Honorary Matron(s) of Honor -- Good idea?

Ihaveapanda · February 2010

Here's my dilemma, I have two older half sisters (whom I'm very close to) that are significantly older than me (18 years older and 12 years older and I'm 22). I think they would feel awkward standing up in the wedding party when all the other attendants are 19-25 years old. Do you think asking them to be honorary matrons of honor would be a good idea? They would be acknowledge as part of the wedding party, but wouldn't have to dress up and stand up there.

The rest of my bridal party includes 2 maids of honor and 6 bridesmaid and 2 best men and 7 groomsmen.

TIA!

emilyinchile · February 2010

Either ask them to stand up with you or don't. I think what your proposing could come across as "I feel like I should ask you to do something, but I don't actually want you with me, so here's your pity prize" - not saying you mean it that way, but I think that's how it could be interpreted. If you want to ask them then do. They're grown ups, and if they feel silly they can tell you so. You could also offer all your BMs different dress options, if you're worried people of different ages might like different styles.

If you don't feel close enough to them to have them as MOHs or BMs, that's totally fine. You can ask them to be readers or just invite them as guests.

megk8oz · February 2010

Ditto Emily: they're either in the BP or their not. "Honorary" is a bs word when it comes to something like this.

How about you ask them how they feel about being in the BP? They might actually want to be involved, you never know. If they aren't interested, then ask them to do a reading or something.

But again, "honorary" is a bs word when it comes to something like this.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

How close are you to them? Are you like sisters or are they more like aunts that you only see every once in awhile?

I normally say that sisters should always be asked, but if they're in their 40s they're not going to care about being included in the WP as much. I don't see much family drama brewing if they aren't included, unless they're really, really immature.

If you really want them in the WP ask them. But don't do so out of any sense of obligation.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

Honorary MOH normally means that person would be your MOH, but for some reason she couldn't be there on the wedding day.

They're 34 and 40, right? It's not like they're elderly. They aren't too old to be BMs if you'd like to ask them. If they aren't comfortable with it, let them tell you. Don't make that assumption. If you don't want to ask them, that's fine too.

duckie1905 · February 2010

Either ask them or don't ask them. An "honorary" title doesn't really mean much if they are in attendance. It just says that you wanted to include them without actually including them.

Their age really should have nothing to do with it.

trix1223 · February 2010

You've gotten great advice from the other ladies. The big mistake you're making here is assuming that you know how your sisters will feel. But you don't know, at least you don't until you ask them. So if you actually want them in the WP, ask them.

If you don't want them in the WP then ask them to be readers. But don't pretend that calling them an "honorary" anything is any more than a pretend involvement. Because that's all it is.

I'd feel silly being called an Honorary Bridesmaid if I were sitting in a pew watching your wedding. Wouldn't you?

stina93446 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_honorary-matrons-of-honor-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a5f329d6-8aea-4561-901a-51fff70dc47fPost:14ee7178-ceeb-4946-8269-d1c1f07564a5">Re: Honorary Matron(s) of Honor -- Good idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd feel silly being called an Honorary Bridesmaid if I were sitting in a pew watching your wedding. Wouldn't you?
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
OMG, this TOTALLY is how I would feel. I'd think "um, wait, I'm important enough to be called a bm, but I'm not standing up there."<div>
</div><div>It would almost be insulting, you know?</div>

banana468 · February 2010

I'd just ask them if they wanted to be MsOH. Just because they're older doesn't mean that they can't be fun!

lyndausvi · February 2010

ummm.. I'm 40 and would not feel weird being a BM in my sister's wedding.. Actually my WP had a 40,38, 24 and 22 year old (along with 15,10,10,10 and 6). It was a non-issue.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

Matron of Honor is already an honorary title. "Honorary Matron of Honor" is just redundant.

I would just ask them, and trust them to decline if they would feel uncomfortable with it, or give them some other substantial ceremonial role (like reader or gift bearer).

Honorary Matron(s) of Honor -- Good idea?

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