too many kids at the wedding

sdt24 · June 2011

Hi ladies. Ok so Fi and I have been going over our guest list and we've realized that there is just too many kids to invite. Most of the people we know already have kids and adding them all up comes to over 30 kids!!! I REALLY dont want that many kids at my wedding because I feel it might just be too much trouble and end up looking more like a kids party than a wedding. And we would also be going over our budget. We cant make it an adult only event because fi and i already have 2 kids of our own who will be ring bearer and flowergirl. I dont know what to do here. What should I do to lower the number of kids there but not be rude and hurt anyone's feelings?? tia

winechic25 · June 2011

We're in the same situation as you as my FI has a son who will ve the ring bearer and my two god-daughters are the flower girls. All of my friends also have kids, but we simply aren't inviting them unless people are coming from out of town. Not only is it a huge cost, but we have a limit on our venue we can't go over, and we're already going to be cutting it close with the adults. My friends are already aware and my bridal party when they talk about the wedding know no kids are really being invited, so they're positioning it. Really, I'm hopefully everyone will be excited about an adult night out, but I fully recognize this very well piss some people off, but hey, it's our day!!

DFWIndian · June 2011

If you are over budget and it's a big issue then you can make it Adult only. Your kids are obvious expections to the rule! If you want maybe even just do immediate family kids too. There is no hard set rule if you invite one kid you have to invite them all. There is always a warning with this becuase some parents will not come with out their children. You may have to deal with some upset people.

juliebug1997 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_many-kids-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:85636d4d-c66a-4ba0-bbfd-0bab68853b96Post:7f8ffa15-8e18-4505-9a67-5bdadc045e97">too many kids at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies. Ok so Fi and I have been going over our guest list and we've realized that there is just too many kids to invite. Most of the people we know already have kids and adding them all up comes to over 30 kids!!! I REALLY dont want that many kids at my wedding because I feel it might just be too much trouble and end up looking more like a kids party than a wedding. And we would also be going over our budget. We cant make it an adult only event because fi and i already have 2 kids of our own who will be ring bearer and flowergirl. I dont know what to do here. What should I do to lower the number of kids there but not be rude and hurt anyone's feelings?? tia
Posted by sdt24[/QUOTE]

Okay, here's the deal. Yes, you can do adults only and still just have your own kids. However, that means no other kids. Not your sister's. His sister's. Your uncle's twice removed. Not your BFF from HS/college. None. It also means that you have to put the names on the invitations of the people you intend on coming. It means that on your RSVP card you say "2 spots have been reserved in your honor" or however big that number is. It also means that, when someone crosses it out and adds their kids (and they will do it), you have to call them and say "I'm sorry but we only alotted two spots. One for you and one for your SO." It also means that you're going to have to deal with hurt feelings, your FI will have to deal with hurt feelings, your mom and his mom are going to come with guns blazing when they get upset because someone on their part of the list is mad that they can't bring their precious with them. You have to stick to your guns, you have to mean it, and you can't make exceptions. So just be ready!!!!!

sdt24 · June 2011

geez this is sooo hard. My fi has a relative that only invited immediate family kids but Im not sure if I can do this. I know for sure that I cant afford to invite them all so it'll have to be invite no kids at all or invite only the immediate ones. I know that either way theyll be upset if theyre kiddos arent invited, but be even worse if they show up and see other kids there.

juliebug1997 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_many-kids-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:85636d4d-c66a-4ba0-bbfd-0bab68853b96Post:69c89b19-7364-4526-bd98-242e72c6aa4b">Re: too many kids at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]geez this is sooo hard. My fi has a relative that only invited immediate family kids but Im not sure if I can do this. I know for sure that I cant afford to invite them all so it'll have to be invite no kids at all or invite only the immediate ones. I know that either way theyll be upset if theyre kiddos arent invited, but be even worse if they show up and see other kids there. :(
Posted by sdt24[/QUOTE]

That's why I said you have to really mean it. You'll make a decision and it will work out. Maybe not exactly the way you want, but.....Hugs to you, because you're making a decision I didn't want to make.

KendallandAlbert · June 2011

We are inviting immediate family children only as well. As much as I love the idea of the cute things kids do, it's just too much of an expense. I think we have been lucky though. We were very upfront with our guests who had kids and let them know that their invitation will only include X number of spots because of budgeting reasons. Everyone has been super understanding. Some may not be able to make it, but at least we don't have a circus of upset moms and dads

DFWIndian · June 2011

It's a hard decision, but if you can't afford it you may not have another decision. We have over 30 kids coming to our wedding. We don't mind but yes it'll be a lot of little ones to take care of and pay for.

sdt24 · June 2011

thanks ladies!

bsn1752 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_many-kids-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:85636d4d-c66a-4ba0-bbfd-0bab68853b96Post:a61d61ef-a7b9-47c2-8304-526b3b62cdb2">Re: too many kids at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]We are inviting immediate family children only as well. As much as I love the idea of the cute things kids do, it's just too much of an expense. I think we have been lucky though. We were very upfront with our guests who had kids and let them know that their invitation will only include X number of spots because of budgeting reasons. Everyone has been super understanding. Some may not be able to make it, but at least we don't have a circus of upset moms and dads :)
Posted by KendallandAlbert[/QUOTE]

What constitutes immediate family? Like your brother's and sister's children? Your aunt's and uncle's children? Your cousin's? See how that can get messy?

ssarangi · June 2011

I know you said you can't afford it and that's we thought as well, but keep in mind that you may be able to offer a different meal for the kids (i.e. chicken fingers and fries) which will save a lot of money...just a thought...but ya, i agree with the other PP that you can invite just immediate family kids...

kristan1022 · June 2011

We are only inviting kids with families that are OOT. It is around a dozen kids, but that is much more managable to us than the 30+ kids that would be there if everyone brought their kids. Plus, families that are in the area can get a sitter and hopefully enjoy a night on their own.

shimmer193 · June 2011

We were just going over our list last night and noticed we have a lot of kids as well, so we decided to invite only out of town kids like kirstan1022 said. I'm actually excited about having kids there, and we have four infants within the wedding party families, so that should be interesting.

One friend who got married recently offered babysitting, which they paid for, but it was probably cheaper than paying for the catered meals. Just an idea. Some people might not be comfortable leaving their kids with strangers, so it could cause more problems ...

Jay&Marissa · June 2011

We did family and OOT kids only. I was really worried too--we had a LOAD of kids invited even after we "limited" it

In the end, a lot of people didn't bring their kids and though we still had a decent number there, it turned out to be no biggie. The parents did a good job of controlling them and they had fun on the dance floor

KendallandAlbert · June 2011

For who = immediate family - For us, it was those people who lived in our household when we were children. Mom, dad, sisters, brothers, etc - so their children were invited. (it helps that they are all in the wedding party in some way :P) Thats it

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