Name change crisis!

tabgrass · June 2012

Can't decide on what to change my name to. I really want to go against everything and have MyFirstName HisLastName MyLastName so instead of adding his on the end of my last name, I want to put it infront of my last name. It sounds better with our names, rather than the other way around. But some people are telling me its "not right". But technically you can do whatever you want! Has anyone heard of people doing that before?!

banana468 · June 2012

Personaly I've never heard of it. You'd be taking his last name as your middle name which would make people think that it was your maiden name.

You can do what you want but just be prepared for questions.

If you two decide that you will have children, have you decided what last name they will have? Do you want them to have the same last name as you?

hoffse · June 2012

I've never heard of that. And while I respect women who want to keep their maiden names, I would be really confused by how you're doing it. Like PP said, people will think your husband's last name is your maiden name.

MyUserName1 · June 2012

Do you mean having a double barreled last name or do you mean taking his last name as your middle?

If it's (for instance) Jane Sue Smith Johnson with Smith Johnson being the last name, i don't think it's weird.

But if it's Jane Smith Johnson with Smith as the middle name then that's not a choice I would make, but it's ultimately up to you.

Meegles4 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:ecc14cbc-be79-424e-b8f9-27d00643ea57">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]This is not a crisis.
Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]

Co-sign

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

1. This is not a crisis. It's not happening right at this very moment.

2. Keep in mind that changing your name when you get married (taking your H's last name) and taking his last name, but flip flopping it with yours is two different things. You would essentially be doing a legal change of name, and for that you would have to do different things.

3. By different things I mean you would have to go and fill out the paperwork with the county courthouse, Here is a link to a very helpful site provided by my local courthouse: http://www.lccpa.org/selfhelp/namechange/

4. It takes a lot longer than changing your name after you get married and it costs more money. A LOT more money.

I know this because my FI changed his last name to his mother's maiden name. She died when he was younger and her husband left when he was a baby. He's rarely had contact with his father or that side of the family and after his grandfather died last year he made the decision to change his name to what he thinks is really his family, not the guy that provided half his DNA. I'm glad he did it and is happy, but it was a long and expensive process. Also, he did have to explain it a lot when it first happened.

aragx6 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:579954d5-244b-45da-8ae7-da49f1956788">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]1. This is not a crisis. It's not happening right at this very moment. 2. Keep in mind that changing your name when you get married (taking your H's last name) and taking his last name, but flip flopping it with yours is two different things. You would essentially be doing a legal change of name, and for that you would have to do different things. 3. By different things I mean you would have to go and fill out the paperwork with the county courthouse, Here is a link to a very helpful site provided by my local courthouse: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.lccpa.org/selfhelp/namechange/">http://www.lccpa.org/selfhelp/namechange/</a> 4. It takes a lot longer than changing your name after you get married and it costs more money.<strong> A LOT more money</strong>. I know this because my FI changed his last name to his mother's maiden name. She died when he was younger and her husband left when he was a baby. He's rarely had contact with his father or that side of the family and after his grandfather died last year he made the decision to change his name to what he thinks is really his family, not the guy that provided half his DNA. I'm glad he did it and is happy, but it was a long and expensive process. Also, he did have to explain it a lot when it first happened.
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]

I don't think it should cost any more than the court costs (<$100)

MyUserName1 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:579954d5-244b-45da-8ae7-da49f1956788">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]1. This is not a crisis. It's not happening right at this very moment. 2. Keep in mind that changing your name when you get married (taking your H's last name) and taking his last name, but flip flopping it with yours is two different things. You would essentially be doing a legal change of name, and for that you would have to do different things. 3. By different things I mean you would have to go and fill out the paperwork with the county courthouse, Here is a link to a very helpful site provided by my local courthouse: <a href="http://www.lccpa.org/selfhelp/namechange/" rel="nofollow">http://www.lccpa.org/selfhelp/namechange/</a> 4. It takes a lot longer than changing your name after you get married and it costs more money. A LOT more money. I know this because my FI changed his last name to his mother's maiden name. She died when he was younger and her husband left when he was a baby. He's rarely had contact with his father or that side of the family and after his grandfather died last year he made the decision to change his name to what he thinks is really his family, not the guy that provided half his DNA. I'm glad he did it and is happy, but it was a long and expensive process. Also, he did have to explain it a lot when it first happened.
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]

This depends on the state. In some states, when you get married, you can change your name to Sunshine McPoopy Pants for all they care. Others require different steps. I had to change the spelling of my original middle name in order to add my maiden name to my middle and NC didn't bat an eye.

dumdumfroggie · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:ecc14cbc-be79-424e-b8f9-27d00643ea57">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]This is not a crisis.
Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto.</div>

Meegles4 · June 2012

Ooo, MrsBruno brings up a good point I hadn't really thought about.

OP - you're already married from your profile. What did you sign on your marriage license? That's what you're allowed to legally change your name to. You were supposed to sign that with whatever you want your new name to be.

If you signed it as Jane Mary Johnson, but you really want it to be Jane Johnson Smith or something like that, you have to do some checking. It won't be the standard name change process because your marriage license doesn't match what you're trying to change it to.

This is really something you should have thought about and determined BEFORE your wedding. Maybe this is a crisis after all. ;-)

tabgrass · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:4d594851-e03e-4fbe-bc83-7d50e10a6672">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you mean having a double barreled last name or do you mean taking his last name as your middle? If it's (for instance) Jane Sue Smith Johnson with Smith Johnson being the last name, i don't think it's weird. But if it's Jane Smith Johnson with Smith as the middle name then that's not a choice I would make, but it's ultimately up to you.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes I mean having a double barreled last name. Not his as my middle name. Just like any other double barreled last name but swapped places. </div>

tabgrass · June 2012

The only reason its a "crisis", which you're right it's not really - but my drivers license expired yesterday so I have to get a new one today and am really conflicted with what my name will be on it. That's all.

arrestclementine · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:8064f465-6e9a-4da3-819c-429027a14c22">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooo, MrsBruno brings up a good point I hadn't really thought about.<strong> OP - you're already married from your profile. What did you sign on your marriage license?</strong> That's what you're allowed to legally change your name to. You were supposed to sign that with whatever you want your new name to be. If you signed it as Jane Mary Johnson, but you really want it to be Jane Johnson Smith or something like that, you have to do some checking. It won't be the standard name change process because your marriage license doesn't match what you're trying to change it to. This is really something you should have thought about and determined BEFORE your wedding. Maybe this is a crisis after all. ;-)
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

Not every state does this. I got married in Las Vegas, I signed the marriage license with my maiden name, as that was what it had to be signed with. There was no mention on it for what my name would be after. When I got back to MN, I went to the DMV, with the marriage license. It was there that I changed my name. So not all states are the same.

MyUserName1 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:8064f465-6e9a-4da3-819c-429027a14c22">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooo, MrsBruno brings up a good point I hadn't really thought about. OP - you're already married from your profile. What did you sign on your marriage license? <strong>That's what you're allowed to legally change your name to. </strong>You were supposed to sign that with whatever you want your new name to be. If you signed it as Jane Mary Johnson, but you really want it to be Jane Johnson Smith or something like that, you have to do some checking. It won't be the standard name change process because your marriage license doesn't match what you're trying to change it to. This is really something you should have thought about and determined BEFORE your wedding. Maybe this is a crisis after all. ;-)
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

They told me to sign mine with my current name. In NC you sign it when you GET the marriage license, not on the day of the wedding. Again, it depends on the state. States all have different laws about this.

cpm1223 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:81cf6be9-1b15-4d3f-a1c4-ced4fb85f73f">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I believe you have to get your SS # changed before you can change your license,</strong> though. So you'll have to renew as maiden and then change it (if you decide to do so).
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Thats the case for me (I'm in MA) and I after I filed (on Tuesday) I have to wait 7-10 bus. days to get my new SS card, so that I can go to the DMV and change my license. After that I'll be able to change bank accounts, CC etc.

OP, if your license has exprired, you may have to do what jcbsjr said and renew now, and then do the name change after, which will be a bit of a pain, but the DMV prob won't let you do the name change without the new SS card.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:ecab0a89-b566-40a6-8177-f64dee68a929">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Name change crisis! : I don't think it should cost any more than the court costs (<$100)
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

There's a difference between changing your last name because you are married and a legal name change.

While you are changing your last name because you are getting married, you are also swapping the positions of your names, so while the first half falls under marriage, the second half falls under legal.

I know different states have different criteria for how this is done, but when we did the research on my FI changing his last name, and we did a good amount of it, it looked like every state had some commonalities like
fingerprinting
court order
legal publications

Just in those things alone our bill was $422. That doesn't include having to pay to change your name on certain documents. I do realize that fees vary by state, but the variance isn't that much of a difference. It also took several months as he had to book a date to get fingerprinted, schedule the court hearing, file the name change order in the law journal 30 days before the court hearing, file the name change court order in the legal notice section of the paper 30 days before the hearing, After the hearing he had to get a new SS card before he could change his name on every other document he had. We're still going through that process with some of the smaller things (credit accounts, shoppers rewards, etc)

I'm not sure I'd want to go through the whole process of changing my name like that just because it sounds better with my husbands name hyphenated before mine.

tabgrass · June 2012

I'm in Canada! So it's alllll different.

They say I can change them however I want.

I'm just torn.

Double Barrelled surnames
A double barrelled surname is where you take your spouse’s surname and add it to your own surname in any order (ie: Jones-Smith). The names can be hyphenated or spaced and can be arranged in any order.

Meegles4 · June 2012

God I love Canada.

Tab - do what you want. It's your name. As long as you and H are in agreement, who else matters? Sure you may have to field some questions, but oh well.

arrestclementine · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:c8fcb594-fced-4d2b-8278-4ebba74d2443">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm in Canada! So it's alllll different. :) They say I can change them however I want. I'm just torn. Double Barrelled surnames A double barrelled surname is where you take your spouse’s surname and add it to your own surname in any order (ie: Jones-Smith). The names can be hyphenated or spaced and can be arranged in any order.
Posted by tabgrass[/QUOTE]

I'm also doing a double barrelled last name. I say do what you want, it's your name. : )

MyUserName1 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-crisis?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4401066a-81a9-4479-a42e-94108e3d08fdPost:f615dedd-aec6-4b27-903e-0f137ef462ad">Re: Name change crisis!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Name change crisis! : There's a difference between changing your last name because you are married and a legal name change. While you are changing your last name because you are getting married, you are also swapping the positions of your names, so while the first half falls under marriage, the second half falls under legal. I know different states have different criteria for how this is done, but when we did the research on my FI changing his last name, and we did a good amount of it, it looked like every state had some commonalities like fingerprinting court order legal publications Just in those things alone our bill was $422. That doesn't include having to pay to change your name on certain documents. I do realize that fees vary by state, but the variance isn't that much of a difference. It also took several months as he had to book a date to get fingerprinted, schedule the court hearing, file the name change order in the law journal 30 days before the court hearing, file the name change court order in the legal notice section of the paper 30 days before the hearing, After the hearing he had to get a new SS card before he could change his name on every other document he had. We're still going through that process with some of the smaller things (credit accounts, shoppers rewards, etc) I'm not sure I'd want to go through the whole process of changing my name like that just because it sounds better with my husbands name hyphenated before mine.
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]

But that's him changing his name. For the third time. Different states have different laws.

OP, it's your name, do what you want.

J&K10910 · June 2012

I don't understand how you'd even be allowed to sign a legal document with a name that wasn't your legal name at the time. Then again, in wi, the bride and groom don't sign the license at all.

polichik · June 2012

I'm digging this "double barrelled" thing! I never knew it was called that. I feel like Woody Harrelson in Zombieland.

OP, I too have a DB last name, and I like it. Also, DH took my maiden name as his second middle name, and neither of us have had any problems with it. I still use my maiden name for dinner reservations, etc. that would confuse peole by explaining that I have two last names. Otherwise, I'm happy with our choice.

j-harvey · June 2012

If you are going by "Ann Smith Jones" most people will assume smith is your name. If you are o k with this go for it. The big problem will be the lack of hyphenation. Americans usually don't do double last names. Most women I've known who have tried have ended up with the first last name being used as a middle name eg Ann S. Jones. In your case your name would still get used but you would have a different last name than your husband.

leia1979 · June 2012

I don't think this is a big deal. I had a male teacher who had two last names (added his wife's name to his own, so they both had two names), and they ordered them based on what sounded best. If it sounds better with his name first, then do it. It's your name.

How this works varies by state, as others have mentioned. In California, it's super easy on the marriage license application to change either spouse's middle and last names.

Lisa50 · June 2012

I've heard of everything, including creation of a new last name using the letters of both current last names. It is your name. Go for it. Realize, though, someone will have a snarky comment (your great aunt, his mother, someone!) ... good luck!

Name change crisis!

Re: Name change crisis!

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