Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?

shoegal715 · March 2010

My Aunt is planning my bridal shower for this summer (yes I know it's early but I'll be on exchange all next year before the wedding), and she's doing a very casual cocktail style shower at her gorgeous home. We're not having games, a big meal and she said she hates it when she goes to bridal showers and the bride is opening gift and gift, so she wants to cut that out too.

I have no problem with not opening gifts, but I'm wondering if it's rude. If women show up with a gift for me, do they expect me to open it in front of them? Or can I open gifts when everyone leaves?

I understand where my aunt is coming form - it can be painful watching the bride open up 100 - 150 gifts.

Miss Biscuit · March 2010

I wouldn't say it's rude, per se, but I think that there is an expectation that people will be able to watch you open the gift that they brought to the shower. If anything, it's a chance for all the ladies to oooo and ahhh over the things you received. It's also a chance for you to thank each person sincerely in person. If your aunt isn't really into the things that tend to happen at showers, like games, eating and gift opening, what is her plan? Those are, in my opinion, what showers are all about.

That being said, though, since you're not the host I don't think you have any say in the events that occur during the shower your aunt is kindly hosting for you. It's fair to mention to her or another person in your family that might have some sway that people might like to see the gifts being opened, but beyond that, your hands are tied.

Just make sure that if your aunt has her way, you get thank you notes out ASAP to all the attendees.

jennylove810 · March 2010

It's a shower. The point is to give you presents. Open them.

SaraAndrew2010 · March 2010

I expect the bride to open gifts at a shower. That's kind of the whole point of the shower. I agree that it can drag out forever. If possible, I would open gifts but try to move the process along quickly and don't spend forever ooohing over presents.

FutureMrsRyan · March 2010

i like the idea of opening gifts while they eat.

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:776e8139-505f-4c81-bc05-3a6151b8cbf0">Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]My Aunt is planning my bridal shower for this summer (yes I know it's early but I'll be on exchange all next year before the wedding), and she's doing a very casual cocktail style shower at her gorgeous home. We're not having games, a big meal and she said she hates it when she goes to bridal showers and the bride is opening gift and gift, so she wants to cut that out too. I have no problem with not opening gifts, but I'm wondering if it's rude. If women show up with a gift for me, do they expect me to open it in front of them? Or can I open gifts when everyone leaves? I understand where my aunt is coming form <strong>- it can be painful watching the bride open up 100 - 150 gifts.</strong>
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]

Then don't invite 100 fecking people.

DONE.

shoegal715 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:b7735dce-f8ca-4033-b06c-88f6d7505cf8">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower? : Then don't invite 100 fecking people. DONE.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Who says I am? I said it was painful when I had to watch a bride open 100 gifts. And 100 gifts doesn't mean 100 people - like the pp mentioned with those basket gifts that are 50 gifts in 1.
</div>

rbtrumpet · March 2010

would it be possible to open your gifts directly after the shower? People can leave if they want, or stay and watch.

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:342313e0-b722-4913-a5a2-48adf75d6746">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]would it be possible to open your gifts directly after the shower? People can leave if they want, or stay and watch.
Posted by rbtrumpet[/QUOTE]
This is an awful idea.

The whole point of a shower is to get gifts and open them. If you don't like it, don't have one.

OP - you seriously think that you would take every item out of a basket just to show it off? That's just insane.

People can eat/snack/drink and/or talk while you're opening gifts. It's not boring unless you force everyone to be completely silent and keep their eyes on you.

mewebster59 · March 2010

I don't think its rude to not open your gifts at the shower, as long as it is explained to the guests, and there are more activities to do and you follow up with thank you notes

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:a6a75a0e-a0a5-4b48-8af9-179d94e1d01e">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]at my cousin's recent shower, the invitation had a little poem on it that said to wrap the gifts in clear cellophane so that she could spend more time with the guests (it said it a lot cuter than that of course) I thought it was great becuase she got to go around and talk to everyone and catch up. My mom told me that they're going to do the same for my shower and I think it's great.
Posted by lihvsa01[/QUOTE]

I think this is so tacky. A poem doesn't make it better or cuter or less tacky. You should be grateful that they're giving you something, not demanding how it be wrapped. I have wedding wrapping paper, I don't have clear cellophane, so I'd have to go out and buy it. What a pita.

quotequeen · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:0dfe9636-8b08-427a-b9d1-a453f5d76b51">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower? : Who says I am? I said it was painful when I had to watch a bride open 100 gifts. And 100 gifts doesn't mean 100 people - like the pp mentioned with those basket gifts that are 50 gifts in 1.
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]

Were they each individually wrapped? I don't think that is very common.

lihvsa01 · March 2010

I don't necessarily think it's tacky at all. I think it's tackier to invite people from out of state or people you don't get to see a lot and then never see them because you're opening a lot of presents. It will fit our situation best not to wrap presents because a lot of our guests will be out of town. I guess it depends on your situation too. No one at the shower seemed offended or really seemed to care at all.

woodie · March 2010

If you're having a lot of people at the shower, do them a favor and skip the gift opening boredom.

YMMV

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:58d4e6f3-8237-4810-ab8a-37f2dd09339c">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't necessarily think it's tacky at all. I think it's tackier to invite people from out of state or people you don't get to see a lot and then never see them because you're opening a lot of presents. It will fit our situation best not to wrap presents because a lot of our guests will be out of town. I guess it depends on your situation too. No one at the shower seemed offended or really seemed to care at all.
Posted by lihvsa01[/QUOTE]

1. They will be wrapped, but just in clear cellophane.
2. Of course, people usually don't say stuff like that to your face.

OP - if you have a shower, people will expect that you open gifts. If you don't want to do this, have whoever host a luncheon and don't mention registries or anything like that and don't call it a shower. It's like calling something a wedding and not actually getting married at it.

shoegal715 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:ad2590fc-1696-4a56-b61b-c4a7c187c9b2">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower? : 1. They will be wrapped, but just in clear cellophane. 2. Of course, people usually don't say stuff like that to your face. OP - if you have a shower, people will expect that you open gifts. If you don't want to do this, have whoever host a luncheon and don't mention registries or anything like that and don't call it a shower. <strong>It's like calling something a wedding and not actually getting married at it.</strong>
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

<div>Your comparison is illogical and flawed. A marriage is a reason for having a wedding, OPENING gifts is not a reason for the shower. The reason to have a shower is to GET gifts, with the primary reason IMO is to have some time to chat and mingle with your closest female friends. </div><div>I want my guests to have a good time, and if the majority of people feel watching me open 30 gifts will be boring and mind-numbing, then why do it?? However, at the same time, if the majority of guests will find it offensive that I don't open gifts, and if they want to see me open their gift, then I will do it.</div><div><div>Bottom line: it's not a pre-requiste of a bridal shower to actually open the gifts at the shower. </div></div>

jennylove810 · March 2010

Listen to Sucrets.

shoegal715 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:ffeb45b8-d0ef-40da-8956-83bb5f3e77ef">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower? : I think this is so tacky. A poem doesn't make it better or cuter or less tacky. You should be grateful that they're giving you something, not demanding how it be wrapped. I have wedding wrapping paper, I don't have clear cellophane, so I'd have to go out and buy it. What a pita.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with you here Sucrets. I would be annoyed if I had to go out and hunt for bloody cellophane.</div>

caitm730 · March 2010

If you're going to wrap a gift, why wrap it in clear cellophane? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of wrapping it? I think this is tacky.

If you don't open them it's like all you wanted was the gift. It should be a social gathering and the opening of the gifts creates that atmosphere. Plus, I think that people want to see your reaction when you open their gift.

SCnPM · March 2010

My shower (one of three) is on Sunday.. My fiance and I are pretty "green" friendly- and after my FMIL and I talked, we decided it would be a good idea on the invitation to invite people to bring their gifts unwrapped. We will be putting them on a large table around the room on display with a card on/in front of the gift with the name of the guest who brought the gift.

That way after everyone leaves, my bridesmaids and I (who volunteered to help write who bought what) can walk around the room and on the card with the guests name on it we can write down what gift they brought.

We figured its economic, saves time unwrapping, everyone can mingle and see what everyone else brought, and no one has to sit down and speed write who brough each gift.

katmstrange · March 2010

I think it's ok to have a bridal shower that does NOT revolve around gifts. I am really looking forward to my shower b/c it will be a fun girls-only get together, but made it clear that I really don't need or want any gifts. I hate for my friends to have to spend money on things that I just dont' really need.

It doesn't have to be about getting and opening "stuff" but just a fun day to spend with the women you care about most.

(We're doing a fun interactive cooking party at my mom's house for the shower followed by going out to the bars/clubs in San Francisco for the bachelorette party)

aliciadiane · March 2010

Clearly this is a tough subject! People are going to think what they want to think. My personal opinion is that it depends on the type of shower. I have been to cocktail party type showers or couples showers where gifts were not opened. It was more of a little party and it was a lot of fun for the guests! There are still going to be the ladies who like the traditional shower where everyone sits down and watches you open gifts. You have to do what is right for you! Not what is right for your aunt or anyone on here! Good Luck and enjoy whatever you decide to do!

shoegal715 · March 2010

Thanks for the opinions ladies! I did a guest list today for the party and I only want to invite 25 people - so I doubt my Aunt will have a problem with me opening 25 gifts. Much different than opening 100.

Besides, I'll do it towards the end of the shower when most people will be buzzed off cocktails, thus making the present opening experience less boring and tedious for them

Sigalicious · March 2010

IMO I do think that it comes off as being rude to not open gifts at the shower. I have been to several types of parties over the years where people choose to not open gifts, and to me it makes no sense. The first time I experienced this, I was utterly shocked. To tell you the truth I really think that people just don't want to be bothered with what they consider to be the extra hassle of writing down who gave what, and neatly re-packing things up. I feel like it is too much effort for people to be bothered anymore-they expect the gift but do not have the courtesy to open it for their guests.People LOVE to see their gifts opened, to see the gratitude and surprise on your face. It totally enhances the mood of a party and just makes everyone happier. It is like watching a child open a gift on Christmas. And besides, I don't fully pay attention to each gift that is opened when I am at a large event...you do quietly talk with others at your table and all. It is not like everyone has to be at full attention the entire time, like during a church sermon! I don't understand your aunt to tell you the truth. That is nice that she is throwing you the shower but why is she making all the decisions, when it is YOUR special day. I would want you to be happy and these decisions such as whether or not you open gifts, play games, etc. are really up to the bride-to-be. She should only really be involved in budget issues, perhaps with who attends, what day and time the shower will be, etc. Sounds to me like your aunt is either a very bitter, cranky woman, or she has a case of AUNT-ZILLA. What do YOU want to do? And it doesn't mean that you are a bitch if you have wants and needs and preferences for YOUR shower. Aren't you upset that your thoughts aren't relevant to her? And if so, then I would rather just have it at my own house or at a bridesmaids's house, or even a VFW. I just hope that you aren't being a pushover and letting your aunt run the world because you are afraid to speak up and communicate with her!
Oh, and ELLIOJA...I do agree with what you said about sucrets4. I picked up on it right away!...I mean post after post it was like an attack on each person! Ridiculous! I mean I didn't care for some people's opinions but they did not warrant bitter nastiness! I don't know why I am so shocked to see girls be sooo mean, rude, inconsiderate, and uncordial to one another on all of these wedding sites...I mean I do see it every day and it sickens me. I really do believe that "a girl is a girl's worst enemy" and just need to tear each other down to build themselves up. What are we teaching others, future generations-our future children, her future children? What has this world come to?

sophistryliz · March 2010

Who cares? Do what you want, but don't make a big deal about gifts...that's tacky.

shoegal715 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:c8ba4dc7-ca77-4d38-977d-f451a24aaf4a">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Oh, and ELLIOJA...I do agree with what you said about sucrets4. I picked up on it right away!...I mean post after post it was like an attack on each person!</strong> Ridiculous! I mean I didn't care for some people's opinions but they did not warrant bitter nastiness! I don't know why I am so shocked to see girls be sooo mean, rude, inconsiderate, and uncordial to one another on all of these wedding sites...I mean I do see it every day and it sickens me. I really do believe that "a girl is a girl's worst enemy" and just need to tear each other down to build themselves up. What are we teaching others, future generations-our future children, her future children? What has this world come to?
Posted by Sigalicious[/QUOTE]

<div>I also picked up on it. I don't know where her anger and hostility was actually coming from. I can't see someone being that bent out of shape over something like this. You just have to hope that something is not wrong in her personal life that made her take misdirected anger out on people on a message board, and you also just hope that she doesn't snap at people like that in real life - sure fire way to alienate friends and family! LOL</div>

LEESHY09 · March 2010

I just think it is a nice gesture to open them in front of guests. I know when I give someone a gift I love to see their reaction when they open it. Maybe talk to your aunt, especially if YOU really want to open them in front of your guests. After all, isn't this shower for YOU?!

*BeachBride0410* · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:4fe2abe7-5e5a-47e8-b6dc-6d216ad2a14e">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with sucrets on this one. I've never heard of a shower (bridal or baby) where gifts weren't opened. FWIW, I opened mine while everyone at dessert, and <strong>I was very glad to have the opportunity to thank people as I opened them. Also, as a gift-giver, the best part of giving a gift is seeing the expression of the person opening it! That's one reason I love showers.
</strong>Posted by whitneykaye87[/QUOTE]

^this!

shericamarie · March 2010

i hate watching the bride open gifts for two hours. However, i understand the necessity.

I like the no gift wrap idea, but if your aunt and your guests insist on opening- how about asking everyone to grab a gift, you can all sit in a circle and take turns opening gifts. they have to grab a gift that isn't there. that way everyone participates and it (hopefully) isn't torture.

good luck!

kkaimala · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-not-open-gifts-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8a20e93b-c664-4a63-b570-80ca313efd24Post:ffeb45b8-d0ef-40da-8956-83bb5f3e77ef">Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower? : <strong>I think this is so tacky. A poem doesn't make it better or cuter or less tacky. You should be grateful that they're giving you something, not demanding how it be wrapped. I have wedding wrapping paper, I don't have clear cellophane, so I'd have to go out and buy it. What a pita.
</strong>Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Seriously, stop being so negative and RUDE. I like the idea of asking guests to NOT wrap the presents... for eco-friendly reasons. Maybe not clear cellophane.. but still. I don't want to open gifts, but I do think people expect it.

tommyandy · March 2010

Open the gifts in batches at the shower. Get any young girls there to help open them & to make the bow bouquet or bonnet. Would your Aunt expect you to not open your gifts at a birthday party?

Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?

Re: Is is rude to NOT open gifts at your bridal shower?

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