YOU BRING UP A GOOD POINT. BUT UNLESS YOU ARE GOD, I GUESS I MUST TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU.... NO OFFENSE. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL MILITARY BRIDE. BUT THANKS! YOU HELPED A LOT!!!
Personally, this is how I would approach the ever-famous court-house wedding vs the whole over-priced-traditional-wedding thing. (No, we are not already married in any way, shape or form and yes, I am having the over-priced-'semi'traditional-wedding thing).
If you choose to get married before deployment or before training, whatever the reason, that's just a minor detail....you are married. End of story. There is a legal document saying that you are freakin MARRIED. There is no fake-married or secret-married. Either you're married or not.
If it was myself and FI who were indeed married in some sort of small civil ceremony-type thing, at the courthouse or in a garden somewhere, whatever it is - I'd have that, people would know about it afterwards and then I would wait until the time was right and have the reception. At the recption before a "first dance" type of thing, I would maybe have some sort of quicky vow renewal so that everyone could "see" us get "married" - even though they were all well aware that we were married.
I assume that there are people who do this type of thing, I just don't know why so many people come here and ask how to get away with having a "real" wedding or trying to hide their marriage and all that. I just do not understand the whole thing. There are a million ways to have a ceremony, of some sort, in order to renew vows or do whatever you want in order to have family and friends there. There is no need to commit fraud, there is no need to lie or have secrets.
I will now get back to planning my over-priced-'semi'tradional...one and only REAL wedding.
She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi*
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_got-married-now-were-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:b3b83771-ad24-4fa6-a165-543cc1773b19Post:e4c3d5fc-3fab-4573-aab1-572f65607637">Re: Got married, now we're planning the wedding</a>: [QUOTE]Now I understand the dd... I totally LLOOVVEE when newbs come on to the board and completely misrepresent themselves, and then get upset when they get caught in their lies and dd and start slinging mud... Way to keep it classy!! Best of luck with your "Vowel" Renewal! ETA: I'm totally confused. She said she was Catholic right in her post right? in her bio it says Catholic/Christian and Jewish... I'm totally not being snarky at all, but if you JOP, and then go back and have a religious ceremony, do you have 2? do you have a Jewish and a Catholic religious ceremony? Forgive me for being slightly sheltered and naive, but I grew up Catholic, but had quite a few Jewish friends and these 2 religions don't seem to go together very well. It seems to me like you'd at some point have to pick one.. Can someone explain this to me? Probably not jmpiccione11 because she doesn't know the difference between a "Vow" and a "Vowel", but anyone else?<strong> I was told that in the Catholic Church, they will bless your marriage, but if you've already "consummated" your marriage with sex and living together as man and wife, they won't perform a religious ceremony (this is what our priest told us when my family and I talked to him about having a VR since we were not married in a church or by a minister.. My parents wanted us to have a religious ceremony/VR so we looked in to it and like I said, this is what I was told by our priest) It doesn't matter to me because in HS I started going to the Baptist church, but I'm curious/confused/genuinely interested.. </strong>Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
I really think it depends on the priest and the church, honestly. We had a Catholic blessing after our JOP, and we had not only been living together since the JOP, we had lived together for 2 years before. Our parish priest had always always known that, and in fact, in his eyes, we just needed to "formalize our marriage." He was much more liberal than some priests, though, and didn't believe in turning away parishoners by making them feel like they were sinners for living together beforer marriage in this day and age. We also discussed the JOP with him before we did it, because if a blessing hadn't been possible, we wouldn't have done the JOP (it was very important to us and to our families that we had the blessing and the reception, we had people already travelling in and such by the time we decided to go to the JOP for practical reasons). I think if you have a relationship with a priest, then it's easier to get around the rules. Our reception wasn't planned for the same city where we'd joined the church years before, and we never found a parish home there because we kept running into the super strict priests who made us feel like criminals, so "our" priest helped us find a local priest who would bless us at our reception venue.
We worded our invites "blessing of the union of X and Y" since my parents were hosting the event.
Thank you Lulu!!! I think you're right about it depending on the priest.. Ours is kind of an old fart. He won't even let women/girls acolyte and lector. We're only allowed to sing.. Lame.. Thanks again!!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_got-married-now-were-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:b3b83771-ad24-4fa6-a165-543cc1773b19Post:1c99a6de-c3fb-40cd-8cb7-1b0998857148">Re: Got married, now we're planning the wedding</a>: [QUOTE]Thank you Lulu!!! I think you're right about it depending on the priest.. Ours is kind of an old fart. He won't even let women/girls acolyte and lector. We're only allowed to sing.. Lame.. Thanks again!! Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
Oh wow, that's very, very old school...and against a Vatican order that specifically said girls could be alter servers in 1994! But to each his own, I suppose :)
I'm the OP here, and just to clarify, we didn't hide the fact that we went and became legally married from anyone. Contract marriages are highly frowned upon and a violation of UCMJ in the military and I wouldn't do such a thing just collect benefits. I specifically asked for help with the wording on my invitation for my wedding, because I didn't have one. The next person who feels the need to spout on about how this MUST be called a vow renewal because that's the only thing a proper individual would do needs to reconsider posting.
I told you it should be called a vow renewal based on MY personal experience. I'm not telling you that as someone who has no clue what you're going through. You asked how to word invites and I gave you a generally socially accepted answer. The convo in regards to lying was not in response to you at all. We were responding to a post that has since been deleted. I answered your question appropriately and honestly as did everyone else. Please don't get your panties in a bunch because we disagree with you.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_got-married-now-were-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:b3b83771-ad24-4fa6-a165-543cc1773b19Post:94612389-2254-477f-bd16-071121ccae49">Re: Got married, now we're planning the wedding</a>: [QUOTE]I'm the OP here, and just to clarify, we didn't hide the fact that we went and became legally married from anyone. Contract marriages are highly frowned upon and a violation of UCMJ in the military and I wouldn't do such a thing just collect benefits. I specifically asked for help with the wording on my invitation for my wedding, because I didn't have one. The next person who feels the need to spout on about how this MUST be called a vow renewal because that's the only thing a proper individual would do needs to reconsider posting. Posted by cbwilson87[/QUOTE]
OP- No one thought you were lying. There was a deleted post from someone who is currently lying to people.
People are not trying to jump down your throat and tell you that you HAVE to word it as a vow renewal. You can do whatever you want; however, you are married so this technically would be a vow renewal.
A lot of posters gave you great suggestions on what to write on their invitations.
OP- There is no other way to word your invites but to say that you are celebrating marriage by renewing you vows. You can't say "Such and Such requests the pleasure of your company as they exchange vows.." because you already exchanged vows when you got married. This is not a "wedding," it is a vow renewal.
If everyone already knows that you are married, why not just go with wording for a VR? I don't see the point in trying to make it a "wedding" when it's clearly not.
I understand all of y'alls insight on this matter. To be honest, I didn't really have a clue how to go about it and neither did my husband. Yes, he's my husband and I call him that and he is that to me every day. I don't need another refresher on that. But does having a vow renewal mean I have to skip all of the wedding things?? Obviously, I'm more aware than I was before of the fact that some people might take offense to my "big wedding" seeing as how I'm already married. I don't want to offened or put off any of my husband's or my relatives and friends. I do agree, wording it as a vow renewal is probably the best course of action. But then what does that mean for the ceremony and reception? My husband and I originally spoke the vows that his long time Army chaplain friend had us read, but we've always wanted to write our own. And I didn't get to wear the dress I wanted, I wore what I could find (more of an evening cocktail dress than a gown) on short notice. And none of my best girlfriends or even my dad could be there for it. I just want to have, like you've said, a vow renewal that satisfies by my husband's and my desire to say our vows in front of our ENTIRE family and also to celebrate it like we weren't able to before.
OP- Sammy did just want you would like to do for your VR. I suggest you ask her on how she did things. She still did all those wedding traditions you would like to do, but it was a VR, not a wedding. Everyone knew of it and that's how she stated it in her invites. Here are her pictures(I hope you don't mind my sharing Sammy): http://vrphotosatlast.weebly.com
Also, most people on here hate the fact that many couples lie about the JOP, but most of us could care less if you want to have the big white wedding dress, first dances, speeches, etc. As long as you do these with class and taste, I think you will be fine. But for me things like a bridal shower should be reserved for brides/grooms.
You can still write your own vows, you don't have to do the traditionl VR ceremony. Tell your H what you'd really like to say. How you have loved the years you've been married and you are committed for the many more to come.
You can certainly have a ceremony and a reception. You can wear a white dress, you can exchange vows (which just reconfirm your commitment in front of family and friends). You can have bridesmaids and groomsmen if you wish. A cake, a first dance, whatever! Really, what we were trying to say is the only thing you HAVE to do is tell people you're already married. And you've already done that. The girls are right - we weren't chastising you as much for what you're doing, that was another girl. I think some comments were made on how you were wording things, which I think you now get.
But yeah, as long as people know they're seeing your vows renewed, you can make it look however you want. The girls gave you good advice on how to word the invitations to indicate that. There are some opinions on etiquette that you can take or leave - most feel that having a registry and any pre-wedding parties (bridal shower, bachelorette, etc.) is taboo since you chose to forgo those by getting married already. Also, it's a bit strange to have a 'first dance' since you've probably already danced as a married couple. Some girls feel like a big ballgown is a bit much for a vow renewal. Honestly, I don't care about any of that as long as people are honest.
I appreciate the cooled off feedback. I'm liking this a little better now, I just really didn't know how to go about it. As far as gift registries go and bridal shower/bachelorette parties go, I'm not keen on having them. I'll wait until our first child comes along to have a proper "shower". My husband kinda wants the registry, but I'm thinking if anyone feels the desire to give us a gift on our vow renewal, they are welcome to, but I'm not about to be presumptuous and create a registry now. It sucks that I had to forgo the traditional pre-wedding festivities, but honestly, they're not really my thing. What we really DO want (and have yet to have) is a honeymoon for our vow renewal. By the time we have our vow renewal, we will have been married for just over 2 years. Time to rekindle the fire by then with a sweet honeymoon!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_got-married-now-were-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:b3b83771-ad24-4fa6-a165-543cc1773b19Post:ed23bdc0-baf4-4d2d-ad6d-87d2b855f3dc">Re: Got married, now we're planning the wedding</a>: [QUOTE]I appreciate the cooled off feedback. I'm liking this a little better now, I just really didn't know how to go about it. As far as gift registries go and bridal shower/bachelorette parties go, I'm not keen on having them. I'll wait until our first child comes along to have a proper "shower". My husband kinda wants the registry, but I'm thinking if anyone feels the desire to give us a gift on our vow renewal, they are welcome to, but I'm not about to be presumptuous and create a registry now. It sucks that I had to forgo the traditional pre-wedding festivities, but honestly, they're not really my thing. What we really DO want (and have yet to have) is a honeymoon for our vow renewal. By the time we have our vow renewal, we will have been married for just over 2 years. Time to rekindle the fire by then with a sweet honeymoon! Posted by cbwilson87[/QUOTE]
I had a strong reaction because it irritates me to no end when the VR is referred to as the "real wedding". Many people choose to wait and have the whole deal at once, the way they planned and wanted it, myself included. Others (like DNBEACH) throw it all together in a matter of months and have the wedding they wanted the first time. Whatever your deal, call it what it is. Not to mention a week doesn't go by without this same.exact.issue comes up. Which is irritating on an entirely different level for us regulars that have been around longer.
As for the honeymoon don't worry about timing. Military and vacations don't really compliment each other. We have a honeymoon planned but have no idea when we will ever have the chance to take it. It happens.
I agree, keep it simple and true. I myself am a military wife but did not get married on a separate occasion, as I can imagine thats hard.. But if your family knows your already married just ask for them to come witness your renewal or come celebrate. Best wishes!
You don't necessarily HAVE to follow etiquette for a VR. I did ALMOST everything that you do at a big fancy wedding and there wasn't a single guest who talked badly of it.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Yeah, I mean, there will be people who judge something anyway. You'll always have someone say something isn't appropriate - my great aunt told me I wasn't allowed to wear white because I've been living with FI for nearly 2 years so clearly I wasn't virginal. Uh, I'm still wearing a white dress!
I think as long as you're straightforward with people, understand the general etiquette rules and pick and choose which ones really apply, it's your choice. As Sammy said, they did nearly everything, but no one was really offended because they did it with the right intentions. It doesn't hurt anyone if you wear a white dress and cut a cake, and if you want a 'first dance', just call it something else, like a 'special dance'.
We just had the DJ say we wanted to share a dance. I danced with my dad and he danced with his mom. As far as I'm concerned dancing with your parents doesn't have to be just a wedding thing. I've danced with my dad at a million weddings not just mine. I also know you have to know your guests. We kind of knew what they would appreciate Vs what would upset them.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
We are getting married in 5 days and planning our vow renewal for our anniversary. I'm probably going to say: Sgt. And Mrs. Stefan G. Davis request the honor of your presence to share in the celebration of their marriage as they renew their vows on Sunday August the Nineteenth, two-thousand and twelve
I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... This big
No-one's ever dreamed... This big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaing what words cannot describe but, i'll try
I love you this big
Our song from my one and only.... he played it for me the day after we got engaged and I started crying as I was driving!!!! He should know better!! lol
Alice - that sounds great, but read up on PERSEC please. You should not post your name, your FI's name, or any specific identifying details on the internet. Please create a new screen name (there is no way to delete an old, just sign up again with another email) that does not contain either your or your FI's last name! Thank you!
Re: Got married, now we're planning the wedding
[QUOTE]Now I understand the dd... I totally LLOOVVEE when newbs come on to the board and completely misrepresent themselves, and then get upset when they get caught in their lies and dd and start slinging mud... Way to keep it classy!! Best of luck with your "Vowel" Renewal! ETA: I'm totally confused. She said she was Catholic right in her post right? in her bio it says Catholic/Christian and Jewish... I'm totally not being snarky at all, but if you JOP, and then go back and have a religious ceremony, do you have 2? do you have a Jewish and a Catholic religious ceremony? Forgive me for being slightly sheltered and naive, but I grew up Catholic, but had quite a few Jewish friends and these 2 religions don't seem to go together very well. It seems to me like you'd at some point have to pick one.. Can someone explain this to me? Probably not jmpiccione11 because she doesn't know the difference between a "Vow" and a "Vowel", but anyone else?<strong> I was told that in the Catholic Church, they will bless your marriage, but if you've already "consummated" your marriage with sex and living together as man and wife, they won't perform a religious ceremony (this is what our priest told us when my family and I talked to him about having a VR since we were not married in a church or by a minister.. My parents wanted us to have a religious ceremony/VR so we looked in to it and like I said, this is what I was told by our priest) It doesn't matter to me because in HS I started going to the Baptist church, but I'm curious/confused/genuinely interested..
</strong>Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
I really think it depends on the priest and the church, honestly. We had a Catholic blessing after our JOP, and we had not only been living together since the JOP, we had lived together for 2 years before. Our parish priest had always always known that, and in fact, in his eyes, we just needed to "formalize our marriage." He was much more liberal than some priests, though, and didn't believe in turning away parishoners by making them feel like they were sinners for living together beforer marriage in this day and age. We also discussed the JOP with him before we did it, because if a blessing hadn't been possible, we wouldn't have done the JOP (it was very important to us and to our families that we had the blessing and the reception, we had people already travelling in and such by the time we decided to go to the JOP for practical reasons). I think if you have a relationship with a priest, then it's easier to get around the rules. Our reception wasn't planned for the same city where we'd joined the church years before, and we never found a parish home there because we kept running into the super strict priests who made us feel like criminals, so "our" priest helped us find a local priest who would bless us at our reception venue.
We worded our invites "blessing of the union of X and Y" since my parents were hosting the event.
[QUOTE]Thank you Lulu!!! I think you're right about it depending on the priest.. Ours is kind of an old fart. He won't even let women/girls acolyte and lector. We're only allowed to sing.. Lame.. Thanks again!!
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]
Oh wow, that's very, very old school...and against a Vatican order that specifically said girls could be alter servers in 1994! But to each his own, I suppose :)
[QUOTE]I'm the OP here, and just to clarify, we didn't hide the fact that we went and became legally married from anyone. Contract marriages are highly frowned upon and a violation of UCMJ in the military and I wouldn't do such a thing just collect benefits. I specifically asked for help with the wording on my invitation for my wedding, because I didn't have one. The next person who feels the need to spout on about how this MUST be called a vow renewal because that's the only thing a proper individual would do needs to reconsider posting.
Posted by cbwilson87[/QUOTE]
OP- No one thought you were lying. There was a deleted post from someone who is currently lying to people.
People are not trying to jump down your throat and tell you that you HAVE to word it as a vow renewal. You can do whatever you want; however, you are married so this technically would be a vow renewal.
A lot of posters gave you great suggestions on what to write on their invitations.
But yeah, as long as people know they're seeing your vows renewed, you can make it look however you want. The girls gave you good advice on how to word the invitations to indicate that. There are some opinions on etiquette that you can take or leave - most feel that having a registry and any pre-wedding parties (bridal shower, bachelorette, etc.) is taboo since you chose to forgo those by getting married already. Also, it's a bit strange to have a 'first dance' since you've probably already danced as a married couple. Some girls feel like a big ballgown is a bit much for a vow renewal. Honestly, I don't care about any of that as long as people are honest.
[QUOTE]I appreciate the cooled off feedback. I'm liking this a little better now, I just really didn't know how to go about it. As far as gift registries go and bridal shower/bachelorette parties go, I'm not keen on having them. I'll wait until our first child comes along to have a proper "shower". My husband kinda wants the registry, but I'm thinking if anyone feels the desire to give us a gift on our vow renewal, they are welcome to, but I'm not about to be presumptuous and create a registry now. It sucks that I had to forgo the traditional pre-wedding festivities, but honestly, they're not really my thing. What we really DO want (and have yet to have) is a honeymoon for our vow renewal. By the time we have our vow renewal, we will have been married for just over 2 years. Time to rekindle the fire by then with a sweet honeymoon!
Posted by cbwilson87[/QUOTE]
I had a strong reaction because it irritates me to no end when the VR is referred to as the "real wedding". Many people choose to wait and have the whole deal at once, the way they planned and wanted it, myself included. Others (like DNBEACH) throw it all together in a matter of months and have the wedding they wanted the first time. Whatever your deal, call it what it is. Not to mention a week doesn't go by without this same.exact.issue comes up. Which is irritating on an entirely different level for us regulars that have been around longer.
As for the honeymoon don't worry about timing. Military and vacations don't really compliment each other. We have a honeymoon planned but have no idea when we will ever have the chance to take it. It happens.
Edited to delete a question as it's unnecessary
I think as long as you're straightforward with people, understand the general etiquette rules and pick and choose which ones really apply, it's your choice. As Sammy said, they did nearly everything, but no one was really offended because they did it with the right intentions. It doesn't hurt anyone if you wear a white dress and cut a cake, and if you want a 'first dance', just call it something else, like a 'special dance'.