Wedding Woes

My fiancee lied to me for the first time...

So, my fiancee and I have been shooting for an October wedding. Little did I know, his parents think its too soon. I had no idea. We've been planning for October, and even picked the ninth with our venue. Anyway, I went yesterday with my mother in law and my bridesmaids to pick out their dresses. I mentioned to the consultant that our wedding was the ninth, and my mother in law flipped s***! She not only had no idea about anything about our wedding, my fiancee told her we were getting married next year!!! I'm in shock! She takes off crying. On the drive home, she explodes in the car. She tells me that we're not ready to get married, that we need to save more money, and that her son needs to man up and be straight forward about what he wants. So on top of the fact that my future husband lied to both of us, I discovered that his parents don't approve of our decission all at once. My fiancee felt terrible about it. I forgave him because I know its in his nature to try and please everyone. But, then when I asked what he really wanted, he said that getting married next year is the better idea. So, I've been planning an October wedding for months by myself for nothing. Words of wisdom? Or am I wrong to be sad?

Re: My fiancee lied to me for the first time...

  • edited December 2011
    Is he 10 years old?
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  • edited December 2011
    You need to use your works and so does your boyfriend. Talk to him, not us. And if "trying to please everyone" means lying to everyone - you might want to rethink the boyfriend.
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  • edited December 2011


    Me thinks nice guy is balding on top.
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  • edited December 2011
    She knew we were getting married, and we have a great relationship. She just thought we were getting married next year. That's what freaked her out. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm shocked that he kept a lie going so long. I've always been so proud of our honesty and communication. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet.
  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Why does he want to do it next year? To please his mother? If so, that's a big red flag, that he's putting her wants over yours.

    If it was really because HE thinks it's better to get married next year, whyTF didn't he tell you that and let you proceed with planning a 10/9 wedding, including (presumably) putting a deposit on a venue?! That's a big red flag, too.

    Imagine the future, where he is telling you sure, you should go ahead and try for a baby. Then when you get pregnant, he says "Well, I really meant I didn't want a baby for another 3 or 4 years." What then? 

    I'd wait until he learns how to use his words before I married him, whether that's October or next year or 3 years from now or never.


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  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree 100% with the PP's about him being a mommy pleaser.  Seems to me that he can't make a choice without his mommy's opinion.  This is your relationship and your wedding.  I guess if he's willing to listen to his mother over trusting his own judgement and discussing it with you, then he needs to go back home to mommy and you need to find someone who is secure enough with himself and can make his own choices.  Oh, and not lie to you either!  Because if he's lying about something a serious as the beginning of the rest of your lives together, what else is he lying about or will lie about?
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