Thanks for the input. I'm deleting the post.

MOB Scene · September 2010

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6fsn · September 2010

The first thing I would do is repost this with paragraphs. Very few will read this wall-o-text.

Wonderw1fe · September 2010

1- I think you need to learn to use paragraphs.
2- You're making it your job to destroy your daughter's memory of her father through her wedding. You are being petty. You honor your 2nd husband on your own time, not hers.

**O-Face** · September 2010

If one NO would mean that your daughter would forever see you in a bad light, there is more going on than just bad wedding planning.

You are footing the bill 100% as well as paying for her COL? That is MORE than generous, that is downright a little crazy.

Honestly, it's not ALWAYS the case, but in this case, who pays, gets the say.

And though you cannot take a time machine leap back, you should've made sure that daughter dearest was okay with the wording on the cards.

jojobrn · September 2010

Like I asked you before: This is a mess. But why are you intent on making her deceased stepfather more of a factor in her wedding? Because you have savings that came from him? And why isn't she contributing money towards her wedding?

Cant_wait! · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wwyd-one-can-answer-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:482854a7-4b6d-44db-ad4f-10c2762924a2Post:781e883c-bf44-4c43-958c-f78862f6c0b1">WWYD????? Any one who can answer this for me???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the MOB. My DD has insisted on everything she wants, all the traditional, all the bells and all the whistles. Her father died 5 years ago, we were divorced for 12 years and he wasn't a nice guy, abusive and a sociopath at best. My husband died last year, he and my DD didn't get along very well but he is the one who left me with the financial ability to help pay for most of her wedding and reception and her cost of living this year while she is in school full time. I am out of work due to serious health issues but I still have forked out thousands towards this event. Because I love her. And because I can't take it with me! I know her "father" isn't here but she has put him up on a pedestal. IMHO he should've been up on the gallows, but she doesn't recall all the grief he caused us. My husband, who IS footing this bill isn't here either and I am grieving his loss everyday. When we discussed wedding favors, she wanted to do a donation to the cancer society since "dad" and I both have dealt with or died from it. But my DH died from a heart attack unexpectedly. I mentioned doing both the ACS and AHA. She didn't say no. SO I went in and ordered the photo cards from moo.com that someone on here mentiioned doing and she loved the concept, even sent me the photos she wanted me to use. When I did the wording on the back of the card I put my husband, her father, groom's gma names in memoriam and that the donations were made in their honor. She went ballistic because I put my dh's name on first. Now, her father didn't pay one penny of support for her, caused her a lifetime of damage and yet she was upset because my dh's name came first??? Every part of her ceremony is centered around her father. So now, I've got 200 donation cards and she wants me to order a set that hasn't got my dh's name on it. How about slapping me in the face....I have watched her put her daddy dearest in the program, in the bouquet on a charm, at the sign in book table in a photo, in the ceremonial prayer at the church and the man who is paying for it, is not even on a piece of paper that most of the guests will throw away!!!!!! This is the very reason my dh didn't like her much, he felt she used me and I let her. So I told her to go ahead and reorder her cards the way she wants them, but she can pay to do so. I also told her to give me back the credit card I gave her to use for living expenses. SAnd since the wedding is in three weeks and she will be her new husbands problem she needs to figure out that the well is dry. Let them figure out how to do this without me and my dh's money. She said I am holding it like a carrot over head.....THIS was the ONLY thing I have asked her to do and she can't see that I am asking for this out of respect for the man who did provide for me and for her for the last 10 years. Not to mention she stands to inherit a very large sum of money when I die from the retirement accounts my dh left for me. Since my time on this earth is short. I'm pissed and I'm tired of the selfishness and the bridezilla moments......what do you think? I am giving her away, I am doing the speech and I'm footing the bill. I went out and hired a videographer so that she would always have a memory of me that she can see and keep the day clear in her mind. That was my wedding gift to them, at a cost of 2K. And I'm not telling her how to do one single thing....because she has it all in her mind the way it should be. This was the one thing I thought we'd agreed would be a good idea. Then because "daddy dearest" "GAG" wasn't named first.......WWYD? I am sick over this. I should have learned to say "NO" a long time ago, but I don't want her memory of me to be like mine is of her father! Am I wrong to be so focused on this one small thing? I would like to know what other brides think and what the MOB's think.
Posted by MOB Scene[/QUOTE]
You said yourself that your h didn't like your daughter. Why would she want to mention someone that didn't care for her at her wedding? If it was YOUR wedding, then I'd say sure, honor away. But it isn't.

LnR70707 · September 2010

Why would she want to honor a guy that didn't like her?

As far as the photocards go, you are both petty...I wouldn't order more, but I wouldn't have put the man who wasn't her father first either. Money doesn't buy respect, you earn it.

lilyphotomusic · September 2010

i think the father should have came first, it is HER wdding... but i dont like her additude, and you are payin...so .....she should just shake it off!

hmonkey · September 2010

if you want to fight with her over this, fine. and if she's the kind of crazy that would cut you off because of 200 moo cards (estimated retail value $39.98), well, that's on her.

there will be no right answer over whether you are being reasonable or not. you think you are; she thinks she is; and so on for the next three weeks. the real question is -- what are you going to do about it?

btw, the whole inheritance thing is both of you counting your chickens before they hatch. you could very well be holding her inheritance over her head and she knows it, just as she could be holding any possible future grandchildren over your head. stop trying to one-up each other; you both lose.

NOLABridesmaid · September 2010

You seemed to have a strong dislike for her dad. I think you both are being petty. This all started on names of a card for donations. Correct?

Is it really that big of a deal.

Heffalump · September 2010

I tried really hard to read that, but about halfway through my eyes started to glaze over, so I'll do my best.

Your relationship with her father =/= her relationship with her father. It sounds like, despite his flaws, she managed to make it to adulthood with positive memories of him. Why would you want to destroy that? The only reason that I can think of is because you hate your ex more than you love your kid, and that is truly sad.

I am completely stumped as to why you think she should "honor" your second husband as part of her wedding. I'm sorry for your loss, but to say he's "footing the bill" makes it sound like it was conscious sacrifice on his part, when it clearly is not now that he's deceased.

LnR70707 · September 2010

We can still see the post since someone quoted it. Nice try though.

Cant_wait! · September 2010

And this is why we love the quote feature

jojobrn · September 2010

not only that, you forgot the post you made in the Overbearing mom post below. Which I also quoted. Nice try though!

Thanks for the input. I'm deleting the post.

Re: Thanks for the input. I'm deleting the post.

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