdown this morning. Wedding stress was going through my  head in the shower... and i basically ended up crying, i was late to work, and then I called FI freaking out that i'm not marrying him. (he knows i dont mean that... although i did also tell him we are eloping so i'd be surprised if he's not booking the tickets for vegas right now. lol) Heres my MANY problems... I am planning this wedding all on my own (i'm doing all the research and i have to figure every place out and everything... he's just giving his thoughts on what I find) all my friends and family live out of state. ... We've been engaged for 3 months and I have nothing done. We've had to change locations and budget and still cant find a venue... <strong>and now our date is booked everywhere. And i'm attached to my date. its perfect- we had it down to a science. </strong>We are trying to find a place within an hour and a half cus i'm not sure my pastor will drive otherwise. And i'll be extremely upset if he can't do it. I refuse to be married by a stranger otherwise id do a destination wedding. (my family has to fly anyway and they are the main ppl i care about being there) I finally realized this place that i brushed aside a few months ago because it wasn't perfect and i thought it would be way too expensive.... well perfect doesn't bother me anymore and i realized its actually owned by the city so its UNDER my original budget... but OFCOURSE now its booked up for april, may and june of 2013. awesome. Now that leaves me spending an extra 2k dollars on a place i'm not happy with. I just can't bring myself to do that just because i'm a moron. I'm not rich, we are paying for this wedding all on our own and all i have is what i can save up in the next year. I've always been a frugal girl... i only buy it if its on sale or i have a coupon. Plus I'm EXTREMELY indecisive. Everyone talks about getting that "this is it" feeling when they picked their venue and their dress. I don't think im going to, i never have... not our house, not my car, nothing. Actually the one car i thought was perfect - ended up being the biggest mistake of my life. To say i don't trust a single decision i make in my life would be an understatement.  The idea of booking somehting and then regretting it later scares the crap out of me. I don't deal with regret very well. And i just know its gonna happen unless i absolutely LOVE it..AND i get my date... . and i can barely find one i like let alone i love. I have to give something up and i just don't know what.... whether it be giving up on our pastor marrying us and doing a destination wedding about 5 hours away from us...  giving up our theme all together.... giving up our date.... or giving up all my money that i don't have to give up... or give up on a "wedding" altogether and just eloping. I've lost all hope. I always thought people getting stressed about planning a wedding were rediculous... Now i'm beyond stressed- i'm just downright depressed and don't want to do it at all. But i'll regret that too. AH
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>We planned on getting married on 10/20/12, which is the day of our first date 6 years ago.  I had my heart set on that date.  We got engaged in September and started looking at venues right away.  We found one we liked within our budget, asked to book 10/20/12 and it wasn't available.  We called just about every single venue within our price range in the entire county and no one had the date available.  Yes, I cried.  But I got over it quickly and we booked another date.  It's not worth stressing yourself out over (or losing your job over if you're showing up late).  </div><div>
  </div><div>The biggest thing I have learned while planning our wedding is that nothing goes perfectly and that you have to make sacrifices.</div><div>
  </div><div>Try to relax and good luck with your planning.</div>

  

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• zitiqueen member

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:2c4130f1-3042-46dd-bf84-b7e252aca6a4">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]"hire" thats funny. if i could afford to hire a planner... i'd book the expensive place.
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]
  
  Well, if you can't afford to hire a planner and your FI won't help and you refuse to consider another day or another officiant or another location, you put on your big-girl panties and you suck it up. You're the one placing all of these irrational restrictions on yourself. There are no outside forces conspiring to ruin your perfect wedding day. You're taking care of that all on your own.
  
  What matters at the end of the day is that you're married. Not the date you got married on, not where you got married, not who performed the wedding. What is supposed to matter is the marriage.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  May 2012

  Wow, you need to breathe and have a drink.
  
  Just to let you know I planned my wedding all by myself (with comments and opinions from my FI) and all of my family live out of state too.  Was it stressful?  Yes.  Did everything get done?  Yes.  Did we have a blast at our wedding?  Hell yes.  Do I look back and think how ridiculous I was for stressing out over trivial stuff?  Definitely.
  
  As a PP said, you need to expand your dates.  You need to be flexible.  If you love a venue then ask what dates they have available.  A date is just a number...that number will become special when you decide to get married on that day.
  
  You have plenty of time to get everything done.  I planned our wedding in 11months and we booked our venue at the 10 month mark.
  
  Also, regarding your officiant.  I understand not wanting a stranger to marry you.  If your officiant cannot make it to your wedding why not ask a close friend or family member to get ordained and officiate the ceremony.  We asked a very close friend to do the same and it was the best decision we ever made.  It was more personal because he knew us so well.
  
  Finally the only "theme" a wedding needs to have is the theme of a wedding.  What most guests care about and honestly, in the end, what matters most is good food, yummy drinks, great drinks, and having all your loved ones around you.

  
  

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• MrsKathyC

  

  May 2012

  Before we started planning, I had this image in my head of how & when I wanted to get married. New Years Day, in the early evening, by candlelight....
  
  We were married on Sept 4, at 12:30 in the afternoon, outside in the blazing, hot sun.  This is the date/time that worked best for us and our guests. It was on a Sunday of a holiday weekend which allowed our out of town guests travelling time.   Was it what I had "dreamed" about? No.  Did it turn out perfect in every way?  It sure as hell did!  Best day of my life (excluding the birth of my son)
  
  Pick a date that works for you and your guests and that you can now book, not what you have always pictured in your head. The date you GET married will be the most important day of your life, not the date you thought you wanted, for what ever reason.
  
  Good luck! 

  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  If you let go of your perfect date, that will relieve a lot of your tension. You have created so many restrictions for yourself - it makes me wonder if you even want to get married. Go back to the place that you can afford, pick one of their available dates - easy! Since this budget friendly place is booking up so fast, take care of this asap or you'll be back at square one. Next thing, make an appointment with the pastor to find out what the requirements are for him/her to marry you.
  
  Keep in mind that your wedding is a one day event. If you are losing your sanity over planning a party, you are doing it wrong. And you shouldn't be letting your fi off the hook so easily. Plenty of men help their fi's plan their weddings and actually are interested in at least some of the details.

                     

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:0fca3fef-20b4-4a2f-8225-e7599e816263">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]We don't have internet at home... and i've already scoured the internet... he doesn't know what else to do and neither do i. i need a girl to plan with cus men just don't think the same. He's not like refusing... theres just only so much that he can do.
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>If you can't work with your FI to plan a wedding, perhaps you should consider marrying a woman instead.  </div><div>
  </div><div>Having a penis does not impede his ability to choose a venue, plan a budget, select food and decor, etc.  The problem is not his anatomy.  It's that he's lazy and perfectly ok with watching you stress.  </div>

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• goobersinlove member

  

  May 2012

  Wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it.  I know this sounds harsh, but you have created all the stress for yourself by being attached to a date, etc. and then coming up with a bunch of reasons why other alternatives will not work for you.

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• bandjwedding2012 member

  

  May 2012

  I'm sorry you really need to take a deep breathe. Ask what dates they have open at the places you like and are in your budget. You maybe surprised sometimes people cancel. It's just a date, I know that's not what you want to hear but it's just a day on the calendar.
    Sure I had the perfect date in mind, well actually two dates in mind. I'm not getting married on either one of those dates because we had friends getting married on one and the other fell during the week and that just wouldn't do for all our guests. FI always wanted to get married New Years Eve, we're getting married in the middle of summer, so all our out of town guests aren't stressed about trying to figure out how to get to a wedding during the holidays and winters.
    The thing is once you just relax and go with it, you'll find you love the venue you picked because you'll come up with random ideas that are so cool to you. You'll love the dress because you picked it, probably cause you looked amazing in it.
     Also I agree with everyone else, tell your FI to step up. Just cause he isn't a girl doesn't mean he doesn't want to or can't help with the wedding. If it's causing you this much stress this far out, you are going to really lose it at it gets closer.

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• rlavach member

  

  May 2012

  OP, there are many many ladies on here (myself included) who did all of the wedding planning themselves, were on a tight budget & had visions of their ideal wedding. Like PP said, you have to make sacrifies. Use your local board to help you find venues alternatives. It's absolutely possible for you to have the majority of what you want. It is highly unlikely you will have it all. 

  
  

  I had quite a few nervous breakdowns in our 9mo engagement...but at the 1mo and 1wk mark. This shouldn't be that bad this early in the game. Even if none of your family is nearby, could perhaps some help you searching online for other vendors that can suit your needs? Be positive & it will work.

  

  My Bio

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• RowenaD member

  

  May 2012

  My FI and I wanted to get married on the 10th of August this year which was an important date. But due to thing out of our control we had to change the date we are now getting married on the 5th of April 1213 which is excatly 23 months after he asked me to marry him. I know how stressful it can be to plan on your own but you need to just sit back take a deep breath and think hey I love my FI and he loves me I'm the luckiest girl and whatever we chose will be awesome.

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• Kate0558

  

  May 2012

  I know i'm putting this on myself. i just don't know how to give up on something just because i'm a moron. i know its stupid and its just a "get over it" thing. The problem is the date they have open would mean having paying extra to travel on a holiday weekend and it would be blazing hot. He doesn't like that idea. and frankly i don't blame him. I haven't even seen it yet. i'm going by pictures.
  
  FI wants to book the other place we went to see but its all outdoors and covered open air reception and its still slightly over budget and i'd have to pay more in decorations.... He sees zero need for any decorations - which is why i said i need help from a woman. To him those little details don't matter. His solution is to not decorate at all. ... meanwhile i'm having nightmares about bugs and weather and it being too hot or too cold. He's never had a problem with bugs or temperature. He can walk outside in 100 degrees and be just as comfortable as walking outside in 30 degrees. He just doesn't understand. I told him we need to both love it and he just tells me that i'll hate everything no matter what he says so it doesn't matter. Problem is so far he's right so i can see why he would think that.
  
  LoL no i don't need to marry a woman.... I just need friends. Its depressing to plan everything alone and have no one to talk to or to help me look at venues or dresses or anything and get a womans perspective. I love my fiance. I've been with him for 3 1/2 years and i'm more then ready to marry him. I don't even want to wait this long but we can't afford to do any sooner. I want a marriage and a nice wedding that is representative of us... BUT i don't have a million dollars to spend on it. and i don't want to spend a lot either.
  
  Am i being rediculous... hell yes i am. Do i know i need to give something up? YES.... do i have a damn clue what i want to do... NO
  

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• spiment member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:c448b19e-e8e2-4ba7-a541-76b83dd699b0">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]i can't take a break... i was supposed to do this months ago... JUNE is booking up like lightning. I did take a break and i screwed myself.  AND as much as i'd like to elope... I always wanted a "real" wedding with my family and friends there... That i know i'll regret.
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Crazy thought but if you're attached to the date--why dont you just do it in 2014?
  
  </div>

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• AceTT

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:64f800ae-b2a1-4fbc-9389-1d742e8e86ff">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]I know i'm putting this on myself. i just don't know how to give up on something just because i'm a moron. i know its stupid and its just a "get over it" thing. The problem is the date they have open would mean having paying extra to travel on a holiday weekend and it would be blazing hot. He doesn't like that idea. and frankly i don't blame him. I haven't even seen it yet. i'm going by pictures. FI wants to book the other place we went to see but its all outdoors and covered open air reception and its still slightly over budget and <strong>i'd have to pay more in decorations.... He sees zero need for any decorations - which is why i said i need help from a woman. To him those little details don't matter. His solution is to not decorate at all.</strong> ... meanwhile i'm having nightmares about bugs and weather and it being too hot or too cold. He's never had a problem with bugs or temperature. He can walk outside in 100 degrees and be just as comfortable as walking outside in 30 degrees. He just doesn't understand. I told him we need to both love it and he just tells me that i'll hate everything no matter what he says so it doesn't matter. Problem is so far he's right so i can see why he would think that. LoL no i don't need to marry a woman.... I just need friends. Its depressing to plan everything alone and have no one to talk to or to help me look at venues or dresses or anything and get a womans perspective. I love my fiance. I've been with him for 3 1/2 years and i'm more then ready to marry him. I don't even want to wait this long but we can't afford to do any sooner. I want a marriage and a nice wedding that is representative of us... BUT i don't have a million dollars to spend on it. and i don't want to spend a lot either. Am i being rediculous... hell yes i am. Do i know i need to give something up? YES.... do i have a damn clue what i want to do... NO
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]
  We chose a venue where the only "decorations" we needed were nice tablecloths and floral and candle centerpieces. Even then, we could have gone with the standard white tablecloths and it would have been fine. Decorations are generally not needed, unless you're having a wedding in a church gym and want to make it a little fancier.<div>
  </div><div>I agree with PPs - let the dream date go and find an open date at your preferred venue that works for everyone involved. Then go from there.</div>

  Due 10/21/13 with our first baby

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• lls31 member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:64f800ae-b2a1-4fbc-9389-1d742e8e86ff">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]I know i'm putting this on myself. i just don't know how to give up on something just because i'm a moron. i know its stupid and its just a "get over it" thing. The problem is the date they have open would mean having paying extra to travel on a holiday weekend and it would be blazing hot. He doesn't like that idea. and frankly i don't blame him. I haven't even seen it yet. i'm going by pictures. FI wants to book the other place we went to see but its all outdoors and covered open air reception and its still slightly over budget <strong>and i'd have to pay more in decorations.... He sees zero need for any decorations</strong> - which is why i said i need help from a woman. To him those little details don't matter. His solution is to not decorate at all. ... meanwhile i'm having nightmares about bugs and weather and it being too hot or too cold. He's never had a problem with bugs or temperature. He can walk outside in 100 degrees and be just as comfortable as walking outside in 30 degrees. He just doesn't understand. I told him we need to both love it and he just tells me that i'll hate everything no matter what he says so it doesn't matter. Problem is so far he's right so i can see why he would think that. LoL no i don't need to marry a woman.... I just need friends. Its depressing to plan everything alone and have no one to talk to or to help me look at venues or dresses or anything and get a womans perspective. I love my fiance. I've been with him for 3 1/2 years and i'm more then ready to marry him. I don't even want to wait this long but we can't afford to do any sooner. I want a marriage and a nice wedding that is representative of us... BUT i don't have a million dollars to spend on it. and i don't want to spend a lot either. Am i being rediculous... hell yes i am. Do i know i need to give something up? YES.... do i have a damn clue what i want to do... NO
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>You can do without tons of decorations and you can also DIY a lot of them.  The only decorations we are having at our wedding are the centerpieces.</div><div>
  </div><div>I think you and your FI  need to sit down and discuss your budget.  Not just the total amount, but what amount you're comfortable spending on which part of your wedding.  We decided that inviting more guests was more important than having elaborate decorations and flowers.  A nice wedding CAN happen on a smaller budget.
  
  </div>

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:64f800ae-b2a1-4fbc-9389-1d742e8e86ff">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]I know i'm putting this on myself. i just don't know how to give up on something just because i'm a moron. i know its stupid and its just a "get over it" thing. The problem is the date they have open would mean having paying extra to travel on a holiday weekend and it would be blazing hot. He doesn't like that idea. and frankly i don't blame him. I haven't even seen it yet. i'm going by pictures. FI wants to book the other place we went to see but its all outdoors and covered open air reception and its still slightly over budget and i'd have to pay more in decorations.... He sees zero need for any decorations - which is why i said i need help from a woman. To him those little details don't matter. His solution is to not decorate at all. ... meanwhile i'm having nightmares about bugs and weather and it being too hot or too cold. He's never had a problem with bugs or temperature. He can walk outside in 100 degrees and be just as comfortable as walking outside in 30 degrees. He just doesn't understand. I told him we need to both love it and he just tells me that i'll hate everything no matter what he says so it doesn't matter. Problem is so far he's right so i can see why he would think that. LoL no i don't need to marry a woman....<strong> I just need friends. Its depressing to plan everything alone and have no one to talk to or to help me</strong> look at venues or dresses or anything and get a womans perspective. I love my fiance. I've been with him for 3 1/2 years and i'm more then ready to marry him. I don't even want to wait this long but we can't afford to do any sooner. I want a marriage and a nice wedding that is representative of us... BUT i don't have a million dollars to spend on it. and i don't want to spend a lot either. Am i being rediculous... hell yes i am. Do i know i need to give something up? YES.... do i have a damn clue what i want to do... NO
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Why should your friends be responsible for helping you when your FI won't?  It's his wedding, not theirs.  I honestly don't see why you keep letting him off the hook while simultaneously complaining that you need help.  If you need help, he should be helping you.  </div><div>
  </div><div>PPs are right.  Pick a new date, and move on.  If you don't want to get married when it's hot out, look at fall.  If you want spring, find another venue or wait another year.  You are more than a year out.  If you are this stressed already, a delay is probably a good idea.  </div>

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• Osterizer member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:94827d02-4ec5-4924-8995-4a897d841a33">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore. : <strong> We chose a venue where the only "decorations" we needed were nice tablecloths and floral and candle centerpieces.</strong> Even then, we could have gone with the standard white tablecloths and it would have been fine. Decorations are generally not needed, unless you're having a wedding in a church gym and want to make it a little fancier. I agree with PPs - let the dream date go and find an open date at your preferred venue that works for everyone involved. Then go from there.
  Posted by AceTT[/QUOTE]
  
  This.  When H and I chose our venue, we had a small budget.  My mom even commented on what little decoration we'd need because the reception venue was so beautiful.  She was right, but in the end we saved our money over a year and we were able to splurge on upgraded linens and gorgeous centerpieces.  Find a venue that's affordable, but also provides the most bang for your buck.  A plain blank canvas means extra cost to jazz  up the space.  Look for historic inns or beautiful gardens.  You won't need to add much to spaces like that. 
  
  I was a basket case at the beginning of planning, but I'd take a break when it go to be too much.  So, take a break.  Stop putting all these restrictions on yourself.  You'll find the more flexible you are with yourself, the easier this process is.

  
  

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• Kate0558

  

  May 2012

  Forget it...
  i didn't think i was the only one who's FI was there just for opinions and comments... not actively searching. He's not just sitting on his ass he's just not thinking about it every second of the day like i am. he only thinks about it when i ask him. but i guess that makes him a horrible person.
  
  My friends don't have to but i know they would if they were closer... i know ALOT of people have had parents, family members, or friends actively involved. I'm not asking anyone... its just  kind of lonely to be doing this without them. But i guess its just me.  Forget it - i'll figure it out.
  
  
  

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• mellimel19

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:c13b4255-be64-4ecc-935d-5615a11a5db5">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]Forget it... i didn't think i was the only one who's FI was there just for opinions and comments... not actively searching. He's not just sitting on his ass he's just not thinking about it every second of the day like i am. he only thinks about it when i ask him. but i guess that makes him a horrible person. My friends don't have to but i know they would if they were closer... i know ALOT of people have had parents, family members, or friends actively involved. I'm not asking anyone... its just  kind of lonely to be doing this without them. But i guess its just me.  Forget it - i'll figure it out.
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]
  
  It doesn't make him a horrible person, and many women here do a lot of the research and planning on their own with the guys only giving opinions and comments. That's how it's been for me and FI. But it becomes a problem if planning this way is bringing you to the point of a breakdown.
  
  What people are saying is that since you are clearly beyond stressed with the planning, it is time to let your FI know that you need him to do more than just give opinions, that you need him to do some of the research too. If he doesn't know where to start, try assigning him things. Maybe have him look into the transportation if he's into cars. Or the DJ. Or he can also help to do research on the venue.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:c13b4255-be64-4ecc-935d-5615a11a5db5">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]Forget it... i didn't think i was the only one who's FI was there just for opinions and comments... not actively searching. He's not just sitting on his ass he's just not thinking about it every second of the day like i am. he only thinks about it when i ask him. but i guess that makes him a horrible person. My friends don't have to but i know they would if they were closer... i know ALOT of people have had parents, family members, or friends actively involved. I'm not asking anyone... its just  kind of lonely to be doing this without them. But i guess its just me.  Forget it - i'll figure it out.
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I didn't say he was a horrible person.  I did say that he is equally responsible for this wedding and that he is lazy if he won't help you, especially if you want help.  There is no reason that he shouldn't be stepping in and helping you out.  If you are getting married, you should act like a team and do things together.</div><div>
  </div><div>If you were at work and you were given a project with one other person, and the other person sat back and gave opinions while you did all the work, what would you do?  Would you call your friends and ask them to pitch in?  Of course not.  You'd tell your partner to step up and handle his/her responsibilities.  </div><div>
  </div><div>Sure, plenty of people get opinions and even assistance from friends and relatives.  But, it's really rare that a friend will take on the responsibility of setting the budget, booking logistics, or getting info from vendors, which you should be doing now.  That's the couple.  The friends are the ones that will sit back and comment or give opinions.  </div>

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• WeatherGirl2013AHK

  

  May 2012

  This got dramatic really fast. Why dont you look at an outdoor location like a park, or by a lake?

  

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• mbaete member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:c13b4255-be64-4ecc-935d-5615a11a5db5">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]Forget it... i didn't think i was the only one who's FI was there just for opinions and comments... not actively searching. He's not just sitting on his ass he's just not thinking about it every second of the day like i am. he only thinks about it when i ask him. but i guess that makes him a horrible person. My friends don't have to but i know they would if they were closer... i know ALOT of people have had parents, family members, or friends actively involved. I'm not asking anyone... its just  kind of lonely to be doing this without them. But i guess its just me.  Forget it - i'll figure it out.
  Posted by Kate0558[/QUO
  <div>
  </div><div>
  </div><div>OP, send me a pm if you need any advise or help, and ill do what i can to help you out.</div><div>Best of lucki</div>

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• bunni727 member

  

  May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nervous-breakdown-i-cant-do-this-anymore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:253aa57b-0d7b-4846-8a08-e05ba4c1418ePost:8c9f76d0-c80e-450e-8754-5d3576275e5f">Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore.</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Nervous Breakdown... i can't do this anymore. : Crazy thought but if you're attached to the date--why dont you just do it in 2014?
  Posted by spiment[/QUOTE]
  
  This is what I was thinking. It would give you more time to save, and a wider choice of venues.
  
  I think the main reason you aren't getting much sympathy is that you have created stress for yourself that only you can fix. Even if you had the most helpful FI in the world, he couldn't make venues magically have your perfect date open. Your only options are to go with a less than perfect date, or a less than perfect venue.

  

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• librababy

  

  May 2012

  Like so many brides, I too am doing the majority of the planning myself. Also on an etremely tight budget. Plus I had to make sacrifices to fit my budget. BUT I understand where you are coming from.  I also had the perfect date in mind and happy I got it but to FI the date was not as important, because as he put it, our wedding date would become a special date and that is what matters.  I think I would have cried if I had to give up my date, but I think for you you don't have a choice if you want to get married next year. 

  
  

  Like you, I dont have the funds to hire a wedding planner but so ar, the planning process has been fun for me and I have people to talk to (my family lives OOT but I talk to my mom and sister almost everyday and they ask for wedding updates and are as excited as I am and want to help in any way they can from afar). My BM"s here are also helpful so I am lucky in that respect. Also, even though FI is not that detailed oriented when it comes to the wedding, he does help out. He is helping to do all the paper products, offered to find the officiant and will make a playlist and slideshow for the reception. He will help if I ask and usually gives me good, helpful advice. He used to plan weddings (he worked at a fancy club that catered and hosted events) so he is schooled in party planning. BUT I enjoy party planning more than he does and prefer to plan on my own for the most part, except for his opinions and imput on major decisions. 

  
  

  Don't stress so much...it'll all come together. And if you need, these boards are a good place to talk wedding and vent.   

  

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