Pre-Marital Counsel?

katanne9 · February 2010

Jeana - I would def. talk with your FI about it. As previously said, Fi and I are both virgins and waiting for our wedding night. However, we have talked about it extensively. I think we are both going into it pretty realistically (knowing full well it won't be "the greatest thing ever". We'll both be newbs for a while, but I think we're excited to learn it together. Even though we'll probably be REALLY bad). I'm not nervous about it, it's just inevitable because it's what we both decided we wanted.

But, coming from your FI 's point of view, I think the "greatness" comes just from getting to experience something that intimate (even if it's bad). Don't put too much pressure on yourself. We find that the more we talk about sex and our expectations the better we feel about it. I would sit down and talk to him about it, you might be surprised at what you hear, as will he. Good luck : )

**Mutley** · February 2010

Yes, NEY is much cheaper.

I think that by talking openly about it a lot of your stress will be lessened.

And have fun!! whenever it happens. Sex IS fun.

Plus even when you've had sex with the same person many times, sometimes you have an off night. It is like any other part of the relationship. There will be rough patches but the good times make it all worth it.

katanne9 · February 2010

also, if you DO look into counseling, look into your state legislature. In some states, if you do pre-marital counseling you can get a discount on your marriage license etc. Every little bit counts!

202987 · February 2010

When BF mentioned he was considering proposing, I told him I wanted to discuss EVERYTHING prior to marriage. I then went and got a book of questions for couples (I can find the exact title, but there's a bunch, so pick one you like). Basically, it has chapters "Money" "Kids" "Self Worth" whatever. Like 500 questions total for discussion. Just as a conversation starter for making sure these things get discussed.

Religious counseling is pretty much out because BF is Catholic (technically) and I am Agnostic (though I was raised Catholic, and could probably fake it if I weren't so opinionated). Perhaps once we get engaged we might look into real counseling (I go anyways for myself because of the bipolar).

Acrosthec · February 2010

Pre-marital counseling is required by our officiant, and we're having it on Mar. 6. BONUS: In GA, you get a break on the cost of your marriage license if you go through pre-marital counseling. FI and I are actually both really on board and think it's necessary, but I'll admit I'm a little worried that we're going to be judged for living together before marriage, as the officiant is a pastor, etc etc. We can tell them 'til we're blue in the face that we live together and sleep in the same bed but don't have sex, and he probably won't believe us, especially since we're 27/28, but oh well.

For the record, we have had sex before. I was on BC when we started dating, so it was no issue. Knowing that we're physically compatible was important to both of us, but when I had issues with BC and decided to get off of it, not taking the increased chances of having a baby before our wedding was more important, so it's been almost a year now since we had sex. My girlfriends always freak out and think it's *such* a long time, but we have the rest of our lives to have sex. One year without, or even a year and a half (which is what it'll be at our wedding) is a blip on the radar.

What I'm really hoping we'll talk through in counseling is our thoughts on finances. FI and I are both good about saving money and not going into debt, etc etc. But he is *really* bad about not paying bills when they're due, and we've discussed over and over how I want to have a joint checking account so I can just pay the bills on time and he won't have to worry about it and I won't have to be that nagging wife that every morning goes "did you pay the mortgage? How about the electric/water bills?" like I do now. I hate feeling like I'm babying him, but we've been threatened with having both our water and power turned off due to him not paying the bills on time. And it isn't like he doesn't have the money in his account to pay his share of the bills, he just is lazy and waits til the last minute, then forgets about it.

Yea, we definitely need to talk that through in PMC. It's really the only big issue we have that I can think of, and communication between just us doesn't seem to be working.

jeanacorina · February 2010

Acro, that's an excellent thing to talk through before marriage. Money is such a big thing. A lot of couples fight about it. Josh and I don't fight about money. We just don't. It's only money. However, we each have our issues with the way the other one handles money.

I hate that when he gets bored or down in the dumps, he spends money on things we'll never use (like a huge, complicated $100 board game).

He hates that I like to get things fixed before they really break. Like my car. But he doesn't mind if I go spend $100 on my hair. I don't really get that.

It's like, he wants to spend on luxuries, but not on necessities. He gets bored so easily. Like..... he's 5 years old or something. lol

But, we never fight about it. We just try to reason with each other and then let it go. We both have good credit, he pays $200-$300 a month toward the credit card he used to buy my ring and his Xbox 360 and our washer & dryer. So I'm okay with that.

Pre-Marital Counsel?

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