Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:f5292dcc-2ded-4f92-a267-2d1435e4690b">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR) : This is your mother too, right? I'm getting confused with all the "her mom, her dad, my dad, my mom" stuff. Honestly, you see so emotionally detached from your family that I'm not sure why this bothers you. <strong>Or is it that you want to be emotionally detached, but can't break the connection?</strong>
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yeah, I would say this is probably pretty close to whats going on. I would love to just not give a flying fugg about any of them. </div>

Blueyed228 · February 2012

You sound perfectly ready to have a baby

ErinG93 · February 2012

If you were genuinely concerned about your fertility, you would probably go to a doctor.

Grits8812 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:71de47cf-bcf8-47ad-8791-a1b3fd4b7cb6">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR) : Married for the first time when I was 16, due to my parents kicking me out and having nowhere to go. My high school boyfriend offered to marry me, and that was that. I was young, and stupid, and wanted to have babies right away, and so, after I got my high school diploma at 17, we started trying. Never happened for us.
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]
Since when is it legal to get married at 16?

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:995da5ee-3c4d-499e-9715-5c3fb8f27688">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think figuring out a way to pay for testing is a much better plan than complaining that your sister got pregnant first.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>You know what, its not that she got pregnant FIRST. Its that she is 19, still lives with her parents, and that she'd only been with the baby daddy for 2 weeks. Its like, hello, stable adult here, in a stable relationship, two people that will be responsible parents...but can't be...yet she can get knocked up because she wants a baby to play with. If she were in a relationship, or was independent, or even had a clue as to what having a child entailed, I wouldn't be so mad. But this is just "fun" for her. </div><div>Her exact words were "Daddy is mad, and so is J (the baby daddy) but I'm going to have a beautiful baby, and everyone will fall in love with it, and it will make everything better." </div>

acaponi87 · February 2012

Sure! I'd feel that way too. But I think you are at the point where if it's that important to you (as it seems to be) it is time to see a doctor despite costs.

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:f26aba0d-1aa5-4a21-9938-f512e174f3fe">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR) : Since when is it legal to get married at 16?
Posted by Grits8812[/QUOTE]

<div>Idk, but it was in 2002, in Arkansas.</div>

Nebb · February 2012

If anything, rather than be jealous or bitter, you should be thinking about that poor child who will grow up with what sounds like an immature and selfish mother. If anything you should be offering your support and help to make sure that child has a good up bringing. Whether its yours or not, its still a baby and its your family that you "dont care about" even though you clearly do.

Blueyed228 · February 2012

How is her pregnant at 19 any different than you trying to get pregnant at 17?

Listen, I get your plight. Infertility sucks. But feeling sorry for yourself rather than being proactive about it doesnt help anything. So pay the money and get some testing done if you are that worried about it.

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:267e2daf-70c5-4962-abb5-72f7debd8213">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]How is her pregnant at 19 any different than you trying to get pregnant at 17? Listen, I get your plight. Infertility sucks. But feeling sorry for yourself rather than being proactive about it doesnt help anything. So pay the money and get some testing done if you are that worried about it.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>You're right, its not any different at all. And the thing that has gotten me through all the years, is realizing that it wasn't right back then, and that God, or the universe, or whatever you want to call it, had my back, and that someday it will be right, and I'll be ready, and my baby will have 2 parents that love it and want it here. But by that reasoning...when WILL it be the right time, you know? When will I get to have my baby? </div><div>I fully get that its just whining, and bitching, and it does no good, but FFS...I just want to have a family. Not a play thing, not a cute little doll to show off to my friends, and I can't, but she can. </div>

Blueyed228 · February 2012

There are plenty of ways to have a family other than having a biological child.

Look, its not like you got some death sentence. Noone is dying, you dont have some incurable disease. You have options. But if you are going to sit here and play the whole "why me!!" pity party, then im out.

It blows my mind that you are not going to get any testing done.

People have babies. Happens everyday. It has nothing to do with you.

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:44e71589-194b-4548-87d9-fc2a528decab">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]There are plenty of ways to have a family other than having a biological child. Look, its not like you got some death sentence. Noone is dying, you dont have some incurable disease. You have options. But if you are going to sit here and play the whole "why me!!" pity party, then im out.<strong> It blows my mind that you are not going to get any testing done. </strong>People have babies. Happens everyday. It has nothing to do with you.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>You really assume too much. I haven't been tested yet, because, like I said, my job's insurance doesn't cover that. After FI and I get married, I will be able to get onto his insurance, and they DO cover it. I do have plans to figure out what the hell is wrong, I just can't yet, and I don't want to pay to "officially" find out yet, and have this new, awesome insurance deny me coverage because of a documented pre-exsisting condition, KWIM? </div><div>
</div><div>And you know what, you're right. I am whining, and thowing a pity party. I appreciate women like you that give it to me straight, rather than just commiserating. I just needed to whine, just a little bit. </div>

Raeily · February 2012

I feel for you, infertility is difficult and painful, but when you're ready to have a child you will be proactive and ready to take on the costs of tests and treatments. I know how it feels to watch kids who have been with their boyfriends for a minimal amount of time get pregnant when you can't seem to. It hurts. But you're not doing anything to help your situation. Save up some money and get to the doctor.

If your sister and your family aren't a part of your life then leave them be. Forget about the stupid decisions she's making and concentrate on what you can do to better yourself because you don't sound quite ready for parenthood either if we're judging people here.

Grits8812 · February 2012

Ok, from everything that was said, I do feel bad that you seem to be having a problem with having a child yourself. All I have to say is young girls have children every day, and the world is still spinning even if their parents are paying for the babys expenses. My aunt was pregnant at 16. My fiance's mother had him at 17. His mom PLANNED to get pregnant. Did people agree with it when they found out? No. Did everything work out? Yes. You can't change what has already happened, so you just have to roll with it.

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:fe69637e-1532-46fe-8b88-efa76c8977df">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]My bf went through something similar a few years ago. She and her husband had been trying to conceive for several years with no luck. Both had been through testing and she was seeing a doctor regularly but still nothing. Then one day she found out her 16 year old niece was pregnant. She was devastated. Even though rationally she understood that it really didnt have anything to do with her she was overwhelmed with feelings of why not me. I was heart broken for her. She and her husband even offered to adopt the child but her niece ultimately decided to keep the baby. My bf decided to see a counselor to help deal with her stress and feelings about TTC. It helped her a lot. Her nephew is now three and she is very involved in his life. So I understand how you feel right now. But my advice is focus on your plan once your new insurance kicks in and research as much as possible on your own in the meantime so you can be the best prepared you can be when the time is right.
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you. </div>

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:23db54be-cb5a-4927-bc16-2b49d9d34a7d">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel for you, infertility is difficult and painful, but when you're ready to have a child you will be proactive and ready to take on the costs of tests and treatments. I know how it feels to watch kids who have been with their boyfriends for a minimal amount of time get pregnant when you can't seem to. It hurts. But you're not doing anything to help your situation. Save up some money and get to the doctor. If your sister and your family aren't a part of your life then leave them be. Forget about the stupid decisions she's making and concentrate on what you can do to better yourself because <strong>you don't sound quite ready for parenthood either if we're judging people here. </strong>
Posted by Raeily[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>It doesn't matter whether or not I'm 26 or 46, I'm still going to judge the hell out of someone who actively tries to get pregnant by someone they've only been dating for 2 weeks. I have no problem with her having sex, I have no problem with her having a one night stand even. But to think that its a good idea to bring a child into the world after 2 weeks of dating? Stupid, stupid, stupid. If that makes me judgemental, then I'm judgemental. </div><div>
</div><div>Btw, here's another little tidbit of info that I found out from the baby daddy. She tricked him into getting her pregnant! She told him she was on the pill! His parents are paying for a lawyer to fight him having to pay child support, and I don't blame them one single bit. </div>

LeiselEB · February 2012

I think it's really rude that some of you are claiming this girl is not going to be a good parent because she's upset over not having luck conceiving. Very mature of you! Do you really think that it doesn't hurt a lot of women when their friends/family get pregnant while they've been unsuccessful? She's upset and venting. Chill.

OP: I really feel for you - my mom tried for ten years to get pregnant, and was never successful. I am adopted and have never felt that I wasn't my parent's "real" child.

I know that can be an issue for some people, but I think adoption is a fantastic choice. Because you're right, some girls get pregnant super easily and then can't take care of those babies - you could be the person who adopts a baby and gives them the care and love they need. Just something to keep in mind, but I do hope you're able to get the fertility issues sorted out.

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:b5e6c120-1b90-4f0c-8d71-c6dfa79193b6">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR) : Would you feel better about it if a random one night stand got her pregnant? She's pregnant. Either be supportive or butt out.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>If it had been a one night stand, I wouldn't have been so completely flabbergasted about her complete lack of morals by finding out that she tricked a kid into getting her pregnant. This guy is 19 as well, and will be paying child support for the next 18-21 years of his life, because she lied and told him she was using birth control. </div><div>
</div><div> There's a big difference in a careless accident, and a planned act of deception. </div>

JenGin74 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:c6534675-35b5-4339-a90f-7d86876e644d">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR) : If it had been a one night stand, I wouldn't have been so completely flabbergasted about her complete lack of morals by finding out that she tricked a kid into getting her pregnant. This guy is 19 as well, and will be paying child support for the next 18-21 years of his life, because she lied and told him she was using birth control. There's a big difference in a careless accident, and a planned act of deception.
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

I only partially agree with this.

Your sister was an asshole for tricking a guy into getting her pregnant, but at the same time he should have used a condom at the very least to prevent disease. Does anyone really think that during their two week "relationship" either of them discussed sexual history etc? I don't. They should probably both be tested for STD's.

Raeily · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:14a5ac7e-209b-4026-bcf1-753a7afb7ae5">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR) : I only partially agree with this. Your sister was an asshole for tricking a guy into getting her pregnant, but at the same time he should have used a condom at the very least to prevent disease. Does anyone really think that during their two week "relationship" either of them discussed sexual history etc? I don't. They should probably both be tested for STD's.
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed. </div><div>
</div><div>OP, your sister sounds like a horrible brat and I wouldn't want to meet her. And I completely agree that she did something pretty terrible by tricking him into it. But he is partially to blame as well. I believe that anyone who is actively having sex needs to do it knowing the consequences could lead to a baby, whether there are condoms, birth control, etc, it could always lead to a baby. So don't have sex until you're willing to accept that consequence.</div><div>
</div><div>The thing is, you have to move on, I understand the hurt you're feeling, I really do. But if after so many years you still haven't seen a doctor about this I don't get it. </div>

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:454b6c51-c106-47cc-8124-6cfdb04190fa">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR) : Agreed. OP, your sister sounds like a horrible brat and I wouldn't want to meet her. And I completely agree that she did something pretty terrible by tricking him into it. But he is partially to blame as well. I believe that anyone who is actively having sex needs to do it knowing the consequences could lead to a baby, whether there are condoms, birth control, etc, it could always lead to a baby. So don't have sex until you're willing to accept that consequence. The thing is, you have to move on, I understand the hurt you're feeling, I really do. <strong>But if after so many years you still haven't seen a doctor about this I don't get it. </strong>
Posted by Raeily[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I will be seeing a doctor soon, I just have to wait to be able to get on FI's awesome insurance. Like I said, I don't want to get diagnosed, and be denied coverage for having a pre-exsisting condition.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, an friend of mine has PCOS, and was told by her doctor that he wouldn't give her any meds to concieve until she was at a healthy BMI, since the condition often gets better after losing weight. So, I'm spending this waiting period losing weight, so that I can start immediately. I am being proactive in it, its just a waiting game at this point.

</div>

DiLynn83 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:0893398a-16fb-423f-88e0-0ad290876251">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR) : It doesn't matter whether or not I'm 26 or 46, I'm still going to judge the hell out of someone who actively tries to get pregnant by someone they've only been dating for 2 weeks. I have no problem with her having sex, I have no problem with her having a one night stand even. But to think that its a good idea to bring a child into the world after 2 weeks of dating? Stupid, stupid, stupid. If that makes me judgemental, then I'm judgemental. Btw, here's another little tidbit of info that I found out from the baby daddy. She tricked him into getting her pregnant! She told him she was on the pill! His parents are paying for a lawyer to fight him having to pay child support, and I don't blame them one single bit.
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

<div>I can get on board with this whole statement. Your sister made an extremely poor choice.</div><div>
</div><div>I also give OP props for not DDing.</div>

VeggieLove1022 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:8d48af56-f049-4f91-91ca-aa9db0ad0ec4">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear lord, you make Arkansas look so much worse than it is.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the exact same.

seesawgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-anyone-understand-why-i-feel-this-way-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ff32b37f-a9c3-4f8b-86db-b9066da272e8Post:8d48af56-f049-4f91-91ca-aa9db0ad0ec4">Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear lord, you make Arkansas look so much worse than it is.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>The problem is with the people who raised this insufferable brat, not with the state I live in. Arkansas is fantastic. My parents should have been sterilized at birth. Horrible, horrible people, who have now started on a new generation of horribleness. You can find stupidity anywhere. </div>

BubbsNBubbs · February 2012

Mad props for not DD'g your OP and sticking around to answer questions. Even when people have been rude.

It sucks to see others who are, in our minds, less deserving of the gifts they receive in life. All I can say is focus on the gifts you DO HAVE...today.

She may have a baby....but you have a man in your life, who when the time is right for the both of you, will be loving and supportive of your baby. Your child's father will not resent you for the rest of your life for pulling a stunt like she did.

Timing is everything in this life...when it is time for your family to grow...it will.

Megoeg478 · March 2012

Maybe you need to take a moment and think about the fact that she's now forever biologically connected to an idiot who dumped her via Facebook, while you prepare for a marriage with a man who desires to commit his life to you.

You win.

Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)

Re: Can anyone understand why I feel this way? (NWR)

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