Dry Reception-Do we tell the guests?

KelsiPalmer · February 2013

This is one day where you should not have to explain yourself. As long as you and your fiance are happy with the discussion that should be all that matters. These are the kinds of things that make planning a wedding a little more difficult.
If money helped the choice then so be it. It is your money.

That day is your day.

Doingitoutside2013 · February 2013

Not wanting alcohol at your wedding is a valid reason. Besides, no reason is necessary.

If anyone is offended that there is no alcohol available, then their focus is wrong and they are not there to celebrate the union but there for a free party. It is about you and not them. It is your day and you can wear whatever dress makes you happy, provide whatever food makes you happy, select whatever venue you adore, eat whatever flavor cake your heart desires, dance to whatever songs make you jiggle, and drink whatever liquids you want to quench your thirst.

We had a dry wedding and did not make a big deal of it. We kept our guest entertained with a great band and deejay, lots of dancing and tons of fun. We served lemonade and iced tea and no one complained that we were aware. (A few -out of hundreds-brought in a drink from a hotel bar but they did not make a deal of it and neither did we.)

One guest even told us specifically that it was one of the best times he had at a wedding even with no alcohol.

So do what you want to do based on what you and your groom desire. AND be confident in your decision.

No explanation, excuses or "warning" needed.

Trust me- the music will matter a lot more than the alcohol.

Congrats and just prepare to have fun!!

Soon2BTijerinas · February 2013

My fiance and I are actually in the same boat. We don't drink, but we do have a few friends who do. Because this is OUR wedding, and a celebratin for US, i believe they should respect the wishes of you and your fiance.

We are not making it public that we will not have alcohol, but everyone we are inviting already know we don't take part in that.

-Hope that helps!

Sandy Clark · March 2013

Nope. If people want to leave, they totally can. I dont think its a big deal at all. Its not even that taboo of a subject. Its pretty black and white to me. If people ask, tell them, if they dont, they arent that concerned. Or they will show up and leave later. Dont stress yourself out about it, you are there to celebrate, you are planning all of this, and its for you and your husband. Celebrate with eachother and dont worry if people leave. I wouldnt have wanted them there anyway! Youve got a good group it sounds like, it will all be fine! Have FUN!

tesgirl123 · March 2013

I personally think that you should tell your guests ahead of time. I am from the Northeast and typically, people give gifts that would reflect the price per plate for the venue. For example, if a wedding is $125 a head for a guest, a couple typically would give $250-$300 as a gift. Its an assumed and known thing in my area. A wedding without alcohol is presumably cheaper, so people that are expecting to "pay for their plate" would feel cheated out of some money. But if you are from a region where that isn't normal, by all means don't tell people. I would expect some re-sealed envelopes from people not in your inner circle of friends and family.

jenjack13 · March 2013

Congrats on your upcoming wedding... I'm going to tell you like my mother told me when i planned my wedding... IT'S YOUR WEDDING! If you and your fiance want a dry reception that is your choice. Telling the guests is totally up to you but remember this your day, not theirs. If people cant respect this, then they shouldn't be there. Watching people get drunk and act crazy takes away from the occasion. Those that love and care about you won't give it a second thought. Good luck!

wittykitty14 · March 2013

Thanks for all the advice! I appreciate it!

KeggersMommy · March 2013

We told our guests... And I have let the ones who have complained about it that they will be asked to leave if we catch them sneaking because we do not have a liquor liscense at our venue.

I have been told "fine I will drink before" to which I responded, that's fine, just don't drive here and you will be sober by the time the reception starts anyway. If it really is that big of a problem to not have alochol served at the reception then it is probbly not someone I really want there anyway.

We are not having it for various reasons, and yes KIDS are one of them (as well as because we are not big drinkers). I do not think that toddlers and preschoolers should be around a large group of people that are drinking. My child, as well as other peoples, can learn responsibility of having alochol around when they are older. I think it is somewhat irresponsible for parents to drink in the presence of their children in a social setting with people they do not know around, becuse even after one drink it can cause them to not pay as close attention.

GO YOU for sticking up for your personal beliefs and decisions!

christielynn86 · March 2013

I don't see a need to tell them, this is your wedding and it's going to be the way you want it. Your family and friends know you and will probably know what to expect when going. Everyone is there to celebrate your marriage with you, and like others have said if it's a problem and they can't just be there and be happy for you they will leave. True family and friends are just happy for you and want to celebrate your love! Enjoy your day and don't worry about everyone else I'm sure it will be great!

kristyb114 · March 2013

It is most certainly your perogative to have a dry wedding. It's whatever the bride and groom want. With that being said I think you have the responsibilty to tell people. It's not lying but it's purposly withholding information. It's a complete bummer to get there and then it be like oooooh. Super deflating. I'm not denying a dry wedding can be funny but you don't want to let people down and then they are sad pandas. Give them the heads up so then they know what to expect. Plus I also think people have a right to know because then they know how much money to give. I know my friends and I obviously give more to cover our plates and liquor as presents at weddings that have open bars.

baile145 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-reception-do-we-tell-the-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fe2a4dd8-f5fe-4a6c-ae16-7aa5321a1b0aPost:7df37a76-6bf0-424a-8df2-2a16a7bb941c">Re: Dry Reception-Do we tell the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally think that you should tell your guests ahead of time. I am from the Northeast and typically, people give gifts that would reflect the price per plate for the venue. For example, if a wedding is $125 a head for a guest, a couple typically would give $250-$300 as a gift. Its an assumed and known thing in my area. A wedding without alcohol is presumably cheaper, so people that are expecting to "pay for their plate" would feel cheated out of some money. But if you are from a region where that isn't normal, by all means don't tell people. I would expect some re-sealed envelopes from people not in your inner circle of friends and family.
Posted by tesgirl123[/QUOTE]

<div>I have a follow-up question for you. How do guests in the Northeast anticipate how much the cost-per-plate is going to be? I would have no idea what a couple spends on their wedding, and therefore, no idea what the cost per plate is. I live in the northeast, but am not from there, so I'm genuinely curious how they estimate this?</div>

kmmssg · March 2013

I don' t ever recall seeing so many posters come on the same thread and post their first couple of posts on the same thread. That is just wierd.

hollyk224 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dry-reception-do-we-tell-the-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fe2a4dd8-f5fe-4a6c-ae16-7aa5321a1b0aPost:c6160074-b585-468b-b600-e2873b4ca3f4">Re: Dry Reception-Do we tell the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]YES you should absolutely tell your guests. If I showed up to a wedding expecting a drink and there wasn't any alcohol I would be PISSED. Yes it's your wedding and you should have what you want, but you should warn people by doing something when doing something so out of the norm.
Posted by akosakow[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely disagree. You do not have any obligation whatsoever to notify your guests about your dry reception. If you truly care about the couple that got married and want to attend their wedding to celebrate their marriage, you would not have any reason to be pissed about there not being any alcohol. Why wouldn't you just accept and respect their decision to pass on the alcohol? My husband and I both decided to have a dry reception and no one complained or said a word about it. If you can't go without a drink for a few hours at a wedding and a reception, there are probably some other issues that you need to get worked out. If you desperately need a drink, get one after you leave the reception and be thankful that the newly married couple wanted you to be at their wedding in the first place.</div>

ccb150 · March 2013

As a guest, I would expect you will have some guests who would like to know for transportation purposes. It just seems unfortunate to me to have folks put out money during a recession (on a hotel, town car, or other) in an attempt to be responsible drinkers when they won't need it.

This statement probably only holds true for any distant relatives, coworkers, and friends you might invite. Some folks still gift ($) on what they think you are spending on them.... They will gift based on what they think the meal and drink costs will be for your venue. For that reason alone, I don't think you should withhold information about the nature of the event.

If some of your family is warning you to tell people, that suggests to me that it may be a good idea to give guests a choice to attend a dry event. Guests who want to celebrate your marriage will make the effort to be there no matter what. Wouldn't it feel nicer to know they want to be there and are supporting your choice to have dry wedding?

tara.c · March 2013

I have to second the opinion that in some circumstances, it would be best to tell people for transportation purposes.
That said, it sounds like there really may not be much expectation of alcohol in your case. If I knew the friend having the wedding wasn't much of a drinker, and I lived in an area where dry weddings were pretty common, I'd at least ask before making transportation arrangements. Still, you might want to think about the context of your wedding before deciding not to give people a head's up. If you live somewhere where dry weddings are fairly common, and they're fairly common within your social circle, and everyone invited knows you aren't a big drinker, you shouldn't have a problem. On the other hand, where I live, and in my social circle, I'd expect alcohol to be served at an evening reception. I wouldn't be bothered by its absense, but I would appreciate being told beforehand so I would know not to worry about a cab or hotel room.

Dry Reception-Do we tell the guests?

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