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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Bad Behavior
I am the MOB and we just had my daughter's shower and bachelorette party this past weekend. One of the bridesmaids was extremely rude to the bride's sisters, the bride, and other members of the bridal party. So much so, that I am going to uninvite her to the wedding. She is not to come as a guest or as a bridesmaid. I will not tke the risk that she behaves in this manner and upsest the rest of the bridal party and the bride on her day. I've talked to the bride and some other members of the bridal party who agree that it would be better for her not to show up. Any suggestions on what to say? Is it too late?(the wedding is the end of next month? I do not want bad vibes on my daughter's wedding day. Distressed MOB
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Re: Bad Behavior
It's hard to say, what did she do?
But, regardless, this is not your choice or your battle to fight - it's your daughter's.
[QUOTE]I am the MOB and we just had my daughter's shower and bachelorette party this past weekend. One of the bridesmaids was extremely rude to the bride's sisters, the bride, and other members of the bridal party. So much so, that<strong> I am going to uninvite her to the wedding.</strong><strong> She is not to come as a guest or as a bridesmaid.</strong> I will not tke the risk that she behaves in this manner and upsest the rest of the bridal party and the bride on her day. I've talked to the bride and some other members of the bridal party who agree that it would be better for her not to show up. Any suggestions on what to say? Is it too late?(the wedding is the end of next month? I do not want bad vibes on my daughter's wedding day. Distressed MOB
Posted by KatherineL02[/QUOTE]
I think you should stay out of it. This is your daughters decision, NOT yours.
I am a strong believer in "who pays is who says." <em>If</em> you are paying, your opinion on the matter should certainly be taken into consideration, but regardless your daughters BP is her choice to make.
What did this woman do to make you want to kick her out of the wedding so badly? Most importantly, how does your daughter feel about the situation?
[QUOTE]I am the MOB and we just had my daughter's shower and bachelorette party this past weekend. One of the bridesmaids was extremely rude to the bride's sisters, the bride, and other members of the bridal party. So much so, that I am going to uninvite her to the wedding. She is not to come as a guest or as a bridesmaid. I will not tke the risk that she behaves in this manner and upsest the rest of the bridal party and the bride on her day. I've talked to the bride and some other members of the bridal party who agree that it would be better for her not to show up. Any suggestions on what to say? Is it too late?(the wedding is the end of next month? I do not want bad vibes on my daughter's wedding day. Distressed MOB
Posted by KatherineL02[/QUOTE]
Wow. I really hope you have discussed this with your daughter and she is on the same page with you. I also hope if she is she's ready to end her friendship with her BM.
Also, why are you gossiping with the rest of the bridal party about her? Grow up.
She called the bride a few weeks ago and complained that the bride was not paying for the bridesmaids hair/makeup/flights/ or hotel rooms. The BM is being married in few months as well, and her parents are paying for everything. BTW, The BM is not employed. She knew what the arrangements were for almost a year, and no other BM has complained, so I don't get it. If she has no shame to behave that way in front of me, I am her bad behavior will come to the wedding if she does. Why would I want someone to be there, who has been rude and insulting to me or my other daughter? I also do not think we need to reimburse her, for her bad behavior. Am I wrong? Would you want a person l that did that to your mom or sister in the WP?
Frustrated MOB
[QUOTE]I am the MOB and we just had my daughter's shower and bachelorette party this past weekend. One of the bridesmaids was extremely rude to the bride's sisters, the bride, and other members of the bridal party. So much so, that I am going to uninvite her to the wedding. She is not to come as a guest or as a bridesmaid. I will not tke the risk that she behaves in this manner and upsest the rest of the bridal party and the bride on her day. I've talked to the bride and some other members of the bridal party who agree that it would be better for her not to show up. Any suggestions on what to say? Is it too late?(the wedding is the end of next month? I do not want bad vibes on my daughter's wedding day. Distressed MOB
Posted by KatherineL02[/QUOTE]
Also, the fact that she is unemployed has nothing to do with it. How her parents spend their money on their daughter is not your business.
You don't get to dictate who your daughter is friends with and who is in her BP.
ETA: spelling/clarity
[QUOTE]The BM was very rude and b...tchy to my youngest daughter and me. She harrassed the waitress at the dinner, and despite agreeing before hand to contribute $ to the dinner, she refused at the restaraunt. She isolated herself , with one other BM, at the clubs, and made no attempt to speak to anyone else, including the bride! Everyone was extremely uncomfortable. She does not drink, so ETOH was not the cause of her bad behavior. She called the bride a few weeks ago and complained that the bride was not paying for the bridesmaids hair/makeup/flights/ or hotel rooms. The BM is being married in few months as well, and her parents are paying for everything. BTW, The BM is not employed. She knew what the arrangements were for almost a year, and no other BM has complained, so I don't get it. If she has no shame to behave that way in front of me, I am her bad behavior will come to the wedding if she does. Why would I want someone to be there, who has been rude and insulting to me or my other daughter? I also do not think we need to reimburse her, for her bad behavior. Am I wrong? Would you want a person l that did that to your mom or sister in the WP? Frustrated MOB
Posted by KatherineL02[/QUOTE]
None of those things sound like friendship-ending offenses to me. Plus everything Stage said.
[QUOTE]Dude, it is not. your. call. It doesn't matter if *I* would want that person there or not, it matters if your daughter wants her there. And if she doesn't, she handles it like a grown up. And by the way, if your daughter is requiring hair and makeup, she SHOULD pay for it. And if your daughter kicks her out of the wedding, yes she SHOULD reimburse her.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Read this ^^^ Then re-read this. Stage is wise, please take her advice into consideration.
The employment status of said BM is NOYB and has nothing to do with anything.
Also, as others have said, if hair/makeup is required, the bride should be paying. If it's optional, just tell the friend "no worries, you don't have to get your hair and makeup done. You'll still look fantastic the day of."
[QUOTE]The BM was very rude and b...tchy to my youngest daughter and me. She harrassed the waitress at the dinner, and despite agreeing before hand to contribute $ to the dinner, she refused at the restaraunt. She isolated herself , with one other BM, at the clubs, and made no attempt to speak to anyone else, including the bride! Everyone was extremely uncomfortable. She does not drink, so ETOH was not the cause of her bad behavior. She called the bride a few weeks ago and complained that <strong>the bride was not paying for the bridesmaids hair/makeup</strong>/flights/ or hotel rooms. The BM is being married in few months as well, and<strong> her parents are paying for everything</strong>. <strong>BTW, The BM is not employed</strong>. <strong>She knew what the arrangements were for almost a year, and no other BM has complained, so I don't get it. </strong> If she has no shame to behave that way in front of me, I am her bad behavior will come to the wedding if she does. Why would I want someone to be there, who has been rude and insulting to me or my other daughter? I also do not think we need to reimburse her, for her bad behavior. <strong>Am I wrong</strong>? Would you want a person l that did that to your mom or sister in the WP? Frustrated MOB
Posted by KatherineL02[/QUOTE]
I'll take these in bullet points:
1) If your daughter is requiring hair and makeup to be done for her wedding, she (the bride) should pay for it. The bride is not responsible for paying for flights and hotels though.
2) None of your business. Stay out of her/her parents finances.
3) It sounds like the BM has bigger things to worry about. Maybe the BM was hoping to have a job by now.
4) In short, yes, you are wrong.
Honestly, the BM sounds like she was being a taciturn so-and-so during your daughter's bachelorette party, but it's up to your daughter to cut ties with her friend or not. It's not your place to dis-invite her from the bridal party or the wedding, even if you are paying. And if your daughter does kick her out, she does need to pay the BM back for wedding expenses.
As the bride, I'd be really upset if my mother was all up in my business of firing a bridesmaid a month before my wedding. As if last minute planning and knowing your friend is acting like a douche isn't crappy enough!
Back off. Let your daughter handle it. Let her know that you don't care for the way the bridesmaid behaved towawrds you and your daughter, but remember that what happens next is not your call. It's the bride's call.
Is your daughter coming to you saying "Please, can you tell her she's out and deal with drama for me?" If so, have at it. If not, take a deep breath and let her work this out with her friend. Whatever decision they come to, you need to be okay with.
Everyone else has already touched on the important things (ie: Bride should pay for makeup/hair if required, if Bride decides to end friendship you must reimburse the BM for any costs associated with the wedding).
Something tells me, though, that we arent getting the full story. I find it hard to believe this girl just up and decided to not contribute to the dinner after initially agreeing and that she isolated herself for no reason. Maybe its that you dont know exactly what happened, but I'm skeptical that this girl, who must be good enough friends with your daughter for her to be chosen as a BM, would just suddenly become a raging jerk. Further, has your daughter even considered asking if the BM is okay? Maybe theres something happening in her life that has her on edge and sparked the behavior.
If your daughter if old enough to get married, she is old enough to fight her own battles. Back off and let your daughter handle this.
June 2012 Bride!