Bridesmaid Dilemma

Katie&Jesse · April 2010

Its time for a leave her in the bridal party or cut her, I don't know what to do because I really love her as a friend, but as a bridesmaid she is a bit lacking.

The Issues
- She is really busy with School and her own second wedding
- She cant go to the bachlorette party because she will be on her honeymoon
- Now she cant make it to the rehearsal dinner because she is going to another friends wedding.

I don't know what to do, I have other friends that would love to be in her position, and I don't think she is taking it seriously. I don't know what to do should I leave her and let her continue to be the "lame" bridesmaid, or should I cut her and replace her with someone would be more willing and more helpful?

My wedding is Augest 21st so I have a little wiggle room...

stina93446 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a1a74769-129a-4713-a9a6-5378cbf1b080Post:e290ae12-fbb2-4652-a234-d45a8b133198">Bridesmaid Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Its time for a leave her in the bridal party or cut her, I don't know what to do because I really love her as a friend, but as a bridesmaid she is a bit lacking. The Issues - She is really busy with School and her own second wedding - She cant go to the bachlorette party because she will be on her honeymoon - Now she cant make it to the rehearsal dinner because she is going to another friends wedding. I don't know what to do, I have other friends that would love to be in her position, and I don't think she is taking it seriously. I don't know what to do should I leave her and let her continue to be the "lame" bridesmaid, or should I cut her and replace her with someone would be more willing and more helpful? My wedding is Augest 21st so I have a little wiggle room...
Posted by Katie&Jesse[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Do not replace her. She's done nothing wrong. All she ahs to do is show up on the day of the wedding with the dress and smile. You're expecting too much of her. </div><div>
</div><div>She doesn't HAVE TO attend the B party. Nor does she have to be interested in YOUR wedding. Dude, she has her own. And how hard is it to walk down an aisle? It's not. If she is truly a great friend to you, let her go to the other wedding and fill her in on the wedding day on what she missed.</div><div>
</div><div>And PS, she's not being a lame bm....but your reasons for wanting to kick her out are INCREDIBLY lame.

</div>

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a1a74769-129a-4713-a9a6-5378cbf1b080Post:e290ae12-fbb2-4652-a234-d45a8b133198">Bridesmaid Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Its time for a leave her in the bridal party or cut her, I don't know what to do because I really love her as a friend, but as a bridesmaid she is a bit lacking. The Issues - She is really busy with School and her own second wedding - She cant go to the bachlorette party because she will be on her honeymoon - Now she cant make it to the rehearsal dinner because she is going to another friends wedding. I don't know what to do, I have other friends that would love to be in her position, and I don't think she is taking it seriously. I don't know what to do should I leave her and let her continue to be the "lame" bridesmaid, or should I cut her and replace her with someone would be more willing and more helpful? My wedding is Augest 21st so I have a little wiggle room...
Posted by Katie&Jesse[/QUOTE]
This has to be MUD.

All she has to do is get the dress and show up. She's not a "lame" bridesmaid, you're being a "lame" bride. The only person who needs to help you plan your wedding is your FI.

If you kick her out of the wedding party, she'll be well within her rights never to speak to you again. And anyone who gets wind of the situation will simply assume that you're just a terrible person. Seriously, there's no way to boot a bridesmaid without making the bride look really bad.

stina93446 · April 2010

Also, her reason for not attending the B party is totally justifiable. She's going on her HONEYMOON. She's not blowing it off to go hang out with other friends. Get over yourself.

mbcdefg · April 2010

Assuming this is even a real poster (which I doubt), she is not being lame. YOU are being gigantically lame for even considering kicking her out of your wedding for living her life. She's done absolutely nothing wrong.

emilyinchile · April 2010

You should replace her.

I say this because if those reasons are an example of the kind of friend you are, she's better off without you. You seriously think your bach party trumps her HONEYMOON? And that your RD - honestly, they have to walk. in. a. line., it's not hard - trumps someone else's wedding? Why is it that in this post there are 3 weddings, including her own, and in your mind only yours seems to matter?

gottahavashorti · April 2010

None of those things are good reasons to end a friendship. She's nowhere near being difficult, she's just busy. School is more important than wedding planning, her own honeymoon is more imortant than your bachelorette (which could be rescheduled if its a major issue) and wedding trumps rehearsal dinner (which again, could be possible to hold at a different time).

Pink7781 · April 2010

OP, you kind of suck. Those are not good reasons for even considering kicking her out (not that you should ever do that). She'll be there the day of your wedding and that's really all she is required to do.

stina93446 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a1a74769-129a-4713-a9a6-5378cbf1b080Post:e290ae12-fbb2-4652-a234-d45a8b133198">Bridesmaid Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't know what to do should I leave her and let her continue to be the "lame" bridesmaid, or should I cut her and replace her with someone would be more willing and more helpful? My
Posted by Katie&Jesse[/QUOTE]
PS no one has to help you EXCEPT your fiance. Start asking Jesse to man up. Or hire a wedding coordinator. Your bms are not required to help you.

lalap69 · April 2010

You sound really mean and I think your backpedaling is just that - backpedaling.

Don't kick her out. She's done nothing wrong.

You should treat your friends better than this.

duckie1905 · April 2010

Holy backpedaling batman!

LarissaAnn · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a1a74769-129a-4713-a9a6-5378cbf1b080Post:2328598d-50e6-4570-a206-c6e277ab0f09">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]A.) this is a real poster B) I don't mind her going on her honeymoon, I am driving them to the airport even... I am super excited for her/them.. Really the bachlorette party is not a big deal it was just one of the biggest examples. Kind of like the straw on the camels back. the "lame" is her words not mine (hence the quotes) and I have tried for her to be included in anything wedding. I am posting this because I want her to be IN my wedding, my MOH and my other bridesmaids want her out because she isn't being cooperative to them either... You dont have to use mean and rude words to get your point across. Simple points have the same emphases. I am appreciative for the points that were made kindly (not that there were many all of them were pretty mean). I will tell my other bridesmaids to simmer down and fill this one in on whats going down...
Posted by Katie&Jesse[/QUOTE]
Your MOH & other BMs kind of suck then.<div>
</div><div>First of all, they should not be badgering her.</div><div>Secondly, they should NOT be involving you in their drama.</div><div>They are wrong here.</div>

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