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MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.

So, FI and I think that MOH might be trying to put a wedge between us.  Her and I hung out a lot this past weekend, and then she pulled some crap that has me wondering.  

Short backstory: she has known FI since high school, and has known me for a little over 4 years.  I was a BM in her wedding.  My kids call her Aunt Phyllis and her daughter calls me Aunt Krys.  She introduced me and FI.  She has been married for almost 3 years to a wonderful man for her.  He puts her on a pedistal and loves her daughter like his own.  Her daughter calls him Dad, and calls her bio-dad by his first name.  But she has an ex from her past that is one of her best friends.  Her husband doesn't care for this friendship, but tolerates it.  She still has deep feelings for her ex and the ring on her finger is the only thing stopping both of them from crossing a line.  She had her daughter at 16.  I had my first child at 23 and second at 25, but my mother plays a big role in their lives and the used to go to my mom's house every weekend because I worked on weekends, and it gave me a break from the kids.  

Fast forward to this weekend.  Wednesday night, her, our friend Bobby and I go to see SATC2 at the midnight showing.  FI watched all 3 kids so we could go.  Her husband was at work.  We all had a good time.  Friday night, MOH, Bobby and her ex all came over and hung out.  We all had a pretty good time.  Saturday, we had a girls' day at the mall, which I hadn't had in a long time.  Kids went to my mom's, FI was at work, then had to go pick up his daughter for the weekend.  He was fine with me having a girls' day and night out.  After shopping, we go to my house to get ready and then head out to the club.  I am a social creature, big time, and within 30 minutes of getting there, I had taken about 5 shots and had 2 mixed drinks bought for me.  Mostly from friends that I had known a long time.  I stayed on the dancefloor most the night.  One of the friends that was there is Dante.  The previous week, he told me that he was kinda weirded out by how Bobby was looking at him, so I added Dante to the list of guys that are off limits for Bobby.  I told Bobby this.  Usually the only ones on this list are boyfriends, but I made an exception for Dante.  Bobby ends up going too far hitting on Dante and it pissed me off.  Bobby and I got in a huge fight.  I ended up slapping him back at my house and MOH told FI that she's sorry she introduced us.  The next day, she texts FI and tells him that if she had done what I did the previous week (a night she wasn't even around for) then she would be divorced.  I'm sitting here like WTH???  She won't talk to me at all and told FI yesterday that I'm "daft enough to make her out to be the crazy one so she will be discredited".  She's still not talking to me at all.  Do I just give it some time and see what happens or should I call her out on it?  
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Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.

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    What is the point of this story? I honestly have no idea what the MOH-related problem is here.

    From what I can understand from this story, I suggest that you lay off the alcohol and the dance clubs if it's just going to create drama between you and your friends and whoever these random guys are. It all sounds like an episode of Jersey Shore.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:d50ecdd9-55eb-4eac-9f8f-c98ec01db6cd">MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, FI and I think that MOH might be trying to put a wedge between us.  Her and I hung out a lot this past weekend, and then she pulled some crap that has me wondering.   Short backstory: she has known FI since high school, and has known me for a little over 4 years.  I was a BM in her wedding.  My kids call her Aunt Phyllis and her daughter calls me Aunt Krys.  She introduced me and FI.  She has been married for almost 3 years to a wonderful man for her.  He puts her on a pedistal and loves her daughter like his own.  Her daughter calls him Dad, and calls her bio-dad by his first name.  But she has an ex from her past that is one of her best friends.  Her husband doesn't care for this friendship, but tolerates it.  She still has deep feelings for her ex and the ring on her finger is the only thing stopping both of them from crossing a line.  She had her daughter at 16.  I had my first child at 23 and second at 25, but my mother plays a big role in their lives and the used to go to my mom's house every weekend because I worked on weekends, and it gave me a break from the kids.   Fast forward to this weekend.  Wednesday night, her, our friend Bobby and I go to see SATC2 at the midnight showing.  FI watched all 3 kids so we could go.  Her husband was at work.  We all had a good time.  Friday night, MOH, Bobby and her ex all came over and hung out.  We all had a pretty good time.  Saturday, we had a girls' day at the mall, which I hadn't had in a long time.  Kids went to my mom's, FI was at work, then had to go pick up his daughter for the weekend.  He was fine with me having a girls' day and night out.  After shopping, we go to my house to get ready and then head out to the club.  I am a social creature, big time, and within 30 minutes of getting there, I had taken about 5 shots and had 2 mixed drinks bought for me.  Mostly from friends that I had known a long time.  I stayed on the dancefloor most the night.  One of the friends that was there is Dante.  The previous week, he told me that he was kinda weirded out by how Bobby was looking at him, so I added Dante to the list of guys that are off limits for Bobby.  I told Bobby this.  Usually the only ones on this list are boyfriends, but I made an exception for Dante.  Bobby ends up going too far hitting on Dante and it pissed me off.  Bobby and I got in a huge fight.  I ended up slapping him back at my house and MOH told FI that she's sorry she introduced us.  The next day, she texts FI and tells him that if she had done what I did the previous week (a night she wasn't even around for) then she would be divorced.  I'm sitting here like WTH???  She won't talk to me at all and told FI yesterday that I'm "daft enough to make her out to be the crazy one so she will be discredited".  She's still not talking to me at all.  Do I just give it some time and see what happens or should I call her out on it?  
    Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:d50ecdd9-55eb-4eac-9f8f-c98ec01db6cd">MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, FI and I think that MOH might be trying to put a wedge between us.  Her and I hung out a lot this past weekend, and then she pulled some crap that has me wondering.   Short backstory: she has known FI since high school, and has known me for a little over 4 years.  I was a BM in her wedding.  My kids call her Aunt Phyllis and her daughter calls me Aunt Krys.  She introduced me and FI.  She has been married for almost 3 years to a wonderful man for her.  He puts her on a pedistal and loves her daughter like his own.  Her daughter calls him Dad, and calls her bio-dad by his first name.  But she has an ex from her past that is one of her best friends.  Her husband doesn't care for this friendship, but tolerates it.  She still has deep feelings for her ex and the ring on her finger is the only thing stopping both of them from crossing a line.  She had her daughter at 16.  I had my first child at 23 and second at 25, but my mother plays a big role in their lives and the used to go to my mom's house every weekend because I worked on weekends, and it gave me a break from the kids.   Fast forward to this weekend.  Wednesday night, her, our friend Bobby and I go to see SATC2 at the midnight showing.  FI watched all 3 kids so we could go.  Her husband was at work.  We all had a good time.  Friday night, MOH, Bobby and her ex all came over and hung out.  We all had a pretty good time.  Saturday, we had a girls' day at the mall, which I hadn't had in a long time.  Kids went to my mom's, FI was at work, then had to go pick up his daughter for the weekend.  He was fine with me having a girls' day and night out.  After shopping, we go to my house to get ready and then head out to the club.  I am a social creature, big time, and within 30 minutes of getting there, I had taken about 5 shots and had 2 mixed drinks bought for me.  Mostly from friends that I had known a long time.  I stayed on the dancefloor most the night.  One of the friends that was there is Dante.  The previous week, he told me that he was kinda weirded out by how Bobby was looking at him, so I added Dante to the list of guys that are off limits for Bobby.  I told Bobby this.  Usually the only ones on this list are boyfriends, but I made an exception for Dante.  Bobby ends up going too far hitting on Dante and it pissed me off.  Bobby and I got in a huge fight.  I ended up slapping him back at my house and MOH told FI that she's sorry she introduced us.  The next day, she texts FI and tells him that if she had done what I did the previous week (a night she wasn't even around for) then she would be divorced.  I'm sitting here like WTH???  She won't talk to me at all and told FI yesterday that I'm "daft enough to make her out to be the crazy one so she will be discredited".  She's still not talking to me at all.  Do I just give it some time and see what happens or should I call her out on it?  
    Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

    Mizri, none of this adds up with your previous posts. You previously have talked about how your MOH's husband is verbally and emotionally abusive, not "perfect for her." You also have made it seem like you wanted to end the friendship and like the husband doesn't let her go out much, so I don't understand why all the socializing.

    And the ex situation? Sounds surprisingly like yours, when you said that you still loved your ex of less than 6 months and that you and your FI were putting things on hold to see if you really wanted to be together.

    Plus this is all just a bunch of story with no real point beyond the last 5 sentences. Are you bored?
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    Are you still being a "social creature?"  Because this post reeks of KUI.
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    Mizri - I truly think this has nothing to do with your wedding.  You *hit* someone and your friend is upset about it.  Apologize all around.

    I'm sorry, but I've really never understood being so angry with someone that you lay a hand on them.  I've been angry and drunk and yet have *never* hit anyone.  And if I did, I can't imagine the shame and embarrassment I'd feel the next day.
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    I'm not talking about the ex-MOH that removed herself from the wedding.  I no longer speak to her.  This is the friend that introduced me and FI.  I thought we were close, but I feel like she's trying to plant seeds of distrust between us.  Her ex situation is a lot deeper than mine.  FI and I are trying to work through stuff right now.  Things are on hold, and we've given each other 30 days to see if we want to part ways or not.  I haven't been talking to my ex as much during this time, maybe only 2 or 3 times when he's sent me a text to make sure I was ok, since I stopped contact cold.  My ex did text me Saturday night to see if I was ok, because he got a bad feeling and wanted to check on me.  He offered me a sober ride home and I told him no, because of what that might happen if FI saw ex drop me off at home.  

    What has me confused is why is a friend of mine, who told FI before not to go to her asking questions about me, is now telling FI that I'm out doing things that would end her marriage when I did nothing of the sort.  And she wasn't even there the night that she's accusing me of these things!  So, the question is, should I confront her about it or not?
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    And, yes, I felt bad about slapping Bobby.  Him and I talked about it the next day and made amends.  He was throwing things in my face that went too far, we both said and did things that we have apologized for.
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    It seems like you need to take a step back and re-evaluate ALL of the relationships in your life.  You and FI are on the rocks, you have an ex-MOH, a new MOH that you clearly judge and feel superior to, as well as a friend that you physically assulted, because HE chose to make a move on another friend (whom I am assuming is a grown up, and can handle his own business). 

    Add up these failing relationships, and the common denominator here is you.
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    I still can't get over why it was any of your business if Bobby hit on Dante.  Can't Dante say the words "no, thanks"?  Why do you get to put together a list of who is "off-limits"? 


    As far as your friend goes, she's calling you out on crappy behavior.  Look in the mirror, mizri.  Seriously. 

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    Ditto to Tide and OWN. From what you've posted on here, I understand that you no longer have a relationship with your former best friend, your new best friend is doing things that you see as trying to break you up, you aren't sure you want to marry your FI, and you regret breaking up with your ex. Take a time out from trying to run other people's lives by telling them who they can flirt with and focus on getting your own life in order.

    I don't mean that snarkily, either. I just mean that you are in your mid-20s, you are a mom, and you should have a solid foundation before you start considering marriage or even evaluating friendships. You're always going to have drama like this until you're more stable yourself, and that's going to affect friendships, romantic relationships and your relationship with your kids.
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    This makes my head hurt.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:c5f85a40-639c-4d3a-b26d-389eb3635d41">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
    [QUOTE]It seems like you need to take a step back and re-evaluate ALL of the relationships in your life.  You and FI are on the rocks,<strong> you have an ex-MOH, a new MOH that you clearly judge and feel superior to,</strong> as well as a friend that you physically assulted, because HE chose to make a move on another friend (whom I am assuming is a grown up, and can handle his own business).  Add up these failing relationships, and the common denominator here is you.
    Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

    <div>How am I judging her?  How do I feel superior to her?  Cause I don't.  I'm confused by her behavior.  And Bobby got slapped for telling me that I couldn't deal with the fact that he screwed my kids' father while we were together.  And the only reason I said anything to Bobby about Dante is because Dante wanted me to.  Otherwise I would have left it alone.  </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:a465d73c-1d0a-4407-bc48-28820f31e3ae">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. : How am I judging her?  How do I feel superior to her?  Cause I don't.  I'm confused by her behavior.  And Bobby got slapped for telling me that I couldn't deal with the fact that he screwed my kids' father while we were together.  And the only reason I said anything to Bobby about Dante is because Dante wanted me to.  Otherwise I would have left it alone.  
    Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:a465d73c-1d0a-4407-bc48-28820f31e3ae">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry. : How am I judging her?  How do I feel superior to her?  Cause I don't.  I'm confused by her behavior.  And Bobby got slapped for telling me that I couldn't deal with the fact that<strong> he screwed my kids' father while we were together</strong>.  And the only reason I said anything to Bobby about Dante is because <strong>Dante wanted me to</strong>.  Otherwise I would have left it alone.  
    Posted by mizri[/QUOTE]

    Two more reasons why you need to re-evaluate your choice in friends.
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    Seriously, you need better friends. Which means you need better you first because this is classic not thinking you deserve better behavior. Now you're saying that one guy friend slept with your husband, which means your ex cheated on you, and your other guy friend is 12 and is sending you to tell someone to stop flirting with him.
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    Jesus God what a damn mess. You need to take your kids to a new town and start completely over without any of these people. And without dating for 3-5 years. Become a good mom before you try to become a good girlfriend or wife.
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    Maybe she's trying to break you up, because your FI treats you like complete shiit and is a total loser who mooches off of you.  I'd hate to see my friend stick with a guy like that too, especially if said friend had kids to worry about as well.

    Speaking of which, did you work that out, or are you just going to pretend it never happened and go ahead with the wedding?
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    edited June 2010
    Wait, who is Bobby. Is Bobby a girl? Is there any reason you should be regulating a relationship between Bobby and this Dante person? Are they not both adults?

    I don't get how what you did had anything to do with getting divorced. Im lost.


    ETA: Why does Bobby need an off limits list? Is he slow?? Ahd how come Dante cant stand up for himself. If anyone was slapping Bobby for his behavior it should have been Dante. You inserted yourself in a situation that was none of your business and now you have all kinds of people mad at you.

    My advice- stay out of other people's relationships if you don't want them in yours.
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    It scares me that you have procreated.
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    I don't understand this "fix it in 30 days" stuff. Your life seems really toxic right now, Mizri, and to be honest, it is a complete and utter mess. I think you need to turn your focus on your kids and their well being, because this cannot be "fixed" in 30 days. This isn't fiance problems, this isn't a maid of honor problem, this is your life.

    I agree with the other posters who said you need to look to yourself in these situations and look at bettering yourself and your life. Then, establish healthy relationships. From what you've disclosed of your situation, the only appropriate term I can give it is trainwreck. Your kids deserve better.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trying-break-up-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f3f2b548-061b-49ce-ba3d-084fc026740ePost:37a8c100-2d4a-4b0a-b441-bd329cabd1fa">Re: MOH trying to break us up? Long, sorry.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand this "fix it in 30 days" stuff. Your life seems really toxic right now, Mizri, and to be honest, it is a complete and utter mess. I think you need to turn your focus on your kids and their well being, because this cannot be "fixed" in 30 days. This isn't fiance problems, this isn't a maid of honor problem, this is your life. I agree with the other posters who said you need to look to yourself in these situations and look at bettering yourself and your life. Then, establish healthy relationships. From what you've disclosed of your situation, the only appropriate term I can give it is trainwreck. Your kids deserve better.
    Posted by Licia&Wayne[/QUOTE]

    This. All I could think while reading through this post was that it sounded like an episode of Jerry Springer. That is not a good sign. I suggest un-Jerry Springer-ing your life. Immediately.
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    This is too convoluted to make sense of.  If my life were that crazy with guy friends sleeping with my kids' dad and slapping and drinking/partying I don't think I'd even be considering marriage.  You should probably spring clean your friends closet and haul out the old to make room for the new, they sound less than classy.
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    And another thing:
    INserting yourselves in other's issues (Dante and Bobby), judging other's relationships (MOH) and keeping people in your life even though they hurt you (Bobby) are all very adolecent, avoiding behaviors. This stuff happens in HS.

    You are not the queen of everything and you can't orchestrate how your MOH's relationships go, with her ex or her husband. You can't dictate to Bobby or Dante how they should act. And you should not be allowing people who hurt you unapologetically to still be in your life just for "fun".

    You need to mature and worry about your own relationship with your FI and your kids, and keep your nose out of other people's business. Stop avoiding dealing with your own issues to meddle in other's lives. Maybe if you paid more attention at home, you wouldn't be worried so much about other people.
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    I'd prefer not to be able to relate to you, but to be a good person, I'll admit publicly that I do.  I was a single mom for quite some time, and I understand how difficult dating can be, and how easy it can be to try to make the wrong relationship seem RIGHT because you're just so damn tired of looking.  That's where I stop relating to you, though, because no matter how pretty the boy was, if he wasn't right for my son, he had to go.  No matter what.  You're being a bad mother right now.  That has been hinted at by pp's, but I'll just come out and say it.  You=bad mom.  You need to get your life together and get these toxic people out of it.  Stop being friends with people who would sleep with your husband.  That's really a no-brainer, but apparently it needs to be said.  And get out of the relationship that isn't working.  If it's not working today, it won't be working in 30 days.  He needs to leave, and you need to be the one to tell him so.  And lastly, stop worrying about what your friend thinks about the relationship, unless you're ready to accept that she's right.  Which she is.  Good relationships don't need 30 days to determine if they're worth it.  This isn't SATC, you're not Miranda, he's not Steve, and you're nowhere near the Brooklyn Fuucking Bridge.  So stop. 
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    Bobby, Dante, this sounds like a bad, bad soap opera

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    I can't even comment. I couldn't follow the story and have so many questions. Who is Dante? Is Bobby a man or a woman? Why was he/she put on an "off limits" list and what does that mean? Why is this the MOH's fault?

    I'm so confused.
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    I <3 Mel. 
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    I think you need therapy and a break from dating.
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    Mel- is that your lovely face in that picture? You kind of look like whats her name from 90210 (this is a good thing).
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    Mel, you just keep getting better and better. Re: today's WPBP - I want to have lunch with you!
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