Wedding Etiquette Forum

Now we are having a wedding :) - how to include/honor our 1349873289047 siblings?

FI and I discussed that we are going to have a modest wedding within the next few months.  We are both from families where the parents had us/our "full"sibs, and all remarried and had more kids with our assorted step-parents.  The net result is that between us we have over a dozen siblings. (We don't like or use labels like "half").

Since it's a short turnaround, since some of our family members have been impacted badly by the recession, since over a dozen attendants seems nuts for a smaller wedding, and since we don't want to pick and choose amongst sibs...  We're probably not going to have attendants.

Can you ladies please suggest another way to honor our siblings?  Soothe the hurt feelings/dissapointment (as some of our younger sisters will be upset at not being BMs)?

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Re: Now we are having a wedding :) - how to include/honor our 1349873289047 siblings?

  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    Personally, I don't think it's necessary to honor sibs -- especially when you have so many between you.  Forgo the wedding party, invite the siblings as guests, and take lots of fun family pictures.
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  • I have a big family as well.why not have the be in charge of the guest book and ushers and i dont know help decorate. their feeling might get hurt but i am sure they will understand
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  • Julz629Julz629 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited June 2010
    Have you thought about having them walk down the aisle before you, similar to the way the grandparents do?

    I know its not the same situation, but my Grandma got remarried when my dad and his siblings were in their 30s.  They had each child walk down the aisle with their family prior to the bride walking down the aisle.

    ETA: after they walk down the aisle, they just sit in their reserved seating.  No need to stand up front.  Or buy any specific attire.
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    edited June 2010
    Piscesfish, I mean this in a nice way:  take a few days to really decide what YOU and your FI want to do.  In the last couple of days, you've been all over the place with not wanting to steal thunder by having a wedding too soon,  a JOP and no guests, a party in a year for lots of guests, now a wedding that needs to have siblings somehow "honored" . . . make a choice that you really can get behind.  You don't have to decide today or even tomorrow. 

    In any event, not having attendants is the safest route as far as sparing hurt feelings.  Simply telling your sibs that you couldn't choose among them should suffice.    Keep it simple and uncomplicated, because it really is that simple and uncomplicated. 
  • I hear having honorary bridesmaids is the way to go.
  • Seriously though, I agree that you should forgo attendants.  Perhaps the siblings can each get a corsage/boutonniere?
  • Just don't have any attendants.  Explain the decision to the ones that will be hurt, and realize they might not be as hurt as you imagine.  You could get all of your siblings corsages and boutonnieres, but honestly, I think it's unnecessary.  Most siblings aren't "honored" in any way at a wedding anyway, just the parents.
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  • Ditto OWN.  I know you're anxious to tie the knot because of the baby on the way, but you still have plenty of time to plan and decide what you really want.  This shouldn't be as stressful as you think it might be or as you are making it.

    If there are really a dozen or more siblings, and if you're really having a small, intimate wedding, surely they will understand not having attendants.  If they don't, you can't help how they react.  You just have to stand by your decision, if you're sure it's the right one.  And that's the thing - you need to take some time to be sure if these decisions are what you really want, before you start talking to anyone else but your FI.

    Best of luck.  I think you're a good egg.
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  • I love Money's idea - give them all bouts or corsages.  It will probably make them happy to be a stand out in that way, but you don't have to have umpteen attendants and they don't have to spend a buttload of cash on wedding-related stuff during a recession.
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  • I can understand your desire to include your siblings (and love the fact that you included your FI siblings as well) and think its wonderful that you want to honor them in some way.  However, I dont think it is necessary, and I dont think its anything that you should feel that you have to explain, or make an attempt to soothe hurt feelings.  If there isnt a WP, how can someone be hurt by not be chosen? 
  • I don't see why anyone needs to be "honored." 
  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    edited June 2010
    Is your last name Duggar?
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  • My mother had seven sisters.  She didn't pick any of them to be her MOH and only one of them (the one closest in age to her) was a bridesmaid.  All of the others were guests.  You don't need to have everyone up there beside you.
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  • Just don't have attendants - it's not a big deal.  I'd just reserve the row of seats behind your parents for them, and let that be it.  If you want to do flowers for them, that's fine, but keep in mind that many women really don't like wearing corsages.
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  • my good friend had two sisters.  she couldnt decide, she she asked me to be her MOH, and kept them as bridesmaids.

    you could also (if you have one) select a couple that you and yoru FI are very close to and have them be your MOH and Best Man and just have them.
  • I think you could still have attendants as long as you make a "no family" ruling and choose only close friends.  If your siblings express disappointment at not being in the wedding party, you can just explain that if you had any siblings, you'd have to have all siblings and that would be far too many, so you kept it to friends only.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_now-having-wedding-includehonor-1349873289047-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1f1675-676d-4eb0-9d46-7fd4cbb33fb6Post:239ba1c7-af58-4890-936a-711afb68218a">Re: Now we are having a wedding :) - how to include/honor our 1349873289047 siblings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is your last name Duggar?
    Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

    As stated in the original post, the plethora of siblings are from root families/parents' divorces and remarriages.
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_now-having-wedding-includehonor-1349873289047-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1f1675-676d-4eb0-9d46-7fd4cbb33fb6Post:9219a496-5ece-4dc6-a38a-dce1e25c9de9">Re: Now we are having a wedding :) - how to include/honor our 1349873289047 siblings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Now we are having a wedding :) - how to include/honor our 1349873289047 siblings? : As stated in the original post, the plethora of siblings are from root families/parents' divorces and remarriages.
    Posted by PiscesFish[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah the title of the thread was ridiculous enough that I didn't care to read your post. </div><div>
    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_now-having-wedding-includehonor-1349873289047-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1f1675-676d-4eb0-9d46-7fd4cbb33fb6Post:edbb1673-d6ef-45a5-bd63-e64e553643b1">Re: Now we are having a wedding :) - how to include/honor our 1349873289047 siblings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hear having honorary bridesmaids is the way to go.
    Posted by Moneypenny424[/QUOTE]

    <strong>Hahaha!</strong>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_now-having-wedding-includehonor-1349873289047-siblings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ec1f1675-676d-4eb0-9d46-7fd4cbb33fb6Post:9219a496-5ece-4dc6-a38a-dce1e25c9de9">Re: Now we are having a wedding :) - how to include/honor our 1349873289047 siblings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Now we are having a wedding :) - how to include/honor our 1349873289047 siblings? : As stated in the original post, the plethora of siblings are from root families/parents' divorces and remarriages.
    Posted by PiscesFish[/QUOTE]
    Oh, honey, she's teasing you (because the Duggars have a million kids - see?  Funny!).
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  • Don't have attendants. 
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  • Stick a flower on each of them and call it done.  That way it's equal across the board and pretty cheap for you, plus other guests will notice that they're being honored somehow, even though it isn't necessary to honor siblings.  In these cases "honor" means "stick them with stuff to do."
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