After 5 years of dating I've recently become engaged. While the wedding is two years down the road since I will be doing a post-grad program out of state, I'm starting to get things in order now.
I have a huge family issues and I'm unsure how to resolve things. I feel terrible about the whole thing. Background: FI is Mexican catholic with EVERY wedding in his family being a full blown Spanish mass and huge Mariachi filled reception. Don't get me wrong, I love it! However, I'm White and agnostic and a girly girl with my own dreams for my wedding. His parent's are disapointed he wants to marry me and not a catholic girl. On my end of the spectrum my family is CRAZY. My dad (who passed away last year) was Jewish and my mother raised Christain. She is now buddhist, but her 9 sisters and three brother are evangelical Christains. The bulk of them are vey harsh and they do not believe Catholicism is as great at their brand of Christinainty. It's shenanigans all the way.
My dream has always been a great outdoor wedding--maybe a reception inside. I don't feel I'd be true to myself getting married in a church, and the whole idea makes me very uncomfortable. I've attended many a mass in my day and I'm reckognized as the "Jewish girl" although I do not practice. But, David keeps saying he won't be married in the eyes of god and I can tell he's conflicted. He is a religious person although he doesn't attend mass regularly. We're sort of on the same page in terms of what our wedding will look like, but I really want to do something more to show his family I do care about their beliefs and I don't want to totally smash them to bits. I want my Christian family to be relatively happy, the Catholic family to be relatively happy, but overall I want to stay true to myself on my wedding day. I feel as if I'm dissapointing him in some terrible way, although he's known from day one I'm not catholic, nor am I baptized, nor is conversion in the question.
How do I show everyone that I want their beliefs to be reckognized? I don't expect my Jewish family to attend--they're on the other end of the country--so it's this whole Catholic/non-Catholic Christian dilemma. I'm a moral and spiritual person and I feel a little as if people are underminding me as if I were a heathen. I have no quarrels with our children being raised Catholic as long as their is an open dialogue about the many religions that exist and that not one is right or wrong.
Have you been in this situation or something similar? What would you do? Views as a Catholic or non-Catholic person? I'm trying so hard to be respectful as I truly do value everyones views and I completely understand it is very important to them, but my views and ideas and my wedding is very important to me. Much of my life the big things haven't gone right from graudations to important events and for me it means SO much that my wedding is a day that goes as planned, that works and is everything I've dreamt of for so long. With my father's passing this whole things become a lot harder for me because my family's a little disjointed and distant. I want things to go smoothly and I don't want feelings hurt.