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April 2013 Weddings

Bridesmaid Bails Out

Yep...I had one bite the dust today.  She is worried that she won't be able to afford all of the wedding costs.  Her husband is getting out of the MC and he doesn't have another job lined up.  His is the only income and they just had a baby.  I'm not upset, I just want her to be able to actually come to the wedding.  I was her MOH(and only attendant) last year and spent a pretty penny to make it all happen but I'm in a much better place financially.


I don't think we're going to replace her because a couple of FI's guys are questionable, too...pilots.


Wah, I wish she could come play :-(

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Re: Bridesmaid Bails Out

  • i know how that feels. I had one bite the dust a couple of weeks ago. I'm not mad either, just bummed, because she won't be able to make it to the wedding either most likely - she's pregnant and is due 4 days after the wedding.  She also lives 4 hours away, so i'm not expecting her to make the trip and then have her go into labor so far from home. We are going to have one of my other bridesmaids hold a phone so she can be there in spirit via facetime or skype. Of course, like you, I was in her wedding years ago, and I didn't get away cheap, so again, i can relate :)


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  • Yea, she's still planning on coming to the wedding so at least there's that!  I was just hoping she could come up a few days early with the other girls and get in on all the extra-curricular fun so to speak :-)  I told her she still has to listen to me whine and moan about my FMIL ;-)

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  • Ah that stinks. Hopefully she can still come to the wedding at least. Is it just the dress she can't afford? There isn't too much more to do beyond that- could it be something you pick up, or is your budget too tight too? If so, then yeah, hopefully she can just make it as a guest! But definitely don't replace her- you don't need even numbers, uneven is the new thing! :)
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  • Well it would be:

    the dress $129(plus alterations, if needed)
    lodging(we can't afford to put 32 people up so we found some rental houses that would be waaaay cheaper than hotel rooms for everyone and we're paying the security deposit), which would be $75/person for the whole 4 days.  The hotel was $85/night and it's a 40 min one way trip to the wedding venue.
    silver shoes $20 at payless
    wedding jewelry $10
    gas to get to the venue $60(she's only about 3 hrs from the venue, one of the closer ones!)

    So the bare minimum would be about $300/person.  I was really trying to look out for her and let her borrow my jewelry, find some shoes she could borrow, find the inexpensive rental houses, etc.  I probably spent about $1200 on her wedding last year since FI and I had to fly up from FL and rent a car to drive the 2 hrs to the venue and pay for a hotel room.  I didn't want her to have to go through a similar situation but oh well...I did what I could.  She's a great friend and I know she's be more than happy to fork over the costs if she could :-)

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  • Sorry if I'm misunderstanding, but if she's already planning on coming, wouldn't the costs only be the dress, shoes and jewelry? Could you possibly pay for part of that or all of that for her? It's not a huge amount - $160 according to your listed costs (and maybe you could let her just wear whatever shoes and whatever jewelry if you want to cut $30 out of that). If she misses the hotel and such, oh well. As long as she's still planning on being there for the day, that's what matters.
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  • edited November 2012
    Well, FI and I are already paying for the whole wedding and we've already gone over budget.  So no, we can't :-/  I thought about that, too.  The BMs can already wear any jewelry or shoes, as long as the shoes are silver and the jewelry involves pearls(I looked into other options to see what everyone had in common to try to save them some money on this and no one had anything in common that would go with the dress, unfortunately). 

    I'm also getting ready to quit my job(not by choice).  FI and I are both in the military and they won't station us together and basically told us "either one of you has to get out or you spend the next 16 years of your marriage apart." I don't have another job lined up either...so yea...we can't really bend anymore, unfortunately :-/  But yes, just having her there for the day will be great :-)  She didn't really fully commit to coming so I'm kinda holding my breath on that one.  She is known to be somewhat flaky in the past so I guess we'll see.  From our phone call, it sounds like any extra expense is a burden right now.

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  • edited November 2012
    P.S. This particular BM is the type of person who would feel very uncomfortable if someone else offered to pay for this kind of thing.  Our best man even offered to chip in the gas money but she would flat out refuse. 

    Who knows...maybe things will turn around for her financially before February(the deadline for ordering the dresses) and she'll have a change of heart or at least be able to come as a guest.  *crossing my fingers*

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  • Ah gotcha. That is super lame then. I'm very sorry to hear about your job situation as well. I was just trying to think if you could have her as part of the WP regardless. I'll keep my fingers crossed that something will turn around for both of you and everything works out!
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  • I know, right?  I just started selling a national cosmetic line (that shall not be named so I don't get in trouble for possibly promoting my business hehe) so that I have something to transition into between the wedding and going to grad school/starting a new job or whatever happens to me.  FI and I will definitely have to cut back once we're married but we'll save a TON of money, not traveling back and forth to see eachother(6 hrs one way, boarding the dog, etc.).  Thanks for the suggestion and the good vibes :-)
    Neither one of us are super girly girls that get emotionally upset about this kind of stuff.  I just wanted her to be able to come out and play earlier than the wedding day :-P  I guess now that she's a mommy, she can't play as much lol.  Honestly, I think FI will be the most upset because he likes symmetry.  I will have to work with the photographer and find ways to work with 7 girls and 8 guys without FI noticing in the pictures later, lol.

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  • I see uneven numbers all the time in pictures. Just have they very last bridesmaid walk out with 2 groomsmen- it will look cute! And try to find a lot of picture positions that don't have bridesmaids pairing up with groomsmen, make them more group pictures so that you can barely tell. Besides, tell him it's really rude to replace a bridesmaid so he'll just have to deal with the uneven symmetry lol. I have 2 bridesmaids and 1 groomsman- he's just going to look like a player in all the pics :p
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  • Haha...yea honestly my FI has bigger fish to fry right now so I'm sure he'll forget about it soon.  Knowing how many guys we have in the various military branches, someone will have to bail eventually for one reason or another.  I was once in a wedding with 4 girls and 9 guys so we all got two men to escort us down the aisle ;-)

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  • I had one bail last month too. She's pregnant and due the week of the wedding. Sucks :(
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