Moms and Maids

Re: .

  • emarston1emarston1 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You can ask her if she wants to come but how she looks is really her business.  If she rejects the invite there really is no other tactful way to tell her she looks like a mess (even if it comes from a loving place.)

    Let the issue go, you will have far more important things to worry about on your wedding day.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-not-looking-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6391a01-fa37-4465-a125-3754c7d47985Post:c4d9b28e-1cbe-4f08-911f-3baba975a7b0">Mother in law not looking to her best...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiances-father's girlfriend (for 13years now who is great, I love alot) never really takes care of what she looks like. She gets her hair done at this salon who totally burns her hair every time. Even though I have told her that I would do it for her and to never go there (I am a retired hair dresser-very good one too) Ive done her hair a few times and it looked good when I did it but she doesnt take care of herself (estheticallY) as for what she is going to wear ... an other problem she dresses really badly and TOO comfortably (sizes that would fit someone twice her size)....for her wedding day outfit I thought of bringing her along with my mom and my fiance's mom to shop around to pick my dress (and at the same time try to show them stuff that would look good on them .... but yet again.. I dont want to impose myself on her. but she will be in family pictures that will be with us for the rest of our lives.... how do i bring up the suject of looking good for the day without hurting her feelings??? I would like nice picture for the wedding.
    Posted by [email protected][/QUOTE]

    <p>You'd potentially insult your FMIL over some photographs?  Really?  Your FMIL is a grown woman who gets to dress herself.  You can offer to do her hair for the wedding, but worrying about how she'll photograph is just shallow, IMO.

    Here's the reality.  Of the thousands of photos taken that day, your FMIL will be in, perhaps, a dozen.  Of those dozen, perhaps 3 will be in your album.  And none will be blown up and on the wall of your home.

    Let your FMIL choose her own clothing.  She's been doing it for years.  You don't have to like what she wears, and what she's wearing that day is not at all a reflection on you. 
    </p>
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If FMIL doesn't look good, that's her problem, not yours.  She looks ridiculous, not you.  Don't go looking for trouble where you don't need any, and commenting on another woman's choice of style is a surefire way to cause trouble.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    By the way, as a married woman, I'm not looking at my photos 10 times a day.  Some people don't look great.  I don't dwell on it.  You wont' either.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • edited December 2011
    You can make the offer, but I wouldn't hold my breath on her answer.  If she doesn't want to go, then you've done everything you can, and need to let it go.  I understand wanting everyone to look good, but in the scheme of things, straight up telling her you don't want her to look bad for your wedding pics sounds awful.  No doubt, that would upset her.  There's just no right way to tell someone this kind of thing.
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    There probably isn't a good way to tell her you think she looks awful and doesn't take care of herself without hurting her feelings.  If she looks bad that's on her to deal with, no you.
  • edited December 2011
    No, you should not say anything to her about her personal style. You can say, "FMIL, I would be happy to go shopping with you when you are looking for something to wear to the wedding if you want." If she declines, there is nothing you can do. She is fully capable of dressing herself, and if she doesn't look good, that will reflect on her, not you. If she does accept your offer to go shopping with her, you can point out what you think would look nice on her, but it is still completely her decision.
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  • RogueQueenRogueQueen member
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Two things:

    1. usually you don't have lots of photographs taken with anyone who is not immediate family and bridal party or MARRIED to immediate family, basic logistics.

    2. So what if she looks a mess? It just means the few pictures that you two are in together her appearance will just make how beautiful you look stand out even more.
  • KappaKKappaK member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    People will be looking at you not her.  She is an adult, she can choose how she wants to dress.  You do not get to dictate what someone wears to your wedding.
  • bbyckesbbyckes member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I can't believe that you would actually consider telling you FMIL, that you think she looks like a mess.  Let he be who she is.  I don't see that there's much you can do about this.  She isn't a doll.
  • edited December 2011
    What they all said.  You can invite her to shop with you.  You can invite her to join in on the hair and makeup.  But, at the end of the day she is who she is.  We are working on my daughters pictures/albums now.  There are no photos hanging in their house that have her new MIL in them.  There are a few in the album (mother/son dance, going down the aisle, family group photo) but that's it.  besides, everyone in your family has known her and what she looks like for 13 years....it's not like it's a surprise.  And for that matter, I'm sure your future hubby has some less than stunning relatives rattling around his family tree too.  It's family...we've all got them.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oh yeah, saw that DD coming from a mile away.....
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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