FB and wedding pictures... a different question.

jaina8851 · April 2011

I was scrolling through the boards and was reading people's responses about how excited they were that guests posted pictures of their wedding the next day. I'm kind of a private person when it comes to FB... I used to post a lot of pictures in the past, but I have since deleted a lot of them. I do change my profile picture, and I do occasionally post pictures of things. However, I haven't even announced on FB that I am engaged, my relationship status isn't listed, etc... I feel like if you don't know me very well in real life (or, you once did in college and we haven't spoken since then) then you don't get to shower me with 'OMG CONGRATSSSS' messages. Anyway, of course I will only be inviting people I care about to my wedding and not the aforementioned FB friends, but I really would prefer it if people DON'T post pictures of my wedding on FB. I certainly wasn't planning to. Is there a polite way that I can tell people to, for example, upload their pictures to a protected Shutterfly website that I set up and NOT to FB? I feel kind of strongly about this, and even though I could untag myself in the pictures, they would still be out there. I know this makes me sound kind of like a wackadoo control freak, but I'm not really looking for judgments about that aspect of my internet personality. Anyway, this is certainly not top on my priority list, since my wedding is well over a year away, but it was something I didn't even think about until I read that post. I had read somewhere about people leaving a pretty piece of paper by people's plates to tell them the URL of a Shutterfly thing... do people think I could do something like that and also add to please not post pics on FB? Tacky? Just looking for some thoughts! (Also, I will be getting my wedding pics from my photographer the night of, so that aspect of the excitement isn't really necessary for me.)

LDYGTR13 · April 2011

I think there's a privacy setting that will make it so people can't tag you in pictures...check into that.

Milsey32 · April 2011

As a guest, I would probably take the Shutterfly link and upload the photos.. if I felt like it and had time after I got done uploading all the photos I took on FB. I'm sorry, I would most likely not tag you but if I was having a good time and taking photos with my friends, I would like to post them. Or, if I saw that... I just wouldn't take any photos of YOU, the bride..

aragx6 · April 2011

I don't really feel like you have a right to tell people what they can and can't do with their own photos.

Set up the Shutterfly site and hope that keeps most folks from uploading pics to facebook, but honestly? You're probably going to have some people upload them to FB and there's really just not much you can do about it.

angiebear11 · April 2011

If you aren't close with your FB "friends" and you're such a private person, then why are you "friends" with them? You could always delete them or block them from viewing your pictures.

Wrkn925 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:89112808-5b46-410a-bf58-6211d727d76d">Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE]If you aren't close with your FB "friends" and you're such a private person, then why are you "friends" with them? You could always delete them or block them from viewing your pictures.
Posted by angiebear11[/QUOTE]

This was my thought. Delete people you wouldn't want 'showering you with congrats' and update your privacy settings.

louisvillebride21 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:10a9561e-d759-40ca-a846-82ca83450fcb">FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE] I feel like if you don't know me very well in real life (or, you once did in college and we haven't spoken since then) then you don't get to shower me with 'OMG CONGRATSSSS' messages.
Posted by jaina8851[/QUOTE]

Well that's kinda snotty.

aragx6 · April 2011

LVB that's kind of what I thought too. I don't get what exactly is so offensive about someone wishing you heartfelt congratulations ...

Milsey32 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:b861fe3c-da77-4259-b208-2bc28decfdbb">Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to FB and wedding pictures... a different question. : Well that's kinda snotty.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

<div>Riiiiight? That's what I was thinking. If you don't want someone to say something nice to you... then just defriend them. </div>

jessicabessica · April 2011

You can't control what people post on FB. Untag yourself from their photos (or see if you can make it so you can't be tagged, as a PP suggested). If you don't even want some of your FB friends to know you're engaged, I don't know why you are friends with them on FB.

mica178 · April 2011

I've untagged photos posted of me before.

The few people who posted our wedding photos on FB have privacy settings such that only their friends can see their pictures. I just realized that the only wedding photos most people can see on my page are the ones I posted. So none of the people not invited can really see how big the reception was. :P

peanutty2 · April 2011

I do understand what you mean, while I have a fb and will put occasional pictures and status updates or whatever, I don't like putting up every aspect of my life and I don't like having a lot of photos of me on the internet.

Having said that, I don't know that there's much you can do about it. People are going to take pictures at your wedding and will want to share them with their friends. I would set up the photosharing site like you mentioned and maybe just pass through word of mouth that you're not a big fan of people putting up wedding pics of you on fb. Like someone above me said though, if they're at a wedding having fun wtih their friends they may want to put up those pictures, but if they know your sensitive about it, may at least leave out some of those more intimate pics of you the bride at your ceremony and such.

I wouldn't stress too much about it though. There will be wayy bigger issues to worry about

While I don't like it, I know it's going to happen and it's not the hugest deal. I'll just untag myself in the ones I don't like :P I wouldn't go out of your way to tell people not to do it though. It's pretty much the digital version of if someone went to your wedding and took pictures and asking them not to show anyone.

jaina8851 · April 2011

Well, the other thing is, the wedding is being held at my parents' house. And I try to go out of my way not to post pictures of things that happen there because my mother is even more FB-phobic than I am and gets really upset when any pictures of her and her life are posted. I think I will go with the card for shutterfly/photobucket/whatever.

And as far as people criticizing me for my friends list, come on people... we ALL have friends on our friends list that we aren't that close to, or people that we like to voyeuristically "keep tabs" on to see what in the world they are doing with their lives, or people who travel a lot so you keep them on the list to get inspiration for your own future vacations, etc. It's my own personal feeling that if I don't see you frequently enough to tell you my news in person, then we aren't really very close anyway. I did tell some people, privately, on FB because I don't get to see them all that often, but I just don't like to broadcast personal details, privacy settings or not.

noodle_oo · April 2011

Sorry, but unfortunately we have lost all control over these kinds of things due to FB. You can definitely set it up so you can't be tagged and you could ask people not to post pictures on FB, but honestly, people will do it anyway and there is nothing you can do about it. I don't like it either, but that is the world we live in now!

If you really dislike FB that much, you can delete your account. However, that will still not stop people from posting pics of you and from the wedding and they will still be out there on the internet. You really can't control what other people do with pictures they take at your wedding with their own cameras.

The only other option is to try to ban photos at the wedding, but that makes you look like a control freak and probably won't work either.

aragx6 · April 2011

No one is criticizing you for having friends with whom you're not particularly close on FB, but there isn't one person I am friends with on FB that I would be concerned about knowing details of my life such as my marital status. I even have my cell number for only friends to see. If they're not someone I honestly consider a friend, they got dumped from my friend list a few years ago (post college).

It's weird to me that you're so concerned with privacy and then readily admit to being friends with people for purely voyeuristic purposes. I'm curious what some of my FB friends are up to just as I assume they are about me.

emilyinchile · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:9b88ba2f-9aef-4025-a660-13c178b69902">Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE]And as far as people criticizing me for my friends list, come on people... we ALL have friends on our friends list that we aren't that close to, or people that we like to voyeuristically "keep tabs" on to see what in the world they are doing with their lives, or people who travel a lot so you keep them on the list to get inspiration for your own future vacations, etc. It's my own personal feeling that if I don't see you frequently enough to tell you my news in person, then we aren't really very close anyway. I did tell some people, privately, on FB because I don't get to see them all that often, but I just don't like to broadcast personal details, privacy settings or not.
Posted by jaina8851[/QUOTE]

Yes, many of us have friend lists like that, but we're not the one asking how to keep photos from as many people as possible. You can't really have it both ways. Either you get your voyeuristic thrill and run the risk of those people also being able to look into your life, or you cut your entertainment value and keep your privacy to the extent possible these days.

jessicabessica · April 2011

I have come to terms with the fact that if I want to "voyeuristically keep tabs" on people, they can do the same to me. Not that I really think I'm so interesting. If a real life friend wants to post a wedding photo of me and someone I haven't talked to since 2003 wants to say, "congrats, you look great" on FB, I don't see the problem with any of it.

jaina8851 · April 2011

Haha oh, I am acutely aware of how hypocritical it is. I truthfully would prefer it if my "entertainment value" were gone and people had some semblance of privacy. I don't really have a wild and crazy lifestyle as it is, so I'm not that worried about people posting scandalous pictures of me, but I just don't really feel like it's the world's business about what happens in my home, with my friends, between me and my future husband. And, of course, it's self indulgent of me to think that the world actually CARES, but, I just wish that people had more control over what they choose to project about themselves. It's a little different from people bringing their own film camera to a wedding and showing their friends the printouts. *shrug* I know I really have no control over the situation, I just wondered if there were any other people who feel like I do, and what they tried to do to remedy the situation.

louisvillebride21 · April 2011

I think it's a million times weirder that these random friends don't have a 'right' to send you congrats. Yeah, I get privacy settings and all that, but come on.

scottswife1106 · April 2011

I agree with everyone else as far as what people do with their pictures. I also get what you are saying about you mother's house and so on. But, I would imagine that the wedding is very intimate and that only your close family and friends will be there. Can't you just tell them how you feel? If they are so close, won't they already know how you feel?

I am the total opposite. I could not wait to see my pictures on FB. I am sure my friends knew that when they posted them and tagged me in the pics.

jaina8851 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:6d4ffa91-cac0-42d1-bbac-e0a62abe7337">Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's a million times weirder that these random friends don't have a 'right' to send you congrats. Yeah, I get privacy settings and all that, but come on.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

<div>Semantics... I tried to check my post carefully to make sure there was nothing specific for people to jump on. Sure they have a right, but I just don't really like insincere sentiments. You can argue all you want about it, but the million "happy birthday" messages don't really make me feel loved, because the only reason they're doing it is because my name popped up in their sidebar. It's not about actually having a "right" to congratulate someone or not, it's just in my opinion if you haven't met my fiancé and you haven't talked to me in years, how can you actually have a real opinion one way or the other about what is going on in my life?</div>

Meg1036 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:5148521f-362c-460d-bbbd-ca6be5e1ec8b">Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question. : Semantics... I tried to check my post carefully to make sure there was nothing specific for people to jump on. Sure they have a right, but I just don't really like insincere sentiments. You can argue all you want about it, but the million "happy birthday" messages don't really make me feel loved, because the only reason they're doing it is because my name popped up in their sidebar. It's not about actually having a "right" to congratulate someone or not, it's just in my opinion if you haven't met my fiancé and you haven't talked to me in years, how can you actually have a real opinion one way or the other about what is going on in my life?
Posted by jaina8851[/QUOTE]

I find this sentiment to be kind of sad. I am facebook friends with a lot of people I don't talk to on a regular basis. They are all people that I don't mind knowing the basics of my life - those that I don't like or wouldn't want to know those things are not my facebook friends.

I found it realy touching to get congratulations on my engagement from people I don't regularly hear from. Just because they don't talk to you all the time doesn't mean they don't wish well for you, and doesn't make their congratulations less sincere.

I posted last week that like you, I prefer not to have others post/tag photos of me on facebook. The difference is that I would never *ask* my guests or friends not to, as they are their photos, and that is just how the world works. And the reason I don't want them posted is not because I have weird feelings or some kind of animosity toward my facebook friends (and honestly, it sounds like you do) - but because I like to control my online image myself and really detest unflattering pictures.

emilyinchile · April 2011

I agree with Meg. I don't do the random happy birthday greetings to people I don't ever talk to, but I've had people show up as engaged or married and congratulated them. Just because I haven't spoken to them in years doesn't mean I'm not genuinely happy for them that they've found that kind of love. It's a little sad that you can't imagine people feeling that.

aragx6 · April 2011

Just because I might not know the specific birthday of someone I only see once a year or so when I'm back in my hometoen doesn't mean that when FB reminds me of his brithday and I write "Happy Birthday! Hope you're doing well!" that I am somehow insincere. I really do hope that he has a good birthday and that he is doing well.

mkrupar · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:5148521f-362c-460d-bbbd-ca6be5e1ec8b">Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question. : Semantics... I tried to check my post carefully to make sure there was nothing specific for people to jump on. Sure they have a right, but I just don't really like insincere sentiments. You can argue all you want about it, but the million "happy birthday" messages don't really make me feel loved, because the only reason they're doing it is because my name popped up in their sidebar. It's not about actually having a "right" to congratulate someone or not, it's just in my opinion <strong>if you haven't met my fiancé and you haven't talked to me in years, how can you actually have a real opinion one way or the other about what is going on in my life?
</strong>Posted by jaina8851[/QUOTE]

It doesn' have to be a specific opinion, but when I see someone I knew from way back when announces some big life changing event I'm going to congratulate them. Regardless of how long it's been since we've spoken face to face. I don't have to know your FI to be happy that you found someone special. You don't really have a lot of faith in humanity do you? You're kind of a debbie downer.

J&K10910 · April 2011

Like someone else said, you can block who can and can't see your pictures and see picture you're tagged in. You can even set it so that you're the only one who can see them. So....just do that.

larzhope · April 2011

Agree with PP - I think it's a little sad that you assume others have this negative intent.

I am careful to only friend people that I was at one point close with, am close with now, etc. as in... I don't mind if they seem wedding pictures, vacation pictures, etc. If you only want to show people that are close to you and you see regularly - delete your facebook. That is what email is for.

midgetthemighty · April 2011

I agree with just about everyone on this topic. Personally I love congratulations about big life events such as engagements from friends I don't see often or maybe haven't even seen since high school. I also love to see these friends get to big life events and I sincerely congratulate them.
I have a question, that I don't think you answered unless it was posted while I was reading the whole thread. Do you congratulate people you hardly talk to on facebook for engagements, weddings, babies, getting their masters, etc?
With the birthday situation, I don't always wish someone a happy birthday when they show up on my sidebar. I only do that if I feel I am being sincere about it.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2011

You could always close your FB account and then you won't have to worry about it.
;-)

badkittyct · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:b861fe3c-da77-4259-b208-2bc28decfdbb">Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to FB and wedding pictures... a different question. : Well that's kinda snotty.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Just kinda?

I haven't hung out with you in years so how dare you congratulate me on one of the biggest events in my entrie life...

AbbeyS2011 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fb-wedding-pictures-different-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d58e5f-96cc-4aa2-83b1-61fdd5422f1ePost:9b88ba2f-9aef-4025-a660-13c178b69902">Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Well, the other thing is, the wedding is being held at my parents' house. And I try to go out of my way not to post pictures of things that happen there because my mother is even more FB-phobic than I am and gets really upset when any pictures of her and her life are posted. </strong>I think I will go with the card for shutterfly/photobucket/whatever. And as far as people criticizing me for my friends list, come on people... we ALL have friends on our friends list that we aren't that close to, or people that we like to voyeuristically "keep tabs" on to see what in the world they are doing with their lives, or people who travel a lot so you keep them on the list to get inspiration for your own future vacations, etc<strong>. It's my own personal feeling that if I don't see you frequently enough to tell you my news in person, then we aren't really very close anyway.</strong> I did tell some people, privately, on FB because I don't get to see them all that often, but I just don't like to broadcast personal details, privacy settings or not.
Posted by jaina8851[/QUOTE]

That is way too general of a statement - I live on the East coast and my entire family is on the West Coast - we have not laid eyes on each other in over 2 years. That in no way means I am not close to them. Again, a bit snotty of a comment.

As far as not wanting to broadcast personal details, DON'T DO IT THEN. Simple as that. You have no right to dictate what your guests do when they are not at your wedding or any other time.

If your mother is that FB paranoid, and it sounds like you are not far behind, maybe you both need to cancel your memberships. FYI, there were people(and still are) that stalk other people without a computer or other mechanical device. Its called binoculars.

FB and wedding pictures... a different question.

Re: FB and wedding pictures... a different question.

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