Living Together?

Cassandra999 · April 2011

We have been living together for almost 4 years. It will be over 5 by the wedding date.

kmeinz · April 2011

FI and I have lived together for 3 years, we moved in together after we graduated college. The sucky thing is that we will be moving for him to go to grad school and right now it looks like we will have to do the distance thing since job prospects near him are bleak. This means that we will be apart for our last year of engagement and the first year of our marriage, boo.

TeamMoriarty · April 2011

when we were both living in chicago and dating, we lived apart. then i got accepted to a grad program in montana and we had already had several "marriage talks" at that point and so we agreed that we would move to montana together. so i knew that engagement was in the future, just not when it was in our future-i mean, you don't leave behind a secure job, all your friends, and a great city for just some girl

. we started dating in november 07, we moved to montana in august of 09, and got engaged in december 10.

midgetthemighty · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7e050f9c-46cc-4eb3-b8c9-1c5aa035cd06Post:188499a6-5cbf-4880-9be4-d61874e30601">Re: Living Together?</a>:
[QUOTE]We moved in together last August. Really, it was just a convenience thing for us both to save some money by splitting rent and for me to be free from living with my parents.
Posted by MMRoberts11[/QUOTE]

That is exactly why we wanted to move in together. We must be twins. lol

I'm glad we're not though because I would never want to upset my Grandma. FI calls her Grandma too and she loves it. She really would be heartbroken.

klapham · April 2011

Honestly, being in a long distance relationship has strengthen what we have. It makes you appreciate each other so much more. You begin to miss the little things you never thought you'd miss.

For example...when I would lay in bed with my FI I would always press my cold feet against his thighs. He swore up and down left and right that would be the one thing he wouldn't miss. Well the other night he told me that he misses feeling my cold feet against his legs second before he falls asleep....He will be here tomorrow morning and I CANNOT WAIT :-D

DodgersBride · April 2011

FI and I have been living together for a while. He bought our home about 6 years ago and I moved in a little after we got engaged. I love that we live together and think it was the best choice. Before moving in with FI I was living with my parents and FI and I were about 20mins away w/o traffic. I would stay the night Friday and come home Sunday.

Purple&7 · April 2011

We probably won't move in together until after the wedding. We'll probably get an apartment before the wedding, but I'll wait to move in.

kelsey+brandon · April 2011

FI and I have been living together for about 13 months now and that time has really flown by! We'd been dating for 2 1/2 years at that point, so we definitely didn't rush into anything. We were spending every night together anyways, so it just made sense to move in together and have all our stuff in the same place! I had never thought I would live with any man before I got married, but it just worked out! We've decided to stay in the apartment we're in now until right after the wedding, when we'll hopefully be buying a house, or renting one at the very least.

zeke17us · April 2011

I moved into FIs house a few months into dating, we knew where we were headed almost from day one, Its been great! I couldn't imagine not living with him before getting married, I don't know how one would know what they're in for otherwise!! I was pleasantly surprised to find out he was a cleaner... and that our two male dogs could live together under one roof, they are bffs now too

anayajami · April 2011

I think that even though we live together, our marriage is still going to be exciting and new and an adventure. I don't think living together ruins that because we are growing and learning new things about each other everyday. I applaud those of you who are waiting to live together. I just know I could never do it!

midgetthemighty · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7e050f9c-46cc-4eb3-b8c9-1c5aa035cd06Post:9a6fa2b0-33b8-4f14-9dc7-11758905b6c4">Re: Living Together?</a>:
[QUOTE]I moved into FIs house a few months into dating, we knew where we were headed almost from day one, Its been great! I couldn't imagine not living with him before getting married, I<strong> don't know how one would know what they're in for otherwise!!</strong> I was pleasantly surprised to find out he was a cleaner... and that our two male dogs could live together under one roof, they are bffs now too :)
Posted by zeke17us[/QUOTE]

I sometimes find myself randomly worrying about this part of not living together but I've seen where he lived in his parents house (the entire basement was "his") and he's getting an apartment tomorrow. So it's not like I don't know certain things about his living habits and this makes me feel better. I know I won't know everything but I'm looking forward to learning something new every day that I'm with him as everyone does in a relationship...but more so once you live together.

I also think "My parents and several people their age did it the way I am and they turned out just fine", which makes me feel better about it all too.

I totally understand where you're coming from though and I plan on being able to spend some nights with FI at apartment for that reason. It will be slightly different because it's solely his space instead of just his parents basement but I know he'll still leave cans everywhere. lol He's getting better though, and I don't plan on being able to completely change him.

This comment turned into something way longer than originally planned. lol Funny how our thoughts can do that.

SoSaysTara · April 2011

I did not live with ExH before marriage. What a mistake. His expectations of a wife (and really just of women) were something right out of a 1950s nightmare. Ultimately, this led to the divorce. I would NOT have married ExH if I had ever taken the time to live with him. Oops.

That being said, FI moved into MY apartment when we'd been dating a year. When that lease was up 6 months later, we rented an apartment. Then, when THAT lease was up, we bought the house we now live in!

So we've lived together for like a year and a half at this point.. and it will be more than 2.5 years of living together when we get married. I like that I know what I'm getting!

AnnaKay12 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7e050f9c-46cc-4eb3-b8c9-1c5aa035cd06Post:774b72f8-c3cf-44e5-8df4-22dd9aa44f5e">Re: Living Together?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that even though we live together, our marriage is still going to be exciting and new and an adventure. I don't think living together ruins that because we are growing and learning new things about each other everyday. I applaud those of you who are waiting to live together. I just know I could never do it!
Posted by anayajami[/QUOTE]

THIS!

Abeja1226 · April 2011

We moved in together after a year of dating so we have been living together for just aout 2 years now. We own a house together and have an almost 10 month old daughter so we have a different situation. To me personally, I wouldn't be able to marry someone without living with them first, I know it's not traditional (which I like to be), but it's extremely practical. Living with someone is completely different than even seeing them every day, you really get to know them on a whole different level (are they messy, do they help with chores, do they give you your space, do they fix things or break things, etc etc). When we first moved in together we went through a rough patch just adjusting to it, so I couldn't imagine so many major life changes all at once after we are married.

SSaltzman87 · April 2011

FI and I moved in together about 2 months after we started dating, and have been living together for almost 2 years

sleblanc72 · April 2011

FI and I live together in a small basement apartment in my parents house and we've been there for almost a year now. We're both so glad we moved in together before really getting into wedding planning and what not because it has allowed us to learn the liittle quirks of our different living styles now and work through it.

diamondx423 · April 2011

FI and I have lived together for about a year now. Everythings worked out just fine.

courtneyclare103 · April 2011

We have never lived together, but I spent the better part of three years spending every weekend at FI's house. We will live together this summer when I go visit him at school from June-August, but we will never have officially lived together when we get married.

SheilaDancer43 · April 2011

I "moved in" with him shortly after we started dating, so we have been living with each other for about 2 years. But technically, I still have a condo that all my furniture, extra clothes, etc is in. We officially move in together at the end of July! I'm excited b/c we live with his 2 roommates right now. I can't wait for it to be just him and me. I am soo glad we are living together before we are married. My mom hates the idea, but IMO things/people are different once you live with them. The roommate I had in my condo before FI and I were together was my bestfriend at the time. We don't even speak now b/c everything changed when she moved in. You really don't know someone's ins and outs and little nuances before you live with them. I wouldn't want to wait until after we're married to realize I couldn't live with him. "To each his own" though, right!

mek20 · April 2011

My FI and I have been dating for just over 5 years. We've been together through highschool and now through college. FI found a job shortly after graduating from college, and is now looking for a house for us to move into as soon as I move home from school.

I think that it is everyone's personal preference about whether or not to live with your future spouse before getting married. It's not that we're missing out or not saving something. I don't think anyone needs to jusify why they are doing it the way they are.

doeie04 · April 2011

We moved into an apartment together after a year of dating. He bought a house two years ago in May. We will be living together 4 years in August.

I personally wanted to move in before marriage. I wanted to know what I was getting into before it was legal. Honestly, we don't argue much, but when we do, usually it is about chores!

I would strongly suggest that you discuss what you expect before you are married. How things will go, chores, kids, etc. Like others have mentioned, some guys expect their wives to do all the cooking and cleaning, but it really doesn't work that way! (Unless you want to.)

Tiffany6912 · April 2011

When my dad's job was relocating him to Georgia, I wanted to stay close to my family and FI was completely on board with the change in scenery. We moved in together when we moved down to Georgia three years ago. We had been dating for about two years at that point.

mizzicantwait · April 2011

Even though we have been together for what seems like forever, we will not be moving in together until after getting married. We would like to live together before, but our parents are very old school and we would just rather have then happy since they are having a tough time with us leaving the nest. Plus if we live together it would be a couple of months before the wedding so there is no point of getting our parents upset if we can just keep them happy for 2-3 more months. Plus I figured during those months we will probably be buying the big things like appliances, furniture and all that plus making the place feel like "home".

tania0930 · April 2011

FI and I actually MET by living together lol. My girl friend and his guy friend got engaged and bought a HUGE house together. I moved in with her and FI moved in with him. So, that's how we met, and when we moved out of our friends' home, we couldn't imagine getting separate places! So we continue to live together and I couldn't imagine it any other way. I love knowing ALL of the ins and outs of each other prior to marriage.

SoSaysTara · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7e050f9c-46cc-4eb3-b8c9-1c5aa035cd06Post:2cdecc56-07c5-474f-9864-cb1b7c263dea">Re: Living Together?</a>:
[QUOTE] I would strongly suggest that you discuss what you expect before you are married. How things will go, chores, kids, etc. Like others have mentioned, some guys expect their wives to do all the cooking and cleaning, but it really doesn't work that way! (Unless you want to.)
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

This is so true, but I also want to say.. sometimes people don't really know what they expect until they're in it. ExH would have never just outrightly said "I expect you to do all the cooking and the cleaning." but that was definitely the reality of it. Not that I am saying to NOT discuss it, but sometimes it doesn't all come out ahead of time, so that is why I would never repeat that mistake again.

doeie04 · April 2011

Tara- I wasn't saying that because of your situation. I hope I didn't offend you?! I know they can say one thing and do another, that is why living together is a good idea. They will most likely show it in their actions.

CvilleClaire · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7e050f9c-46cc-4eb3-b8c9-1c5aa035cd06Post:4bc6d5dc-3df3-4e36-a135-7d0e15bd7e55">Re: Living Together?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wanted our first year of marriage to be exciting and new and something different. not just a piece of paper.
Posted by bee&bee[/QUOTE]
Ouch! Tread lightly! You're coming off as judgmental when you make a comment like this.

Keep in mind that you are young and some of us are at very different points in our lives and relationships.

DrPB2b13 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7e050f9c-46cc-4eb3-b8c9-1c5aa035cd06Post:6c5ad456-8f8d-4810-87cc-ed4c699220ad">Re: Living Together?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living Together? : Ouch! Tread lightly! You're coming off as judgmental when you make a comment like this. Keep in mind that you are young and some of us are at very different points in our lives and relationships.
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

I don't entirely disagree with you, but I think reading back through all of the posts we've all said things that COULD come off as judgmental. It's almost unavoidable when we discuss our personal decisions. Most of us who have moved in together are talking about how glad we are that we know what our FIs are like beforehand, which I think could come across as telling others they'll regret not living together.

I'm enjoying hearing everyone's reasons as to why they are or are not living together before marriage, and I look at bee&bee's comment as just another explanation for a very personal decision.

CvilleClaire · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_living-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:7e050f9c-46cc-4eb3-b8c9-1c5aa035cd06Post:62d13367-3476-4c1f-8da7-d8bd6265c1e2">Re: Living Together?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living Together? : I don't entirely disagree with you, but I think reading back through all of the posts we've all said things that COULD come off as judgmental. It's almost unavoidable when we discuss our personal decisions.
Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]I agree. This is why we should let each other know when we hurt feelings. This little board should be a positive, supportive place...not one where people harbor hurt feelings.

I'm sure she didn't intend to hurt people, but an earlier comment makes me think that was the result.

SoSaysTara · April 2011

Doeie-- No worries! Not offended at all!

I hope no one takes me the wrong way. I just feel some responsibility to at least give people the chance to think about maybe learning from someone else's mistakes. It's funny though-- because my first time as a knottie, I had people tell me the very same things and I ignored them!

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