Wedding Etiquette Forum

WWED?

This is something I've mulled over for years actually.  It stems from a joke my mother made at one point, that married people should have a shower after 25 years to update their stuff.  It is kind of a funny thought, but yet makes sense in the fact that the new towels, new bedding, etc. go by the wayside when life interferes (kids, work, etc.).  My parents have now been married 44 years.  Would it ever be appropriate to throw a shower for a long-married couple?  What does E say?

I have no plans to do this.  I'm just curious.
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Re: WWED?

  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    Absolutely not.

    One would hope and assume that after 25 or whatever years a couple can buy their own towels. Showers are to help those starting out or at least to celebrate a momentous occasion.
    Lizzie
  • Nah. That's just silly. A shower is to shower the bride and groom with gifts to start their new life together. At that point I would think the couple could buy their own upgrades.
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  • I agree with PP. The idea of a shower is that you're helping a new couple start their life together. After so many years, you should def. be able to buy your own household items. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b74470b-b481-47d0-b583-4221718949b9Post:7607b846-b4c9-4268-8cc1-f5b013a5548c">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the idea is ridiculous. A shower is for a new couple to start their home. Why on earth should I be paying for your home updates? Your an adult. You want new towels? Buy them yourself.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
    100% agree.
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  • In our pastor's wife's circle of friends from HS, they get together and throw each other a shower after 20 years of marriage. It's 5 friends and they don't invite anyone outside of the circle, but I still find it slightly odd. Pastor's wife loved getting new towels and some updates in the kitchen, but still. Weird.
  • Holy crap, NO.
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  • That is completely ridiculous.  It's a joke for a reason.
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  • My mom and MIL joked about this at my shower.  That back in their day, they hadn't had showers because most of their friends had no money and that now I had nicer stuff than they did after 30 and 31 years of marriage. 

    But they weren't serious.
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  • Haha!  Well, I guess that answered that!  I kind of thought that.  I think I will just give those types of gifts at Christmas/Anniversary. 
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    Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b74470b-b481-47d0-b583-4221718949b9Post:d64c4f39-d0e6-4b6c-8a04-3a240d7b4d06">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That is completely ridiculous.  <strong>It's a joke for a reason.
    </strong>Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

    The same thing was going through my mind. It seems like I've heard it at every shower in our family. Just a silly joke/comment to make, nothing more.
  • Isn't this what birthdays and Christmas is for?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b74470b-b481-47d0-b583-4221718949b9Post:5c70e2b9-37da-44aa-8fd3-79bc2ef1fba0">Re:WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Isn't this what birthdays and Christmas is for?
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

    I think you are absolutely right!
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    Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b74470b-b481-47d0-b583-4221718949b9Post:90780356-4156-4959-8f3a-db7a71d77aec">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom and MIL joked about this at my shower.  That back in their day, they hadn't had showers because most of their friends had no money and that now I had nicer stuff than they did after 30 and 31 years of marriage.  But they weren't serious.
    Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]


    My MIL and mom were the same.  I caught them eye balling my KitchenAid Stand Mixer and my Pyrex leftover containers.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b74470b-b481-47d0-b583-4221718949b9Post:361c429e-f404-4c51-8e18-5f799310170e">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWED? : My MIL and mom were the same.  I caught them eye balling my KitchenAid Stand Mixer and my Pyrex leftover containers.
    Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, my mom joked that she and my sister would decide what items they'd take home.  I put my ninja blender on lockdown!  Haha!
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    Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
  • An anniversary shower?

     No.
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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    Yeah, no. In my mind, it's less because they should be able to buy their own stuff (b/c who knows, after 25 years of marriage you could still be broke), it's more because you're celebrating a momentous occasion and while 25 years of marriage is momentous, it's not as momentous as the wedding itself.

    ETA: Though, now that I think about it, celebrating 25 years may actually be more momentous than having a wedding. That's a pretty big accomplishment. Maybe we should rethink this ;-)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b74470b-b481-47d0-b583-4221718949b9Post:cc6bf55f-feda-48f1-9df2-51e0b95644e2">Re: WWED?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, no. In my mind, it's less because they should be able to buy their own stuff (b/c who knows, after 25 years of marriage you could still be broke), it's more because you're celebrating a momentous occasion and while 25 years of marriage is momentous, it's not as momentous as the wedding itself. ETA: Though, now that I think about it, celebrating 25 years may actually be more momentous than having a wedding. That's a pretty big accomplishment. Maybe we should rethink this ;-)
    Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

    It is definitely an accomplishment, especially these days.  I've been to anniversary celebrations before and I've seen gifts of a ruby cross (for 40 years), anniversary plates, etc.  But I think this makes me think of gift giving for those occasions differently.  It's certainly another option for gifts if one chooses to give an anniversary gift too.
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    Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
  • No way! My parents recently celebrated their 50th anniversary. They did a vow renewal at the church during Mass, and we had a lunch for them at the church hall afterward. It was really sweet. No presents!! But I do generally give them house update things (new mattress one year, new sheets and towels another year) because they just fell out of the habit of getting themselves anything nice when they started having kids. So I guess if you want to give your parents things, feel free, but don't expect anyone else to help out!
  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    I would never see myself giving sheets or towels as an anniversary gift, but if my mom wanted a stand mixer I guess I might.

    I think the real difference here is that weddings are celebrated with friends and family, but as the years go on, anniversaries are mostly celebrated among the couple. For example, I don't give my parents anniversary gifts. That's their special milestone that they share. In the past we've had parties for them but gifts were either limited or non-existent. A wedding is a group event with witnesses that lends itself more to gift-giving (and thus, the showers). An anniversary is a more private occasion that doesn't need to be "witnessed" and thus doesn't come with people/gifts. If that makes sense.
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  • That's a ridiculous idea. If a couple has been married for 20something years + and needs new towels they can buy them themselves. I can see having a nice anniversary party but I personally wouldn't give a couple a gift unless it was their 25th or 50th anniversary.
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  • My mom has long joked that people should get replacement showers.  After 10 years of marriage, I totally understand why she says that - but it's a joke.  I would be so incredibly uncomfortable if someone decided to turn that joke into a reality.
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