Second Weddings

Suddenly super nervous

I know that I am marrying the most amazing man and I was very joyously looking forward to the actual moment I'd get to become his wife. But all of a sudden I am nervous. We just set the date and wrote the check to the venue.

Cannot tell if I'm nervous because the wedding is really soon (sept 2) and I don't have a lot of time to pull things off, or if I am scared because I am totally about to change my life and the last time I took this step it was really really bad.

Matters are more difficult because my wonderful fiancee is traveling on business and will be for the next 4 weeks. He is totally involoved and supportive, just really far away.

Anyone else have this happen? Any advice you can give me besides just breathe and talk to my dear sweet man?

Re: Suddenly super nervous

  • Yes, and it is perfectly NORMAL to feel a little bit nervous about such a big life change!   Marriage is a huge commitment, and it is a BIG DEAL.   Anyone who doesn't feel even a teensy bit nervous probably hasn't thought the whole thing through.

    By "nervous" I'm not implying that everyone should be "scaared" or "anxious" or should have second thoughts.  But I do think that it's normal for people to have that "oh my gosh, this is a big thing and I hope I'm ready for it!"  feeling.
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Eh, it happens.  I wouldn't think of the nervousness as a reflection on the relationship, though.  It could be as simple as writing that check -- I certainly get a little queasy when writing a check for an amount that has a comma in it.  LOL!

    I'm sure everything will be fine.   Take your time and try not to become hypnotized by the wedding industry complex. Have a great time planning your wedding!
  • I dated my fiance for 4 years before we got married almost a year ago. I had been a single mom for over 20 years, with a live-in relationship in the middle. I hadn't dated in 8 years until I met him in 2007. I totally had everything in my life set up to suit me and my kids likes & dislikes.

    I never put much thought into how my life would change after I got married, but then I always considered myself a flexible person. Kevin was only here on weekends for the 4 years we dated, except for some vacations together as a family.

    If you are nervous about changing your life, it's an honest reaction to a big change. But you mentioned he's a wonderful guy and you have no qualms about marrying him.

    If this still is in the back of your head, talk to him about it. Talk out how you view your life as a married couple. Finances, things like that. To this day we still maintain our own finances, but have a joint account at my bank only because we had to open one to deposit wedding checks made out to both of us, LOL. We carry a minimum balance in it.

    I also agree with Lisa, writing checks for large sums of money makes me nervous too.

    Good luck.
  • I agree with everyone else, yes being nervous is NORMAL. We've been so sure before, and look how that turned out. And I can wholeheartedly endorse Sue's advice to talk about what life will look like once you are married.  Maybe spend an evening with a glass (or bottle) of wine & play, "What do you think will be different?  What will stay the same?"  Start simple and silly.  I expect that I will never have to take out the trash again.  I think that I will never have to wear socks to bed again (because I can warm them up on your legs).   This is a serious game though-- I never would have thought that my living on his own, cooking for himself fiance would be expecting to never have to cook another meal in his life once he became my DH.  Not a deal breaker, but certainly a conversation to be hashed out.

    And if there are children involved, this conversation ahead of time can be a relationship life saver. ~Donna
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