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July 2012 Weddings
StephanieToBeKeys
member
Updated: MOH issues
My MOH text me the other day to tell me she doesn't know how she's going to come up with the money for her dress. I know money has been really tight for her. I'd love to help her, but we really don't have the money for it. She doesn't think she can borrow the money from anyone else. Do I need to ask her to step down? I know she would feel terrible and so would I, but I really don't see any other option. What do you all think on this? I'm sure I need to ask her to step down, but I guess I need the encouragement to do it.
UPDATE: MOH text me back awhile ago. I showed her the dress that I found for about $35 and she seemed to not like that idea. She started talking about how she was trying to get money and it just wasn't working. I felt like she was trying to hint that she wasn't able to be MOH anymore and asked her if it was just too much for her right now. She said it was. She doesn't even want to be a bridesmaid. She said she will still be at the wedding no matter what. At least this happened now and not a month before the wedding. I asked FSIL to step in as MOH instead and my brother will be an usher instead. I asked him to choose walking down the isle by himself or being an usher lol.
UPDATE: MOH text me back awhile ago. I showed her the dress that I found for about $35 and she seemed to not like that idea. She started talking about how she was trying to get money and it just wasn't working. I felt like she was trying to hint that she wasn't able to be MOH anymore and asked her if it was just too much for her right now. She said it was. She doesn't even want to be a bridesmaid. She said she will still be at the wedding no matter what. At least this happened now and not a month before the wedding. I asked FSIL to step in as MOH instead and my brother will be an usher instead. I asked him to choose walking down the isle by himself or being an usher lol.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Updated: MOH issues
My MOH wasn't able to afford a dress. She also has to fly from DC for our wedding. She is like a daughter to my parents so my parents paid for the dress. If my parents never suggested this- I would have done it myself. I would have never considered asking her to step down just because she couldn't afford a dress. She means so much to me more than a dress.
I think you should try to find a way to get a dress for her. Since she is the MOH- her dress doesn't have to match the other BMs dress (well none of their dresses have to match anyway). Maybe she can borrow a dress, go to Goodwill, etc.
[QUOTE]My MOH text me the other day to tell me she doesn't know how she's going to come up with the money for her dress. I know money has been really tight for her. I'd love to help her, but we really don't have the money for it. She doesn't think she can borrow the money from anyone else. Do I need to ask her to step down? I know she would feel terrible and so would I, but I really don't see any other option. What do you all think on this? <strong>I'm sure I need to ask her to step down, but I guess I need the encouragement to do it.
</strong>Posted by StephanieToBeKeys[/QUOTE]
Aww I'm sorry you guys are in this situation, it definitely sucks. But I wouldn't ask my MOH to step down b/c of a dress. I think having your MOH be a part of your day should take priority over a dress.
Can I ask how much the dress is? Have other girls already ordered them? Is there anyway you can switch to something cheaper or have them wear their own dresses in the color family you are thinking?
Bmore- We looked at every bridal shop around and everything is between $170-over $200. The one we picked is $200. That's why we went to all the department stores beforehand because I didn't want everyone to pay that much for a dress. She has to have 50% for ordering it this week. If the dresses aren't ordered this week they won't get here in time for alterations.
if there really, truly, is no way that she can afford the dress, and you really can't afford to pay for hers, perhaps she could wear a different dress since she is the MOH? to me, i would do anything to keep my MOH in the wedding, even if it meant throwing off the visual of matching dresses.
what color/fabric are your BM dresses? who knows, maybe you or your MOH already own something that MOH could wear as an "honor" dress that wouldn't cost her a dime! it just seems sad that the only reason she might not be able to stand by your side on your wedding day would be a dress.
You said that your MOH is a larger woman, right? You could ask the Plus-Size board and see if they have ideas for her.
What size is she? Maybe some of us have a dress that we could donate.
[QUOTE]and for people who thought I didn't take my BM budget into account I did. That is why we went to the department stores first. As everything there is less expensive. That's when we went to the bridal shop to pick out dresses and all the BM's including MOH said they could afford the dress they picked.
Posted by StephanieToBeKeys[/QUOTE]
I see.<div>
</div><div>I just went lurking on the plus size board, and they seem to like onestopplus.com. I don't know how reputable this site is and if your MOH would be comfortable with buying online, but they seem to have some pretty nice and affordable dresses.</div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.onestopplus.com/Plus-Size-Special-Occasion-Dresses.aspx?DeptId=15080" rel="nofollow">http://www.onestopplus.com/Plus-Size-Special-Occasion-Dresses.aspx?DeptId=15080</a> </div><div><a href="http://www.onestopplus.com/Plus-Size-The-Little-Black-Dress.aspx?DeptId=24456" rel="nofollow">http://www.onestopplus.com/Plus-Size-The-Little-Black-Dress.aspx?DeptId=24456</a> </div>
Please don't ask her to step down over a dress. I would rather my MOH wear a dress she already has then not stand next to me at my wedding.
Or you could try this: http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Strapless-Jersey-A-line-with-Ruched-Charmeuse-Bust-F13291_Bridal-Party-Features-Dresses-Under-$100
You can do blue/turqoise, or just go with black.
Eline- That website is awesome, but unfortunately still out of her price range.
LADY- She can't get anthing off the rack because nobody carries her size. It's all size 4-16 on the racks.
I talked to my mom to see if she could possibly make her a dress because that may be less expensive. She said she probably could, but she's really concerned that if she can't afford her dress after saying she could what would happen with the other resposiblilities the MOH is supposed to have like helping with the bridal shower. Honestly, I think we're at the point where I won't be having a bridal shower which is fine. We've already been together for over 7 years so it seemed a little silly to me to have one. My mom is also concerned with the fact that my MOH hasn't had the gas money to go anywhere out of her town. I've been picking her up when we do anything wedding related. Now, she just text me and said she doesn't even know if she can get off work that weekend for the wedding. I just don't know what to do or my mom is just filling my head with crap again.
Lots of solid advice in this thread... the only other thing I can offer is that at my heaviest, I was a size 22/24, and had significant body image issues. Are your other BMs smaller than her? I was in a wedding where I was, by far, the heaviest, and it was, personally, really embarassing. Maybe she's having similar feelings? That's the only thing different I can think of.
That being said, there are plenty of resources to purchase figure-flattering dresses in her size and in her budget. Can I be nosey and ask what she said her budget for the dress is?
[QUOTE]She's a size 22. It will be in turquoise with black lace. So she can certainly do a dress in black.
Posted by StephanieToBeKeys[/QUOTE]
http://www.onestopplus.com/clothing/Circle-Drape-Tank-Dress.aspx?PfId=241462&DeptId=15080&ProductTypeId=1
[QUOTE]Eline- Thank you so much for that link. I think I found a dress that will work and I can afford to pay for it for her. <a href="http://www.onestopplus.com/clothing/Circle-Drape-Tank-Dress.aspx?PfId=241462&DeptId=15080&ProductTypeId=1" rel="nofollow">http://www.onestopplus.com/clothing/Circle-Drape-Tank-Dress.aspx?PfId=241462&DeptId=15080&ProductTypeId=1</a>
Posted by StephanieToBeKeys[/QUOTE]
<div>You're welcome! Glad you found something (you probably posted this while I was writing my last post).</div>