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family saying I'm not allowed to have a wedding gown

FUTUREMRSKARPUSFUTUREMRSKARPUS member
First Comment
in Second Weddings

My situation is complicated I guess you could say. My ex husband and I were married in 06 and seperated in 08 divorced in 09. In 2011 I am marrying the man of my dreams. I met him in 2009 and we've been together just about a year. I know it's  a short span between the first and second wedding, but I'm finally happy, isn't that what matters???? Anyway, family is saying I don't get to wear a wedding gown, I found a beautiful ivory popped collar dress with a very short swagged train. Not too traditional at all... I'm I wrong, or isn't this supposed to be NO RULES, FOR HE & I ????? Has any one else dealt with this and if so, how did you handle it?

Thanks, any info is greatly appreciated!

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Re: family saying I'm not allowed to have a wedding gown

  • Nicole HuffmanNicole Huffman
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This may be your 2nd wedding, but this is my brother's 1st wedding.  Sure it is complicated, but he deserves to see you in a wedding dress.  Maybe it should be simple, but it should be what you want to wear and what you feel gorgeous in.  You are going to hear a lot of negative things over the next year, but try not to focus on them.   Even during a 1st wedding, everyone has an opinion.  But this wedding belongs to you and him- NO ONE ELSE.  Do what feels right, what you can afford, and what makes both of you happy.  Period.
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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your family is wrong - there are no 'rules'.  Wear what you want, what suits you and your FI and the ceremony you are planning.  If you want to wear white, fine.  If you want to wear red, fine.  You do not need their permission to dress yourself for your own wedding, whether it is your first or second time.
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can absolutely wear a wedding gown, it is a wedding isn't it?

    I would go out and buy that beautiful gown you found and do not listen to the naysayers.

    Yes, your happiness is what this is about.

    The "old school" rules do not apply today when it comes to second weddings.
    Best of luck and congrats!!!
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  • FUTUREMRSKARPUSFUTUREMRSKARPUS member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the positive feedback! I LOVE IT! I'm buying the dress I want!
    Beautifully Blended is our family. www.karpusboscarello.com Pregnancy Ticker image BabyName Ticker
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My second wedding was back in October.  My attendants were my two grown children, and my ex-husband and his sister were guests, so it's not like I tried to conceal my first wedding.  And both of us wore long ivory dresses.  Do what you want to do!


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  • nyreknyrek member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd be telling them to kiss my a$$. Wink This is my second wedding, too...and as you can see from pp...you can wear whatever you want!!!  I'm going with a huge ball gown, train, strapless, tulle, embroidery, veil....the works!

    Have fun and enjoy it!!!
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  • nene0182nene0182
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wear what you want! Im wearing the typical white wedding dress and veil. I don't care what anyone says.
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  • spajespaje
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wear what you want, and the rest can kiss your a$$ (on that issue)!  Personally, I'm wearing an Ivory or off white (haven't bought it yet, haven't totally decided, but I know I want to do a traditional wedding - as my last was more of an elopement.)  Enjoy it!  Some may be offended, and you know what, even though it hurts - if they don't like it, they don't have to be there.  Less expenses for you when it comes to the "catering". ('course that's easier said than done!)Cool
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  • SoulMistressSoulMistress member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Post a pic of the dress. It sounds GORGEOUS!!!
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  • CandyGirlSparksCandyGirlSparks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's STUPID...I've NEVER heard of the bride NOT wearing a wedding gown, even if it's her 4rth wedding! The family members who are telling you this are idiots, no offense...but that's just ludicrous. What's next, you don't get a honeymoon?

    Second time brides DO get a wedding dress. Heck, I'm a Southern girl, and most of us wear a white dress every time! Lol

    I don't know where your family heard that, but I suggest they read a wedding ettiquette book or two before they start giving out advice.
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  • pamila51510pamila51510
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wear the dress that you envision your self in and enjoy your day!!! They are lame tell them you are doing what makes you happy! Heck say "Your not the boss of me!"   
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  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I just smile politely and say "a wedding dress is always appropriate for a wedding. for goodness sakes, where else would i wear it?"

    then do an evil laugh in my head. mwhahahaha.

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  • wavyteacherwavyteacher member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't know about you, but the first time I did not enjoy the planning much.  He had a huge Italian family, my family was smaller.  His mother ran our entire wedding.  She told my mother that my dress was too plain and not pouffy enough.  The band she made us get played absolutely nooo songs my family or I liked which was typical disco/etc wedding music.  The whole thing was a disaster..fast forward til about 3 years later, after I was emotionally abused and cheated on, I decided to leave.  I reconnected with someone I knew almost my whole life.  We are getting married in August..AND I AM WEARING THE PRETTIEST WHITE SIMPLE (beacuse that is my taste) wedding dress.  I have not heard anything negative at all.  I guess I am lucky that way..although my grandmother looked at me a little funny when I said bridal gown and big reception..but everyone is so supportive, and I feel amazing..and that is what counts.  It took me a long time to get over my own guilt about feeling like I should have another wedding, but I cannot wait!    BOTTOM LINE...SO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR BOTH OF YOU!!
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  • wavyteacherwavyteacher member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    sorry that is "DO RIGHT"
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the "We don't care what other people say" board!

    Wear what you want. Do what you want. Be who you want. Enjoy the day!
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  • CandyGirlSparksCandyGirlSparks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_family-saying-im-not-allowed-wedding-gown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:fb2d48c1-8710-4fd6-9856-3d6c58f5b01ePost:c7204135-9f09-46eb-b1e4-897dba331c64">Re: family saying I'm not allowed to have a wedding gown</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just smile politely and say "a wedding dress is always appropriate for a wedding. for goodness sakes, where else would i wear it?" then do an evil laugh in my head. mwhahahaha.
    Posted by AdelphiTN[/QUOTE]

    +1

    EXCELLENT response. And VERY tactful. I love it. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
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  • mma3mma3
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP, wear what makes YOU happy.  Never try to live your life according to what others think you should do.  I wanted to be very unique and am having my dress made.  It is floor length and black.  My mother almost died when she found out and I just told her that this was my day and I was going to do what makes me happy :)  I know that my dress is going to be absolutely gorgeous and completely me.  Kiss
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  • CandyGirlSparksCandyGirlSparks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_family-saying-im-not-allowed-wedding-gown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:fb2d48c1-8710-4fd6-9856-3d6c58f5b01ePost:ed035db4-827b-4eec-a42d-5cf863a46772">Re: family saying I'm not allowed to have a wedding gown</a>:
    [QUOTE]Welcome to the "We don't care what other people say" board! Wear what you want. Do what you want. Be who you want. Enjoy the day!
    Posted by Sue-n-Kevin[/QUOTE]

    Wow...glad I wandered in HERE...yesterday on the "wedding woes" board, some twit was making fun of my steampunk themed wedding...I don't understand why some people have to be negative and hateful to other people they don't know, for no reason.

    Glad to see there's open-minded, supportive, NICE people around.

    I wholeheartedly second your post. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Dealt with the same kind of thing.  My mother frequently suggesting that this wedding me an apologetic one.  Not too much attention on it, lets just to it quietly. So, with a serene smile I have so far:

    1.  planned a destination wedding in Mexico (which everyone I'm inviting is delighted to attend)
    2.  am getting a dress that I want (short, 50's style Dolly Couture)
    3.  am excited about marrying my FI, honestly, no apologies here.?

    She has said, "surely you're not wearing WHITE?", in response I said that my crinoline will be aqua blue to match my shoes, but my dress, indeed will be white.  I'm good with that.

    She has said "surely you're not wearing a VEIL?"  I'm not, only because its not my style.  She thinks to this day that I am wearing one, because, feeling recalcitrant, I said I'm wearing one.  I'm good with that.

    She has said "lets not make too much fuss".  And I agree, to a point, but guess what?  Fiance and I have planned a very nice Mexican buffet for our guests with a bar featuring margaritas and all the fun stuff.  So there's a fuss.  I'm good with that too.

    Hee HEE!  That's the beauty of it.  You get to do what you want.  Muwah ha ha ha HA!
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I absolutely LOVE all of these responses, esp. those that end with the fabulous "muwha hahaha ..."  so (back to the original post), heck yeah!  Wear a wedding dress and have fun, lots and lots of fun.

    Best of luck!
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  • daynalyntroydaynalyntroy
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What is all this "you're not allowed" business?  Is someone going to grab you, put a dunce cap on your head and make you sit in the corner writing 'I will not wear a wedding dress to my wedding' 1000 times?  I've got a family member or two who are of a similar bossy and judgemental mindset about wedding minutae because this is my second, and it's beyond obnoxious.
     IMO, the only thing you're not allowed to wear is anything that makes you feel less than the beautiful woman you are on the day you celebrate your marriage to the man you love.  If anyone has a problem with that, it's their problem.
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  • SweetAmy33SweetAmy33 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everything everyone else said!
    At the sometime I undestand your feelings. I come from a very old fashion family and when we announced some of our wedding details, my father nearly bit through his tongue. Before he exploded though I told him this wedding is what we want and what we are comfortable with, everyone's opinons are secondary to ours! I feel you should do the same. Just tell people its what you and your FI want and anyone who doesnt agree doesnt have to come. Its odd how fast thier views suddenly change!
    Muahahahhaha! (had to LOL)

    CONGRATS!
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  • daynalyntroydaynalyntroy
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_family-saying-im-not-allowed-wedding-gown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:fb2d48c1-8710-4fd6-9856-3d6c58f5b01ePost:9f36eb27-7edf-4b4b-b77d-de431031040d">Re: family saying I'm not allowed to have a wedding gown</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: family saying I'm not allowed to have a wedding gown : Wow...glad I wandered in HERE...yesterday on the "wedding woes" board, some twit was making fun of my steampunk themed wedding...I don't understand why some people have to be negative and hateful to other people they don't know, for no reason. Glad to see there's open-minded, supportive, NICE people around. I wholeheartedly second your post.
    Posted by CandyGirlSparks[/QUOTE]

    Here! Here!  And CandyGirl, I think your theme is fantastic!  I love that you're making it totally your own and completely about you and FI.  That's how EVERY wedding should be, whether you're a sweet young li'l virgin bride or pulling a Liz Taylor on your 8th!
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  • Monkita13Monkita13
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to say your family IS DEAD WRONG!!!!!

    You have every right to wear what you wand that makes you happy.

    GO FOR IT:  FIND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WEDDING DRESS YOU CAN AFFORD AND WEAR IT!!!!
    Good luck
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  • aemcfarlaemcfarl
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    two words for them..."F" you! 
    Remember...if only virgins were allowed to wear white for the weddings, there would be VERY few people wearing them! 
    I wore white the first time, even though I had been living with my then to-be husband for 2 years...I'm wearing white this time, even though my son is my best man...the first person to make a snide comment about this can go home!
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