Bridesmaid drama!

alisonhcho · July 2010

So here's the deal: how your bridesmaids behave is a true reflection of how they feel about your wedding. Provided that you approach them like an adult and had a candid conversation, if they still don't respect your wishes, then I advise demoting them to guests. Weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime event and one of the most significant rites of passage as an adult. You want people to stand up with you at the ceremony to be the real people who supported you in this whole important ritual. People who give you a hard time don't deserve to have the designation of being a bridesmaid.

jessibel · July 2010

For that and so many other reasons I don't have bridesmaid. Just a MOH and she don't have the dress yet. I'm relax for now...my wedding is on October. Good luck!

bablingbrooke · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf017dd1-81b6-4079-8b8a-0706a5ad1a6bPost:e9c61221-1a10-4e70-bb60-fed39b876727">Re: Bridesmaid drama!</a>:
[QUOTE]So here's the deal: how your bridesmaids behave is a true reflection of how they feel about your wedding. Provided that you approach them like an adult and had a candid conversation, if they still don't respect your wishes, then I advise demoting them to guests. Weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime event and one of the most significant rites of passage as an adult. You want people to stand up with you at the ceremony to be the real people who supported you in this whole important ritual. People who give you a hard time don't deserve to have the designation of being a bridesmaid.
Posted by alisonhcho[/QUOTE]
This is possibly the worst advice I've ever heard and OP would do well to ignore it.

banana468 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf017dd1-81b6-4079-8b8a-0706a5ad1a6bPost:38b3b8a6-4fcc-4f0d-b8a6-b1c55a2f026e">Re: Bridesmaid drama!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid drama! : This is possibly the worst advice I've ever heard and OP would do well to ignore it.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
I concur.

amrs1988 · July 2010

I don't think the people telling you to "fire' a bridesmaid are out of line. I've been dealing with the same drama and to get my MOH to cooperate I had to tell her if your not going to go through with what we have planned or are planning(for the Future) then your out and i'll find someone who can do the job and help me out. I don't need them 100% of the time so when I need something done. I need it done now.

CallaLily08 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf017dd1-81b6-4079-8b8a-0706a5ad1a6bPost:80b2bdfd-4547-4f42-96ba-8d59e844cd3d">Re: Bridesmaid drama!</a>:
[QUOTE]That is awful advice. Awful. Awful. Awful.

LISTEN to your BMs. Why would you want them to be uncomfortable? No one notices that all the people in the wedding party have the same neckline.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I have to most definately agree. That is so not right. Everyone understands that it's your wedding, you are the bride, and everything must be wonderful. However, how awful to be so demanding. I've learned to listen to my BMs, and the rest of my bridal party. The more inclusive and open you are with them, the easier it is to manage wedding planning. Please, do not be mean spirited or demanding. Talk to them, and trust that they are all adults and want just as wonderful a wedding as you.

BiancaLab · July 2010

I completely understand! I had this happen too. One of my bridesmaid's just ordered her dress and she won't get it until a week before the wedding. It's awful. Just let them know if they don't get the dresses in time, they'll be cut from the team.

bablingbrooke · July 2010

The newbies are appalling me lately.

mrsthoser · July 2010

Here's what I did to ensure that my BMs & MOH would get their dresses in time: my fear was the color or dress style being discontinued before the wedding since the one I wanted for my girls only came in certain colors, and I was also concerned about dye-lots (thank you to bablingbrooke for that tidbit on color mixing - one fear calmed!). I called the dress store and asked about the specific style and color availability (my BMs & MOH all know what the dress is and the cost). While the woman I spoke to said they can't guarantee any kind of timeline for discontinuances, she put the dress on my "wish list" and said that if the style or color WAS going to be discontinued, they would call me so I could get them before it happened. I then notified my BMs&MOH via text and said "whenever you can get them, go ahead. I know budget is an issue for everyone. If the shop calls me, I'll call you."

Other than that I just let it go. I did my part, now I'm letting them do theirs. As pps have said, get a date from the dress shop, tell your girls, and let them take care of the rest. Trust them to be adults. Chances are it's not that they don't care about you or your wedding, now just may not be a good time for them to worry about the dresses, or they may be waiting to get paid enough from their jobs to go purchase them. Don't sweat it - everything will work out.

pmcbroom · July 2010

I am very organized as well, want to know what I did with one of my bridesmaids that I felt I was going out of MY way to get her involved....when it should be the other way around.>=? I called her out on her BS!!! I pretty much told her, if this isn't important to you and you don't have time for my wedding I understand, just let me know so I can find another alternative way to get what I need to get done. If you do not want to participate and want out...let me know. She straightened up right away. Once they know you aren't messing around (and sometimes you have to be the biotch!!!) they will get their crap together. If not, tell them in a nice way "It seems to me you aren't willing to make this easy on me when I have enough on my plate, do you take this seriously? Do you want to be apart of my wedding?" Who cares if you come off mean. They need to be helping YOU not you stress over them.

MrsStewart11 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf017dd1-81b6-4079-8b8a-0706a5ad1a6bPost:b65af77e-bbf3-47b2-9a56-b511981378d0">Re: Bridesmaid drama!</a>:
[QUOTE]You have time!! We aren't getting married until 4/23/11 and I was SURE that my BM's were lined out, only to find out that my FUTURE sister in law didn't want to do it!! How stressful! Not only do I have to go find another BM but I have to deal ewith the fact that my future sister in law isn't all that thrilled about this! haha! Things could be worse! :)
Posted by ALS2011[/QUOTE]

HAHA! My future SIL and yours must be long lost cousins or something! She is the same way....I asked her to be a part of the wedding as well as her daughter to be my maid of honor and she told me yes...that they would be thrilled....so when it came time to look at dresses, she text her brother (my FI) and said just tell her to get what she wants, I'll wear whatever and I will go get it on my own! Thanks for the girly chats and fun at the store! Whatever....lol!

Tigerchick929 · July 2010

I had the same issue with my bridesmaids. My maid of honor ( my sister) was with me they day I ordered my dress to order hers. My second bridesmaid met up with em and we drove together the 45 minutes to the bridal shop. My third bridesmaid made every single excuse about why she couldnt order her dress. I even got her measurements so she could just call the shop to pay for it. Everyone liked the dress and the price tag. My third bridesmaid left my high and short a bridesmaid 4 days ago stating she had an emergency with her house. Turns out she bought a 500 dog and couldnt now pay for her dress so she asked to be excused.

Its not fair to the bride for her bridesmaids to not be serious about timelines. That just causes alof of stress that could be other wise avoided. This is when you know who your true friends are.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf017dd1-81b6-4079-8b8a-0706a5ad1a6bPost:ab9e55fd-2036-4bf0-b90d-1a0df1c959fc">Re: Bridesmaid drama!</a>:
[QUOTE]The newbies are appalling me lately.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
The newbies on the threads that make that stupid email are always appalling.

dex1234 · July 2010

How do you like this, My wedding is in October and one of my bridesmaid order her dret hapss in a size 10. When hes told me this i was horrified. Because she wears a 18. She stated that she will lose the weight and will be able to zip the dress up...... i had her return the dress. So I gave her my maid of honor who is a 14 her dress hoping that it would make a difference. Well our first dress fitting was last week and I was very upset that the 14 still did not work. The seamstress call me and said that she did not want to work on dress and to tell her to find the dress in a 18. She was very upset about ordering a 18 stating she would order a 16. I don't understand WHY!!!!! She is a great friend, I don't know how to handle this. But I can't have her looking foolish....... The designer will custom make the dress for her at a price tage of $350.00. She had the opportunity to purchased the dress at clearence $53.00 from Nordstrom. And she blames me.

banana468 · July 2010

When someone deliberately orders the dress in the wrong size just say, "It's up to you, but the only thing I ask is that you're in the dress on the wedding day. You know the size won't be posted on the back or anything but if it doesn't fit then you're more than welcome to be a guest."

bbrfh28 · July 2010

My wedding is a little over 2.5 months away (10-1-2010) and reading the knot more regularly. These bridesmaid drama stories are comforting to read that you are not alone in this type of drama. Although I did not have dress ordering drama because I ordered from a local store ordering that small of a dress is not practical...this is what alterations are for...right? For the other comments on dress ordering well the dress places rush you sometimes to order and even a rush charge and still it comes in early. SO just beware and just stay on top of it.

My bridesmaid drama is I have 2 MOH's and one is over bearing a rude to other bridesmaids. She is all sweet to me but I found out things have been going on in the background where she is RUDE and excluding people from planning showers and bachelorette party. First, she wanted no help with either....now she has opened up some. She has excluded a friend of mine that is in the wedding cause she asked if she could just pay for one night at the house they rented for the bachelorette weekend. This same MOH was rude to a few other of our friends. Bachelorette party planning and involvement have been nightmares but I guess I should just be thankful they are planning the events. I have a BRIDESMAIDZILLA...

bekahjane89 · July 2010

I know this suggestion won't work if it is an issue for all of the girls but what a friend did for me... She was running late on picking the dresses and we absolutely had to order them with like a weeks notice and they were about $70more expensive than she originally said. I had no idea what to do! I know 70 bucks isn't a ton to some people but being a college student that is a HUGE deal! She recognized the problem and bought my dress then loaned it to me and kept it after the wedding (we are conveniently the same size!). I know it isn't ideal... but it worked. Now my wedding is 7 months after hers and I'm buying her dress and giving it to her as a major Thank You for being so amazing!

I could go on and on about bridesmaid problems! I've had 1 drop out and another that took me out of her wedding (no there wasn't a fight or anything leading up to it, she just changed her mind) then I over-heard her telling her FI that she did it so I'd take her out of mine (and it couldn't be that I'm a bridezilla because I hadn't asked her to do anything at all!)?!? So I'm 2 bridesmaids short as of now! lol
Good luck Girl! If I hadn't already put in the deposit on my location and reception I'd head off to the JP!

danirae86 · July 2010

I am having the same problem with my readers. The are my FIs sisters and have no sense of urgency! I selected a private seamstress to make the dresses I wanted for the women in my wedding and so they are being custom made and fitted and those two girls are never on time and give me headaches! They had 4 months to get to her and get their measurements taken adn they waited till three days after the deadline to email the measurements in! They are now paying for additional alteration because they took thier own measurements incorrectly. Because I got an earfull from the seamstress about thier tardimess and poor measurements I started planning all the fittings for all teh girls at the same time... suprise surprise something came up and they missed the first one! My FI finally had to tell them that if they miss another one they will not be in the wedding. We are less then three months out and they still haven't gotten it together. They did this same thing to their other sister last summer. They drugg thier feet about getting the dresses and 3 weeks before the weddig thier god-mother ended up paying for rush order and the dresses becasue they had just never got around to it adn couldnt afford the rush order. I talked to them about it to begin with and specifically asked them not to do that to us. I am not as nice as thier sister and if that makes me a bridzilla fine but I have enough to worry about and don't need them adding to it!

banana468 · July 2010

I'm confused - why are the readers needing matching attire?

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf017dd1-81b6-4079-8b8a-0706a5ad1a6bPost:628c95b7-fb57-4534-bbff-18632b5c278d">Re: Bridesmaid drama!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused - why are the readers needing matching attire?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Ditto this. Our WP was very strictly in neutrals: black, white, silver, and gold. SSIL did a reading, and she wore purple. Or maybe green. It might have been purple over green. I forget, but it wasn't a neutral. Didn't really matter.

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