Last names

sekceyes · March 2010

Ok I need your opinions. I know you all have them

I am struggling with changing my last name, not because I don't his name but because we have kids.
I have one from a previous relationship. My daughter and I have the same name and no way is her father gonna let me change her name. I am not even gonna ask.
MY man and my son have the same last name. I would hate to change my name and have my daughter feel left out.

I am going to stick with my own name I think. What would you do?
1. Change
2. Leave as is
3. Hyphenate

stinkerbell6879 · March 2010

Well I think hyphenate would be a nice option....I will tell you as someone who grew up in house where I was the only one with my last name (Same situation as you) I really never cared, but now I look back and I wish my mom had done something like you are considering...

MNVegas · March 2010

When I was married to my first husband, who was not my son's father, I change to my married name after the wedding. However, whenever I had to sign papers for my son for school, sports, cub scouts, etc., I would sign my last name using both my maiden name and then my married name. I didn't use a hypen.

fairbanksgrrrl · March 2010

Hm, that's a tough one. I guess if it were me I would leave it alone. That way both your children have a parent with their name. Hyphenating would be my second choice, since it just adds more complication. Would it also potentially make it harder to travel with her?

dvohnout · March 2010

I'm not in this situation but I had a friend growing up whose mom got remarried. She left her son's last name as her middle name and took the new last name, so she always had her son's last name as apart of her name. I always thought that was cool.

Sloane99 · March 2010

How old is your daughter? Old enough to have a preference on the matter?

If not, I would probably hyphenate.

keana123 · March 2010

I say hypenate. Kudos to you for being so considerate and thinking this through.

milkygal · March 2010

I'm curious too, how old is your daughter?
Also, I'm assuming the name you would be keeping is your ex's last name? How does FI feel about that? I could see some men having issue with their new wife keeping their ex's last name instead of taking theirs, but that doens't mean yours would have that issue.

tipsynikki · March 2010

I've always had a different last name than my mother and it's never bothered me. I also did not like her last name. I'd probably hyphenate it.

tanyamar · March 2010

I too agree with asking your daughter. My FI was asked when his mom remarried (he was 10) & I asked my son (he's 15).

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

My mom remarried after we had all left home, and we all told her to go ahead and change her name. Unless she's very, very young (like 4 or something), I'd sit down with her and see how she feels about it. She might be okay with the idea if you talk to her and explain what it will mean, and that you're all still a family no matter what last names you have.

Marilynfan · March 2010

I don't have any kids to complicate things but I am keeping my own name. I've just lived with it so long and it is who I am. FI is fine with it.

I would vote for keeping it as is.

amandajean36 · March 2010

if your current last name is your ex's last name, then i think you need to change it in some way (either take new husband's last name, or go back to your maidan name). i think its weird to keep your ex's last name (in any situation, just my opinion) and especially if you're remarried - which also means i'm not a fan of hypenating, in this situation.

if your current last name is your maidan name, then i think its ok to keep your maidan name, or hyphenate, or take the new last name, whatever you want to do.

also, this might sound weird, but this is one 'family situation' where i don't really think you need to ask your daughter about anything. she has her last name, and will always have that last name, until she reaches a certain age or gets married and decides to change it. and i think you need to do what you want to do with your last name. when you're daughter is 25 and gets married and takes her new husbands last name - wouldn't it be kind of weird for you to be the only one in the family then with your ex's last name (if that's the last name you have right now...again, i'm not positive thats the case). and i don't think a last name is a big enough thing to make a child feel 'left out' of the family. this is a situation where you all will never have the same last name - thats just how it is. i really don't think she'll have an issue with it while she's growing up.

just as background - i grew up in a house where no one had the same last name. my parents are divorced. i have my dad's last name, my mom went back to her maidan name when they got divorced, and when my mom got remarried, she kept her maidan name. so between me, my mom, and my step dad - we all had a different last name. not a big deal at all.

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